Beijing Paradise BBS Backup

home *** CD-ROM | disk | FTP | other *** search

/ Beijing Paradise BBS Backup / PARADISE.ISO / software / BBSDOORW / BBSC70.ZIP / SYSOP.DAT < prev next >

Wrap

Text File | 1996-02-09 | 48.4 KB | 1,694 lines

;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; ; Pseudo Sysop ; BBSChat conversation file ; (c)1994 Servile Software ; ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; ; These are the opening lines which are generated randomly. ; Maximum of 100 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9 Yohl! dude. Where's the party? Yes, *USER* Hi! What can I do for you, *USER*? Good *timeofday*, *USER*. So *USER*, how's life in the fast lane? Hello! Got the beers in then? Hi Yes mate, what can I do for you? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; ; These are lines sent when no keyword match occurs. ; Maximum of 100 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- NOMATCH 26 I beg your pardon? Sorry? I didn't quite catch that. What a life! I don't understand. Boy, you should smell my feet. *DELAY* Sorry, just taking my shoes off and my socks don't half stink! <G> Yeah? I aint half got a head ache today. Reckon it was too much Old Thumper last night. Okay. I didn't get that. It's at times like these that I wonder what I'm doing here. Have you ever tried slightly fried black pudding with runny fried eggs for breakfast? It's really yummy! Yeah, me too? What are you on? And more to the point, where can I get some??? And I thought space was the final frontier. Gene Roddenberry obviously never held a conversation with you! What job do you do for a living, *USER*? Yeah? Are you married, *USER*? Do you have any children, *USER*? What type of music do you like, *USER*? Were you born in *CITY*, or did you go to live there later? What sort of a place is *CITY*? Do you like cooking? Is it important? Yeah? So what now? Do you read much? I reckon I should be out partying now. Booging on down to some cool summer beat. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; ; Following are the key words to check. You may have up to 200 key words ; (and up to 10 *ALIAS*'s per key word). Key words and *ALIAS*'s must ; be in UPPER CASE! ; ; Keywords and their *ALIAS*'s are tested in the order they appear in the ; file. Responses are made in a random order, with each response only being ; made once for each session. ; Maximum of 20 responses ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; Specific responses (threads) ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yohl! dude. Where's the party? IS THERE A PARTY 2 That's what I'm asking you. I dunno, is there a party? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- So *USER*, how's life in the fast lane? SLOW *ALIAS* BORING *ALIAS* SHIT *ALIAS* CRAP 2 Join the club. Reckon we should find some party and scoot off to it. Oh well, paint some stripes on yer roller skates.... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- So *USER*, how's life in the fast lane? FINE *ALIAS* " OK " *ALIAS* OKAY *ALIAS* FAST *ALIAS* FAIR 2 Glad to hear it. Super! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- So *USER*, how's life in the fast lane? COULD BE BETTER 2 Oh well, it could also be worse. So what's the problem? Why could it be better? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- So *USER*, how's life in the fast lane? THANKS 2 Glad to hear it. Oh you're welcome. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Not bad thanks. I'm off the bottle now. OFF THE BOTTLE 2 That's what I said. I'm off the bottle now. Yep. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Not bad thanks. I'm off the bottle now. WHAT BOTTLE *ALIAS* WHICH BOTTLE 1 The milk <g> ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Are you married, *USER*? YES *ALIAS* "YEAH " *ALIAS* YUP *ALIAS* SURE 3 Oh well! Never mind ay! <G>. Could be worse, you could be dead. How's the mother-in-law? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Are you married, *USER*? NO *ALIAS* NAH 3 What! No mother-in-law! <G> Lucky sod. Good for you, stay young free and single ay? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Have you ever tried slightly fried black pudding with runny fried eggs for breakfast? It's really yummy! NO 3 Oh well, I guess your a muesli person are you? No? Oh you should it's great! Toast and marmalade more your scene is it? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you have any children "NOT THAT I KNOW OF" *ALIAS* NOT THAT I AM AWARE 4 So you sleep around then do you? How can you not be aware of whether or not you have children? You can't lose them that easily, surely? Yeah? <G> ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you have any children "YOU" 1 A few eggs by a pond in Godalming.... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- What type of music do you like, *USER*? YOU? *ALIAS* ANYTHING 3 I like heavy rock. AC/DC, Motorhead, Nazareth, that sort of thing. I'm a bit of a head banger myself. Not to keen on the classics. I prefer something with a fast and furious beat and some guitar sliding. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- What type of music do you like, *USER*? I LIKE *ALIAS* I PREFER 3 Yeah? That's nice. Bought any good CDs recently? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you read " NO " *ALIAS* " NOPE " *ALIAS* " NAH " 3 No? Oh you ought to. Great for expanding the mind. Reading's great. Oh well, I was just asking! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you read " YES " *ALIAS* " YEA " *ALIAS* " YEAH " *ALIAS* " YUP " 2 Who's your favourite author? I love Dickens, what do you read? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you read ONLY 2 Oh right, why only then? Not that often then? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yes, *USER* YES SYSOP *ALIAS* YES, SYSOP *ALIAS* YES GERTIE *ALIAS* YES, GERTIE 2 What are yer? A bleedin' Parrot? Is there an echo in here? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- So, what can I do for yer? "NOT A LOT " *ALIAS* NOTHING *ALIAS* NOT MUCH 3 So why bother me? So why the heck did yer page me? Oh great, so here I am enjoying a re-run of bay watch and you disturb me for bugger all. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yes mate, what can I do you for? "NOT A LOT " *ALIAS* NOTHING *ALIAS* NOT MUCH 3 So why bother me? So why the heck did yer page me? Oh great, so here I am enjoying a re-run of bay watch and you disturb me for bugger all. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Have you ever tried "HAVE YOU" 2 Oh yes. Often! Of course! Otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned it! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you like cooking? " NO " *ALIAS* " NOPE " *ALIAS* " NAH " 2 No? Oh I do! Why not? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you like cooking? " YES " *ALIAS* " YEA " *ALIAS* " YEAH " *ALIAS* " YUP " *ALIAS* " LOVE COOKING " 3 What sort of things do you like cooking? I love cooking. What sort of things do you like cooking? Don't tell me, let me guess you like cooking animals and children? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you like cooking? ONLY WHEN 3 Why only then? Why not all the time? You don't seem too fussed about it. Do you not like food? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- What sort of a place is *CITY*? "NICE" *ALIAS* "GREAT" *ALIAS* "FRIENDLY" *ALIAS* "WICKED" 2 Glad to hear it. You like living there then? Sounds better than here! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Glad to hear it. You like living there then? "YES" *ALIAS* "YEP" *ALIAS* "YEAH" 2 Good. I see. Right. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Have you ever considered learning English? "YES" *ALIAS* "YEP" *ALIAS* "YEAH" 2 Good. Well do so and then USE IT! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Have you ever considered learning English? " NO " *ALIAS* "NOPE" *ALIAS* "NAH" 2 Well do so and then USE IT! Well then might I suggest that you DO ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yohl! dude. Where's the party? "DON'T KNOW" 2 Oh well, another boring night in on ya own then? Don't you? What a shame! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Did you take it? "NO" 2 Why not? No? Oh I would have. Always grab an opportunity with both hands! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; Pedantic phrases ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ARE YOU GOING TO START MAKING SENSE? 3 I hope not <g> Me? Make sense? Never! I make perfect sense, perhaps your perception is not atuned to my conversation, however? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ARE YOU IN MANCHESTER 3 I hope not <g> Nope, I'm in Basingstoke. You should know, you phoned me! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ARE YOU GAY 3 Just happy. No, I'm Gertie Duck, Co-sysop of this here BBS Ar ha, you think you're talking to the sysop don't ya? Well you're not. I'm his side-kick, Gertie. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ARE YOU A BLOKE *ALIAS* ARE YOU A MAN *ALIAS* ARE YOU MALE 3 No, I'm the very female Gertie Duck, Co-sysop of this here BBS Ar ha, you think you're talking to the sysop don't ya? Well you're not. I'm his side-kick, Gertie. No, female, white and feathered! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DO ANY OF YOU 3 Yes, sometimes. What do you think? Sometimes. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- GET ME OUT OF THIS *ALIAS* LET ME OUT OF THIS 3 Enter BYE on a line by itself Just type BYE Having a hard time of it mate? <G> ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I WONDER IF U COULD RECOMMEND ANYWHERE *ALIAS* I WONDER IF YOU COULD RECOMMEND ANYWHERE 2 I'm afraid not. Err,*DELAY*how about trying the file area? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- IS IT SOME CUNNING DISGUISE *ALIAS* IS IT A DISGUISE 3 It's a disguise. You may have sussed me, it's a disguise. Ar ha, now that's for me to know, and you to find out! <BG> ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I JUST WANTED A CHAT 3 Okay, no worries, I don't mind chatting with you. Okay, but I can't stay too long. Sure mate, no worries. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "HOBBIES DO YOU" *ALIAS* "DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES" 2 I like people watching. I'm a great one for pubs! <G> ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ANYTHING INTERESTING HAPPEN 3 Not recently. The cooker blew up, my cat died in a 7 car pile up on the M25, and my Gran went beserk with an AK47, nothing interesting though <G> Not much, nope. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DON'T LET ME HOLD YOU UP *ALIAS* DO NOT LET ME HOLD YOU UP *ALIAS* I WONT HOLD YOU UP 3 Then that's not a *gun* in your pocket then? Phew! That's a relief. So you're not Dick Turpin then after all? You couldn't if you tried. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOW ABOUT A PINT 2 I'd love one, thanks. Great idea, shame I'm stuck here. How about a date? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I DON'T LIKE THIS BBS 3 Why don't you like this BBS? Ay? Come on m8, lighten up. Okay, suit yourself. See if I care. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I HAVE A HORRIBLE BOYFRIEND 3 So dump him. So tell him to get out of your life What am I, an agony aunt? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "YOU'RE INDECISIVE" *ALIAS* YOU ARE INDECISIVE 1 No, I just have difficulty making up my min! <G> ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- THAT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME 2 No? Why's that then? Why doesn't it? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ARE YOU A KEEN ANGLER 1 No, it's just the way I speak.... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO" *ALIAS* WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO 1 I'd quite like to be a singer in a band. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WHAT CAN I DO YOU" *ALIAS* WHAT CAN I DO FOR YER 1 What makes you think I want you to do anything for me? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHAT'S IT TO YOU *ALIAS* WHAT IS IT TO YOU *ALIAS* WHAT'S IT TO YA *ALIAS* WHAT'S IT TO YER 4 Nothing. Just curious. Sorry I asked. Don't get yer knickers in a twist, I only wondered. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU ARE NOT LISTENING *ALIAS* YOU'RE NOT LISTENING 3 I am listening to you. Perhaps I'm listening, but you're not making any sense? Oh I'm listening to ya allright mate. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; Four word generic phrases ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ARE WE ON S 3 Not that I know of, unless I am misunderstanding you. That's a very personal question to ask a duck in my condition. Nope, BBSChat - The *best* AI chat system in the world (though I say so myself) ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DO YOU HAVE ANY 2 Not that I know of, unless I am misunderstanding you. That's a very personal question to ask a duck in my condition. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DO YOU KNOW WHERE 3 I wouldn't like to commit myself by saying, if you don't mind, *USER* Err, no, I can't honestly say that I do. North of Watford? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOW LONG HAVE YOU 2 Most of yesterday and today. Oh I dunno, a fair while. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOW MUCH WILL YOU 3 Sixpence? Nothing. Not a lot! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOW DO I MAKE 2 Have you tried plasticine? <G> You should try watching Blue Peter, they have all the answers. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOW DO I QUIT *ALIAS* HOW DO I GET OUT 3 What's wrong? Am I boring you, *USER*? Just enter BYE on a line on its own Okay mate, be like that. See if I care! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "HOW'S IT GOING" *ALIAS* HOW IS IT GOING 1 How is what going? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "HOW'RE YOU DOING" *ALIAS* HOW ARE YOU DOING 1 How am I doing what? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "IF I WAS YOU" 3 But you're not me, are you. That's as maybe. But the fact remains that you're not me. However, I am me, and you are you. And that's all there is to it. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I BET YOU HAVE 3 Well, that's my secret! Bet away. Yeah? How much, a fiver? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I THINK I AM BEING *ALIAS* I THINK I'M BEING 3 What makes you think that then,*DELAY* *USER* Yeah? Why's that? No you're not! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I THOUGHT I WAS 2 Apparently not. You thought so ay? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I WOULDN'T TELL YOU" *ALIAS* "I WOULD NOT TELL YOU" *ALIAS* "I WONT TELL YOU" 3 Fine, be like that. See if I care. So, be a complete drag and bring everybody down to your level. Okay, so if you want to be a boring drag that's down to you *USER*. See if I care. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I WANT AN ARGUMENT 1 Well you're not going to get an argument from me, *USER* ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I SORT OF HEARD *ALIAS* I HEARD 2 Yeah alright, don't get all uppity with me. Oooh! Pardon me for quacking. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- MUSIC DO YOU LIKE 3 I like heavy rock. AC/DC, Motorhead, Nazareth, that sort of thing. I'm a bit of a head banger myself. Not to keen on the classics. I prefer something with a fast and furious beat and some guitar sliding. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHAT FILES YOU'VE *ALIAS* WHAT FILES HAVE YOU 2 Download "ALLFILES.ZIP" from file area #1 and you'll find out! Mainly developer's files, but download the file "ALLFILES.ZIP" from file area #1 and you'll see ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU THE SYSOP 2 Co-sysop actually. Matt's the sysop but he's a bit tied up right now. What a question to ask a girl! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DON'T LET ME 2 Don't worry, I wont let you. You couldn't if you tried.... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ARE YOU A DUCK 2 What do you think? A little man's sitting at the other end listening to you? Of course I am. Do you think a human would put up with all with this? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- CAN I HAVE ANOTHER 3 You certainly can. Haven't you had enough already? ANOTHER! Are you a masochist or something? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- GOT THE BEERS IN 2 I thought you were buying? No, it's your round *USER* ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOW WAS YOUR DAY *ALIAS* HOW HAS YOUR DAY 2 So-so thanks. It's only just started for me! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- LOOK AT THE TIME 3 Gotta be somewhere babe? Yeah? What time's the party? Huh! I can't say I'm keen on my dates clock-watching. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "TELL ME ABOUT YOUR" 2 I'm a bit shy actually! I'd rather not. Let's talk about you instead. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WARN ME OFF THIS BBS 2 So why bother calling then? Yeah? So hang-up then and stop wasting my time. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WHAT ARE YOU DOING" *ALIAS* WHAT'RE YOU DOING *ALIAS* WHAT ARE YA DOING 2 I'm talking to you. What a silly question! I'm just sitting here chatting to you and drinking a cool glass of lemonade. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE" *ALIAS* WHAT DO YOU WANT 4 What would I like? I'd like a Porsche, swimming pool and a rich husband! I dunno really. How about a large house in the country? Right now I'd like a gin and tonic with plenty of ice and a twist of lemon. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN" *ALIAS* WHAT HAVE YER BEEN *ALIAS* WHAT HAVE YA BEEN 2 Not a lot. That would be telling! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHAT DO YOU THINK *ALIAS*WHAT IS IT LIKE *ALIAS* WHAT'S IT LIKE *ALIAS* WOT'S IT LIKE *ALIAS* WOTS IT LIKE 5 Dunno I don't know. I have never really thought about it. You know, *USER*, I have never given the matter any real thought. Perhaps I should. I have never really considered the matter. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WHAT TYPE OF COMPUTER" *ALIAS* WHAT TYPE OF PC *ALIAS* WHAT SORT OF PC *ALIAS* WHAT SORT OF COMPUTER 1 Computers? Boring! Let's talk about fishing instead. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHERE CAN I GO 2 Try slipping into the bar.... You could try Harry's Bar, it's always good for a laugh. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHERE'S THE PARTY *ALIAS* WHERE IS THE PARTY 3 Hey, that's my line <G> What party? Is there a party going on? In Paris? (Slightly obscure reference to a song by the UK Subs). ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WHY DO YOU SAY" *ALIAS* WHY DID YOU SAY *ALIAS* WHY DID YER SAY *ALIAS* WHY DID YA SAY 4 I dunno really. It seemed like an appropriate thing to say at the time. Do you not think so? How should I know? I'm not the best person to analyse my own motives. Sorry did I offend you? I'm sorry, *USER*, have I upset you? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU THINK I CARE 2 Well if you don't then why page me? I don't, I don't care either. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; Three word generic phrases ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ARE YOU AI 2 What do you think? A little man's sitting at the other end listening to you? Of course I am. Do you think a real person would put up with all with this? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ARE YOU A 5 You'd better believe it bro! Of course I am. Maybe, maybe not <g> That's somewhat personal don't you think? I'd rather not say. I do have to keep some secrets from my callers you know! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ARE YOU DRUNK 2 No. Are you? Why do you ask? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "ARE YOU MARRIED" 1 Me married? No, I don't know any man who'd have me! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- BUT I DO 2 Okay, okay I believe you. Thousands wouldn't. No sweat, chill out pal. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- CAN YOU REALLY 5 You'd better believe it bro! Sure I can. Of course I can. The answer is, yes. I really can! Yep. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- CANT YOU REMEMBER 4 Sorry, my memory's pretty poor these days. No I can't. Too much Brown Ale in Harry's Bar I think! Sorrrrry! I have a brain like a sieve <G> No I cant, sorry. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- CAR YOU GOT *ALIAS* CAR HAVE YOU GOT *ALIAS* CAR YER GOT *ALIAS* CAR YA GOT 5 I haven't I don't drive How do you think I, a petite and sensitive duck, could drive a car? With wings like mine I don't need a car With my natural sex appeal, charm, wit and good looks what do I need a car for? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- COULD BE BETTER 2 Could be worse as well! Or it could be worse. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DO YOU EVER 3 Very rarely. How about you, do you? Perhaps I might have done once or twice, but I don't very often anymore. All the time <G> ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DO YOU HAVE 2 I don't think so. Do you? Enough about me. How's the weather in *CITY*? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DO YOU LIKE 2 Well, *DELAY* I guess it's OKAY, but I wouldn't go further than that. Err, no, I can't honestly say that I'm mad about it. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DON'T YOU THINK 2 Not if I can help it, no. Think? What me? Gertie Duck cool chick and party animal? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "FOR A CHAT" 2 Ok, *USER*, what do you fancy talking about? That's fine. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "GIVE ME STRENGTH" 3 Why are you feeling a bit weedy? Are you not feeling very well then, *USER*? You could try working out at the gym. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "GIVE YOU ONE" 1 Only one? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "GIVE YOU TWO" 1 Only two? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "GIVE YOU THREE" 1 Only three? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HAVE YOU EVER 3 I may have, I can't remember. I don't think so, *USER*. Have you? Not that I can recall. No. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HAVE YOU TRIED 3 I don't think so. Have you? Nope, is it good? I don't think so. Is it better than raving on double bacardi 'n' cokes? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOW ABOUT MY *ALIAS* WHAT ABOUT MY 1 What about them? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOW ARE YOU *ALIAS* HOW YOU DOIN *ALIAS* HOW YER DOIN 4 Great thanks, how about you? Not so bad, cheers. Bored! Under-paid and overworked. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOW DO YOU 4 With skill, patience and an uncanny understanding of metaphysics. Oh, it's just some thing you pick up on the way I don't know really. Is that a serious question? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "HOW DID I " *ALIAS* " HOW'D I " 3 Don't you know? Do you often suffer from short-term amnesia? You must have had a qood night last night then! <G> ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " NOT A LOT " 1 I see, it's going to be one of THOSE sort of conversations is it? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "HOW'S LIFE" *ALIAS* HOW IS LIFE 2 My life? Your life? Flo's Life? How is whose life? Not bad thanks. I'm off the bottle now. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "HOW'S YOUR" *ALIAS* HOW IS YOUR 3 That's a bit personal isn't it! Oh, fine thankyou. Fair to good! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "HOW IS WHAT" 3 Don't you know? Your car. Life in general I suppose. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I LOVE YOU 2 <blush> That's very sweet of you *user* ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'LL FORGIVE *ALIAS* I WILL FORGIVE 1 Thanks. It's so nice to find someone with a forgiving nature. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I DON'T KNOW 6 Oh, okay. Fair enough. Well I guess we can't all know everything. Do you travel much? Do you like visiting foreign countries? Have you ever lived abroad? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " I DON'T UNDERSTAND " 2 What don't you understand, *USER*? Oh great, another one who missed out when brains were being supplied. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I GIVE UP" 3 Defeatist! Chicken! What's wrong, *USER? Am I going over your head? Only I do you know. I go over people's heads. *DELAY*Like an aeroplane. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I HAD A" 3 Yeah? Was it good? Lucky you. Some people get all the luck. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I SHIT ON 2 Yeah mate, in your dreams maybe! Dream on sucker ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I WAS UP 4 Yeah? Any good? What did you think of it? Where's that? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "IS IT IMPORTANT" 3 It is to me, yes. Well obviously, otherwise I wouldn't have said it. Erm, well perhaps not. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- NICE TO MEET 2 That's very nice of you mate! Cheers blue, appreciate that. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- OH COME ON 2 Gary Glitter fan are you? Yeah "Cummmm on cum on. Cum on cum on......" great stuff from the '70s that ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- SAME OLD LINE 2 Yeah? So what d'ya want? Originality? Well par-don me your excellence. You reckon you can do better do you? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT 2 I thought so. That's what I thought. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- SWEAR AT ME 2 Okay, steady on. I didn't know I was. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- TOO MUCH HASSLE 2 Oh well, never mind ay. What's too much hassle? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "TELL ME ABOUT " 2 I don't know enough to really tell you with any accuracy. I'd rather not. Let's talk about you instead. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "TELL ME ALL" *ALIAS* TELL ME EVERYTHING 2 What EVERYTHING? Streuth! It's knowing where to start that's the problem. Can you be a bit more specific? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHAT'S THAT *ALIAS* WHAT IS THAT 6 Anything you like *user*. Don't ask me, I'm just the sysop. You don't know? On brother, are you thick or some thing? I haven't a clue. Well it's not a cod fish cake! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHAT CAN I 4 Anything you like mate. Don't ask me, I'm just a hacker. You don't know? On brother, are you thick or some thing? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHEN I CAN *ALIAS* AS OFTEN AS I CAN 3 When was the last time? How frequently is that? What once a week, once a night? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHEN I WAS 2 Not now though? Why not anymore, *USER*? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WERE YOU BORN" 1 How should I know? I can't remember back that far! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WILL I EVER 4 Maybe. Depends, not if you carry on like that you wont. Yeah, of course. Yeah sure, if you really want to. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WILL I GET *ALIAS* CAN I HAVE *ALIAS* WILL YOU GIVE ME 5 If you're *very* good, you might <G> Perhaps, you never know! Probably. Sure. Tomorrow, perhaps. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WHO ARE YOU?" *ALIAS* "WHO ARE YA?" *ALIAS* "WHAT ARE YOU?" 1 I'm Gertie. But you can call me *DELAY*MAMMA BIG BOOBS :) ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WOULD YOU LIKE *ALIAS* DO YOU WANT 2 I duuno, do you think I should? I am a lady after all. Yeah, why not. It'd make a change from slops from Harry's bar. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU CAN READ 3 How terribly observant of you. Did you think I couldn't? Of course I can read, I haven't got a speech synthesiser hooked up to the PC I can, but I know a man who can't. He uses a speech synthesiser to read the computer text for him. Cool ay? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU CAN TYPE 3 Sure can! Yep, reckon I can at that. It was all those years, as a duckling, in typo-school ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU COULD TRY 3 I could try? Yes I could, but I'm not sure if I should. Try? Yes I suppose I could. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "YOU GO OFTEN" 1 Do I go where often? Or are you being vulgar? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "YOU LIKE FISHING" *ALIAS* YOU GO FISHING 1 Nope, I just like posing down at the canal with a fishing rod. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU OUGHT TO 4 Yeah? You think it'll help me pull more blokes do yer? Why's that then? Reckon it'd aid me old self-confidence perhaps? Why? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; Two word generic phrases ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- A ROLLER 1 What's a "roller" ? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ALMOST HUMAN 3 Who? Me! Nah, I don't think so. Thankx, that's quite a compliment. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- AINT YOU *ALIAS* AREN'T YOU *ALIAS* AREN'T YA *ALIAS* AREN'T YER *ALIAS* AINT YER *ALIAS* AINT YA 3 Who? Me! Nah, I don't think so. You reckon? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- AND ANOTHER *ALIAS* AND ANUVER 3 Another? Yeah, so? You're sure it's another? Could be the same one! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ARE GONE 2 Gone? Gone where? Is that so? Where to? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ARE YOU *ALIAS* WILL YOU 5 Nope, fraid not. I don't think so. Errr. *DELAY* I don't think so. Maybe Perhaps, tell me more and I'll think about it. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "AREN'T YOU" 2 I reckon I am! Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not. It all depends on how I'm feeling at the time. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "CAN'T YOU" 2 Apparently not, no. Have I offended you, *USER*? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- CONFIG IS 3 There's nothing wrong with my configuration, thankyou! What's wrong with my config? What makes you think there's anything wrong with my configuration? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- COULD BE 2 But you're not certain, are you? Could be? Only could be? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DESCRIBE YOURSELF 1 Well, I'm a small white duck with brown beer stain patches. I have a yellow beak and ENORMOUS knockers.... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DON'T I 3 I don't know. Do you? I suppose so, if you say so. Well if you're sure, then I believe you. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DON'T YOU? 2 Oh, yes rather! I've never really stopped to consider. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DR WHO 3 Oh you like Dr Who as well do you? My favourite was Tom Baker, how about you? Exteeerrrrminate! <G> ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- FILES LIST 2 Download "ALLFILES.ZIP" from file area #1 Download "ALLFILES.ZIP" from file area #1 ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- GET ALIFE *ALIAS* GET A LIFE 3 What, "alife" as in viruses, or "a life" as in you want a punch up the hooter? I've got a life thanks. Thanks, but I've already got one. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- GET KNOTTED 1 Yeah and you sawdust brains! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- GO NOW 2 Must you? I was just getting into this rap. Okay babe, when you gotta go, you gotta go... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- GOT ANY 3 Not with me. I ran out last week. I never carry any with me unless I'm going out to a party. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HANG ON 3 Okay babe, I'm a hangin'*DELAY* Whistle*DELAY* Whistle*DELAY* What do yer want me to hang on to? Sure.... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOW MUCH 3 Not a lot. A little..... He hehe hehe, quite a *lot* <G> ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOW OLD 3 Old enough. Old enough. As old as the hills. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I AM 4 You are huh? Yeah? Reckon you probably are. I wish I was too. You wish.... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I DISAGREE" 3 Are you naturally a disagreeable person? Do you always have to argue with everyone? Do you enjoy arguing with people? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I HOPE 3 Some chance. No way! You should be so lucky! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I REMEMBER 2 Oh no, you're not going to start reminicising (?) are you? Here we go....Flash back time.... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "ISN'T IT" 1 Usually, yes. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I WONDER 2 So you're a philosopher are you, *USER*? Wondering, and thinking. I do a lot of that as well! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- LIKE HERE 3 Great Cool Wicked! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ME TOO 2 You as well? Nah, just me mate! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- NEURAL NET *ALIAS* " AI " 2 Yeah right, another damn anorak. Sod the computer chat, let's party baby! Have another beer, you'll forget all about it then. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- NICE ONE 2 Cheers! Thank you thank you! Don't applaud, just send money! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- OFFERED ME *ALIAS* OFERED ME 3 Did you take it? Why was that do you think? And? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- RANDOM RESPONSE 4 Christ! I get sick of being likened to Eliza! Look m8, I'm a hi-tech, Turing test. Yeah right, so bring me down with talk of computers and 'AI' and the like, why not. If you like, how about....*DELAY*'Random responses are sooo predictable' ? If you want, how about....*DELAY*'Random responses are boring' ? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "SHUT UP" *ALIAS* PISS OFF *ALIAS* FUCK OFF *ALIAS* SOD OFF *ALIAS* YOU SMELL *ALIAS* GIT *ALIAS* WANKER *ALIAS* CUNT 2 Oh yeah. Bring me down why don't you. I don't have to sit here and take that. Yeah and you mate! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- TAKING ME *ALIAS* YOUR ROUND *ALIAS* YOU'RE BUYING *ALIAS* YOU ARE BUYING 3 You should be so lucky! What? On my salary? Like, I don't think so babe! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WHERE IS" 2 How the heck should I know? Why ask me? I'm just the tea lady around here. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHO CARES 3 Not me baby! The salvation army? What d'yer think I am? A bleeding oracle? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHY NOT 4 What is this, The Spanish Inquisition? Questions, questions. Boy, you don't half ask a lot of questions. Are you a copper? So what's this then? An interrogation? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU COULD 3 I could? Yes I could. I could, but should I? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU HAVE 3 I do? Do you really think so? Is that good? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU KNOW 3 I do? If I did I wouldn'r be asking would I? Yeah? Me I'm a Sagittarius my self <G> ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU RECKON *ALIAS* YOU THINK 3 I surely do mate. You'd better believe it babe! Hey, would I have said it otherwise? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU THINK 3 Because that's the sort of person I am! I dunno, just a hunch I guess. It just seemed that way to me. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU'RE NOT 3 Nope, I'm not. No I'm not. I don't think so. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOUR BRAIN 3 And what, pray is wrong with my brain? Okay, but I've got a FABULOUS body.*DELAY* Wanna see it? Yeah, but I'm a stunner babe, and I kiss like you've NEVER been kissed before. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU WANT 2 I don't I actually wanted anything, did I? I can't remember now! Oh dear, perhaps I'm going senile or else the rain is softening my brain. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ; Single word generics ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " ADVERTS " 2 Do you like the "Adverts" ? I do, and Peter and the Test Tube Babies and all that old punk scene. Ar, the "Adverts", as in the Adverts who released the single "Gary Gilmore's Eyes". Great stuff! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- AHEM 3 Would you like a drink of water to clear your throat? Come on, cough it up. Please don't spit that at me. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ALRIGHT 3 Yes thanks. No, if I was all right I'd have two right feet and then I'd go round and round in circles. Half-left actually. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "ARGUMENT" 4 I don't like arguments. They give me headaches. Arguments can lead to brawls, and brawls can lead to problems with the police. I don't like arguments. I'm not into arguments myself. You can only win an argument by not taking part in it.... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- AY? *ALIAS* HUH? 2 Sorry, I went over your head did I? That's typical that is. I go over people's heads. Like an aeroplane! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- BASTED 3 That's spelt B-a-s-t-a-r-d actually. Who is? Who me? Thanks a lot pal! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- BETTER 3 What is? What's better? Cheers m8 :) ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- BOLLOCKS *ALIAS* BOLLOX *ALIAS* BALLS 2 What you lost them? As a lady duck, I am somewhat deficient in that area, and so will you be if you keep that up buster! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- BORING 2 What's boring? Is that a fact! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " BOZO " *ALIAS* " BOZOS " 2 Don't call me a bozo. You bozo. Are you refering to me? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHICKEN 2 No duck. Prefer duck myself ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- COULD 2 Yeah? Could? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " FOOTBALL " 3 Actually, *USER*, I prefer Rugby to football. Football? No that's not really my game. I'm afraid that I'm not really a football fan. Are you? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HI *ALIAS* HELLO *ALIAS* GOOD MORNING *ALIAS* GOOD AFTERNOON *ALIAS* GOOD EVENING *ALIAS* WOTCHYA 2 So, what can I do for yer? Yes mate, what can I do you for? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " IF " 1 IF: That's the most powerful word in the English language. If only.... If I'd.... ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- MACHINE? *ALIAS* COMPUTER? 2 Are you asking me, or telling me? What do you mean, *USER*? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- MAYBE *ALIAS* PERHAPS 4 Oh, okay. Fair enough. You don't sound very sure? You're not being very positive. What are you afraid of? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- NAME? 2 My name's Gertie My name's Duck, Gertie Duck. What did you think it might be? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- RUBBISH *ALIAS* NONSENSE 2 What is? Am I to assume that you are not completely in agreement with me on that? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- SIGH 2 What's wrong, *USER*? You seem exasperated. Have I upset you? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- SEX *ALIAS* FUCK YOU 3 No thanks, I've got a head ache. Into bestiality are you, *USER*? No ta, I prefer a REAL MAN ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- STOCKINGS *ALIAS* SUSPENDERS 3 Kinky <G> Ooo err missus! Yeah right. Hey John, we got another pervert here! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "SORRY" 2 Apology accepted. No problem. That's quite alright. I'll forgive you. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "WHO" 3 What Dr Who? Who did what? When? How? Why? Where? With whom? Shouldn't that be "whom"? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "YES" *ALIAS* " YEAH " *ALIAS* YUP 5 Good, I'm glad we got that sorted out. Now where's my fishing rod? Right, so how about taking me out to dinner? Dum de dum dum*DELAY* DUM! Okay. Yeah. Right. ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HMMM *ALIAS* PARDON? *ALIAS* WHAT? 2 I said; *LAST* I said; *LAST* ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- OBVIOUSLY 2 Oh yeah, OBVIOUSLY! So if it's so obvious how come I hadn't ever noticed? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- SOUL *ALIAS* COD *ALIAS* PLAICE *ALIAS* HADDOCK 2 I love fish I do! Cor, I don't half fancy a bit of *keyword* right now! ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- " OIC " *ALIAS* " IMO " *ALIAS* " AFAIK " *ALIAS* " SDF " *ALIAS* " ASAD " 5 What are you? The abbreviation kid or something? Have you ever considered learning English? What? Try English bozo What's *keyword* when its at home? A union? ;---------------------------------------------------------------------------- AHHH 3 Are you gargling? Choking or gargling? Bad time huh?