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Commodore BASIC  |  1990-01-01  |  8.3 KB  |  170 lines
  1. 10 d=100:rem  change d if you add more toasts
  2. 20 dimn$(d),v$(d),s$(d):x=rnd(-ti)
  3. 30 poke 53280,0:poke 53281,0
  4. 40 print"[147]":gosub60000
  5. 50 print"[156]          [212] [207] [193] [211] [212] [205] [193] [211] [212] [197] [210]"
  6. 60 print"[158]      by [196]on [194]arker - famous [193]ggie"
  7. 70 print"  [212]his program generates toasts for
  8. 80 [153]"  all occasions.  mid$ohnny lenarson's"
  9. 90 [153]"  writers could use this program."
  10. 100 [129]i[178]1[164]d:[135]n$(i),v$(i),s$(i):[130]
  11. 110 [153]"  str$o you want the toasts to go to the"
  12. 120 [153]"  screen or to the printer?
  13. 130 print"       [154]([211][154])creen      ([208][154])rinter[145]":poke198,0
  14. 140 geta$:ifa$<>"s"anda$<>"p"then140
  15. 150 dv=3:ifa$="p"thendv=4
  16. 160 print"[158]  [200]ow many toasts [154](1[154] to 999[154]): ";:gosub50000:x=val(q9$)
  17. 170 print"[147]"
  18. 180 open3,dv,7
  19. 190 fori=1tox
  20. 200 r1=int(d*rnd(1)+1)
  21. 210 r2=int(d*rnd(1)+1)
  22. 220 r3=int(d*rnd(1)+1)
  23. 230 print#3,"[205]ay ";n$(r1)" ";:ifdv=3thenprintchr$(13)"  ";
  24. 240 print#3,v$(r2):ifdv=3thenprint"  ";
  25. 250 print#3,"  your ";s$(r3);"!":print#3
  26. 260 ifi/5<>int(i/5)then310
  27. 270 ifdv=4then310
  28. 280 print"[154]        [208]ress any key to continue"
  29. 290 geta$:ifa$=""then290
  30. 300 print"[147]"
  31. 310 next:print#3:close3
  32. 320 poke214,22:print:print"      [154]([205][154])ore toasts   ([204][154])oadstar":poke198,0
  33. 330 geta$:ifa$<>"m"anda$<>"l"then330
  34. 340 ifa$="m"thenprint"[147]":goto110
  35. 350 open15,8,15,"r0:hello connect=hello connect":input#15,er:close15
  36. 360 ifer<>63thenend
  37. 370 print"[147][144]load"chr$(34)"hello connect"chr$(34)",8"
  38. 380 print"run":poke631,13:poke632,13:poke198,2:end
  39. 385 data"a rookie batboy","pitch woo to","tax advisor"
  40. 390 data"a 327-pound interior lineman","intrude upon",navel
  41. 395 data"a hydrophobic polecat","pour confetti all over","floppy disk"
  42. 400 data"a fearless karate coach","sit down beside","dead pussycat"
  43. 410 data"an unknown tattoo artist","spread hog lard on","banana split"
  44. 420 data"a redheaded disk jockey","heap embers of fire on","middle finger"
  45. 430 data"the bird of paradise","say goodbye to","biggest toe"
  46. 440 data"a hairy-chested stenographer","make whoopee with","arm pits"
  47. 450 data"a rap musician","entertain","unborn child"
  48. 460 data"a short basketball player","play games with","knee caps"
  49. 470 data"a third-string third baseman","substitute for","toilet seat"
  50. 480 data"an ugly duckling","manicure","straitjacket"
  51. 490 data"a warm-natured polar bear","crawl over","bathroom scales"
  52. 500 data"a drunk preacher","curse","alter ego"
  53. 510 data"a redneck named [207]scar","pass wind over","favorite teacup"
  54. 520 data"a retired hooker","say howdy to","extended tongue"
  55. 530 data"a used car salesman","auction off","carrot stick"
  56. 540 data"a tone-deaf violinist","make a down payment on","joy stick"
  57. 550 data"a one-armed paperhanger","teach [208]ortuguese to","maiden aunt"
  58. 560 data"the phantom of the opera","make shredded wheat from","false teeth"
  59. 570 data"a decapitated politician","bleed on","cucumber"
  60. 580 data"an unemployed undertaker","spray","weinerschnitzel"
  61. 590 data"76 trombone players","slide over","tool chest"
  62. 600 data"a bed of fire ants","remove the enamel from","zucchini"
  63. 610 data"killer bees from [206]icaragua","become attached to","bottom line"
  64. 620 data"a sousaphone sextet","kiss","hot cross buns"
  65. 630 data"an illiterate lawyer","change the color of","bones"
  66. 640 data"an untidy hairdresser","warp","private parts"
  67. 650 data"the vice president of [213]ruguay","make shambles of","underwear"
  68. 660 data"an editor from [204]oadstar","sprinkle sand on","family jewels"
  69. 670 data"a cowardly moose","make a salt lick out of","gazebo"
  70. 680 data"the moral majority","buy a controlling interest in","love letters"
  71. 690 data"the next-to-last picture show","overwhelm","piggy bank"
  72. 700 data"an amateur trumpet player","pour yogurt on","hot dog"
  73. 710 data"[205]iss [205]ississippi","sing an operatic aria to","dill pickle"
  74. 720 data"seven giant turkeys","lay an egg on","[205]itsubishi"
  75. 730 data"an enraged camel","send a mash note to","mother-in-law"
  76. 740 data"an ancient philosopher","get inspiration from","sex therapist"
  77. 750 data"a cocker spaniel","redecorate","[210]ubik's cube"
  78. 760 data"the [197]iffel tower","give psychotherapy to","leafy fern plant"
  79. 770 data"an overworked tooth fairy","leap from [204]oadstar [212]ower with","[211][201][196] chip"
  80. 780 data"a flaming flamingo","roughly stroke","left elbow"
  81. 790 data"the headless horseman","flush","[210][193][205] expansion unit"
  82. 800 data"an elected official from [198]lushing","sprinkle electrons on","whatsit"
  83. 810 data"hordes of aliens","insert a sharp needle into","coffee mate"
  84. 820 data"a dark green grasshopper","purloin","jock strap"
  85. 830 data"a giant scorpion","belch gas in the direction of","blue suede shoes"
  86. 840 data"[198]reddie [203]reuger","sit under the apple tree with","shadow"
  87. 850 data"the devil","jazz up","masterpiece"
  88. 860 data"[211]atan","take a fling with","suppository"
  89. 870 data"a big black bloody bug","beat up on","tubular bell"
  90. 880 data"ten turtle doves","gaze fixedly at","you-know-what"
  91. 890 data"a two-headed donkey","land in the middle of","evening meal"
  92. 900 data"the ghost of [195]hristmas past","wander aimlessly over","oyster stew"
  93. 910 data"a hot pink elephant","attempt a flying tackle on","zipper"
  94. 920 data"saxophonists from outer space","unzip","magic carpet"
  95. 930 data"a baldheaded witch","drop twinky crumbs on","gimme cap"
  96. 940 data"an auctioneer from [212]allahassee","give away","last stick of bubble gum"
  97. 950 data"[203]ermit and [205]iss [208]iggy","build a lean-to on","cream puff"
  98. 960 data"an aggie from [212]exas","bisect","eustachian tube"
  99. 970 data"a [208]hylis [196]iller look-alike","jump over the cuckoo's nest with","guts"
  100. 980 data"a prophet for profit","stand under a lamp post with","phallic symbol"
  101. 990 data"an [197]lvis impersonator","expectorate on","fur-lined tee shirt"
  102. 1000 data"the man in the moon","lay the law down to","green stamp collection"
  103. 1010 data"the ghost of [197]d [211]ullivan","throw the book at","synthetic liver"
  104. 1020 data"a greenhaired punk from [203]alamazoo","get back in the saddle with","wig"
  105. 1030 data"a yuppie in a [205]other [199]oose costume","play house with","food stamps"
  106. 1040 data"an absent-minded professor","throw a bucket of spit on","[193]dam's apple"
  107. 1050 data"a tough hombre named [208]ercival","make mincemeat out of","tonsils"
  108. 1060 data"an editor of the [206]ational [197]nquirer","rough up","abdominal cavity"
  109. 1070 data"an escaped parakeet molester"
  110. 1075 data"sing the [208]anamanian anthem to"
  111. 1080 data"smelly sneakers"
  112. 1090 data"[199]eraldo [210]ivera","goose","nasal cavity"
  113. 1100 data"a glockenspiel quartet","squeeze","grungy combat boots"
  114. 1110 data"[210]ambo","sing '[196]rop [203]ick [205]e [202]esus' to"
  115. 1120 data"birthday suit"
  116. 1130 data"a flying tiger","sink teeth into","passport photograph"
  117. 1140 data"the assassin from [206]euromancer","tiptoe through the tulips with"
  118. 1150 data"bosom buddy"
  119. 1160 data"a good old boy from [211]hreveport","wrap a snotty handkerchief around"
  120. 1170 data"purple suspenders"
  121. 1180 data"the fruit of the loom","hit high 'c' in front of","garlic patch"
  122. 1190 data"a hairy stranger","throw an [201][194][205] [208][195][160]manual at","picture window"
  123. 1200 data"a boiled rotten egg","levitate","enlarged pancreas"
  124. 1210 data"a crazed [205][204] programmer","ride off into the sunset with"
  125. 1220 data"receding hairline"
  126. 1230 data"a discarded robot","watch [202]ohn [215]ayne movies with","security blanket"
  127. 1240 data"an unbalanced bookkeeper","tell sanitized ghost stories to"
  128. 1250 data"penpal in [194]ossier [195]ity"
  129. 1260 data"a faded away soldier","award a [195]leveland vacation to","bikini"
  130. 1270 data"the cast of [212]win [208]eaks","write an obituary for","slurpee"
  131. 1280 data"a 100-piece orchestra","spend the [198]ourth of [202]uly with"
  132. 1290 data"your shadow boxing partner"
  133. 1300 data"a nose-picking chef","watch old episodes of [199]unsmoke with"
  134. 1310 data"last remaining friend"
  135. 1320 data"the [200]ungarian string quartet","take potshots at"
  136. 1325 data"[207]ld [203]entucky [200]ome"
  137. 1330 data"[204]arry and his brother [204]arry","hang a wilted wreath on","plaything"
  138. 1340 data"the [212]hree [205]usketeers","shoot darts at","nostrils"
  139. 1350 data"17 ninja turtles","launder dirty linens with","cerebellum"
  140. 1360 data"[211]anta [195]laus","wipe dirty boots on","glandular secretions"
  141. 1370 data"the [209]ueen of [211]heba","sweep rusty iron filings under","beehive hairdo"
  142. 1380 data"the [195]incinnati [210]eds","apply jalapeno peppers to","carburetor"
  143. 1390 data"the man from [213].[206].[195].[204].[197].","sing a song of sixpence to","catcher's mitt"
  144. 1400 data"39 famished munchkins","scamper around","toilet kit"
  145. 1410 data"a deathrow inmate","erase","favorite input device"
  146. 1420 data"a musclebound librarian","make fun of","fleur-de-lis"
  147. 1430 data"a deranged nuclear scientist","do a swan dive into","kitchen sink"
  148. 1440 data"a sleepy gravedigger","come home to roost on","mint julep"
  149. 10000 open15,8,15,"s0:bytes":close15:save"bytes",8:end
  150. 50000 q9$="":poke198,0
  151. 50010 geta$
  152. 50020 poke646,rnd(1)*15+1:print"[164][157]";:ifa$=""then50010
  153. 50030 ifa$=chr$(13)thenprint" ":return
  154. 50040 if(a$=chr$(20)andlen(q9$))thenq9$=left$(q9$,len(q9$)-1):goto50080
  155. 50050 iflen(q9$)>=3then50010
  156. 50060 ifa$<"0"ora$>"9"then50010
  157. 50070 q9$=q9$+a$
  158. 50080 print""a$;:goto50010
  159. 60000 b9$="                                      "
  160. 60010 poke214,14:print:print"  [155][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][184][152]"
  161. 60020 fori=0to7:printb9$:next:print"  [151][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][185][152]"
  162. 60030 b9$(0)="[212] [207] [193] [211] [212] [205] [193] [211] [212] [197] [210]"
  163. 60040 b9$(1)="[196]onald [199]. [194]arker, [208]h.[196]."
  164. 60050 b9$(2)="([195]) 1990 by [211]oftdisk, [201]nc."
  165. 60060 b9$(3)="[208]ublished on [204][207][193][196][211][212][193][210] #77"
  166. 60070 b9$(4)="[211]ubscriptions 1-800-831-2694"
  167. 60080 b9$(5)="[193]ll [210]ights [210]eserved"
  168. 60090 poke214,16:print:fori=0to5:printtab(20-(len(b9$(i))/2))""b9$(i):next
  169. 60099 return
  170.