Loadstar 116

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Text File | 1994-01-01 | 4.1 KB | 362 lines

12 "title.p 5 4 1 3 0 0 0 " "THE CLOWNS OF LOADSTAR " "Where have all the young clowns gone? "The children of today no longer want "to grow up and join the circus as "clowns, and it's too bad. They don't "realize that the life of a clown is a "valuable learning experience for a "responsible job later on in life. " " " " " " " " " " " " "skippy.p 6 7 1 3 0 0 0 " "S K I P P Y " "Skippy worked for thirty years for "the Weasel Brothers Circus, where he "became famous for the zany things he "would do with peanut butter and "pantyhose. He quit the circus in "1987 to become the Attorney General "of California. " " " " " " " " " " " " "stacy.p 8 8 1 3 0 0 0 " "S T A C Y " "Stacy was the hit of the 1970 Winter "Olympics when he drove a zamboni into "the VIP stage, dumping Richard Nixon "into a vat of yellow snow reserved "for Leonid Brezhnev. He was released "from prison the day Nixon resigned. "He is now CEO of General Electric. " " " " " " " " " " " " "buzz.p 9 9 1 3 0 0 0 " "B U Z Z " "Buzz was raised by beavers in the "wilds of Manitoba, where he developed "his unique brand of 'dam' humor. Many "a circus fan has been drenched by one "of Buzz's patented 'gruel spews' or "'slop slaps'. His funeral in 1988 was "attended by five U.S presidents and "Princess Di (who came in blackface). " " " " " " " " " " " "w & b.p 2 3 1 3 0 0 0 " "WALLY AND BEAV " "Wally and Beav were the premier "clowns of television in its early "days. They sank from sight after "mooning Frank Sinatra in a Las Vegas "night club but had the last laugh "when Ava Gardner left Frank for a "polyandrous marriage with them. They "now own CBS and RJR Nabisco. " " " " " " " " " " " "bobo.p 5 4 1 3 0 0 0 " "B O B O " "Bobo is known for the fact that in "fifty years of clowndom he never once "said or did anything funny. In fact, "only Lyndon Johnson is said to have "made more children cry. Bobo retired "from the circus in 1975 to become "Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff "during the reign of Gerald Ford. " " " " " " " " " " " "corky.p 2 6 1 3 0 0 0 " "C O R K Y " "Because of his uncanny resemblance to "Bela Lugosi, Corky was known as "Hollywood's 'Clown to the Stars'. He "spent most of his career at the Betty "Ford Clinic, as both patient and "administrator, then moved to Malibu, "where he plans to run for mayor, if "that nasty arson scandal blows over. " " " " " " " " " " " "birdy.p 1 1 1 3 0 0 0 " "B I R D Y " "Birdy's main claim to fame is the "invention of the 'happy face' symbol. "After narrowly escaping a lynch mob "of happy face haters, Birdy settled "in Argentina, where she is Minister "of Comedy and Torture, many of which "involve forced viewings of the "dreaded yellow symbol. " " " " " " " " " " " "w & b 2.p 5 4 1 3 0 0 0 " "WALLY AND BEAV AGAIN " "Never ones to shy away from bad "publicity, the dizzy duo badgered "Walt Harned into another picture for "this slideshow. Our apologies go out "to Walt and his family for the "humiliation of having these two move "into his studio for three months. "Sister Rachel, please forgive us. " " " " " " " " " " " "elly gent.p 8 8 1 3 0 0 0 " "E L L Y G E N T " "Voted 'Clown Most Likely to Succeed' "by her peers, Elly is reputed to "exude 300% more pheromones than the "average clown. Romanced by over a "dozen Kennedy's, she married Bob "Newhart in 1980 and now works as Bill "and Hillary's food and beverage "taster. " " " " " " " " " " " "zippy.p 5 4 1 3 0 0 0 " "Z I P P Y " "(c) 1994 by Bill Griffith " "Zippy, who is known throughout the "world for his phrase, 'Are we having "fun yet?' has recently been quoted as "saying, 'Fun is a three-letter word.' "Zippy never met a non sequitur he "didn't like. " " " " " " " " " " " "stenchy.p 2 3 1 3 0 0 0 " "S T E N C H Y " "This slideshow wouldn't be possible "without the inspiration of Stenchy, "the LOADSTAR Clown. His multi-story "antics and cruel jokes have made him "the favorite of all at the Tower. "Only Knees Calhoon rivals him for "audacity and tastelessness. Stenchy, "we wouldn't trade you for John Gacy. " " " " " " " " " " "