NetNews Usenet Archive 1993 #3/NN_1993_3.iso/spool/soc/bi/19241

Text File | 1993-01-27 | 3.5 KB | 71 lines

Newsgroups: soc.bi
Path: sparky!uunet!europa.eng.gtefsd.com!emory!gatech!darwin.sura.net!spool.mu.edu!agate!doc.ic.ac.uk!warwick!qmw-dcs!arodgers
From: [e-mail] (Angus H Rodgers)
Subject: Re: Bisexuality and androgyny
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Sender: [e-mail] (Usenet News System)
Nntp-Posting-Host: theoryc.dcs.qmw.ac.uk
Organization: Computer Science Dept, QMW, University of London
References: <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]>
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 1993 20:42:51 GMT
Lines: 58

In <[e-mail]>
[e-mail] (Karen van Hoek) writes:

>[...] the idea that being bisexual means you don't
>notice or care about gender -- not true for me.  I like men who look
>masculine, with as many of the secondary sex characteristics as possible
>(deep voice, body hair, muscles, etc.), and I like women who look and
>dress feminine (I tend to wear skirts and makeup a fair bit, myself).

Me, too. :-)

>I wonder if I'm unusual, and if everyone else in the bi movement likes
>the androgynous look for both sexes.  Any comments?

I'm drawn to femininity, but more by envy and admiration, than by any
desire to *do* anything of a sexual nature with/to the person in question.

Also, the type of woman I'm drawn to isn't the most conventionally
"sexy" type of woman (the sort they use to advertise cars ... ah, except
for the "Clio" girl -- she's nice -- and so is her Dad, come to that) ...
[where was I?] ...

It's something to do with fineness of features, wit, gentleness, grace,
understanding; a combination of intelligence with emotion. Hard to define.
But there's a lot of it about; I'm talking about something which *most*
women have a lot of (if faces are anything to go by, that is).

And it's all in my head, of course, because I can never approach any of
these women; I can only gaze at them shyly in the Tube, when they're not
looking in my direction. (Even then, I'm reminded of my own yuckiness.)

At the same time, I'm waiting for a man I can click with, in some
equally mysterious way: someone who'll be a bit like myself, but also
more of a man than I am -- so that I can find an image, both of
masculinity and of myself as a man, which I can bear to live with.

At present, there is just the image of my father, which represents
misery beyond description; and the repellent, generalised image of the
Macho Man, whom I loathe beyond description -- and indeed, loathe beyond
reason -- because there is something even in some "macho" men which I
*could* like -- if only I were able to find some answering masculinity in
myself, instead of just this sheepishness and stupidity.

But I can find no masculinity in myself which answers the sexual call
from either sex. I wonder if I'm doomed to live only with images inside
my own head -- unless I do something as drastic as having hormone treatment
and getting my bits cut off, and seeing if I can make a better job of
pretending to be a woman than of pretending to be a man.

(Hope this wasn't too miserable a response! I really do like thinking
about what femininity means to me; it's just what masculinity means
that gets me so morbid, because there seems to be no escape from it,
and no-one ever asked me what sex I wanted to be.)
--
Gus Rodgers,  Dept. of Computer Science, | Perhaps being a complete
Queen Mary & Westfield College, Mile End | idiot was overambitious.
Road, London, England.   [phone] | (From now on I'll settle
E-mail (JANET):   [e-mail] | for moderate stupidity.)