NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #31/NN_1992_31.iso/spool/alt/quotatio/420

Text File | 1992-12-29 | 13.6 KB | 399 lines

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Path: sparky!uunet!munnari.oz.au!bruce.cs.monash.edu.au!monu6!dibbler.cs.monash.edu.au!tym
From: [e-mail] (Tim MacKenzie)
Subject: Re: Murphy's Laws and other laws [long]
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Organization: Computer Science, Monash University, Australia
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Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 02:19:09 GMT
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Eugene Hung ([e-mail]) wrote:
>In article <kencham.725224236@centi> [e-mail] (Deepak Kenchammana-Hosekote) writes:
>>Wondering if anyone had a list of Murphy's Laws and the like.

[Eugene's list deleted...]

Here are a few.... I'm sorry that a few of these are missing attributions,
but that's just the way it is when you've got a large collection.
This is a slightly editted version of the output of
 `cat *.fort | agrep -i -d '^%%' murphy | agrep -i -d '^%%' law`
on 3.4M of fortunes (and the jargon file)... enjoy!

--
-Tim MacKenzie ([e-mail])


%%
Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law:
   When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
%%
In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
%%
It is true that if your paperboy throws your paper into the bushes for
five straight days it can be explained by Newton's Law of Gravity.  But
it takes Murphy's law to explain why it is happening to you.
%%
Murphy's Law is recursive.  Washing your car to make it rain doesn't
work.
%%
Murphy's Law of Research:
   Enough research will tend to support your theory.
%%
"Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Godel's Theorem ..."
      -- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
%%
O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:
   Murphy was an optimist.
%%
Silverman's Law:
   If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
%%
:Finagle's Law: n. The generalized or `folk' version of
   {Murphy's Law}, fully named "Finagle's Law of Dynamic
   Negatives" and usually rendered "Anything that can go wrong,
   will".  One variant favored among hackers is "The perversity of
   the Universe tends towards a maximum" (but see also {Hanlon's
   Razor}).  The label `Finagle's Law' was popularized by SF author
   Larry Niven in several stories depicting a frontier culture of
   asteroid miners; this `Belter' culture professed a religion
   and/or running joke involving the worship of the dread god Finagle
   and his mad prophet Murphy.
%%
:Murphy's Law: prov. The correct, *original* Murphy's Law
   reads: "If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of
   those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it."
   This is a principle of defensive design, cited here because it is
   usually given in mutant forms less descriptive of the challenges of
   design for lusers.  For example, you don't make a two-pin plug
   symmetrical and then label it `THIS WAY UP'; if it matters which
   way it is plugged in, then you make the design asymmetrical (see
   also the anecdote under {magic smoke}).

   Edward A. Murphy, Jr. was one of the engineers on the rocket-sled
   experiments that were done by the U.S. Air Force in 1949 to test
   human acceleration tolerances (USAF project MX981).  One experiment
   involved a set of 16 accelerometers mounted to different parts of
   the subject's body.  There were two ways each sensor could be glued
   to its mount, and somebody methodically installed all 16 the wrong
   way around.  Murphy then made the original form of his
   pronouncement, which the test subject (Major John Paul Stapp)
   quoted at a news conference a few days later.

   Within months `Murphy's Law' had spread to various technical
   cultures connected to aerospace engineering.  Before too many years
   had gone by variants had passed into the popular imagination,
   changing as they went.  Most of these are variants on "Anything
   that can go wrong, will"; this is sometimes referred to as
   {Finagle's Law}.  The memetic drift apparent in these mutants
   clearly demonstrates Murphy's Law acting on itself!
%%
Mrs. Murphy's Law: If it can go wrong it will, while HE'S out of town.
%%
Murphy's Eighth Law of Programming:
    User friendly manuals aren't.
%%
Murphy's Eleventh Law of Programming:
    All major bugs in a software project will turn up five minutes
    before it is due.
%%
Murphy's Fifth Law of Programming:
    When a system is designed so that fools can use it, only fools can
    use it.
%%
Murphy's First Law of Programming:
    It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so
    ingenious.
%%
Murphy's Fourth Law of Programming:
    Only after a task has proven completely impossible is it time to
    read the reference book.
%%
Murphy's Ninth Law of Programming:
    A fast and efficient time-sharing system isn't.
%%
Murphy's Second Law of Programming:
    If something can go wrong, it will.
%%
Murphy's Seventh Law of Programming:
    There is more than one way to crash a system.
%%
Murphy's Sixth Law of Programming:
    When a program is working perfectly the programmer will not know
    what the heck is going on.
%%
Murphy's Tenth Law of Programming:
    When a computer is most needed it will break down.
%%
Murphy's Third Law of Programming:
    Things get worse under pressure.
%%
Murphy's Twelfth Law of Programming:
    You will always find the bug in the last place you would look, the
    least expected place.
%%
Murphy's law is recursive: Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
%%
Silver's law:   If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 1.
     If the enemy is in range, so are you.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 2.
     Incoming fire has the right of way.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 3.
     Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 4.
     There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 5.
     The problem with the easy way out is that it has already been mined.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 6.
     Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 7.
     Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 8.
     The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
     a. when you're ready for them.
     b. when you're not ready for them.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 9.
     Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 10.
     If you can't remember, then the claymore IS pointed at you.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 11.
     The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 12.
     A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 13.
     If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 14.
     Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 15.
     Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 16.
     If you build yourself a bunker that's tough for the enemy to get into
     quickly, then you won't be able to get out of it quickly either.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 17.
     Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 18.
     If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 19.
     When you've secured the area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 20.
     Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 21.
     Friendly fire isn't.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 22.
     If the sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 23.
     Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay
     awake when you can sleep.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 24.
     The most dangerous thing in the world is a second lieutenant with a map
     and a compass.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 25.
     There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 26.
     A grenade with a seven second fuse will always burn down in four seconds.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 27.
     Remember, a retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 28.
     If at first you don't succeed call in an air-strike.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 29.
     Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 30.
     Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the
     colonel's HQ.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 31.
     The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 32.
     One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 33.
     A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 34.
     Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss.  Whenever you are low on
     ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 35.
     The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be
     repaired.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 36.
     Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 37.
     Interchangeable parts aren't.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 38.
     No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 39.
     If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove ANYTHING.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 40.
     For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 41.
     The one item you need is always in short supply.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 42.
     The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 43.
     The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the
     weapon's operator.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 44.
     Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 45.
     When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most im-
     portant ones are always illegible.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 46.
     Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 47.
     The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what
     they want, but they know for certain what they DON'T want.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 48.
     To steal information from a person is called plagarism. To steal informa-
     tion from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 49.
     The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 50.
     The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet
     is filled by someone else.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 51.
     When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the emeny takes 2 weeks to
     attack.  When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack
     that night.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 52.
     The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the
     Congressional Medal Of Honor.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 53.
     A Purple Heart just goes to prove that were you smart enough to think of
     a plan, stupid enough to try it, and luck enough to survive.
%%
Murphy's Law of Combat # 54.
     Murphy was a grunt.
%%
Murphy's Eighth Law: If everything seems to be going well, you have
obviously overlooked something.
%%
Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
%%
Murphy's First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks.
%%
Murphy's Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think.
%%
Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to
worse.
%%
Murphy's Third Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and at the
worst possible time.
%%
O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law
Murphy was an optimist.
%%
Klipstein's Law of Specification
In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
%%
Murphy's Law of Research
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
%%
Murphy's Law
If anything can go wrong, it will.
    Schnatterly's Summing Up of the Corollaries:
If anything can't go wrong, it will.
    Silberman's Paradox:
If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
%%
Gattuso's Extension of Murphy's Law
Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
%%
Rogers' Observation
In a bureaucratic hierarchy, the higher up the organisation
the less people appreciate Murphy's Law.
%%
Nagler's Comment on Origin of Murphy's Law
Murphy's Law was not propounded by Murphy, but by another
man of the same name.
%%
Kohn's Corollary to Murphy's Law
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
%%
McDonald's Corollary to Murphy's Law
In any given set of circumstances, the proper course of
action is determined by subsequent events.
%%
Murphy's Law of Government
If anything can go wrong, it will do so in triplicate.
%%
Addendum to Murphy's Law
In precise mathematical terms, 1 + 1 = 2, where '=' is a
symbol meaning, 'is seldom if ever.'
%%
The Reliability Principle
The difference between the Laws of Nature and Murphy's Law
is that with the Laws of Nature you can count on things
screwing up the same way every time.
%%
"Murphy was an optimist"
    -- O'Toole's commentary on Murph's Law, as cited by A. Block
%%
"If it jams, force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway."
    -- Murphy's Law of Mechanics
%%
If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.
    -- Silver's law
%%
If it's green, it's biology,
If it stinks, it's chemistry,
If it doesn't work, it's physics.
    -- Murphy's law of science
%%
"In hardware engineering, Ohm's law and Maxwell's equations pale in
importance and influence next to Murphy's Law"
    -- Gordon Bell