NetNews Usenet Archive 1993 #3/NN_1993_3.iso/spool/misc/activism/progress/10252

Text File | 1993-01-22 | 5.2 KB | 119 lines

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From: New Liberation News Service <[e-mail]>
Subject: NLNS: Rapists are Ordinary Guys
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Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 17:44:01 GMT
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/* Written  6:29 pm  Jan 18, 1993 by [e-mail] in igc:nlns.news */
/* ---------- "NLNS Packet 3.7 *** 1/18/93" ---------- */

Rapists are Ordinary Guys
Anonymous, The Charlatan

    The author of this piece has asked that her name
not be used, not because she is ashamed of what
happened to her, but because she feels remaining
nameless emphasizes that rape can happen to anyone.

(CUP/NLNS)--The subject of an afternoon talk show I
watched the other day was "should women carry
weapons?" The guests gravely talked about attackers on
the streets. They preached about the merits of carrying
guns and mace to protect themselves.
    And I began to think about the "attackers" these
women spoke of--the men who hover in bushes and prey
on women in parkades.
    Statistically, about one in 10 women who are raped
is victimized by a stranger. Most are raped in familiar
surroundings, like their own homes. In a shocking
number of cases, weapons women use against their
attackers are turned on them.
    So, women walk the streets in fear of being stalked.
Their fear is profitable for those who sell women mace,
guns and green dye to spray their attacker. Women
watch over their shoulders for creepy, sicko men who
hide in recesses along the streets.
    This is the rape myth.
    I know it's a myth because that is what I thought
about rape. Until it happened to me.
    When I was 17, I was at a party with some friends.
After a couple of drinks I was feeling fine. It was a great
time. I talked with everyone and laughed a lot.
    There was this one really cute guy there. I had my
eye on him all evening. He flirted with me, I flirted with
him. I was wearing a short skirt and my new sweater. I
felt good about the way I looked. He seemed to like me
too.
    This guy was a good student. He told me he wanted
to be a pilot. At school, he was on both the football and
hockey teams. We talked for a long time. He said he
wanted to go somewhere quiet, so we went to another
room and closed the door.
    I wanted to kiss him, so I did. It was nice. I thought
he was really nice. So, we kissed some more.
    He put his hands under my sweater. It surprised
me, but I let him. I remember pushing away a bit, telling
him I wanted to talk. It was late, about one o'clock in the
morning. I told him I'd have to go soon. But he asked me
to stay a few minutes more.
    I'm not sure what happened during the next hour.
But I remember his kisses started to hurt my lips. He bit
my breasts through the sweater, then under the sweater.
I told him it hurt and pushed him away. He said he
wanted to make love; I said I didn't think that was a good
idea.
    He leaned on me with his whole weight and bit
harder. I started to cry. I heard my stockings rip and he
scraped me with his fingernails. I felt incredible pain and
I cried hard. I don't remember what I said, but I felt
paralyzed with fear.
    When he pulled his weight off me, I scrambled to
the door. I noticed I was bleeding through my sweater. I
remember his words as I sobbed and grabbed at the door
handle. "Don't go," he said. "I'm sorry."
    I ran home through the snow that night, leaving my
shoes behind. When I came through the door, I went
straight to the shower and washed and washed. I couldn't
get clean.
    Was that guy an attacker? He was young and clean-
cut, he had a great future ahead of him, just like all the
other guys in grade 11. It was a party and there were
lots of people around. I knew almost everyone. We
flirted, we kissed. How could this be rape?
    For three years I wondered why this happened to
me. For three years, I believed I led him on--my skirt
was too short, I kissed HIM, I shouldn't have stayed out
so late. It was my fault, I asked for it. For three years I
told no one about it.
    So, I can't help but wonder who the guests on that
talk show were talking about. Back alley perverts? Or
men who maintain power and control over sex, whenever
and with whomever they want it? And why should
women carry weapons to defend themselves in social
settings or in their own homes? Why should a 17-year-
old girl defend herself physically from a man who wants
sex?
    The answer? She should't. No woman should. Sex
without consent is rape.
    So, to all women: the next time you catch yourself
looking over your shoulder for rapists as you walk home
at night, remember you are far more at risk in a bar, at a
friend's party and in your own home. Because rapists are
just ordinary guys.

The Charlatan is the student-run newspaper at Carleton
University, and they can be reached at Room 531,
Unicentre, Carleton University, Ottawa, Ontario K1S 5B6;
(613) 788-668.

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