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Kael's Diary: June, 1989 Part One
    From: Kael Goodman <[e-mail]>
    Date: 24 Apr 1994 13:34:15 -0400    (16 screens)

Archive-name: kael.6.89-1

<Author's Note: this is one chapter in my on-going sexual self-
examination.  Theoretically each part should stand on its own and
their chronological order is irrelevant.>

Kael's Diary: June, 1989        "One of the Millions" part one

        It was the strangest apartment.

        It was located on High Street in downtown Clemson, Ohio,
home of the University of Ohio, and had been converted out of an
old warehouse.  Each apartment in the place was designed
differently.  This one opened into a cramped kitchen/lobby area
whose walls did not come together at right angles, but the ceiling
went up about twenty feet.  There was a skeletal staircase which
More?all
went up to the three separate, tiny bedrooms, none of which had
doors.  My two roommates and I had survived an entire school
year together in that tiny place, and none of us would be friends
ever again.

        My bedroom was at the far end of the tiny, balcony-like
corridor which overlooked the kitchen below.  By the time you
walked around to it, oddly placed steps up and the intermittently
arranged pipework just below the ceiling made a six foot tall guy
like me need to hunch over.  I couldn't stand up straight in my own
bedroom.

        The room was tiny, tiny, tiny.  A desk (which came with the
place and I never sat at) at the far wall seemed to reach half-way
to the ceiling.  It's real job was to block out the horrendous amount
of sunlight which would blaze through the industrial size window
which began one inch below the ceiling and ended at the floor.
This same window continued at the top of the ceiling of the "dining
room" (ha ha) right below my room.  Having already spent the
previous summer in this place, the summer of 1988, a summer of
extreme heat and drought in the midwest, and with another one
approaching, you would think I would have, somewhere along the
line, put up a sheet or something to keep out the light and give
myself a little privacy.  But the window overlooked a parking lot, I
wasn't particularly modest and, hell, you know, the desk did a
pretty good job.

        This night, though, the only light coming through that
window was a stream of broken beams cast by the industrial lights
of the parking lot.  The light cast unusual shadows on me, on my
naked chest, and on Vera.

        Vera.  Vera was thin.  Her face was thin.  Her nose was very
thin.  Her arms were thin.  We lay facing each other in bed.  It was
possibly three or four in the morning.  I kept slipping in and out of
sleep, as I always do when I'm in bed with someone new.  But
every time I opened my eyes, hers were already open.  Her
forearms were together, her hands facing each other next to her
face, her elbows pressed together, her arms guarding her chest,
her large eyes staring at me.

        I was in bed with a preying mantis.

        Her arms guarding her chest.  Vera was two years younger
than I.  I was finishing up my junior year, Vera her freshman.  The
way we got together is an interesting story in itself.  On an ordinary
weekend night (possibly Thursday -- the weekends start earlier at
school) I was in the basement at MacShaney's, where all the
theater students hang out, and Kristie invited me to sit down and
join her.

        Kristie was a groovy young woman, also a freshman, she
wore blocky glasses and had a huge toothy smile.  Her hair was
bobbed mushroom style, as was the fashion and had a thing for
mustard colored sweaters.  I was just getting over my "studious"
phase where I wore nothing but ties, vests, slacks and penny
loafers.  Summer was pressing on and I returned to my old
standard of T-shirts and shorts.

        "Kael," Kristie said, "this is Vera."

        "Hello, Vera," I said, shaking hands with her.  She was
dressed very sharply, like she had a meeting to get to or
something.  White turtleneck, plaid jacket, BIG shoulder pads, a
skirt, sensible shoes.  Her black, black hair was shaved in back
and what was on top swept up and down over her forehead in a
big wave.

        "Hello, Kael," she said.  "You look very familiar."

        "Oh, well, have you seen and shows at the school of
theater, I'm in most of them."

        "Ah," she said, visibly unimpressed, "no.  Maybe we've just
met before."

        "Uh-huh," I said, turning my attention to Kristie, "and how
have you been?"

        The conversation turned from bad to worse as I started in on
a few members of the faculty and my fellow students, grousing
about one thing and another -- basically it was the end of a bad
day and I was unloading on my new friend Kristie.  Vera, however,
got the distinct impression that I was a complete boner and not
very interesting or amusing.

        "...and Thad was being a major weenie at strike yesterday,
he just kept pissing and moaning about one damn thing after
another," I was saying.

        "Hmn," Vera said, "don't get much of that around here."

        "What?" I asked.  "Oh, ha.  Yeah, nice, well excuse me, I've
had a rotten week."

        "So glad you could share."

        I looked to Kristie, who just smiled and shrugged.

        "I like your friend," I said.

        "Wish I could say the same," Vera said, raising her glass of
beer to her lips.

        "You don't know my friend," I snapped, and turned back to
Kristie.  "I'm sorry, Kristie.  I should go."

        "I understand," Kristie said, "Catch you later."

        "It was a pleasure," Vera said, smiling sharply and offering
her hand.  I shook it, smiling just as bright.

        "Maybe someday we can start over," I said.  "You know, for
the children."

        "Uh-huh."

        The very next night I was again in MacShaney's.  Bones
and Rudy were playing out, and just my luck Rudy was at the bar,
taking a break from his usual singing cum screaming bullshit and it
was just Bones, who was a very decent guitar player and a modest
singer.  I was alone at my table, close to where Bones sat on a
stool, playing an impassioned rendition of "All Along the
Watchtower", which I had especially requested.

        Someone tapped me on the shoulder.  It was Vera.

        "Hi," she said brightly, shaking hands with me, "have we
met?  My name is Vera, and you are..?"

        "Uh, Kael?"

        "Yes, I think we're both friends with Kristie," she took a seat,
"anyway, it's very nice meeting you like this."

        "You, too," I said, smiling in spite of myself, "you seem like a
very nice person."

        "I am," she said, proudly, "and I think you are, too.  What's
that you're drinking?"

        And so it went.  For some strange reason Vera gave me a
second chance.  Maybe I really had amused her or something,
maybe she thought I was cute, I dunno.  Kristie, who was also
there, joined us and we three had a pleasant little chat over the
barroom din.

        "Well," Vera said after a half hour or so, "it's late, I wanted to
turn in."

        "Yeah," Kristie said, "I want to go, too."  And with that Kristie
stood up to leave.  Vera just sat there and looked at me intently.

        "Well," I said, "It was very nice meeting you for the first time
like this, we must do it again."

        "Yes," she said, "I think we will."  She continued to sit there
and stare at me as Kristie watched us both with interest.

        "And you live..?" I asked.

        "Thompson Hall."

        "Can I walk you both home?"

        Vera abruptly stood up and said, "Why yes, that would be
nice."

        And I walked them both back through the balmy late-spring
streets of Clemson, past puking frat boys, burrito stands and lots
and lots of bricks.  We came at last to their dorm.

        "So," I said, "here you are."

        "Yes," Vera said, turning her back to the large building and,
again, looking unwavering at me.

        "Ookay," Kristie said, "good night, Kael."  And with that she
left Vera and I alone.

        "May I ask a presumptuous question?" I asked.

        "Of course."

        "Did you come looking for me tonight?"

        "Come looking for you?" she said, innocently, "I only just
met you."

        "You know what I mean."

        "Yes, I did, and no, I was on a date."

        "You were what?" I asked.

        "Thad, you know, Thad who you were bad mouthing last
night?"

        "Yeah?"

        "We just saw a movie and he brought me to MacShaney's
afterwards."

        "What!" I gasped.  "I saw him there -- you ditched Thad at
MacShaney's?"

        "We ditched Thad at MacShaney's, yes."

        "Oh, but that's not right!"  I almost laughed.  "He's going to
think I did it on purpose!"

        "Probably," she said.

        "Well," I said, "I should be going, you look tired."

        "I am," she said. "Thanks for walking me home."

        "No biggie."

        She stood there, not moving.

        "We should get together," I said.  "Again."

        "Yes," she said, "we should."

        She stood there, not moving.

        "Can I take you to dinner?"  I asked.  "Tomorrow?"

        "Tomorrow, sure," she said.  "Six?"

        "Great," I said.

        "Great," she said, "see you in the lobby, here, tomorrow, at
six.  Goodnight."  And with that she suddenly spun around, and
walked into her dorm.

        Stunned, I turned slowly to walk away, looking back only
once.  "Shit," I said under my breath.  "I've been pegged."

        But she didn't trust me.  Good for her, I guess.  It was very
difficult convincing her to spend the night.  I laid on top of her on
my bed, in my apartment, kissing little, sharp kisses.  Lips touched,
and touched again, small tongue flicker, but mostly lips, hers on
top, mine on top.  She had the darkest eyes, and they were so
close to mine, her long, skinny pale arms wrapped around my
neck.  Her jacket was on top of the "sun desk" and her thin cotton
turtleneck had no sleeves.

        I began pulling at the base of her shirt.

        "Oh, Kael," she said, putting a hand on mine, "I don't know."

        I looked at her with a little grin and kissed her again.

        "I'm very shy," she said.

        "Ha!" I said.  "Oh please, you are not."

        "I don't know."

        "It will be," I kissed her pointy nose, "nice."

        "Okay," she said, sitting up a little.  I sat back.  "But I'll warn
you."

        "Huh."

        "I'm scarred."

        "You mean, like, emotionally..?"

        "My body."

        I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything, I just sat
and smiled.  I leaned forward and we kissed again.

        "I think you're very beautiful," I said.  "You're a very
attractive woman."

        She pulled her shirt from out of the waistband of her shorts.
"This might change your mind."

        "Impossible."

        She pulled up her shirt and drew it over her head.  The light
was very dim, the lights from the parking lot making her milky white
skin glow in the dark brighter than her white turtleneck had.  Her
waist was narrow, her rib cage, too, she had no breasts to speak
of, her nipples small and round, dark little circles in a background
of snow white.

        I couldn't see any scarring to speak of.  I leaned forward,
looking alternately at her face and at her chest.  I kissed her face
and kissed her neck, and kissed her shoulder.  She rolled her
head back and let me kiss right under her chin, and then I began
to see.

        A v-shaped portion of her body, beginning an inch or so
below her left nipple, and forming a triangle to the middle of her
neck and over the her left shoulder and down, was a tortured span
of flesh.  It wasn't so horrible as she thought it was.  Just a different
texture, just not smooth.  It wasn't even a different shade.

        "Is that a burn?" I asked.  She nodded quickly.

        I looked up to her face.  "You're still beautiful."  I reached
down and pulled my T-shirt up and off.  "See?" I said.  My chest
was a mass of rubbery bumps and lumps, the scarring from
adolescent acne gone horribly awry.  "I'm in Braille."

        She peered at my chest and touched my scars gently.
"That's nothing," she said.

        I drew my hand across her chest.  "That's nothing.  It
depends on whose opinion you're asking.  Now lie down."

        She slid back and I moved over her, and rested my lips
gently on her left nipple, licking and sucking.  She sighed
appreciably, letting me lick and kiss every little bit of her frontside, I
nuzzled her navel and drew my tongue in a straight line up her
belly to where the skin began to turn from pale and clear to pale
and damaged, and beyond.  I was aroused at the texture on my
tongue, and on my face, kissing, tasting, enjoying her rumpled
epidermis.

        We did not have sex that night, she said she wasn't ready
and I secretly wondered if Vera and I would ever be.  I didn't think
so.

--
The wife's lover's children and my lover's wife,
Cooking in my kitchen, confusing my life.
And it's upside down when you reach Cloud 9.
Upside down when you reach Cloud 9.
--
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