" I think the events of last night have been very interesting. The $whole thing has enforced the idea in!my mind that the world is a very
dangerous place. Not just being#punched and attacked, but the fact %that things were stolen and the house
was wrecked. It just shows two !things. One, the disadvantages of$alcohol in the way people get out of"hand after a couple of drinks. And!two, the wrong sort of people to invite to a party. It was only a%sixteenth birthday bash, but it must have been hell for Matty and his%parents. My parents would never have %allowed me to have such a do, which I
wouldn't quibble with, but "Matthews parents would have wanted#him to get a few friends round and
get involved. It seemed a great%chance for many to have a good time. #But peoples opinions of a good time
vary and for some (pardon the !expression) wankers, who are less$intelligent than many others, a good$time is to get pissed (which I don't
argue with) smash up somebodys $house and to steal anything they may
be able to sell the next day. #Living in council houses encourages
this ideal of money, and since "society has dictated that everyone#should fit in, and strive for power%and money. That's why the weak commit
crimes to become stronger, and
the rich just revel in their extravagant pleasures. Us normal
people "can hardly aspirate to be the next"king, so we are stuck in a circle "of wearing the right clothes to be#"trendy". Girls in particular seem
more to HAVE to fit in with the&crowd. They worry about their weight, "their beauty, their brest size and
things like that WHICH ARE $DICTATED MAINLY BY GENES. I can't do
much to change my phisical "appearance, apart from to exercise#and to eat the right things. If I'm#not attractive (which is true) I am
not likely to suceed with the #opposite sex. Girls feel that going
for someone "different" is too $risky (usually). Sure, you could say
that I'm repulsive (Steady on! $-P.V.F.C.) because I'm a weirdo. I'm!only a stranger person than most
because my unsucessfulness with&females has made me so bitter. (Err..
That's a paradox, isn't it?#-P.V.F.C.) I don't blame the girls %usually, I just blame society that is
surpressing everyones real
feelings it seems. That is an
advantage of being drunk, your "inhibitions drop and you open your!heart. (But the disadvantages is $everyone doesn't believe you BECAUSE!you are pissed.) I have realised
that Laura Bains is over.$(Unfortunatly.) and Helen Salmon has
burst %slowly onto the scene. I do love her. (Oh please! -P.V.F.C.) It isn't %just the effects of alcohol, it's the
effects of years of my life $altering my brain to think this way.
I have rivals for her %unfortunately, so I am bound to fail,
but there is no point in $bottling it all up inside. Yet again I seem to have picked the wrong #person at the wrong time. I will be too shy to confront her with my "feelings. Yet again I shall end up#alone and heart broken as I see her
taken off by another. This has%happened so many different times, so %you would have thought I would become
immune to broken hearts, but $each time it seems more painful. One!day I swear it is going to crack !up. I can't tell when but I shall!just keep on holding on. It just %makes me SO sick when I see the wrong
girls with the wrong boys. All !the times I've loved someone they#have ended up with my worst enemy. #Some people have all the luck. It's
the boys without someone who #desire a girl the most. That is one!of my most hated things. Another of my pet hates is the fact that%girls go for boys a year or so older %than them. This means that there is a lack of available females in the$girls age group for people their own!age. So the boys of that age are #left with the only option of cradle!snatching (taking people younger
than themselves). This could be
explained by girls in general
maturing!faster than boys. So they want an$intelectual equal (which happens to #be an older boy). This is fine, but"when someone like me comes along, "my intelectual equal seems to be a!girl of the same age as me. But! #All the girls of my age are wrapped
up in older boys. So I am all %alone. It's a bugger. You would think that, by the law of averages, I would have had a girlfriend. You$could satisfy everyone by a careful "matching programme, as there is an"equal amount of males and females #in the world. It's a nice idea, but!impractical. I will lay my cards %down on the table. I am sick of being undesired, and I feel a lot for !Helen Salmon (she's already got a#boyfriend, mate. -P.V.F.C.). For a "long time I have admired, but not #realised how much I felt for her. I"suppose I denied myself, saying it
was just a crush, and it would #pass, but I've realised (along with
the realisation that I have %rivals) (as ever) that I love her the
most. I have lost faith in %others who have been taken from me. I
feel I can no longer fight the $battle for my old flames. It is time to turn over a new leaf. I feel $Helen is the way forward, but I fear
that as has happened so many #times before I will fail in my bid,
and end up heart broken and %rejected. People like me and Phil are not desired (now hold on just a "second there... -P.V.F.C.) because#society has dictated it's not ok to#be strange, or in Phil's case, it's"not right to be shy. (...Now wait!
-P.V.F.C.) Hmm, not meaning to°rade girls to just numbers, my top $three reads: Helen Salmon 91%, Laura!Boagey 79%, Laura Bainbridge 75%.#I am compleatly sure of that. I can"live in my own little world, as I %am quite repulsive, and will never be
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