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- @BEGIN_FILE_ID.DIZ
- This one, in part, is based on a true
- story; somehow, putting into a fictional
- setting didn't make me feel any better.@END_FILE_ID.DIZ
-
- -----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Editor's note: This is the first recorded Journal Entry, and it
- has no official date, as Pendor did not exist when it was transcripted.
- The language of the document is entirely Terran: American Anglic. The
- Terran date of this document is April 24, 1983 Anno Domini.
-
- David Majors
- Editor and Chief Translator,
- The Journal Entries of Ken Shardik Project
- 043 / 0686
-
- "Maybe I'm analyzing it too much," I said.
-
- "Maybe you are," Fawn D. replied. I reacted with a bit of a start,
- staring at the computer's speaker; that had been the first thing she'd
- said all night, despite the nature of our present course. I drove
- quietly up I-84 into the heart of New York through a cold night; the
- rain sheeted off the car in large gusts, and I drove slowly, the
- overpriced tires on my heavily modified '84 Pontiac holding the road
- more precariously than I preferred.
-
- "Dammit, it's just not fair! Especially not tonight." Inside me,
- my thoughts tumbled and churned, the pain in my chest caused by pure
- frustration. I was near crying.
-
-
- "You're leaving." It was not a question.
-
- I rose from the couch where I sat and looked out over the New York
- skyline wrapped up in a March midwinter's snow. The flakes fell big and
- wet outside her window. I tried not to stand too close to her. "I have
- to."
-
- "Why?" she asked.
-
- I turned to her and said angrily "Because I have to, okay? Look, I
- told you back in August when I met you that this was not supposed to
- become a permanent thing, Kris. I told you as soon as my eyes healed I
- was going to go again."
-
- "But where are you going?" There was anguish in her voice. I'd
- heard her tell tales of her family; I understood why she couldn't stand
- to lose someone.
-
- "I can't tell you."
-
- "Ken, please. At least tell me..." She stopped, turned away and
- walked to the couch where I'd been sitting. She sat down, and I scowled
- at the gesture; we'd basically reversed positions.
-
- "Kris, please. Don't make this any harder for me than it already
- is. I'm leaving behind friends that mean a lot to me.
-
- "Yes, I know," she said. "I know. And I know how much you mean to
- me. Ken, there was a time, way back in August, where my roommates were
- telling me that you were just consoling a widow and not considering the
- risk, to quote one of your favorite expressions. But it wasn't that,
- was it? How could you know? I mean, remember how we met?"
-
- I smiled. "Our chance meeting was something out of a sitcom, and
- you and I both know it." I was close to laughing, and close to tears.
- "Remember how you kicked Voll under the table, and jumped ten feet when
- you realized that was a dog under the table?"
-
- "How was I supposed to know?" she replied. "I'm sorry I
- embarrassed you."
-
- "I couldn't see it, thank God. You were the embarrassed one.
- Besides, I still find it funny how horrified you were when I started
- opening Voll up."
-
- She blushed. "How was I supposed to know your Seeing Eye dog was a
- robot?"
-
- "Because I'm such an irresponsible bastard that they wouldn't let
- me have a real one?"
-
- We both chuckled at that one, and then she repeated herself.
- "You're really going, aren't you?"
-
- I nodded. "I might be back."
-
- "When?" she asked, jumping at the idea that I would be back.
-
- "If I am, it'll be in a year or two. A lot will have changed in
- the time in between, though."
-
- "Like?"
-
- I paused for a second, and then said, "Oh, I don't know. Take it
- on faith, Kris. I'll have something new; I'll be something new. No,
- that's not right. I'll be... older, probably. More mature? Maybe, but
- I'll fight that every step of the way." She smiled, and we both laughed
- quietly. "Kris, have a glass of Tehta' with me. I'll open one of the
- bottles."
-
- She nodded and smiled. I went and got the bottle and the
- corkscrew. As I opened it I reflected on the power of a wine that had
- never been made on Earth, but instead on a planet hundreds of light
- years away. I poured two glasses.
-
- She accepted the glass quietly, and sipped. "I can't convince
- you."
-
- "Nope." I paused, sipping my wine. "Kris, where I'm going, what
- I'm doing, is so important to me. I've given twelve years to this
- project, and I'm not going to stop now. I'm sorry. It's that simple.
- Meeting you was an accident compounding another."
-
- "What is the project?" she asked for the Nth time.
-
- "It's really my business, Kris. Trust me, okay?"
-
- "How can I trust you?"
-
- "You have so far."
-
- "But that was... " she paused. "I was going to say that that was
- the easy part." She smiled wryly, and said "But it wasn't. You're
- right. For a man with no past who pays cash for everything, you're
- right."
-
- "I don't always pay cash."
-
- "No, you don't. You also pay in gold, but that's rare."
-
- I smiled and put an arm around her shoulders. She shook her head
- to free her hair. "Ken, are you going to have any family when you come
- back?"
-
- I looked at her askew, and said, "Why do you ask?"
-
- "Because you never talk about family. It's like you never had
- one."
-
- "Oh, I have one. And yeah, I guess when I get back I'll have more.
- Either that or I'll never be back."
-
- "Don't say that."
-
- "Why not?" I asked in reply. "I mean, I'm not that important.
- Your life will go on without me. Seriously, it will. You've got a good
- job and people who care for you. You don't need me."
-
- She looked away. "I want you."
-
- "You can't keep me, Kris. I'm sorry."
-
- "I know." She reached out her arms to ask for a hug. I knelt on
- the floor in front of her chair and bent over to hug her. "But
- sometimes," she said, "the only way I survive is knowing you're out
- there, somewhere."
-
- I didn't reply with words, but instead pushed her hair out of the
- way as a I leaned against her and quietly kissed her neck. She replied
- the same way, kissing my neck in return, and when she did the feelings
- she held for me shot through my body like lasers, slicing me up. I
- pulled away from her too look into her eyes, her pure, jade green eyes.
- The madness, the passion I felt for her welled up in me and I fell into
- her lips, kissing her, and she replied, hot and passionate in return.
- We crawled over each other, never breaking the kiss for minutes on end.
- We parted, and I looked at her, chuckling softly.
-
- "What's so funny?" she asked.
-
- "Remember my sense of smell?" She nodded. "I can almost feel
- your... scent, the way it rises." I ducked down between her legs and
- hiked her skirt up, then hooked one hand through the crotch of her
- underpants and struggled to pull them off. She raised herself up above
- the couch and helped me. I knelt there on the floor and spread her
- legs, looking at that soft cunt into which I had explored so few
- precious times before. I kissed her leg, and she cooed in response,
- sucking in air. I kissed her again, closer yet to her cunt, then in the
- light of her living room kissed her mound just above her pubic hair,
- that rich rustic red hair that hid. I kissed again, a little lower, and
- and again.
-
- "You're teasing!" she hissed. I smiled and continued my
- exploration over territory not yet easily familiar. I parted the hair
- with my tongue, running from the very bottom her cunt to the top,
- sluicing to the left, then to the right, probing closely, licking
- gently, nipping with my teeth and holding with my lips. What many men
- think is impossible is childishly simple to me; I found my way around
- her magnificently sweet pussy with my eyes closed, running my tongue
- between her lips, outer to inner to outer again, then concentrating
- around her clitoris. She groaned, and I think I heard a note of pain;
- too sensitive, I backed off, caressing the hood with my lips, exciting
- her further. Running down to her opening, licking within, then back up.
- I backed off further, smiling (if only to myself) mischievously,
- thinking to prolong Kris's need. I kept on gently, enjoying the
- feeling, the power. And that's what it is for me, power; It's
- confidence, you know what I mean, Fawn? I've never met a woman I
- couldn't please with my tongue, so there's that power there. In the
- end, I never denied. But it was such an intense ego trip to feel her,
- begging me in silence to finish her.
-
- I responded to her crying needs, though, by finally caressing her
- clit directly, feeling her gasp as I pushed her further and further into
- orgasm, into that damned pleasure that she needed, begged for, and when
- she cried out, I felt her relief and her pleasure. But I didn't stop.
- Why stop at one? I went on, backing off as I had in the beginning since
- I knew that her clit was going to be far to damned sensitive for me to
- start anew from there. I instead ducked a little further down, and with
- my hands held her buttocks in my hands and parted them slightly, licking
- into the tiny brown hole underneath, and she cooed and giggled in
- response to the new and different sensations I was sending her.
-
- I moved back up to her cunt, planting kisses and taking soft bites
- from her mons veneris, feeling her pressure me, begging me, and together
- we pressed on towards her next orgasm, and together we crested over that
- next orgasm.
-
- And on, but she stopped me suddenly, pushing my head away from her
- cunt with a trembling hand, saying "No more, please. That's... that's
- too much. That's enough." She gasped, dragging in huge breaths that
- made her breasts heave and shudder.
-
- I rose and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, holding her and
- caressing her. "Thank you," I whispered in her ear.
-
- "No..." she said. "Thank you, Ken. That was wonderful." We sat
- together on the couch, slowly calming down.
-
- I stood and extended my hand. "Come on." She looked up at me, and
- nodded. She took my hand and I led her into the bedroom, closing the
- door behind me in case Donna, her roommate, came home. I doubted it,
- she'd been sleeping over at her boyfriend's place, but you never know.
-
- Inside, I let go of her hand; she was extremely passive suddenly,
- letting me lead in everything. I walked around behind her and unzipped
- her skirt, letting it fall to the floor. I removed the t-shirt she
- wore, the one I'd given her that said "Heroes aren't hard to find," and
- then undid her bra, releasing her wonderfully large breasts. She looked
- down and said "I'm gaining wait."
-
- "I like you like this," I replied. "You know, I look at someone as
- skinny as Donna and go 'yuck, bruises.'"
-
- She smiled. "Do you really like me like this?"
-
- "Kris, I love you like this. If you were obese, that's different,
- but being what society calls 'overweight' is what I consider beautiful.
- It's what you are, it's healthy, cuddly, soft and wonderful. You're the
- kind of woman I could hold all night long." She smiled, and I said "Lie
- down, on your stomach."
-
- She complied, and fully clothed I straddled her thighs, settling
- down gently, and began to rub her back. She moaned appreciatively as I
- caressed her back, and then I rose off of her to rub each leg, my hands
- roaming up until the nestled against her wetted cunt, then moving to the
- other leg, then up to her magnificently shaped ass, and as I caressed
- her buttocks the sight and scent of her cunt, barely exposed between her
- legs, worked on my brain.
-
- When I felt I was finished my hands gently ran along her skin to
- her shoulders. I changed the angle of my fingers so that my nails were
- pressed into her skin and carefully scratched her. She moaned so loudly
- I was taken aback, almost losing touch with her body. She liked that?
- I shook my head to clear it and returned to my scratching. She cooed
- and moaned, louder and firmer as I became bolder and scratched harder,
- leaving little red trails in her skin as I did. I scratched her from
- her shoulders to her buttocks, but when I scratched over her ass her
- moans soothed and quieted.
-
- I don't know why I did what I did next; it was simply the right
- thing to do, and I did it: I drew one hand away and brought it down hard
- onto her ass with a slap.
-
- Her head shot up, turned to the side and back towards me, eyes
- closed, and although she was completely silent the expression on her
- face was unmistakable. She wasn't looking at me; she had turned so I
- could see the approval on her face. I repeated it again, and she buried
- her face in the pillow, and a loud moan escaped her. I smiled, but
- inside I agonized. It wasn't fair, to discover this new and fascinating
- aspect of this wonderful woman on the damned day I was leaving!
-
- I returned to my scratching, but with only one hand, the other
- struggling to remove my shirt, my belt, my shoes. Sometimes quickly,
- sometimes slowly, I scratched. I opened my pants and removed them,
- throwing them aside. I straddled her again, settling again onto her
- thighs so that from where I was I could see her back and her ass. I
- scratched again, now with both hands, and as I did I would occasionally
- bring my hand down in a sharp slap. She cooed and moaned and once, just
- once, I heard her whisper "harder, please." My cock, hard and
- insistent, bobbed up and down against the juncture of her glorious and
- reddening buttocks. I leaned over, pressing my cock against her ass,
- and said "Kris?"
-
- "Yeah?" she breathed.
-
- "Remember the last time we went out, and I said that I wanted to
- make love to you in this position, with you face down? Well, I'm going
- to." Her response was simple "Uh-huh" of affirmation.
-
- I rose back onto and gave her ass a few more sharp slaps, and she
- moaned and writhed in response. I placed my hands on her buns, and with
- my thumbs slowly parted them. The opening of her vagina was barely
- visible between her legs, and I positioned my cock downward and pushed.
-
- It slid in a little, and I withdrew less, and pushed in further.
- Slowly, in five gentle jolts I slid in until the entire length of my
- cock was within her. My hips connected with her buttocks, and I laid
- down on top of her. "Like that?"
-
- "Yessss..." she whispered. I lifted my hips to withdraw, and slid
- back into her. Kris was incoherent as I began to fuck her slowly and
- gently. I wanted it to last forever. It was probably going to be the
- last time ever.
-
- I fucked her, and her moans became louder and higher in pitch. I
- felt a long way off from my own orgasm, and hers was coming on already.
- I reared up and back to supporting my weight on her thighs, and with my
- hands on her waist I began to fuck her in earnest, hard and insistent.
- Kris buried her face into the pillow and screamed as her orgasm washed
- over her. I smiled, but inside I hurt. We'd always made love in the
- missionary position before, or with her on top; and she came reluctantly
- that way. Why now? Why did I have to learn today that from this angle
- I was hitting something, something pleasurable and vital, some spot
- within her that drove her to orgasm almost instantly? I deliberately
- stuffed the thought into the background and concentrated on her.
-
- I fucked her, and she cooed more, louder, her next orgasm coming on
- the ebbing of the first, and I kept on. I leaned over after the third,
- and I said "Like that?"
-
- "Uh-huh," she whispered.
-
- "You know you belong to me, little kitten," I said, using a
- nickname I hadn't used for her in a few months. "I could from here take
- your ass, you know that... You've never given it to me, but I could take
- it if I wanted to, you know that," and she nodded, slowly. "But I
- won't. I'll save it for later, for another time. I'll satisfy us both
- with making love to you, feeling you pinned underneath me, my
- possession, my wonderful lover."
-
- "Yesss...." she whispered, and I remained lying over her as I began
- to fuck her harder still, jealously and greedily heading towards my own
- orgasm. Her moans had ceased to be coherent, and instead she whispered
- a high-pitched keening as her orgasm came on. I leaned down towards her
- and she craned her neck back towards me and we kissed, our tongues
- meeting softly. Kris had always been the best kisser I'd ever known,
- and tonight she was perfect. My cock began to hurt from the raising
- pressure, and when I came I buried my face in her hair, her neck, to
- keep from screaming aloud.
-
- We stopped, me on top of her, catching our breath. I rolled off of
- her, and we hugged and kissed and held each other.
-
- Then it was suddenly like a switch had been thrown. Kris sat up
- and said "You're late. You should get going."
-
- "Kris, I don't have to be anywhere in particular until dawn. I
- don't have to head out immediately, please. I have time."
-
- "I..." She stopped, and sat down again in my lap, crying, holding
- me. I held her back, awkwardly trying to figure out what I do with a
- crying woman other than hold her.
-
- "Kris, remember earlier when you stopped me from licking you
- because 'it was too much?'" She nodded. "Well, one of these days I'm
- going to tie you down to a bed and lick you for four or five hours, just
- so you can't stop me."
-
- Her eyes widened in... fear? delight? Who knows? She smiled, and
- wrapped her arms around me, hugging me closely. "Come on," she said.
- "Let's get dressed."
-
- We dressed slowly, and I kissed her nipples as I helped her put her
- shirt back on. She smiled at me, and without much of a word I took her
- hand. She locked the door behind her even though she wasn't going to be
- gone long; she just wanted to walk me to my car. We rode the elevator
- down to the basement parking, and I found the car just where I'd left
- it. I keyed the door and opened it. I turned back to where she was
- standing, one nail stuck between her teeth. I'd never seen her bite her
- nails before.
-
- "Kris,"
-
- "No," she said. "Don't say it. Please." Her whisper was begging
- me.
-
- "'Kay. You take care."
-
- She backed away from the car and said, "Oh, sure. I'll be okay.
- No problem. I'll go on, right? Yeah. There's always tomorrow, right?"
-
- "Kris..." I said. "Oh, fuck it." I ran to her, taking her up in my
- arms and holding her close to me, holding her so fucking tight I never
- wanted to let her go, and she broke down then, crying, really crying,
- sobbing, and I joined her, too. Her sobs came hard, rough, and then
- slowly they settled down, and finally she extracted herself from me and
- looked up into my eyes. There were tears staining her cheeks, and I
- wiped them away with my thumbs as I took her face in my hands.
-
- "You know," I said, "I have to be back. I've never met someone I
- knew as well as you. I mean, we've never talked about it, but I knew
- how hard to slap, to scratch, how far to push it. It wasn't... I don't
- know how I knew, I just felt it. I just knew. I'm sorry."
-
- She nodded, and smiled then, and I think I was looking at the real
- Kris this time, no faces or masks. "I'll be okay now, Ken. You'd
- better go before I change my mind." I nodded slightly, and slowly I
- lowered myself into the car. I pulled on the headlights of the Trans
- Am, and they rose into place, illuminating the the garage. I started
- the engine, pulled it into reverse, and slowly backed out of the parking
- slot. The last sight I had of Kris was of her leaning against her grey
- Thunderbird, her head bowed and her hands pressed against her forehead,
- crying silently. My heart broke, but somehow I managed not to turn
- around. Places to go, things to do at any cost. I pulled out into the
- Manhattan winter, heading north. Crying.
-
-
- "Which brings us back to where we are now. It's so damned unfair
- to have learned so much, to have explored so little, with a person I
- care that much about, on the night that I'm leaving. I mean, the
- playful spanking, the intense feelings..." I said.
-
- "You will miss her," Fawn said, quietly. "I will too."
-
- "I thought you didn't like her."
-
- "I changed my mind," the computer replied, sounded apologetic.
-
- "Fawn, prepare transit drive, program Primary Site, Pendor."
-
- "It's already loaded."
-
- "Then let's go." I said. The little starship blinked out of
- existence.
-
-
- In the beginning, this universe was void, and without form.
-
- And Shardik said, "Let there be light."
-
- And there was light.
-
-
- Editor's Postscript: Kris Long Anders emigrated to Pendor on 054/0108
- (Terran: March 8, 1992). She was consulted in the preparation of this
- document.
-
-
- ----------------------------------------------------------------------
-
- As always, the Journal Entries are (C) Elf M. Sternberg, and
- may be freely distributed provided this copyright is left intact no
- editorial changes are made to the text.
-