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- Chapter 32@END_FILE_ID.DIZ
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- Matt finally talked to Mike. Mike was being such a prick to him,
- acting like he did rape her or something. Matt got mad. His friend's
- whole attitude seemed to be that he wasn't good enough for Jen. Fuck
- Mike, he thought angrily.
- Matt was still angry otherwise. It had changed him of course, the
- whole thing. Maybe it had been a learning experience. Well, obviously it
- had been a learning experience, he thought. He felt liked he'd matured,
- aged several years in the period of a few weeks. It gave him more
- confidence. But at the same time he had lost faith in people, in girls
- especially.
- He hadn't ever called her. He hoped it would send the message
- that he didn't need her. He resented her in a way. She was so full of
- it, he thought. He hurt inside still, especially when he thought about
- how she'd told him they could be friends. They never talked though. They
- barely acknowledged each other. She wasn't *mean* to him, and she said hi
- when she saw him, but it didn't seem like she was really making an effort
- to be his friend. She probably just said we can be friends to get me out
- of her face, he thought bitterly.
- She'll be leaving soon, he thought. She was graduating in a few
- months. Then maybe she'd move far away to go to school. He hoped the
- knowledge that she would be gone soon would force him to forget about her,
- but it wasn't happening.
- She was different too, he noticed. She had a different look about
- her, no longer sweet looking, laughing and smiling all the time. There
- was just a darker look in her eyes, if you could call it that. Maybe she
- resented him, he wondered. He wondered if it hadn't been for him, maybe
- she would have gotten back together with Ryan. I don't care anyway, he
- told himself.
- He always looked forward to practice though. There was still
- almost two months left of the season, he reasoned. That was practically
- the only time he ever saw her anyway. They talked some, he admitted. But
- only about superficial things. Not like they were friends. I don't like
- her anymore anyway, he thought.
- He decided he liked Lauren, a girl in his English class. He sat
- next to her, and he thought she flirted with him. Ha, he thought
- triumphantly one day, when he was walking out of class with Lauren,
- laughing about something. Jen walked by, and looked at them. He ignored
- her, hoping she'd think he never cared about her in the first place, and
- that maybe he had been using her for sex. He hoped she was dwelling on
- it, hurting inside as much as he did.
- His high spirits came crashing down one day during practice. The
- whole team was waiting for the coach to come. Some people were playing
- Frisbee, others sitting in small groups on the grass. He noticed a couple
- of guys, stoners, he thought. They were just standing there, looking
- towards the team. He didn't think much about them.
- But then they walked by, slowly, as though they were leaving. One
- guy hung back, stopping to watch the Frisbee game as though it were
- interesting. He glanced over at them, sitting in the bleachers. His
- friend continued on, pausing several yards ahead, to wait for his friend.
- Matt noticed a girl, Carrie, poking Jen. Carrie was a junior, and
- she and Jen hung out sometimes during practice. He could hear what they
- were saying.
- "Go see him," Carrie was insisting. "He wants to talk to you!"
- Jen was hesitant. "No, maybe he's not here to see me. He might
- be here for something else. . . "
- "Oh, like what? To watch the Frisbee game? Come on, go see him!"
- Jen still hung back. "Well. . . "
- "If you don't I'm going to call him over here and tell him you want
- to talk to him. What's his name, Kasey?"
- "No, don't! Come on. I'll go over there in a minute. He could
- come see me. . . "
- Carrie looked over at the guy, dragging his shoe in the dirt,
- standing by himself. He glanced over at them and looked away. Matt felt
- sick; they like each other! he realized. She's gonna go out with him!
- "Oh, Jen! He's shy!" said Carrie.
- Jen said nothing.
- "Oh, Jen! *You're* shy!" Carrie exclaimed. "Are you shy Jen?"
- Jen blushed. "No! It's just that, I don't know."
- "See, you went out with that other guy for so long that you forgot
- what to do, huh?"
- "I don't know. . . " Jen trailed. "Maybe. . . "
- "Just go talk to him. I can tell he wants to see you. If you
- don't I'll call him over here!" she threatened.
- "Fine, okay," sighed Jen. She paused, then stood up. Matt watched
- as she tried to casually walk over to the guy. The guy, Kasey? Matt
- wondered, smiled at her, reaching out to hold her hand briefly. They
- stood close together, talking and smiling at each other. Matt wondered if
- they were going to kiss, they were leaning in so close. He looked away,
- but couldn't keep his eyes off her, and them. He felt like a fool,
- thinking how stupid he was to think she would be hurting by his ignoring
- her. Fool, he thought to himself.
- Finally, they parted, him holding her hand again as he slowly
- walked away. He didn't turn around to see her, still standing there. He
- rejoined his friend and they left.
- Jen watched him walk away, then turned and, blushing Matt noticed,
- walked back towards Carrie and the rest of the group.
- "See! What'd he say? Did he ask you out?" Carrie demanded.
- "No!" Jen smiled. "But he did come here to see me. . . "
- "Duh!"
- "He didn't have my phone number," Jen continued. "He lost it. But
- he knew I went here and did track."
- "So, is he gonna call you?"
- Jen nodded.
- "Are you gonna go out with him?"
- She shrugged.
- "Jen!" exclaimed Carrie. "He's so cute! He totally likes you too,
- I can tell. Why don't you want to go out with him?"
- She shrugged again. "I don't know, I didn't say that. I don't
- know. . . " she repeated.
- "What's your problem? Don't you want a boyfriend?"
- "I don't know. . . Like you said, I mean, I just broke up with
- someone after three years. I mean, I want a boyfriend, but I don't know.
- You think I should go out with Kasey?" she asked shyly.
- "Yes!" Carrie answered firmly.
- "Why don't you go out with Matt?" asked Terry suddenly, who'd been
- a witness to the whole thing as Matt had.
- Both girls turned around, looking at Matt and Terry sitting behind
- them.
- "What?" Jen asked.
- "You should go out with Matt," said Terry. "Why don't you?"
- She looked at him. "Well, me and Matt are just friends. We
- already talked about it," she told him.
- "Well, you don't act like your friends with him," he pointed out.
- "Why don't you ever talk to him?"
- Matt muttered his usual "shut up,' which was, like usual, ignored.
- But his temper suddenly flashed before Terry or Jen could say anything
- else.
- "Why don't you FUCK OFF?" he said angrily to Terry, but while
- staring Jen right in the eyes.
- Her eyes widened, and she stared at him. He realized his mistake,
- and turned to Terry.
- "Just fuck off," he told him. "Will ya?"
- "God, Matt! Sorry!" he answered.
- "You'd better be," he told him, still angry. He'd had enough of
- his friends' shit.
- Jen was still looking him in the eye. She didn't look mad, but
- just looked at him. Then she smiled, and turned away.
-
- *****
-
- The next day was an ordinary day, i.e. they didn't talk, just did
- their own thing. At the end of practice Matt was bringing in some stuff
- into the equipment room with a few other guys. It was a big heavy mat,
- for the high jumpers, and they were laughing and breathing hard as they
- finally got it to the door. Laughing, they dropped the pit onto the
- ground. Matt halted, seeing Jen in there with a guy. It was Ryan.
- Jen was in tears, practically. They stopped talking, looking over
- at the guys staring in at them. Jen's eyes met Matt's, then Ryan's did.
- He looked back at Jen. What could he say? She was still near tears,
- obviously upset. Ryan looked either angry or earnest.
- He asked the main thing on his mind. "You okay, Jen?"
- Ryan gave him a dirty look. "Yeah, she's okay! She's with me,
- aright?"
- Jen narrowed her eyes at Ryan, who was still glaring at Matt.
- Matt wasn't going to run away. Not this time. "Yeah, well then
- why's she upset?" he countered.
- He took a step toward Matt, but Jen jerked him back. "Leave him
- alone!" she snapped. "He never did anything to you! He never touched
- anything of *yours*!" she seethed.
- He stepped closer to her, staring her dead in the eye. He leaned
- in. "I made you mine two years ago," he whispered fiercely, loud enough
- that Matt could hear. "You will *always* be mine."
- Ryan stepped back, and she stood there, frozen. He stared at her
- some more, then turned and walked out, giving Matt a disgusted look.
- Matt wanted to hit him, but he was already walking away. Instead
- he looked over at Jen, still standing there, shaking. He walked toward
- her, touching her lightly on her shoulder. "You okay?" he repeated.
- She jumped from his touch. "What? Yeah, I'm fine," she told him,
- looking around.
- "Yeah?" he asked her. "What, is he still trying to get you to come
- back to him?" he asked, curious, and wanting to comfort her, maybe help
- her.
- She nodded tearfully. "I hate him," she whispered. "I hate him
- Matt. . . " The tears began to fall.
- He awkwardly put his arm around her, and she went to him, needing
- to be held. He put both his arms around her, hugging her tight. He
- looked over at the other guys still staring in. He motioned for them to
- leave, feeling like she needed him, and he was being there for her. Isn't
- that what she wants? he asked himself. Someone to be there for her?
- "It's okay," he whispered. "Don't cry. . . "
- It was too much like that night, only a few weeks ago. It seemed
- an eternity longer than that to him though. She cried on his shoulder,
- and he shushed her, telling her it was aright, just trying to be there for
- her. But now there was no "danger" of sex. Or was there? he wondered.
- He'd still take her, if that's what she wanted. Maybe she was now
- realizing, in his arms, that he *was* what she needed? he wondered. Maybe
- she's thinking she really *does* like me like that, he hoped. She felt so
- good in his arms, against his chest, as he held her tightly. It was so
- right, *so* right he thought, as he fought his own tears back.
- They stood there for awhile, hugging each other until her crying
- stopped. She pulled away, wiping her eyes. He stared down at her. She
- smiled awkwardly.
- "I'm sorry. . . " she began. "I'm sorry, I just needed a hug I
- guess. . . "
- He shook his head. "No, Jen, you apologize too much. I
- understand."
- She smiled again weakly. "I'm just- I don't know, it's so
- horrible right now. It's like I'm dead, and I just don't know it. . . "
- He nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean," he told her.
-
- Chapter 33
-
- Matt sat on his parents bed, staring at the phone. He'd been
- planning on calling Jen. He kept telling himself he could call her. Now
- he was chickening out again. But it wasn't like she hated him, he told
- himself. They did have some sort of relationship. They had slept
- together, and still talked to each other.
- Okay, now, he thought. He picked up the phone and dialed her
- number. He knew it by heart.
- She picked up instantly. "Hello?"
- "Jen? Hi, it's Matt. . . You know, from track?"
- "Yeah, I know who you are," she sort of laughed. "What's up?"
- "Oh, nothing. What are you doing?"
- "Nothing. Talking on the phone actually. . . "
- "Oh yeah?" Did she mean to me? he wondered.
- "Yeah. But I'm glad you called," she told him.
- "Oh, thanks. . . Who are you talking to?" he asked, curious.
- "Oh, just this guy. . . "
- His heart sank. "Oh."
- "I've been trying to get off with him for ever. Can you hold on?"
- "Sure." He heard the click as she went back to the other line,
- then a minute later she clicked back. He heard another click as the other
- line hung up.
- "So, what's up?" she asked him.
- "Oh, nothing much. . . "
- "Yeah, same here. I was doing my homework when the guy called."
- "Oh. Do you have to go?" he asked her, disappointed.
- "No, I don't have to go."
- "Oh, that's good."
- "Yeah. . . "
- Silence. He couldn't think of anything to say. His mind swam.
- "So who were you talking to before?" He cringed, now it sounded like he
- was jealous, or possessive, or nosy, or. . .
- "Oh, just this guy, Mitch. I don't know him that well. He's kind
- of annoying actually."
- "Really? Does he go to our school?"
- "Nah, he goes to school with Ryan. That's how I met him."
- "Oh, are they friends?" He asked even though he didn't want to
- talk about Ryan.
- "Kinda. Not really though. I don't know. Anyway since me and him
- broke up Mitch thinks he's my fucking best friend."
- Matt was surprised. Jen sounded really annoyed. "Really? What,
- does he call you all the time?"
- "Yeah. I mean, he's nice and all, but I don't want to go out with
- him, you know? And I guess maybe he thinks I do. I don't know, we talked
- a bunch, and I told him a lot of personal stuff. Maybe 'cause I needed
- someone to talk to. You ever do that?"
- "Yeah," he said, even though he hadn't really.
- "Well anyway he calls me too much and he like, gets all upset if I
- say I have to go. But oh well. So how are you?"
- "I'm good. The same."
- "That's good. God, it seemed like this year just started, huh?
- But there's only a couple of months left."
- "Yeah, I know. It's gone so fast."
- "I can't believe I'm almost graduating. High school will be over.
- It's so scary, it hasn't seemed like four years at all. Maybe one year.
- It goes too fast."
- "Yeah, I know! Where are you gonna go?"
- "Oh, I don't know yet. I haven't heard back from all the schools
- I've applied to. I don't know. . . "
- "Oh. . . " He couldn't think of anything else to say.
- "I'm glad you called, you know. . . "
- "Really?" he asked.
- "Yeah! You know, I'm really sorry about what happened. I wish we
- could have gotten to know each other in a different way."
- "No, it's not that bad. But I know what you mean."
- "Yeah, I just feel really bad. I feel guilty."
- "You shouldn't! I'm serious!"
- "Yeah?"
- "Yeah. But you regret it," he told her suddenly, admitting it to
- himself.
- "Well, I wouldn't say I regret it regret it. . . I mean, I wish it
- wasn't like that. I was drunk, and on the rebound, you know? So I wish
- that could have been different. . . "
- "Yeah, I know."
- "You regret it though?"
- "Regret it?" he asked in amazement. "It was the best fucking night
- of my life!" he told her, laughing.
- "Matt! Really?" she asked, flattered.
- "Uh, yeah." He added seriously, "But I guess I do regret the other
- stuff that came with it. . . "
- "Ryan. . . "
- "Well, yeah. And you. . . " he told her, his heart racing.
- "Me? What about me?"
- "Well, I mean, I don't know. Now it's awkward I guess. And it
- hurts, that you don't like me," he told her suddenly.
- "Matt . . . " she said. "I told you, I'm sorry. I am. I'm so
- sorry. . . "
- He didn't say anything, trying not to cry.
- "I am. I never meant to hurt you."
- "I know," he said. "I know that. Nah, don't worry about it,
- really. I'll be okay."
- "No, I mean it! I like you Matt, really."
- "Yeah?"
- "Yeah! It wouldn't have been so nice, it if weren't for you . .
- . "
- "Huh? What, you liked it?" he asked shyly.
- She laughed. "Yeah, you know I did. . . You know, you were a
- fantastic lover, Matt," she told him seriously.
- "Really?" he asked, delighted. "You thought so?"
- "Yeah, not that I've had so many or anything. But that's not what
- I meant I guess. I mean, because you cared about me I guess. . . "
- "I did. . . I do!"
- "Yeah, I mean, that's why it was so nice. If you hadn't wanted
- more, it would have hurt me a lot. 'Cause I don't go around having sex
- with every guy, you know? But that's why I feel bad, because I can't give
- you more. But I needed you to want more, for me. Isn't that selfish?"
- He was quiet, thinking. "I don't know, maybe."
- "Well I'm sorry. I hope you don't like, resent me or anything one
- day."
- "Oh, I won't! I could never resent you, Jen."
- "Really? Thanks."
- "No problem," he told her.
- He talked to her for awhile longer, half an hour maybe. Not about
- anything too serious. When they finally hung up he was so happy,
- relieved. He could safely say he was friends with her. He wanted to be
- there for her, like she needed.
-
- *****
-
- Matt thought it was funny, how his moods were always changing.
- One minute he was so happy, then the next he was miserable. Like he went
- to bed so thrilled that night after he had talked to Jen on the phone, but
- the next night he was sad. He had tried to talk to her that day but she
- was different.
- She's embarrassed to be seen with me, he thought painfully. That
- must be it. He had sat with her as she and Carrie talked about Kasey and
- Mitch, and how Mitch called her all the time and Kasey never did. She
- thought Mitch was weird, and that Ryan had thought he did steroids. She
- wasn't really telling Matt any of this stuff, he was just sitting there,
- hoping to be a part of the conversation. But after awhile he felt like he
- was eavesdropping, and he got up and walked away without saying anything.
- He didn't think she even noticed.
- A few days later he was sitting after track, waiting for his mom
- to pick him up. His mom insisted on driving him ever since Ryan had
- jumped him. There were several other people there, including Jen. They
- were hanging around, watching the baseball game. He went to go get his
- bag, which he had left by the track, and when he came back Jen was sitting
- where had been. So he sat next to her, and she continued talking to some
- other people.
- "Oh shit!" she suddenly gasped.
- "What?" demanded Carrie.
- "Fuck. It's Mitch over there," she told her. "With the gray
- sweatshirt. Fuck, he's gonna see me!"
- "He's probably here to see you," Carrie told her. "Didn't you tell
- him to get lost?"
- "Yes! I told him I didn't want to go out with him. He thinks I'm
- his girlfriend, I swear! He got kinda mad but then he was okay."
- Mitch was walking towards them. He was strong, Matt could tell,
- but not that tall. He was holding something in his hand. A rose, Matt
- noticed. Jen did too.
- She stood up when he came up to them.
- "Hi," he smiled at her.
- "Hi Mitch. . . " she said. "Um, what are you doing here?"
- "Oh, thanks," he teased. "Here, this is for you. . . " He held
- out the rose.
- She didn't take it. "What's that for?" she asked him.
- "For you! I'm sorry we fought."
- "We didn't fight," she told him.
- "Yeah we did!"
- "About what?"
- "You know!"
- "Mitch," she sighed. "I told you, I can't see you. . . "
- He looked mad. "What? Not even like this, see me?"
- "I told you, I'm not your girlfriend!"
- He paused. "Yeah, and?"
- "Well you shouldn't have brought me a flower. I'm sorry, but. .
- . "
- "Oh, what?"
- "I told you, we're not going out. I'm sorry if you think that, but
- we're not. Anyway I can't deal with a relation. . . "
- He interrupted her. "Man, Jen. Ryan really fucked you up, didn't
- he?" he demanded rudely.
- Her jaw dropped. Then she narrowed her eyes at him. "Go to hell,
- Mitch," she told him coldly.
- Jen started to turn around, away from him, when his arm flew out.
- His fist struck her in the mouth, hard. She cried out, the blow nearly
- knocking her over as she was spun around. She pressed her hand to her
- mouth.
- By that time Matt had already jumped up and hit Mitch in the face
- as hard as he could. Mitch was startled, almost as startled as Matt was.
- But he butted into Matt, knocking him back against the wall.
- Jen cried out, and one of the coaches, who had come running when
- he saw her get hit, jumped on them. He pulled them apart, and Mitch
- fought him off. Matt still tried to hit him, but soon there were too many
- adults separating them. A huge crowd had gathered.
- It had happened so fast. Someone got Jen some ice, and a campus
- aide called the police. Matt tried to talk to Jen, but she just shook her
- head, in shock. Mitch was desperately trying to apologize to her before
- they moved him into one of the athletic offices. She wouldn't talk to
- him, she wouldn't even look at him. She didn't cry, just sat there
- clutching the ice pack to her mouth.
- Brian, Ryan's friend, and Jen's, finally got her to talk. He had
- his arm around her, comforting her. Soon she began to look really mad.
- "I'm gonna kick his ass," Brian told her.
- "No!" she sighed. "Brian, he's not even worth it. Don't worry
- about it."
- "No way. No real man hits a woman, ever. The guy's dead."
- "I told you, don't bother yourself over him. I hate him, I'm sure
- he'll leave me alone after this, so don't worry about it. Maybe they'll
- make him get counseling or something."
- "Ryan's gonna kill him," he told her quietly.
- She looked over at him. "Brian, no! Okay?"
- "Jen, he's gonna find out about it. There's too many people here
- for the game. I bet he probably already knows!"
- "No, I don't want to deal with this fucking shit. Ryan has no
- business with this. This is none of his business. Tell him that, okay?"
- "Jen!" exclaimed Ryan. "Ryan's gonna freak! He still loves you,
- more than anything. There's no way he'd ever let someone hurt you and not
- do anything about it!"
- "I don't care! I don't want either of them in my life, got it?
- Besides, this is nothing compared to how much Ryan hurt me. "
- "But still. . . Aright, I'll tell him you want him to stay out of
- this, okay? But if he kills Mitch it's not my fault."
- "I know," she sighed.
- Two officers came to talk to Jen, filing the report. She didn't
- want to press charges, but Carrie and Brian insisted that she did. Matt's
- mom showed up then, surprised to see cops next to her son.
- Matt was thankful his mom didn't freak too much.
- "My lip's gonna get huge," she complained, to nobody in particular.
- "Nah, I wouldn't worry about it," Matt told her.
- "Well it's not like I have anyone to look pretty for anyway," she
- muttered.
- Matt didn't say anything.
- His mom was talking to one of the cops. She motioned for him,
- that it was time to leave. He stood up, slowly putting his backpack on.
- "Matt?" Jen asked.
- He looked at her. She gave him a small smile, then pulled him to
- her, giving him a hug.
- "Thanks. . . " she whispered.
- "No problem," he smiled at her.
- She gave him another tiny smile, then turned and said something to
- someone else.
- He didn't talk much in the car, and his mom was quiet too. They
- talked about what he wanted for dinner, but not Jen or his actions.
- His mom told his dad the whole story of course, while he took a
- shower.
- His dad gave him a hug later. "You shouldn't fight Matt," he told
- him. "But I'm proud of you. I would have done the same thing in your
- place."
- "Yeah?" he asked.
- "Yeah. And if this girl doesn't like you, then she's the one who's
- missing out."
- Matt shrugged. His dad gave him another hug.
-
- Chapter 34
-
- Ryan thought about his options. He was furious, first of all.
- But he was slowly and painfully beginning to accept that Jen wasn't coming
- back to him. Part of him couldn't acknowledge that, and that's the part
- that wanted to kill Mitch. He'd fucking hit her! He couldn't believe it.
- The other half was telling him she wanted him out of her life.
- She had been right, he hadn't realized the extent of what he had
- done. That was why he just assumed she would forgive him. He replayed it
- over and over in his mind, trying to black out his words and replace them
- with the right ones. But he couldn't, he couldn't ever take them back.
- What Jen had said at Dana's party was just now sinking in, and
- Mitch hitting her made him realize for the first time the extent of what
- he had done. It made him feel worse, and hate himself more. He wondered
- if she still would rather go out with Mitch than Ryan. After all, she'd
- said that if he had hit her, it would have hurt her less. What could he
- do? She hates me, he thought. I did blow it.
- Maybe he could at least call her? Not like he was trying to get
- back with her. Just to say he'd heard what had happened, and he felt bad
- for her and he hoped she felt better. Like he would for any girl he knew.
- Would she hang up on me? he wondered. He knew she might.
- He was planning on doing it, but he was too nervous. It's too
- soon, he thought. I'll do it tomorrow.
- He was horrified when he first found out that she'd slept with the
- freshman. He'd cried for hours. Then he was angry, and he took it out
- physically on Matt. He hated him, of course, besides. But he knew he
- didn't rape her, even if he had to tell himself he did so he could hit him
- harder.
- He knew it was Jen's way of hurting him, even if she didn't
- realize that herself. It had worked, nothing could have been worse then
- her sleeping with another guy, not after what they'd been through. He
- hadn't ever imagined they could break up. He loved her more than
- anything, more every day, even though she hated him.
- His family tried to cheer him up. But they were mad at him too,
- especially his dad, even though they tried not to show it. His brothers
- didn't know why she'd left him, but his parents did. Josh had told his
- dad, big mouth. His dad was furious at Ryan, for his disgusting behavior.
- It just made Ryan feel worse, and his dad didn't say much to him. He only
- asked him if he would ever treat a girl that way again. Ryan said never.
- His dad said he'd figured he learned his lesson.
- Maybe he should just call her anyway. He stared at the phone,
- remembering when he could count on talking to her every night. If he
- hadn't called her by nine, she would always call him. I took her for
- granted, he thought.
- But he called her anyway. He hadn't ever taken her number off
- speed-dial on his phone. His heart pounded in his ears as it rang.
- "Hello?"
- "Uh, hi. . . "
- She paused. "Hi."
- "Um, it's Ryan. . . "
- "I know who it is."
- "Oh, well, how are you?"
- "Fine," she told him.
- "That's good. I-I heard about what happened, with that Mitch guy.
- . . I'm sorry."
- "Yeah. Well, don't worry about it."
- "I-I wasn't! I mean, I just wanted to see if you were okay. . . "
- "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Gonna have a fat lip, but that's about it."
- "Well, it could have been worse."
- "Yeah, you're right. He could have gone out with me for three
- years then told me to fuck off," she said sarcastically.
- He couldn't think of anything to say. He was about to say that he
- never said that, but he knew he had, without words. She was still so
- angry at him. "I'm sorry," he said, even though he knew it wouldn't help.
- "Yeah, so am I." The way she said it he knew she was sorry he'd
- done it, not sorry she hadn't forgiven him. Or maybe sorry she'd ever met
- him.
- "Well, so I just wanted to make sure you were okay. . . "
- "Yeah, I am."
- "Maybe I'll see you later?"
- "Ryan," she sighed. "Don't. We can't be friends, we can't! Don't
- you know that?"
- "Well, yeah, but. . . I don't know, maybe. . . "
- "No. There's just no way. It's just impossible."
- He paused. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
- "Yeah. . . You have some stuff over here by the way."
- "Oh yeah?" he asked, sadly. He knew he did, he'd practically lived
- at her house. Getting his stuff seemed so final.
- "Yeah. Some notebooks. And your black baseball hat, and some
- other clothes. I don't care when you pick them up," she said coldly.
- "Oh. Okay, I-I'll get them sometime soon. I promise."
- She didn't say anything. His last two words hung in the silence,
- "*I promise*. . . "
- He tried not to cry. "Bye," he muttered.
- She hung up.
- He slowly hung up himself. He lay back down on his bed, staring
- at his books. He opened them, feeling numb, but he couldn't study. What
- was he going to do now? He had friends, but he'd just lost the best one
- he'd ever had. It was like a part of him had been ripped out. He felt
- hollow inside.
- He reflected some more, something he'd been doing all the time
- lately. He tried to push the memories out of his mind, but he couldn't.
- A knock came on his door.
- "Come in," he sighed, picking up his book again.
- Will came in. "Hi," he said glumly. "What are you doing?"
- "Nothing. Just studying."
- His brother sat at his desk. "I need some advice about girls,"
- he said.
- Ryan didn't say anything. His brothers came to him all the time
- for advice, but they had pretty much left him alone since Jen had left
- him.
- "Well since- are you busy?"
- "No. I'm probably not the best guy to ask though," he sighed.
- "What's the matter?"
- "Well, you know Andie? Well I don't think she likes me anymore. I
- mean this other guy, Travis, likes her too. And she talks to him in class
- all the time and they passed a note today. What should I do? I love her
- a lot."
- "Will, you don't know anything about love," Ryan said disgustedly.
- "You're only ten!"
- "Yes I do!" His face crumpled. Ryan felt bad. Will was as much
- of a mama's boy as Ryan had been, "wearing his heart on his sleeve," as
- their dad said.
- "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just, I don't know.
- Well, who does she like?"
- He shrugged. "I don't know! Alex told her I still liked her but
- she said she didn't know who she liked. It's not fair. How can I get her
- to still go with me?"
- Ryan sighed, shaking his head. "You can't. I mean you just have
- to make it so she *wants* to go out with you."
- "How do I do that?"
- "Treat her nice. And just hope that she doesn't like anyone else
- better."
- Will paused. "Did Jen like someone else better?" he asked
- quietly.
- Ryan looked at him sharply. Will sat there at his desk, sitting
- on his hands, looking at him seriously. He looked just like Ryan,
- everybody said so. And he acted like him too. He looked up to him a lot,
- and emulated him. Ryan looked down at his hands.
- "No," he said.
- "Why'd she leave then? Did you treat her bad?"
- Ryan paused, then nodded. "Yeah, I treated her bad. Badly," he
- corrected.
- "What did you do?"
- "I don't want to talk about it. I'll tell you one day maybe. . . "
- "Are you sad?" he asked pensively.
- He shrugged sadly, but nodded.
- "Maybe she'll come back," Will said brightly. "Maybe if you say
- you're sorry?"
- "I already did," he sighed. "It's no use. She's not gonna come
- back."
- Will nodded, thinking.
- "See, that's what happens when you're a dick. So be nice!"
- "Oh, I will! I always try to be."
- "Good."
- Will stood up. "You wanna go play basketball?" he asked, trying
- to cheer him up.
- Ryan shook his head. "Nah, I can't. I have to study." Actually
- he just wanted to feel sorry for himself.
- "Okay," said Will. "I'll ask Robby. See you later!" he said
- brightly, leaving.
- Ryan lay back down, remembering how much Jen loved his brothers.
- He remembered one time a month or so back, Will had asked a girl,
- Andie, to the movies, and her parents were going to drive them. His whole
- family had teased him about "the date," and Jen was delighted.
- But she took one look at Will in Ryan's bathroom and refused to
- let him out of the house like that. He'd completely saturated his hair
- with gel and hair spray, and had "bathed himself in cologne" according to
- Jen.
- "No, no, no," she'd told him. "Get into the shower."
- "No!" he'd protested. "Why?"
- "Will! No! You canNOT go out looking like that."
- "Why not?" he asked, insulted.
- "Well, for one thing. . . " she began, touching his hair. "Your
- hair is completely petrified. It probably weighs eight pounds."
- "Well I just wanna look nice," he whined, looking crushed.
- "I know," she told him. "And you do. But you just look like
- you're trying too hard. . . "
- "Really?"
- "Yeah! You gotta look casual."
- "How do I do that?"
- "I'll help you," she smiled at him in the mirror. "First get in
- the shower and wash your hair two or three times and scrub all the cologne
- off. And use conditioner! Don't worry, you'll be ready in time."
- He hesitated. "Okay. . . "
- "Aright. Get in the shower," she told him, and began rifling
- through the drawers for hair supplies.
- "You have to leave!" Will wailed. "You can't look!"
- "Oh, sorry!" she told him, surprised. "But hurry up!" She left,
- and Ryan had been shaking his head at her while Will locked the door
- behind her.
- "I need some good hair stuff," she told him. "We can't let Will
- out of the house looking anything less than stunning."
- He kissed her. "Ask my mom. She probably has some stuff."
- She came back with an armful of supplies, a hair dryer, combs, and
- bottles of stuff to "stunnify" Will, as Ryan put it.
- He stood in the doorway, amused, and watched her go to work on
- Will, who was standing in front of the mirror clad in only pants.
- "See," she told him, "the key is, less is more, got it?" She
- combed a tiny amount of mousse into his wet hair. He frowned at his
- appearance in the mirror.
- "Don't worry!" she told him. "I promise you'll be ready in time!"
- Jen dried his hair with the screeching blow dryer, while Ryan
- caught her eye in the mirror, giving her a smile. Will began to smile at
- his reflection as his hair dried, shining in the light.
- She combed it, letting it part naturally. "Close your eyes," she
- instructed, spraying the tiniest mist of hair spray on. "There we go,"
- she smiled at him.
- "What should I wear?" he asked, starting to leave.
- "No, you're not done in here yet," she told him. "Up!" she
- instructed.
- He giggled as she sprayed deodorant on his naked armpits. "Are
- your teeth brushed?" she asked.
- "No, not yet."
- "Brush your teeth. So, are you gonna kiss her?"
- "I don't know!" he responded, looking flustered.
- "Will! You gotta kiss her. If you don't she's gonna think you
- don't like her!"
- "But what if she doesn't want me to kiss her?" he whined.
- "I bet she does. I bet you that every girl in your class would
- love for you to kiss them," said Jen, wrapping her arms around Will as
- they both looked in the mirror.
- "Really? But I've never kissed a girl before. . . I don't know
- how!"
- "That's okay. It's easy. Ryan, comere. . . " Ryan stood in front
- of her, so Will could see. "Show Will how to kiss a girl," she ordered,
- smiling at him as they looked into each other's eyes.
- "Okay," he agreed, smiling back. "You should ask her first if you
- can, if you don't know," he told Will. "Then if she says yes," he said,
- still looking into Jen's eyes. "Then you look deep into her eyes, and
- lean in" he leaned in "and close your eyes" he closed his eyes "and touch
- her lips lightly with your lips," he murmured softly, kissing her gently.
- He pulled back. "Then you pull back. And maybe you kiss her again. . . "
- he added, leaning in and giving her another kiss. She smiled at him.
- "See! It's easy!" smiled Jen.
- Will looked at himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth. Jen
- sprayed a bit of Ryan's cologne on him, teaching him how to spray it into
- the air and step into it.
- "Now we gotta get you into some cool clothes. None of this baggy
- skater stuff. You wanna make a good impression on her parents, don't
- you?" she asked when he'd protested. He nodded, and she went into his
- room across the hall, inspecting his closet and drawers for the perfect
- outfit.
- "Wear these jeans," Ryan heard her tell him. "No, the black ones!
- . . . Yeah. Will! Why don't you ever wear this shirt? This is the
- raddest shirt!" she exclaimed. Ryan laughed in his room. "Yeah, your
- black shoes are good. They're not that scuffed, and plus they match. . .
- Okay, I'm leaving, I'm leaving!"
- Jen came back into Ryan's room, jumping on him on the bed. "I got
- kicked out again," she smiled. "He has to change and he doesn't want me
- to see his sexy body."
- He kissed her, deeply. "I like it when you take charge," he
- whispered to her. "How 'bout you fix me up later?"
- She kissed him back, murmuring that she would as long as he didn't
- make her leave when he got naked.
- "I promise," he laughed. They kissed gently.
- "Well?" Will demanded in the doorway.
- Jen whistled, and he blushed, grinning. "There we go! You're
- pretty hot there me boy! If you don't watch out Ry I just might leave you
- for Will!" she teased.
- "They're gonna be here pretty soon. What should I say to her?" he
- asked, looking worried. "When should I kiss her?" He sat on the bed.
- Jen sat up. "Aright. You gotta say she looks pretty, first of
- all. And you kiss her in the movie theater, 'cause that's probably the
- only time her parents won't be there."
- "But remember, ask her first if you can kiss her," Ryan reminded.
- "But don't attack her."
- He nodded, looking excited and worried.
- "Go get her a flower from the backyard," Ryan told him. "Ask Mom
- or Dad first. And make sure there's no thorns!"
- "And don't get dirty!" Jen reminded as Will ran out. "Your
- brother's so cute!" she told him.
- He nodded.
- "But you're cuter," she whispered, kissing him again. She lay on
- him and kissed him until the doorbell rang, when they jumped up to see
- Will and his "date."
- Will and the girl stood there staring at each other shyly as her
- dad talked to his parents. She was very pretty, a little blond with big
- brown eyes.
- "This is for you, Andie," Will told her, holding out a freshly cut
- rose.
- "Thank you," she blushed.
- "You look pretty. . . " he said.
- "Thank you," she repeated, blushing even more.
- Her dad smiled down at Will. "Ready to go?" he asked.
- "Thank you John," said Karen to her dad. "We'll see you later. .
- . Have fun guys!"
- "We will," Will called back as he walked his date to her parents
- van. He looked back over his shoulder, giving his family the "A-OK"
- sign, and winked.
- They laughed hysterically as the door closed.
- Jen and Ryan laughed all the way back to his bedroom. They locked
- the door behind them, and wrapped their arms around each other, kissing
- passionately.
- "Aright, aright," Jen breathed, dragging him into the bathroom.
- "Your turn. . . "
- "Yeah?" he grinned at her. "Will you clean me up and make me
- pretty?"
- "You already are pretty but yeah. . . " she told him, running the
- bath water. She poured bubble bath into the water. "Get out of those
- clothes young man! They simply won't do for tonight!" she teased.
- "Buttons are too hard for me," he said sadly. "Will you help me?"
- "Sure," she laughed. She unbuttoned his shirt, pulling it off and
- kissing his bare neck. His nipples stiffened in the draft and from her
- touch. Her fingers fumbled between them, unzipping his jeans and pulling
- them down past his hips. He kissed her again while she stripped him of
- all his clothes.
- "Yea!! I get bubbles!" he exclaimed in delight, stepping into the
- tub. He sighed in pleasure as he sank down into the hot water.
- Jen kneeled on the side of the tub, sliding her hands into the
- water and exploring his body. Her arms in past her elbows, she rubbed her
- hands all over him in the soapy water.
- Laughing, she pushed him under the water so his hair got wet. She
- rubbed the sweet smelling shampoo into his hair, creating a lather while
- he sighed. The hot water felt so good on his head while she sprayed the
- shampoo out with the shower nozzle. She suddenly pulled the nozzle down
- and sprayed the hot water over his crotch, the head of his hard cock
- sticking out above the surface of the water. He gasped in surprise and
- pleasure, then laughed with her.
- "Aright, conditioner. . . " she told him, massaging the slimy
- liquid into his hair. "It needs to sit for a few minutes," she told him.
- "Well, I'm sure there's other things we can do. . . "
- She continued to massage his body, his chest and shoulders. He
- rolled around onto his stomach. She rubbed his back, scrubbing it with
- the sponge, her hands kneading into his muscular body. Her hands slipped
- lower, and he closed his eyes. He'd gotten over his fear of being thought
- of as gay, and just admitted what felt good felt good, and that felt good.
- Her wet finger slipped inside him, leaving no part of him unclean.
- He groaned, his eyes still closed, as she pressed down and rubbed his
- prostate.
- "Fuck," he gasped. Had his dick been touched the slightest bit he
- would have cum immediately.
- Her finger slowly moved in and out of him, gently, not going in
- past the first knuckle. He groaned again, then turned over again, not
- wanting to cum yet.
- She rubbed the rest of him until her hands were wrinkled from the
- water. She washed all the conditioner out of his hair, and he stood up,
- his dick standing up with him.
- She wrapped a big towel around him, and he climbed out of the tub.
- She dried him off as he shivered from the cold.
- She dried his hair with the towel, kissing him. She rubbed lotion
- into his skin, then baby powder. He tried to take her clothes off but she
- wouldn't let him. With the towel wrapped tightly around his waist, she
- dried his hair, so soft from the conditioner. Then she sat on the sink in
- front of him, and applied his shaving cream. She gently shaved him with
- the sharp razor, slowly dragging it up to strip the white cream away. He
- gazed down at her as she tried carefully not to cut his skin.
- She wiped off the excess foam with a warm rag, then patted him dry
- with aftershave. She smiled as she ran her hands down his smooth cheek.
- She rubbed her cheek to his, kissing his ear and neck. He picked her up
- off the sink, her legs wrapped around his hips.
- His towel fell to the floor as he brought her to his bed. He took
- her clothes off while she lay back. He lay on top of her, his hardness
- pressed against her skin. He kissed her and kissed her, his tongue
- probing lower and lower while she gasped. His teeth ever so gently went
- around her clit, then he began to suck. She pushed herself back against
- him, and he rolled onto his back.
- She straddled his face, her head back from the incredible
- pleasure. She gasped, then groaned loudly and cried out as she climaxed.
- She fell forward, still sitting on his face while he licked up her juices.
- His tongue still flickered against her clit, and she sat back up, then got
- up for a second while she turned around.
- He grabbed her hips and pushed her into him, groaning into her as
- she took him into her mouth. He kept licking her, drowning in pleasure as
- she sucked his dick, her fist tight around his shaft. His arms wrapped
- tightly around her ass as he buried his face into her pink folds.
- She let go of him temporarily, groaning and breathing and riding
- his face. Then she swallowed him again, sucking hard and massaging his
- balls at the same time. He knew she wanted him to cum when she did that.
- She took one of her fingers into her mouth alongside his cock, and rubbed
- it against the tip. He let out a cry, muffled from underneath her. Then
- she removed the wet finger, instead sliding it down his balls and
- inserting it into his ass.
- He let out a wail, his hips thrusting up as he started shooting
- into her mouth. She sucked it out of him, feeling him pulsate and
- contract rhythmically around her finger. She ground herself harder
- against him, whimpering as his tongue worked that much harder against her
- clit. She kept sucking him while her whole body shook from her orgasm.
- She lay on him, moaning softly and gasping while he kept licking
- her. Finally she rolled off him, onto her side. She turned back around,
- snuggling up to him while he kissed her. She smiled at him, with his
- messed up hair and glassy eyes.
- "I love ya," she told him.
- "I love you," he whispered back. "Wanna go take a bath?"
- She smiled. "Yeah!"
- They went into the bathroom, and he drew another bath. This time
- they both climbed into the soapy water. He lay against the side of the
- tub, and she leaned back on him. He closed his eyes, inhaling the sweet
- smell of her hair, which she had piled on top of her head. One finger
- traced her hard nipple slowly.
- "This is the best. . . " she breathed.
- "Hmm-mmm. . . " he agreed, his eyes still closed.
- "I mean, it's hard to think of anything being better. Just being
- here with you is the best, just relaxing, you know? It's so great. . . "
- "Yeah," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her tightly.
- "Your parents know when to leave us alone," she laughed, twisting
- around onto her stomach.
- "Good!" he smiled down at her.
- She kissed his hard stomach in front of her. She rested her cheek
- against his chest. They lay there together for a long while.
- He rubbed her back with the sponge, then sunk down lower into the
- water as he hardened again. He closed his eyes again, giving a little
- grunt of pleasure as she impaled herself on him. Slowly she moved above
- him, and he gripped the side of the tub. She lay down on him, moaning
- softly.
- Her hands slipped underneath his back in the tub. She hugged him
- tight, her cheek on his wet chest as she continued moving over him. He
- slid in and out of her and gasped, his head going back to rest against the
- cold porcelain. "Fuck," he gasped, as his cream spurted out into her.
- She lay on him, breathing hard. She kissed him again, and they
- lay in the tub together until the water started to get cold. Then they
- climbed out, tired.
- They lay on the bed, and he massaged her back and rubbed lotion
- into her skin for awhile, until Will came home. When they heard the car
- they pulled their clothes on, smiling at each other.
- "Think Will got laid?" joked Ryan.
- "I bet he did," she laughed. "Your brother's a mack."
- They went out, where Jen pounced on Will, hugging him while he
- blushed. Karen and JR laughed, but Will refused any questions.
- "He doesn't kiss and tell," teased Robby.
- "Shut up," he blushed.
- They dragged him into Ryan's room.
- "Come on Will," begged Jen. "We demand details!"
- "Did you kiss her?" asked Robby.
- Will nodded coolly. "Yup. I kissed her a whole bunch!"
- "Did you get "cancer" for her?" Robby teased.
- "Shut up," he muttered.
- "So, is it true love? Marriage? Three kids and a dog?" asked Jen.
- "She's my woman," Will smiled.
- All four of them laughed so hard they nearly fell off the bed.
- Ryan smiled now at the memory. But only briefly.
-
-
- continued. . .
-
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