Woo-Hoo! Jokes and stuff! You know that bone in your elbow? Well, if your not in a very good mood, hit your elbow real hard on a table or wall or something -- that should help. We just keep getting them in from our CompuServe customers, so here's some jokes from that off-ramp on the information superhighway. We know that you guys have jokes that you're just aching to tell, so by all means fax, mail, E-mail, taxi, or teleport your jokes to us. We only ask that you remember that kids might read it too, so let's keep it fairly clean. If you have a really good one, it will be placed in the:
^C{_Joke of the Month!!_}
It was a typical night at the Old West Saloon, as cowboys gathered around the bar to drown their sorrows. Suddenly the doors swung open, and in limped a bent figure. The patrons could hardly believe their eyes: it was a dog, a German Shepherd. He was carrying a six-shooter in his mouth. One of his feet was bandaged, and from the way he was limping he seemed to be in great pain.
The dog limped over to the bar, dropped the gun on it and announced: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
An old lady had lived all her life with cats. As she was petting her old black tomcat, she sighed, "Oh Blackie, I only wish I had a handsome prince sweep me off my feet like I was a young girl again." All of a sudden, in a poof of smoke, it seemed that Blackie had turned into a prince. As he leaned close to kiss her he whispered, "Now don't you wish you hadn't had me fixed!"
One day Bubba and Budreaux were walking down the road and they found a dollar. Bubba said "You know what Budreaux, we need to buy us a lottery ticket". So they bought a lottery ticket and won a thousand dollars from it and Bubba said "You know what Budreaux, we need to buy a bull and a trailer". Budreaux went and bought a trailer for $900.
Budreaux came back to Bubba and told him what a good deal he got on the trailer. "Why don't you go down that road there Bubba, and get us a bull?" Budreaux suggested. So Bubba went down the road and saw a farm. He knocked on the door and when the Farmer came to the door he said, "Would you be interested in sellin' that bull." The farmer thought and said, "Yeah, I guess I'll sell him to you for $90 dollars". Bubba knew that was a good deal so he said, "That's a good deal, but I don't have a trailer. Do you have a phone I could use, So I can get Budreaux to bring the trailer?" The Farmer said, "No, but I have a fax machine, but It'll cost you $10 a word." Then Bubba said, "But that'll only give me one word". The farmer said "Yeah".
Bubba thought and thought and finally he said,"I know the word, It'll be comfortable". "How you figure comfortable is gonna get your friend down here?" Bubba said "Well, Budreaux can't read real well so when he reads the letter he'll read it "Come for the Bull".
^C{(OK guys, you have to read this one out loud.)}
One night, as Old MacDonald was sitting peacefully in his living room reading one of his favorite novels, a chicken unexpectedly walked through the door and approached him. "Book! Book!" it clucked. Hesitantly, Old MacDonald handed the chicken his book and watched as the obviously deranged chicken walked out the door, book in beak.
The following night, as Old MacDonald again sat down to delve into another volume, the chicken walked through the door once more, clucking, "Book! Book!" Old MacDonald handed over the book--again with reservations--and the chicken proceeded to once again carry the book outside.
Well, the book-loving farmer understandably had to question where his chicken was carrying the books, so on this second night he decided to follow the chicken. Sneaking a few feet behind so as not to be noticed, Old MacDonald trailed the chicken to his nearby pond. In the center of the pond was a lone frog seated on a lily pad. The farmer watched as the chicken heaved back and tossed the book across the water to the frog. The frog took one look at the chicken's gift and said, "Readit! Readit!"
There were three guys marooned on an island, two preachers and a college president. After they were marooned there for several weeks, a bottle floated up, and one of them went and got it and said, "Do you reckon there could be..?" One of the others said, "Well, there might be..." The last one pulled the cork out of the bottle, rubbed it, and a genie came out and said, "Each one of you can have one wish, so what do you want?"
One of the ministers said, "You know, I miss my congregation so much, I wish I was back there with them." He was gone!!! The other preacher said, "I miss my wife and family so much, I wish I was back there with them." Poof, he was gone too!!!
The genie looked at the college president and said, "You have a wish as well. What do you want?" He thought a minute and said, "You know, I'm just not used to making a decision on my own. I wish those other two fellows were back."
Two men walk into a park in war-torn Sarajevo. There is no food, gas or electricity in the city. They sit quietly on a bench. One of the men notices a few pigeons in the park and says, "Hey, look at those pigeons. Do you have any bread on you by any chance?"
"Oh no," replies the other, "I've stopped eating them with bread quite a while ago."
-- Emilio Trampuz
{"By the way, I am a native of Croatia. I live in the U.S., but all my family is in Croatia"}
As the funeral procession passed the golf course one player paused, doffed his cap and reverently bowed his head for a moment before resuming his game. A minister who had known the golfer for years was also on the course nearby. He watched in silent amazement his friend's uncharacteristic display of respect, then approached him.
"John, what's come over you?" asked the cleric, "In the twenty years we've known each other, you've never let anything interrupt your golf game."
"Well," John drawled, "I figgered it was the least I could do after bein' married to the woman fer 25 years."
Did you hear about the guy who didn't realize his marriage was in trouble until he moved from New York to California and discovered they had the same mailman!!!
A guy takes his dog to a bar to watch a Mets game. The bartender says, "Sorry, you can't bring him in here." "Why?" says the guy. The bartender replied "He's a dog." "Please, he's a huge Mets fan." "Oh, okay, well I guess so." "Thanks." So they start to watch the game and the first at bat hit a single and the dog jumps up on the bar and gives everybody high fives. "That's amazing," said the bartender, "What does he do for a home run?" "I don't know," said the guy, "I've only had him for five years."
One morning as my 6 year old son and I sat eating our breakfast, he asked me for some milk money. Handing him some change I noticed a dime that had the old style design on it. Taking it from him, I turned it over to see the date. Hey son, I said look at this dime it was made in 1959, that's the year I was born. Wow!, he said, will it still work?
Oh? So you think you can do better? Prove it!! Send us your jokes and anecdotes (for that matter anything funny) and they will show up here in the Comic's Corner ASAP.
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