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-
- --------Forwarded message follows
- From: ?????@????????.com
- Subject: The LATEST LATEST OS SPECS
- Date: Today!!
-
- ************************************************************************
- * TOP SECRET *
- * FOR COMMODORE-AMIGA REGISTERED DEVELOPERS ONLY *
- * NO PEEKING! *
- * *
- * OVERVIEW OF UPCOMING OS VERSION *
- * AUGUST 15 1992 *
- ************************************************************************
-
- (C) Copyright 1992 Commodore-Amnesia, Inc. All Rites Reserved.
- Prohibited where void.
-
- WARNING!
- Do NOT distribute this information under ANY circumstances, unless you
- really want to. This information may be discussed ONLY in Commodore's
- lavatories, closed developer conferences, and/or hayrides in Nebraska.
- ANY violation of this agreement constitutes a violation of this
- agreement, and the agreement shall henceforth be violated. Don't say
- we didn't warn you.
-
-
- TABLE OF CONTENTS
-
- o Overview of the latest OS version
- o Backward compatibility
- o Faster filesystem
- o New features
- o Specifications of new AAAAAAAA chipset
- o How to find yourself naked in a bathtub with Tori Amos or
- Tom Selleck, whomever you prefer
-
-
- OVERVIEW OF THE LATEST OS VERSION
-
- This version shall henceforth be known as "V.00", or "Version
- zero zero." The reason is that it adds thousands of new features and
- yet remains 100% compatible all the way back to pre-1.0 release
- Kickstart.
-
- "Ah," some of you will complain, "if you are calling THIS
- release V.00, what will you call the NEXT release? Won't your new
- numbering scheme conflict with old OS version numbers?" Don't panic,
- developers -- we have this all under control. To avoid all confusion,
- future OS releases will be numbered in Braille. Touchscreens will be
- provided.
-
- "But," you continue to whine, "what will happen to all those
- programs that call the OpenLibrary() function with a minimum version
- number greater than zero? Won't those programs fail if the OS version
- number is zero?" Well, this is not Commodore's problem. We have been
- telling you developers for years to stop checking library version
- numbers!! It's documented right in the RKM LIBRARIES manual, page
- 94,762. Just assume that the user has the right version number; if
- not, then their computer DESERVES to crash. It's not our fault if you
- don't listen.
-
- Anyway, all this is trivial when you consider the wonderful
- new features that V.00 will give you. Read on!
-
-
- BACKWARD COMPATIBILITY
-
- Due to requests from heavy users... no, sorry: HEAVY
- REQUESTS from USERS, V.00 will be completely backward compatible in
- both hardware and software. On the hardware side, all peripherals will
- be designed so they will work even if plugged in backwards, upside
- down, or in the wrong port or slot. Yes, those naive little end-users
- with cheese for brains will be totally safe, even if they plug their
- new CPU accelerator directly into an electrical outlet. [Note that CBM
- does not necessarily recommend this practice -- CBM Legal Dept.]
-
- The software also will be completely backward compatible.
- For example, it will be possible to read and/or delete files before
- they are actually created. A real boon for software developers is the
- ability to link and load programs before they are compiled or even
- written. In addition, if the user types a shell command like
-
- 1> erom ecneuqes-putrats:s
-
- the expected action will take place. (This feature is also known as
- the "Aspiks Hack", in honor of Slu Aspiks, the Inventor of the Non-
- Disclosure Agreement.) Finally, Intuition can be told to interchange
- the meanings of the MOUSE_UP and MOUSE_DOWN messages for people who
- accidentally glue their fingers to the little rodent.
-
-
- FASTER FILESYSTEM
-
- The RQFFS (Really Quite Fast File System) is new with version
- V.00. Both reads and writes have been sped up by 10-50 times. In
- addition, directory accesses are now instantaneous, even for large
- directories on floppy disks on plain 68000 machines. In order to
- obtain this incredible performance boost, we had to make a few
- compromises, but we think that nobody will notice. These minor changes
- include:
-
- o The letter "Q" (ASCII 81) may not appear in any file.
- o All filenames must be exactly 256 characters long.
- o Files are limited in size to 512 bytes.
-
- Developers are advised to make their files conform to this new standard
- before V.00 is released.
-
-
- NEW FEATURES OF V.00
-
- Numerous programs have been enhanced, and others have been
- added to the SYS: partition. Below are brief descriptions of some of
- the changes.
-
- C/NewShell
-
- After years of incorrect behavior, NewShell finally lives up
- to its name. Every time the user types "NewShell", he/she
- gets new shell -- literally!! The first time, it will be the
- default Amiga shell. The second time, he/she will get an
- MS-DOS shell. The third time will bring up the UNIX Bourne
- shell. If the user invokes "NewShell" enough times, the
- Amiga will automatically generate new kinds of shells with
- unique commands and syntax.
-
- C/Rename
-
- Moved to LIBS: directory.
-
- C/Type
-
- Now has an ARexx port.
-
- C/Version
-
- Now simply prints "0" and exits. [Note: Current beta
- release crashes the computer. Randall, please check the
- OpenLibrary() call?]
-
- Prefs/Snort
-
- Allows one to choose the default smell of the Amiga at boot
- time. The user may specify any Sensitive Nose Interchange
- File Format (SNIFF) file as input.
-
- Prefs/Weather
-
- Allows the user to receive weather reports worldwide (thanks
- to locale.library) and modify global weather settings.
- WARNING: due to a bug, the temperature gadgets currently go
- all the way up to 150 degrees Celsius -- DO NOT set the
- temperature too high or else you might be sorry.
-
- Utilities/Disease
-
- A new virus-protection program. If an infected disk is
- inserted into an Amiga disk drive, Disease emits a loud,
- digitized sneeze from the audio outputs, and little drops of
- moisture appears on the topmost screen or window. It then
- does a complete disk scan, wiping the boot block and all
- files clean with a Kleenex (R) tissue.
-
- When the REVERSE option is used, Disease will re-infect the
- disk with an even worse virus and display a requester
- instructing the user to return the disk to the person who
- supplied it.
-
- Utilities/BLAZESALV
-
- Program for restoring a crashed hard drive. Retrieves all
- lost data and automatically converts them to BLAZEMONGER
- "save" files.
-
- Utilities/Clock
-
- Greatly enhanced. Any IFF graphics may be used as the clock
- image. Can optionally run backwards, forwards, or both. Now
- contains all functionality of the Commodities Exchange,
- making Tools/Exchange obsolete. Also has a fully-functional
- integrated spreadsheet, relational database, and recipe
- program, plus FAXmodem support. Built-in "Calvin and Hobbes"
- random quote generator with sound effects. Childproof lid.
-
- Fonts/Topaz
-
- Obsolete. (Developers -- please modify your applications to
- accommodate this minor change.)
-
- Devs/Printers/Boombox
-
- New driver for sending printer data to your stereo system.
- Makes a God-awful noise. Fun at parties.
-
-
- SPECIFICATIONS OF NEW AAAAAAAA CHIPSET
-
- The AAAAAAAA (Advanced Amiga Application Architecture And
- Active AArdvark) chipset is the product of many centuries of
- development here at Commodore. Way back around OS version V39, the AA
- chipset was the big thing. But with the addition of each new "A", we
- have increased the chipset's capabilities speed and throughput. The
- final advance was the realization that all bugs could be removed from
- the chipset by putting an aardvark inside to eat them.
-
- Here is an overview of the new AAAAAAAA features.
-
- o "A" mode, the default, in which the chipset emulates
- the ECS or AA chipset, whichever it feels like.
-
- o "AA" mode, in which the chipset breaks down and
- confesses that it used to be an alcoholic.
-
- o "AAA" mode, in which the chipset breaks down completely
- and has to be towed to a nearby service station.
-
- o "AAAA" mode, in which the chipset breaks down and
- confesses that it used to tow cars to nearby service
- stations.
-
- o "AAAAA" mode, "AAAAAA" mode, and "AAAAAAA" mode, which
- are still carefully guarded secrets. See
- comp.sys.amiga.advocacy article number 39754 for a
- complete overview.
-
- For more information about the AAAAAAAA chipset, registered
- developers and pirates should call 222-2222, extension 2, and ask for
- "Snorky."
-
-
- HOW TO FIND YOURSELF NAKED IN A BATHTUB WITH TORI AMOS OR TOM SELLECK,
- WHOMEVER YOU PREFER
-
- Who says that developers can't have fun? After much input
- from many of you, we have finally come up with a 100% foolproof method
- for having s}x}}}i}iii}}i}ii}}}}}iii}}}}}}}}}}}ubber duck alongside the
- fauc}}
- }}}iiii}}}}}}}}i}}ii2#(!*$JF(IJDJJAKJDI#@)*IJDWDXD@@#@$(QWIDAKDAC(bibi
- bibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibi
- bibi**#*!!!!*!*!**!!!**!!*****!*nderneath! And that's all there is to
- it. If you don't have your own spatula, registered developers may
- purchase them (handsomely monogrammed, BTW) through CATS.
-
- --------End of forwarded message
-
- Sorry, doodz, but that's all there was -- the end of the file was
- obviously
- corrupted. Thank God that the important stuff was undamaged -- yeah!!
- (Who takes baths anyway??)
- Dan
-
- ////////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
-
- | Dan Barrett
- -- Dept of Computer Science, Lederle Graduate Research Center |
- | University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA 01003 --
- barrett@cs.umass.edu |
-
- \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\//////////////////////////////////
- Copyright 1992 by Daniel J. Barrett. All rights reserved.
- This article may be freely distributed as long as it is distributed in
- its entirety. It may not be included in any publication without the
- written permission of the author. So nyaaah.
-
- *********************************** AM/FM ***********************************
-
- NOTE FROM AM/FM: Relax. The above is just a joke. :-)
-
- *********************************** AM/FM ***********************************
-