ProfitPress Mega CDROM2 …eeware (MSDOS)(1992)(Eng)/ProfitPress-MegaCDROM2.B6I/TEXT/UTILITY/COOKIE.ZIP/COOKIE.ASM

Assembly Source File | 1991-12-11 | 5.4 KB | 133 lines

;Name:  COOKIE

Comment ~
I ran across a nice, tight little fortune cookie utility on FIDO's
PC Assembly Language conference.  (See COOKIE.MSG for the original
message and DEBUG script.)

I decided to enhance Mike Marotta's code just a little (mostly
because all that white space in the original executable bugged
me).

We now have a fortune cookie utility without any wasted space.
Of course, that means you have to edit and recompile the source
if you wish to make any significant changes to the quotations ..
but that's what assemblers are for, right? :-)

The 60 quotes here include Mike's original samples, plus a bunch
from my BlueWave BWSIGS.TXT file that I've stolen from all over
(to include a bunch of Monty Python quotes).

David Kirschbaum
Toad Hall
[e-mail]
~

CR    EQU    0DH
LF    EQU    0AH

CSEG    SEGMENT PUBLIC PARA 'CODE'
    ASSUME    CS:CSEG,DS:CSEG

    org    100H
Cookie    PROC    NEAR
    mov    ah,2CH        ;get current time
    int    21H
;    mov    al,46H        ;length of each message
;    imul    dh        ;* seconds = offset to first msg
;    add    ax,offset Msgs    ;120H
;    mov    dx,ax
    mov    al,dh        ;lsb = seconds
    xor    ah,ah        ;clear msb
    push    ax        ;save that second value
    shl    ax,1        ;*2 for words
    add    ax,offset msgtbl    ;table of msg pointers
    mov    bx,ax        ;into BX
    mov    dx,[bx]        ;get the msg pointer into DX
    mov    ah,09
    int    21H
    mov    dx,offset CrLf
    int    21H
;    int    20H
    pop    ax        ;restore seconds to AL
    mov    ah,4CH        ;terminate, ERRORLEVEL in AL
    int    21H

CrLf    db    CR,LF,'$'


m01    db '"Beam me up Scottie, there',27H,'s no intelligent life down here."$'
m02    db "8 + 8 = 10 $"
m03    db '"Hello, Dave, it',27H,'s good to be working with you again."$'
m04    db '"Well, it',27H,'s got *some* rat in it."$'
m05    db '"She',27H,'s a good Sheila, Bruce, and not at all stuck up."$'
m06    db '"Mind if we call you ',27H,'Bruce',27H,' to keep it clear?"$'
m07    db '"Well I',27H,'m sorry, but I',27H,'m going to have to shoot you."$'
m08    db '"Bring out your dead!"$'
m09    db '"Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person!"$'
m10    db '"Ah blow my nose at you, so-called ',27H,'Arthur Keeeng',27H,'!"$'
m11    db '"You and all your silly English Knnnnnnnn-ighuts!!!"$'
m12    db '"you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper!"$'
m13    db '"Ah fart in your general direction!"$'
m14    db '"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"$'
m15    db '"Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"$'
m16    db '"If we took the bones out, it wouldn',27H,'t be crunchy, would it?"$'
m17    db '"This parrot wouldn',27H,'t move if you put 4 thousand volts through it!"$'
m18    db '"Die Jesu domine, Dona eis requiem." <bang>$'
m19    db '"It',27H,'s symbolic of his struggle against reality."$'
m20    db '"Aha!  Now we see the violence inherent in the system!"$'
m21    db '"Notice that they do not so much fly as...plummet."$'
m22    db '<Baaa baaa... flap flap flap ... whoosh ... thud.>$'
m23    db 'Conservative: A Liberal who',27H,'s been mugged.$'
m24    db 'Liberal: A Conservative who',27H,'s been indicted.$'
m25    db "Moderate: Someone who's been mugged and indicted all in one day.$"
m26    db 'Profanity: the universal programming language$'
m27    db 22H,"Why isn't it ever unfair in MY favor?",22H,' Calvin.$'
m28    db '"Quick, Natasha!  Shoot Moose!"$'
m29    db '...and the horse you rode in on!$'
m30    db "Jesus loves you.  Everyone else thinks you're a jerk!$"
m31    db 'GOD is real .. unless declared integer.$'
m32    db '"All [the girls] I meet at work are sluts and lawyers."  Bull$'
m33    db '"Busy? I just spent four hours burying the cat."$'
m34    db '"On second thought, let',27H,'s not go to Camelot.  '
    db 'It is a silly place."$'
m35    db "How can I miss you if you won't go away?$"
m36    db "I'm from the Government... I'm here to help you!$"
m37    db 'No condo, no MBA, no BMW ...$'
m38    db "I'd kill Flipper for a good tuna sandwich right now.$"
m39    db "She won't last forever.  Why give her a diamond?$"
m40    db 'Life:  Anything that dies when you stomp it.$'
m41    db 'Never attribute to malice what can be explained by simple stupidity!$'
m42    db 'Calm down -- it',27H,'s only ones and zeros.$'
m43    db '.... now touch these wires to your tongue!$'
m44    db 'Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!$'
m45    db 'Floggings will continue until morale improves.$'
m46    db "If you don't understand it, squash it.$"
m47    db '"I said a BUD LIGHT." - J. d',"'Arc$"
m48    db "#define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb))  - Shakespeare.$"
m49    db "!sgub evah t'nseod CP sihT ?sgub naem ayaddahW$"
m50    db "Real programmers use: COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE$"
m51    db "REALITY.SYS corrupted- reboot Universe (Y/N)?$"
m52    db ".signature not found!  reformat hard drive? [Yn]$"
m53    db "Backup not found!  A)bort, R)etry or P)anic?$"
m54    db "A)bort, R)etry or S)elf-destruct?$"
m55    db "Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue ...$"
m56    db "E=Mc^5...nahhh...E=Mc^4...nahh...E=Mc^3...ah, the hell with it.$"
m57    db "I'll get you, my pretty ... and your little dog too!$"
m58    db "Today's subliminal thought is:$"
m59    db "Power corrupts.  Absolute power is kinda neat, though...$"
m60    db "Profanity is the linguistic crutch of inarticulate bastards.$"

msgtbl    label    word
    dw    m01, m02, m03, m04, m05, m06, m07, m08, m09, m10
    dw    m11, m12, m13, m14, m15, m16, m17, m18, m19, m20
    dw    m21, m22, m23, m24, m25, m26, m27, m28, m29, m30
    dw    m31, m32, m33, m34, m35, m36, m37, m38, m39, m40
    dw    m41, m42, m43, m44, m45, m46, m47, m48, m49, m50
    dw    m51, m52, m53, m54, m55, m56, m57, m58, m59, m60

Cookie    ENDP

CSEG    ENDS
    END    Cookie