M
uch of this week has been dominated by Prince Charles' PR crew trying to convince us that he is the most shaggable man on the planet.
 "The handsome Prince strips to the waist as his beautiful lady smiles contentedly" cooed The Mirror accompanied by a front page photo of a topless Charles in riding pants, with ex-Royal nanny Tiggy Legge-Bourke looking on. Channel 5 was even more gut-churning with its hour long 'Camilla" documentary special, in which it tried to convince us that the woman we all thought looked like the back end of a horse was in fact a "major sex symbol" and could have had her pick of any man. Why then, we must ask, did she bother picking Charles. After all the balding man with the Royal love-handles is hardly a catch. Princess Di has already nicked ú15m of his fortune for her divorce settlement, and even with the ú10m he's got left there's limit to how many frocks you can buy to make up for the fact that your old man's a loony that talks to plants. | |||
| I can only assume the newspapers are short of sex symbols this week, for also in The Mirror is the unlikely claim from the pig ugly Nick Cochrane that "girls offered me sex on a plate." The spotty oink, recently axed from his Coronation Street role as Andy McDonald reckons he's been showered with offers from women. Presumably they were just making them for a laugh though. |  | ||
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And The Sun carried a series of photos this week of Paul Gallagher - the ugly one out of Oasis, who reckons he'll make it big on the catwalks. Problem is though the wanker looks like a tub of lard, has a well dodgy hairstyle and sports a greater collection of chins than designer gear. Can't quite see him strolling along behind Naomi on the catwalks somehow. | ||
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The announcement of such ugly men in the role of British sex symbols is only indicate of how things are falling apart in this country.
Yes, I know we're all supposed to be on a high from Labour and all, but let's face it the whole British thing is falling apart at the seams. This month alone we've lost Hong Kong and the tennis, and now we're about to get screwed in the cricket as well. Paul Daniels didn't keep his pledge and leave the country, and now Chancellor Brown is putting 19 pence on a pack of fags too. | |||
 Still, there was a quiet chuckle to be had in The Sun, which has decided to ban all silicone-boosted young girlies from its Page Three slot. The news has had most of the half-wits that flash their tits in there getting their minuscule knickers in a twist. The artificially-boosted Melinda Messenger promptly stormed off to The Mirror in tears.
They've only shown four of their beauties so far, and already I note there's a desperate ad going out on the bottom of the page, appealing to readers with natural boobs to 'send us a snap of yourself in a bikini or swimsuit.' Something tells me this is a scheme which is about to go bust in a very short space of time. | |||
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Nice try from The Sun, to go for the natural look but it seems like this scheme has already backfired horribly, as newspaper bosses are waking up to the fact that actually, no, women don't have grotesquely large chests without an awful lot of help from the surgeon's knife.