NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #31/NN_1992_31.iso/spool/misc/kids/30983

Internet Message Format | 1992-12-22 | 4.3 KB

Path: sparky!uunet!timbuk.cray.com!shamash!ems!ems.cdc.com!cag
From: [e-mail] (Carol Gaupp)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: "my wife and I are pregnant", revisited
Message-ID: <31323@nntp_server.ems.cdc.com>
Date: 21 Dec 92 22:55:50 GMT
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[e-mail] (Dena Rollo) writes:

<some stuff deleted>

>On the other hand, (and here I go again), there is just no way for the
>future father to be pregnant - he can (and should) be a part of the
>pregnancy experience - supporting the woman, being actively involved in
>prenatal appts. and care, etc., taking on more household work if necessary.
>He may experience his own emotional (or even physical) changes. But not
>because he is pregnant - but because his partner is, and because he, too,
>will soon be a parent. And for me (and I really don't see why this is
>so difficult to understand) declaring yourselves to both be pregnant takes
>something away from the reality of what pregnancy is, and how it's
>experienced by each partner.

 As a longtime lurker, I find I am unable to prevent myself from responding
 on this particular thread.

 I don't personally have a major problem with some of the semantics that have
 been flying around, the 'we're pregnant' or whatever, although I do understand
 at least the emotion that these phrases CAN bring forth, especially in the
 pregnant person whose emotions 'tend', at least in my experience ;) to be a
 little more touchy than when not pregnant.

 Digressing a bit here, I found myself much much more likely to be offended
 when pregnant by silly little phrases that would not normally bother me,
 example, people telling me my stomach is gettting bigger. My pregnant
 reaction was an immediate irritation and thinking to myself "Gee, what did
 you expect!?". Hardly something to get upset about. ;)

 Hmm, anyway, an attempt to get back on my thought track... I do think it
 is marvelous these days the way men are getting more involved in pregnancies,
 labor and child raising (or is it rearing? Oh no, what's the PC word here? ;) )
 Many times a pregnancy can have quite an effect on the man, having to do more
 things around the house, help out more with errands etc etc etc, more things
 to list here than I can think of at the moment. However, I do feel a twinge
 of mild irritation? sense of unfairness? when anyone says that men share
 a pregnancy equally with their pregnant wife.

 I'm not saying that I think anyone should change their terminology, I don't
 even ask my husband to change his terminology, not that he would be likely to
 say anything like that anyway. I am simply..what am I doing? venting slightly
 perhaps? Putting forth my opinion since this subject is being discussed.
 Yeah, that's it. :)

 I found being pregnant to be a very interesting experience. In my mind, it
 is something that is totally unlike anything else and I wouldn't have missed
 it for the world, and I'm hoping to experience it again someday, BUT, it is
 not all fun and roses. It's uncomfortable, it's bulky, I felt nauseaus (sp?)
 almost the entire time, I had dreadful heartburn for most of the second half
 of the pregnancy, so bad that I had to prop myself up at an 45 degree angle
 in bed to even have a chance of sleeping, my pelvic bones hurt almost all
 the time, I had a hard time bending over to take care of my bunnies (four)
 without having what felt like the blood rush to my head uncomfortably, my
 tummy itched all the time and I got an incredible network of stretchmarks on
 my tummy that are just starting to look more greyish and less pink etc etc
 etc, an endless list of pregnancy related 'uncomfortablenesses'. So therefore,
 I find when people put forth that the man is sharing equally in the pregnancy
 experience, I find it a little bit like what the female is going through is
 diminished in some way? Now if there was a way to let him have all the nausea,
 I'd feel much better. ;)

 Again, this isn't trying to be a flame, or suggest anyone should change any
 behavior, terminology, whatever, just decided to throw in my thoughts. :)

--
Carol A. Gaupp
Mommy to Sara Rose, born Feb 26, 1990