' 2. two disks: (one blank(for you), and another one, blank or w/ cool philes(for me)) 3.5" HD are preffered, but anything else would be dandy.
' 3. one dollar
' 4. anything else I have failed to mention (winning lottery tickets,etc.)
'b. to:
' PHLEGM GAMES
' P.O. Box 1575
' Hailey, ID 83333
'
'Crippled Games Suck- But hey, if you have any brains, you'll get a registered copy, then sell it to your friends for more. Of course, they won't be your friends after that, because people don't like people that sell them stupid text games for an unreasonable profit.
'!@#$%^&*())_+| PRESS f5 if you wish to play NOMAD |+_)(*&^%$#@!~ `MORE'|
' or press that Reset button if you wish not to. \|/
' The Best Game Ever Devised Please feel free to distribute this game. It would also be OK with me if you add on parts to it, using your own programming powers. But if you do make this game cool, send me a copy. That way I'll have a viable product, with which to make mass amounts of money. You'll probably sue me for using your game, you know, like after I'm a millionare and all, but that's okay!!
' iN tHE eNTIRE uNIVERSE >..that is all carry on...f5f5f5f5f5
'NO, WAIT, THERE'S MORE====|/
DECLARE SUB MAIN ()
CALL MAIN
' This here game has many neat little things
' Just try different things
' The object is to get the high score
' All you really need to do that
' Is get into the program
' And change some things
' Around
' i rEALIZE tHAT vERY fEW oF yOU wILL ACTUALLY gO THROUGH tHE tEDIOUS pROCESS oF rEGISTERING tHIS gAME, sO i aSK yOU TO fINISH iT AND SEND ME A COPY OF our nomad... thank you and have FuN
' =========
' \ 0 0 /
' \ /
' i'M a lOSER bABY, sO wHY dON'T yOU kILL mE???
SUB MAIN
CLS
LUD$ = "O3GF#GF#G"
LUD2$ = "DFE-C2"
LUD3$ = "FEFEFDFE-C2"
char$ = "o4 C8 D8 E8 G E8 G"
horn$ = "O2 D4 D4"
TUBA$ = "o3 c3 o2 c3 o1 c2"
COLOR 1
PRINT
PRINT " NOMAD"
PRINT " 'THE BEST GAME EVER DEVISED IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE'"
IF a$ = "B" THEN PRINT "wrong answer. (hint: press A)"
PRINT "simply press A or B (CAPS), please try again."
GOTO 3
10 intmus$ = "c4 c4 e4 e4 d4 d4 "
15 CLS
20 PRINT "Congratulations, you safely begin the game... "
m = 2
s = 0
U = 0
30
32 PRINT
C = 0
35 PRINT "You are suddenly walking down a dark alley."
37 PRINT "From out of nowhere, a cat jumps out of the darkness, onto you."
40 PRINT "Do you:"
42 PRINT "A. Run out of the alley to the bright street ahead."
43 PRINT "B. Catch the cat."
44 PRINT "C. Stab it with your knife."
45 PRINT "D. Let it jump on you."
G = 1
46 INPUT b$
47 IF b$ = "A" THEN s = s + 5: GOTO 55
48 IF b$ = "B" THEN PRINT "Like Jerry Rice you recieve the feline in your grasp.": GOTO 53
49 IF b$ = "C" THEN PRINT "Unfortunately you don't have a knife.": GOTO 53
50 IF b$ = "D" THEN PRINT "Yeah, let's just stand there, like an idiot": GOTO 54.5
51 PRINT "Please supply either A,B,C, or D": GOTO 46
53 PRINT "The cat noisely scratches up your fingers, then your hand, your arm, torso, etc."
54 PRINT "In other words, it has 9 lives, you have zero. (Hint: don't try '"; b$; "' next time.)": GOTO 200
54.5 PRINT "The killer kat lands on your head, it's claws pierce your skull and paralyze"
PRINT "your brain. The world turns into nothingness and, just as pointlessly as you"
PRINT "were born, you die. (Here's a hint, don't answer 'D' next time!)": GOTO 200
55 PRINT "You run to the well lit street."
56 PRINT
58 PRINT "The alley was probably safer than this. You are somewhere in the city of Nomad."
59 PRINT : PRINT "Tall buildings rise all around you. The sidewalk you are standing on continues"
PRINT "north and south. To your east is a street with vehicles speeding by."
59.5 PRINT "Hookers, drug dealers, and trash litter the sidewalk."
60 PRINT "Do you:"
62 PRINT "A. Ask a hooker for sex."
63 PRINT "B. Ask a drug dealer for drugs."
64 PRINT "C. Walk north on the sidewalk."
65 PRINT "D. Walk south on the sidewalk."
66 INPUT C$
67 IF C$ = "A" THEN CLS : PRINT "After selecting a good looking prostitute you ask her for her services.": GOTO 500
68 IF C$ = "B" THEN CLS : PRINT "You decide to ask the nice gentleman, with the trench coat what he has.": GOTO 600
69 IF C$ = "C" THEN PRINT "You casually walk northernly on the sidewalk.": GOTO 75
70 IF C$ = "D" THEN PRINT "You stroll south": GOTO 95
71 PRINT "It's real simple, B,C,A, or D": GOTO 66
75 PRINT : PRINT "The street is clean here. On your west is a restaurant with a help wanted"
76 PRINT "sign hanging in the window. The sidewalk spans north and south."
77 PRINT "Do You:"
78 PRINT "A. Walk west, try for the job"
79 PRINT "B. Walk north"
80 PRINT "C. Walk south"
81 PRINT "D. Walk east"
83 INPUT f$
84 IF f$ = "A" THEN PRINT "You wander into the Chinese takeout.": GOTO 400
85 IF f$ = "B" THEN PRINT "You stride north.": GOTO 700
86 IF f$ = "C" THEN PRINT "'Southward ho!'": GOTO 59
87 IF f$ = "D" THEN PLAY horn$: PRINT "You walk into the street and are pancaked by an oncoming semi.": GOTO 200
88 PRINT "YO! ENTER D,C,B, OR A!": GOTO 83
95 PRINT : PRINT "What a nice place. Drunks, druggies, schizophrenics, and Madonna lay passed"
96 PRINT "out on the sidewalk. The smell of urine burns your nose. This is a dead end."
97 PRINT "But there is a subway entrance. And a ladder leading up one of the buildings."
98 PRINT "You may:"
99 PRINT "A. Walk north"
100 PRINT "B. Go into the depths of the subway"
101 PRINT "C. Climb up that ladder"
102 PRINT "D. Walk east into the traffic"
103 INPUT G$
104 IF G$ = "A" THEN GOTO 59
IF G$ = "B" THEN GOTO 300
105 IF G$ = "C" THEN PRINT "You climb about 20 feet up the ladder, when you slip on a banana peel and fall to your death.": GOTO 200
106 IF G$ = "D" THEN PLAY horn$: PRINT "You wander into the traffic and are killed by a speeding Yugo.": GOTO 200
GOTO 103
200 IF s > HS THEN HS = s: PRINT : PLAY LUD2$: COLOR 12: PRINT "New Hi Score": GOTO 200.5
GOTO 201
200.5
OPEN "NOMAD.DAT" FOR OUTPUT AS #1
INPUT "ENTER YOUR NAME!: ", NAME$
WRITE #1, NAME$, HS, GRAF$
CLOSE #1
'Print the file to the screen.
OPEN "NOMAD.DAT" FOR INPUT AS #1
DO WHILE NOT EOF(1)
INPUT #1, NAME$, HS 'Read entries from file.
'Print the entries on the screen.
LOOP
CLOSE
201 PLAY TUBA$: PRINT : PRINT "Final score:"; s; "pts. Do you:"
201.5 COLOR 7: PRINT "A. Start over"
202 PRINT "B. End, give up, become a quitter, etc."
203 INPUT end$
204 IF end$ = "A" THEN GOTO 10
205 IF end$ = "B" THEN END
206 PRINT "Hint: A or B": GOTO 203
300 PRINT : PRINT "The subway is dark and smelly. Further travel towards a train is stopped by a"
302 PRINT "toll bar. There is a person watching over you, in the toll booth."
304 PRINT "Do you:"
PRINT "A. Insert a token and proceed"
PRINT "B. Hurdle the toll bar"
PRINT "C. Attempt to murder the overlooker and proceed"
PRINT "D. Go back up to the sidewalk"
306 INPUT h$
IF h$ = "A" AND C = 1 THEN PRINT "You insert the token and proceed on.": C = 0: s = s + 5: GOTO 315
IF h$ = "A" THEN PRINT "You don't have a token.": GOTO 306
IF h$ = "B" THEN PLAY char$: PRINT "You expertly jump the bar, but unfortunately the toll operater sees it. She setsher pitbull loose, and you are soon it's supper.": GOTO 200
IF h$ = "C" THEN PRINT "You lunge at the toll operater in attempt to strangle her. But she lets loose her oversized canine and it rips you to shreds.": GOTO 200
IF h$ = "D" THEN PRINT "You exit the subway entrance.": GOTO 95
PRINT "Enter A, B, C, or D": GOTO 306
315 PRINT "As you walk into the subway you can hear the hum of the trains."
316 PRINT "There is a sign hanging down. It states that left is for the Zax train, right is for Plezence."
PRINT "It's possible to:"
PRINT "A. Go forward onto the train tracks."
PRINT "B. Go back to the subway entrance."
PRINT "C. Go left "
PRINT "D. Go right"
320 INPUT i$
IF i$ = "A" THEN PRINT "As you step on the tracks, 851 east-bound smacks into you.": GOTO 200
IF i$ = "B" THEN PRINT "You go to the subway entrance.": GOTO 300
IF i$ = "C" THEN PRINT "You go left, and before you know it, your heading towards Zax.":
IF i$ = "D" THEN PRINT "You go right, and are soon cruising towards Plezence.": GOTO 2000
GOTO 320
400 PRINT : PRINT "You grab the sign, and ask the man at the register for a job."
405 IF C = 1 THEN PRINT "The man says, 'GET LOST!' And hurls you onto the sidewalk.": GOTO 75
410 PRINT " 'Ooka chika si si frook kan fey,' says the Chinese man, enthusiastically."
420 PRINT " 'Oo ee oo ah ah walla walla bing bang,' you reply."
425 PRINT " 'Close enough, dude,' says the Chinese man, 'you got the job.'"
430 PRINT "The man hands you a funny looking apron and tells you to go wash the dishes."
435 PRINT "You begin scrubbing plates, when you feel a cornered coin in the murky water."
PRINT "After further observation you discover it's a subway token.": C = 1: s = s + 10
PRINT "At that moment, the boss walks in, and sees you not working."
PRINT " 'Oooh kaka heeka ooka zeeka!' He exclaims, as he throws you out the door.": GOTO 75
500 PRINT : PRINT "The hooker takes you to a small motel room, where she quickly undresses."
501 PRINT "Her beautiful body easily excites you. She rubs her hands across your chest and"
PRINT "starts kissing you."
PRINT "Do you:"
PRINT "A. Get it on"
PRINT "B. Engage in meaningful conversation"
PRINT "C. Bail out"
PRINT "D. Ask for something oral"
510 INPUT D$
IF D$ = "A" THEN PRINT "You jump on her and quickly empty your load.": GOTO 525
IF D$ = "B" THEN PRINT "You quickly discuss the effects of communism on western civilization.": GOTO 525
IF D$ = "C" THEN PRINT "You decide to run away from the babe. Leaving her 'all undressed with nowhere to go.'": GOTO 59
IF D$ = "D" THEN PRINT "She opens up and bites, as you're life quickly flashes in front of you.": GOTO 200
PRINT "ENTER A,B,C, OR D!"
525 PRINT : PRINT "'Okay that'll be 50 bucks,' the hooker says."
PRINT "Unfortunately, you only have "; m; " dollars."
PRINT "So the hooker blows off your head with a sawed off shot gun.": GOTO 200
600 PRINT : PRINT "The man in the corner, opens up his trench coat exposing various pills, and"
PRINT "powders."
PRINT "'First ya' gotta' give me ten bucks."
IF m > 9 THEN m = m - 10: PRINT "You hand the dealer your hard earned dough.": GOTO 605
IF m < 10 THEN PRINT "You tell the dealer you only have "; m; " dollars, and he let's you go.": GOTO 59
605 PRINT "'Now then, whatcha want?' Asks the dealer, hardly moving his lips."
PRINT "A. A purple pill"
PRINT "B. An orange pill"
PRINT "C. Some gray powder"
PRINT "D. Just say no"
606 INPUT a$
610 IF a$ = "A" THEN C$ = "purple pill": GOTO 1000
615 IF a$ = "B" THEN C$ = "orange pill": GOTO 1000
620 IF a$ = "C" THEN C$ = "gray powder": GOTO 1000
625 IF a$ = "D" THEN PRINT "You 'just say no,' and the dealer fully returns your 8 dollars.": m = m + 8: GOTO 59.5
PRINT "By now, you should know that only A,B,C or D will work.": GOTO 606
700 PRINT "There is a movie theater here. The entrance advertises that the show, 'Attack of"
PRINT "the Mammoth Gerbils' is $4.00. A man is selling tickets at the door."
PRINT "The sidewalk stops going north here, but an unmarked door enters a building in"
PRINT "that direction."
705 PRINT "It's possible to:"
PRINT "A. Go to the movies"
PRINT "B. Enter the unmarked door"
PRINT "C. Go south"
PRINT "D. Attempt to run across the busy street"
707 INPUT a$
IF a$ = "A" AND m > 3 THEN PRINT "You give the ticket man four dollars and enter the theater.": m = m - 4: PRINT "uNFORTUNATELY, tHERE IS NO REAL MOVIE THEATER, 'CUZ THIS IS THE UNREGESTERED": PRINT "VERSION OF THIS ULTRAHIP GAME!!! BUT, TO BAD, THE DUDE STILL TOOK YOUR FOUR BUCKS!!!"
IF a$ = "A" THEN PRINT "You can't get in with "; m; " dollars.": GOTO 707
IF a$ = "B" AND U = 1 THEN PRINT "The door won't open.": GOTO 707
IF a$ = "B" THEN PRINT "You enter the unmarked door.": GOTO 725
IF a$ = "C" THEN PRINT "You walk south, backwards, on your hands.": GOTO 75
IF a$ = "D" THEN PRINT "You attempt to cross the street and, guess what, you get creamed by a limo.": GOTO 200
PRINT "A,B,C or D, you #$!@er": GOTO 707
725 COLOR 11: PRINT : PRINT "After you enter in the unmarked door, it slams shut as if by the wind. You try"
PRINT "to reopen it, but it's fastened by four large locks. You're trapped in"
PRINT "small, padded white room. Suddenly, a voice booms out of nowhere."
U = 1
PRINT
PLAY "O1 CDCDA"
COLOR 10
PRINT " 'HELLO, AND WELCOME TO MY FUNHOUSE, HA HA HA!' The room begins flashing"
PRINT "psychedellic colors."
PRINT " 'IF YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE ALIVE, YOU'D BETTER BE PRETTY DAMN SMART."
PRINT "IF YOU GET ONE QUESTION WRONG... I'LL FEED YOU TO FREGG!'"
PRINT "Heavy metal music blares through the room."
PRINT "'QUESTION NUMBER ONE,"
PRINT "WHAT IS THE CAPITOL OF IOWA?'"
PRINT "'PLEASE ANSWER IN CAPS,'the voice adds, as an afterthought."
INPUT Z$
IF Z$ = "DES MOINES" THEN PRINT "The top lock clicks open.": s = s + 1: GOTO 727
PRINT "'WRONGO, ACE!'": GOTO 745
727 PRINT : PRINT "'THAT WAS AN EASY ONE. HERE'S SOMETHING A LITTLE CHALLENGING,"
PRINT "HOW MANY POUNDS ARE IN 1.5 TONS?'"
INPUT Z$
IF Z$ = "3000" THEN PRINT "Another lock slides open, and the voice grunts.": s = s + 5: GOTO 728
PRINT "'AS IF "; Z$; " IS EVEN CLOSE! HA HA HA'": GOTO 745
728 PRINT : PRINT "'OKAY, MISTER SMARTY PANTS,'the voice booms, 'HERE'S ONE EVEN FREGG COULDN'T GET "
PRINT "WHAT IS 'THE BIG SKY' STATE?'"
INPUT Z$
IF Z$ = "MONTANA" THEN PRINT : PRINT "'CRAP!'Shouts the voice. Another lock falls open. Only one lock remains locked.": s = s + 10: GOTO 730
PLAY "o1 c4": PRINT "'WRONG!'": GOTO 745
730 BEEP: BEEP: BEEP: PRINT "'AND FOR THE FINAL QUESTION, THE QUESTION THAT DECIDES YOUR FATE OR FREEDOM."
PRINT "WHAT PLANET HAS THE MOONS ARIEL, MIRANDA AND OBERON?'"
INPUT Z$
IF Z$ = "URANUS" THEN PLAY char$: COLOR 4: PRINT : PRINT "'FREEDOM GRANTED.' The final lock opens. You quickly leave": PRINT "the building and the unmarked door closes behind you.": s = s + 10: COLOR 7: PRINT : GOTO 700
PLAY "c4 o1 c4": PRINT : PRINT "'SORRY'": GOTO 745
745 PRINT : PRINT : COLOR 5: PRINT "A trap door falls open beneath you. You fall down four stories, and land on cold"
PRINT "cement, causing both of your legs to break. You look up in agony, to see an 8"
PRINT "foot tall baby, crawling towards you."
PRINT " 'Me Fregg,' groans the infant, smiling. He grabs you by your collar,"
PRINT "and throws you into the air. On your descent, he forgets to catch you, resulting"
PRINT "in an unpleasant mess, as you splatter on the cement. Barely alive, you shout"
PRINT "for help."
PRINT " 'SHUT UP!' Screams the baby, as he jumps on you. He jumps up and down,"
PRINT "crushing every rib in your body. Finally you drown in your own blood.": COLOR 7: GOTO 200
1000 'PROGRAM ssaver
SCREEN 1
COLOR 1, 0
PLAY "MF"
1110 ' LOOP
GOSUB 1400 'RANDOM NUMBERS
GOSUB 1600 'OUTPUT
IF INKEY$ <> "" THEN SCREEN 0: WIDTH 80: PRINT "You swallow the "; C$; " and suddenly begin going crazy.": PRINT "You scream, jump, laugh, and finally your heart explodes, showering the city": PRINT "with blood. Remember kids: JUST SAY NO": GOTO 200
GOTO 1110
' END LOOP
SCREEN 0
END
1400 ' SUB RANDOM NUMBERS
1410 LET X1 = INT(320 * RND)
1420 LET Y1 = INT(200 * RND)
LET X2 = INT(320 * RND)
LET Y2 = INT(200 * RND)
LET C = INT(4 * RND)
LET BACK = INT(16 * RND)
LET FREQ = 50 + INT(1000 * RND)
RETURN
'
1600 'SUB OUTPUT
COLOR BACK
LINE (X1, Y1)-(X2, Y2), C, BF
SOUND FREQ, 1
RETURN
'
1810 ' LOOP
LET KY$ = INKEY$
IF KY$ = "" THEN 1810
' END LOOP
RETURN
2000 trmus$ = "c4d4e4d4c4d4e4d4e4d4e4c4e4c4"
PRINT "The subway train is empty, except for a homeless man, wearing a paper bag, and"
PRINT "guzzling on a bottle. The train is smelly, and thouroghly decorated with gang"
PRINT "grafitti, such as 'The Bukas' and 'The Plezence Peasents.'"
PLAY trmus$
PRINT "The public transportation rumbles swiftly, and finally stops at the Plezence"
PRINT "subway station."
2020 PRINT : PRINT "The plezence station is empty, except for the newspaper stand, and the man"
PRINT "selling rolex watches for a mere eight dollars."
PRINT "You can:"
PRINT "A. Buy something at the magazine stand."
PRINT "B. Board the train to Nomad"
PRINT "C. Board the train to Zax"
PRINT "D. Exit the subway station"
PRINT "E. Travel deeper into the subway, on foot"
IF m >= 8 THEN PRINT "F. Purchase an imitation Rolex"
IF Z$ = "A" THEN PRINT "You walk up to the magazine stand.": GOTO 2030
IF Z$ = "B" THEN PRINT "You step onto the train.": PLAY trmus$: PRINT "After a small time you arrive in Nomad.": GOTO 316
IF Z$ = "C" THEN PRINT "You step onto the train.": PLAY trmus$: PRINT "After a small time you arrive in Nomad.": GOTO 316
IF Z$ = "D" THEN PRINT "You climb up into the plezent city of Plezence.": GOTO 5000
IF Z$ = "E" THEN PRINT "You walk into deep into the subway station.:goto 2100"
IF m >= 8 AND Z$ = "F" THEN PRINT "You hand the man eight bucks, and he hands you a shiny watch.": m = m - 8: w = 1: GOTO 2021
GOTO 2021
2030 PRINT : PRINT "There is quite a selection of magazines here."
2032 PRINT " 'Whatcha want?' Inquires the gruff salesman."
PRINT "A. Purchase 'Plezence Weekly'"
PRINT "B. Buy the 'National Inquisitor'"
PRINT "C. Endulge in 'French Chicks'"
PRINT "D. Not buy anything"
2034 INPUT Z$
IF Z$ = "D" THEN GOTO 2020
IF m < 2 THEN PRINT "You can't buy that with"; m; "dollars!": GOTO 2020
IF Z$ = "A" THEN m = m - 2: s = s + 5: GOTO 2500
IF Z$ = "B" THEN m = m - 2: GOTO 2040
IF Z$ = "C" THEN m = m - 2: s = s + .5: GOTO 2045
GOTO 2034
2040 PRINT "***National Inquisitor*** Table of contents:"
PRINT "A. Cover story about Michael Jackson's oxygen chamber for his pet chimp's white": PRINT "elephant man skeleton"
PRINT "B. What the toilet industries don't want you to know"
PRINT "C. Top ten ways to live a longer life"
PRINT "D. Close the tabloid"
INPUT Z$
IF Z$ = "A" THEN GOTO 2042
IF Z$ = "B" THEN GOTO 2044
IF Z$ = "C" THEN GOTO 2046
IF Z$ = "D" THEN GOTO 2020
GOTO 2040
2042 PRINT "The Cover Story by Phil Auv Shwyt"
PRINT " Michael Jackson, the self proclaimed 'King of Pop,' recently purchased"
PRINT "a new oxygen chamber. The 5 million dollar chamber was for his pet chimp's"
PRINT "white elephant man skeleton. According to a reliable source, Michael pet "
PRINT "chimanzee (which cost 23 million) told Jackson that the skeleton (12 million) was"
PRINT "quote, 'becoming dry.' Jackson immediatly handed the primate a 5 million dollar"
PRINT "bill and told him to go to the Quiky-Mart and buy an oxygen chamber."
PRINT
GOTO 2040
2044 PRINT "Investigative Trash by Nat Trew et. al."
PRINT " Has it ever seemed strange to you that all the toilet manufactorers of"
PRINT "America never let people take tours of their plants? Well, this has always"
PRINT "struck me as weird, so I decided to take a little tour of my own. First, I"
PRINT "made myself a toilet makers costume, then I went to the toilet plant."
PRINT "What I found was truly amazing! Tiny little trolls make the seats, yeah, and"
PRINT "and little martians make the bowl, yeah, and they put little cameras in the"
PRINT "toilets, yeah, that's the ticket. And they put special sensors in the handles"
PRINT "and the sensors, they read your mind, yeah, and they send the mind readings to"
PRINT "their spaceship. And all the toilets, ... they have little bombs built in them,"
PRINT "and, and the aliens can blow us up whenever they want... and..."
PRINT
GOTO 2040
2045 PRINT "You open up the magazine to feast your eyes on very shapely nude women."
PRINT "Translated into Ascii they look like this:"
PRINT " "
PRINT " -0 0-"
PRINT " x"
PRINT " / \"
GOTO 2020
2046 PRINT "Top Ten Ways to a Longer Life by Gytov Yerass"
PRINT "10. Eat food that tastes like crap"
PRINT "9. Exercise 3 times a week"
PRINT "8. Buy pills out of our magazine"
PRINT "7. Read Natinal Inquisitor at least once a month"
PRINT "6. Eat food advertised in our magazines"
PRINT "5. Smoke low tar cigarettes, advertised in our magazine"
PRINT "4. Read Natinal Inquisitor twice a month"
PRINT "3. Get frozen for a hundred years"
PRINT "2. Sit on your ass and not ever do anything"
PRINT "1. Buy National Inquisitor"
PRINT " ('That Really Sucked!')"
GOTO 2040
2500 PRINT " *Plezence Weekly* Index:"
PRINT "A. Cover story about new shopping center"
2505 PRINT "B. Editorial about crime in Plezence"
2510 PRINT "C. Movie review: Attack of the Mammoth Gerbils"
2515 PRINT "D. Close the magazine, and not read a thing"
2520 INPUT x$
2525 IF x$ = "A" THEN GOTO 2550
2530 IF x$ = "B" THEN GOTO 2560
2540 IF x$ = "C" THEN GOTO 2570
2545 IF x$ = "D" THEN GOTO 2020
GOTO 2520
2550 PRINT " The Big Store"
PRINT " by Seymour Hair"
PRINT " The newest addition to Plezence's fine shopping experiance has finally been"
PRINT "opened. The Big Store, a hundred acre shopping mall cut it's ribbons Friday."
PRINT "Shoppers can enjoy 49 restaurants, 12 shoe stores, 3 arcades, and an indoor"
PRINT "wave pool..... (the story continues for about 3 pages until something catches"
PRINT "your attention)..... The first 99 people to bring in a portrait of themselves"
PRINT "to Bambee's hair salon will get a free mohawk.... (the rest of the article is"
PRINT "unimportant trash).....": GOTO 2500
2560 PRINT "Editorial:"
PRINT " As chief of the Plezence Intercity Gang Squadron, I am the foremost gang"
PRINT "crime authority. I believe it is my job to inform you, the citizens of Plezence"
PRINT "that gang activity and crimes are on the rise. The recent burning down of an"
PRINT "area McDonalds is an example of the things that are happening here. I hope that"
PRINT "the good people of Plezence will exhibit caution, and common sense when"
PRINT "travelling into northern Plezence."
PRINT " (Blah Blah Blah)"
PRINT " Thank you, Buck Scabe, P.I.G.S."
GOTO 2500
2570 PRINT " Movie Reviews by Sis Kell & E. Bert"
PRINT "Attack of the Mammoth Gerbils is a true masterpiece in contemperary film."
PRINT "From the very beginning, this movie is action packed and exciting to the eye."
PRINT "My personal favorite part is when the albino gerbil attacks that group of"
PRINT "pre-schoolers. I've always wondered if the human skull could withstand the"
PRINT "impact of a overgrown gerbil jaw, and now I know!"
PRINT "I give it 2 thumbs, and 1 toe up. -Sis Kell"
PRINT
PRINT "I totally disagree Sis, this film was distasteful, and downright degrading to"
PRINT "the American film industry. The cinematography stank, the special effects sucked"
PRINT "and they used ketchup for blood. The only professional in this film was"
PRINT "Dick Van Patton, and he was the assistant key grip! This film has as much"
PRINT "substance as the eskimos have coconut trees."
PRINT "2 thumbs down, way down. -E. Bert"
GOTO 2500
5000 PRINT "Oh, the sights of the city."
5010 PRINT : PRINT "You are standing outside of the subway entrance, located in a small park."
PRINT "The air is cool as you gaze at your surroundings. The park is mainly cement,"
PRINT "one big terraced slab of concrete, with trees surrounding. You can see a group"
PRINT "of hippies playing hackie sack, and a few people skating around on blades."
PRINT "a fountain sprays water in the center of the park."
PRINT "Some big, tough looking guys play basketball to your west."
PRINT
5015 PRINT "You can:"
PRINT "A. Go north"
PRINT "B. Go south"
PRINT "C. Go east"
PRINT "D. Go west, try to join in the basketball game"
PRINT "E. Go into the subway"
m = 10
INPUT "Where to, sir"; x$
IF x$ = "A" THEN PRINT "You walk northenly...": GOTO 5100
IF x$ = "B" THEN PRINT "You walk southernly...": GOTO 5300
IF x$ = "C" THEN PRINT "You walk easternly...": GOTO 5500
IF x$ = "D" THEN PRINT "You strut to the hoops...": GOTO 5700
IF x$ = "E" THEN GOTO 2020
GOTO 5015
5100 PRINT "At the north end of the park, the smell of frankfurters soothes the air."
PRINT "A man sells weiners, at a cart on wheels, advertising '2 Dogs for a Dollar.'"
PRINT "Some people stand around a man moving shells on a table, money is in the man's"
PRINT "hands. The park turns into a sidewalk north and the center of the park is to"
PRINT "south."
PRINT "Options include, and are limited to:"
PRINT "A. Go north"
PRINT "B. Go south"
PRINT "C. Get some dogs for a dollar"
PRINT "D. See what's goin' on with the shells"
5105 INPUT "Huh"; x$
IF x$ = "A" THEN PRINT "North it is...": GOTO 5150
IF x$ = "B" THEN PRINT "You go south": GOTO 5010
IF x$ = "C" THEN PRINT "You look in your pocket to see if you have a buck and...": GOTO 5250
IF x$ = "D" THEN PRINT "You shuffle to the shell game...": GOTO 5125
GOTO 5105
5125 PRINT "A man is moving shells 3 shells around on a table. One of the shells has the"
PRINT "penny under it. You can bet him money that you will pick the shell with the"
PRINT "penny, and if your guess is right, he'll double your money."
5126 PRINT "You may:"
PRINT "A. Play the game"
PRINT "B. Go north"
PRINT "C. Go south"
PRINT "D. Go get a hot dog"
INPUT y$
IF y$ = "A" THEN GOTO 5130
IF y$ = "B" THEN PRINT "North you go...": GOTO 5150
IF y$ = "C" THEN PRINT "South it is, then...": GOTO 5200
IF y$ = "D" THEN PRINT "You decide to spend your money elsewhere...": GOTO 5250
GOTO 5126
5130 PRINT
PRINT "You look in your wallet to discover "; m; " dollars."
IF m = 0 THEN PRINT "You can't play the shell game without any money!": GOTO 5126
PRINT "You can bet 1 to "; m; " dollars."
PRINT " 'How much you bettin'?' Asks the dealer, a look of uneasiness on his face."
5131 INPUT "Enter your wager "; b
IF b > m THEN PRINT "You can't bet more than you have!": GOTO 5131
IF b < m THEN PRINT "You can't bet less money than you have!": GOTO 5131
PRINT "You place the money on the table and the game begins..."
PRINT "He places the penny under the third shell and quickly begins shuffling them"
PRINT "around. You see it go in the middle, the left, the middle, the right, the..."
RANDOMIZE TIMER
x% = INT(RND * 3) + 1
PRINT "uh, oh no, you've lost it, but as he stops it looks like the one with the penny"
PRINT "on the left. Of course, you're not positive, maybe it's in the middle, or on the"
PRINT "right. Oh well, you might as well guess."
PRINT "A. Left shell"
PRINT "B. Right shell"
PRINT "C. Middle shell"
5132 INPUT "Which shell "; y$
IF y$ <> "A" AND y$ <> "B" AND y$ <> "C" THEN GOTO 5132
IF G = 1 THEN m = m + b: G = 2: PRINT "Good job! You now have "; m; " dollars!": GOTO 5126
IF y$ = "A" AND x% = 1 THEN GOTO 5133
IF y$ = "B" AND x% = 2 THEN GOTO 5133
IF y$ = "C" AND x% = 3 THEN GOTO 5133
m = m - b
PRINT "Sorry, now you only have "; m; " dollars.": GOTO 5126
5133 m = m + b: s = s + 2: PRINT "Good job! You now have "; m; " dollars!": GOTO 5126
5150 PRINT
PRINT "REGISTERED VERSION ONLY!"
GOTO 5100
5200
5250 PRINT " A large man wearing a small costume looks down on you."
PRINT " 'You want some hot dogs or not?' He says in a wheezy voice. "
PRINT
PRINT "A. Yes!"
PRINT "B. No, thank you."
PRINT "C. Put your hands up and give me all your money"
INPUT y$
IF y$ = "A" AND m < 1 THEN PRINT : PRINT "You don't have that kind of money.": GOTO 5250
IF y$ = "A" AND m >= 1 THEN m = m - 1: PRINT "You hurridly stuff the weiners down your throat": PRINT "You feel rejuvinated!": s = s + 1: GOTO 5125
IF y$ = "B" THEN PRINT " FINE!!!": GOTO 5125
IF y$ = "C" THEN GOTO 5251
5251 PRINT
IF dog = 2 THEN GOTO 5252
PRINT : PRINT " 'Here you go sir.' The man kindly hands you four dollars.": m = m + 5: s = s + 1: dog = 2: GOTO 5125
5252 PRINT : PRINT " BOOM BOOM BOOM, you're dead. The hot dog salesman just blew you away with": PRINT "his elephant gun. ": GOTO 200
5300 PRINT "You are looking at the southern end of the park. Huge trees loom overhead."
PRINT "The path goes north, to the fountain, and south to the bustling city."
PRINT "You can:"
PRINT "A. Go north"
PRINT "B. Go south"
PRINT "C. Take a leak on one of the trees"
INPUT y$
IF y$ = "A" THEN GOTO 5010
IF y$ = "B" THEN GOTO 10000
IF y$ = "C" THEN PRINT "From out of nowhere, a pig appears, handcuffs you, then escorts you to his car.": GOTO 5305
5305 PRINT "The fuzz pushes your head against the driver side window, then starts to yell."
PRINT " 'Hey punk, whatcha doin' takin a piss in my park, ever heard of toilet?!?"
PRINT "I don't like poor perverts pissin' in my park! Of course if you have some"
PRINT "money, I might just let you go.'"
PRINT "Do you:"
PRINT "A. Offer the man some money"
PRINT "B. Tell him that your are morally opposed to bribes"
PRINT "C. Try to run away"
5306 INPUT y$
IF y$ = "A" THEN GOTO 5316
IF y$ = "B" THEN PRINT "The kind policeman does a quick anal drug check, then sends you to jail.": GOTO 5310
IF y$ = "C" THEN PRINT "You kick the cop in the crotch, bite his foot, then attempt to run away.": PRINT "Unfortunately for you, this action pisses the policeman off and he shoots you": PRINT "twelve times in the back of the head.": GOTO 200
GOTO 5306
5310 PRINT : PRINT "At the city jail, you are put away in a cell and bail is set at $50."
IF m >= 50 THEN PRINT "You gladly give them $50 and they release take you to the closest mall."
IF m < 50 THEN PRINT "Too bad, you don't have $50, you end up enjoying your time in jail and return": PRINT "there many more times during your life. You become a criminal, and find yourself": PRINT "leading an empty life of crime. Finally you are shot during a robbery.": GOTO 200
5316 PRINT
PRINT "'So, how much money are we talking about anyways?"
INPUT bribe
IF bribe > m THEN PRINT "You can't bribe imaginary money, you only have $"; m: GOTO 5316
IF bribe > 25 AND bribe > .5 * m THEN PRINT "'Okay, punk. Get outta' here!'": GOTO 5300
PRINT " Okay, you little bastard, you're goin' downtown.": GOTO 5310
5500
5700
10000 PRINT " You are standing before a huge glass building. A thirty foot neon sign"
PRINT "reads: PLESENCE BANK"
PRINT "You conclude that the building must be a bank of some sort."
PRINT " A bike path travels east and west, and a park lies to the north."
PRINT
PRINT "Would you be inclined to:"
PRINT "A. Enter the bank"
PRINT "B. Go north to the park"
PRINT "C. East"
PRINT "D. West"
10001 INPUT b$
IF b$ = "A" THEN GOTO 10500
IF b$ = "B" THEN GOTO 5300
IF b$ = "C" OR b$ = "D" THEN GOTO 10250
GOTO 10001
10250
10500 PRINT "You thought it was a bank, but it's really a maze of mirrors. You can't"
PRINT "tell north from south, east from west, up from down!!! Further more, you can't"
PRINT "go backwards!!!"
10502 PRINT
PRINT "What shall you do?"
PRINT "A. Scream for help "
PRINT "B. Go forward"
PRINT "C. Go Left"
PRINT "D. Go right"
10501 INPUT b$
IF b$ = "A" THEN GOTO 10510
IF b$ = "B" THEN PRINT "Ouch! That hurt!"
IF b$ = "C" THEN PRINT "Thud! Ouch! That hurt!"
IF b$ = "D" THEN PRINT "Smack! Thud! Ouch! That hurt!"
GOTO 10501
10510 PLAY "CA"
PRINT "You feel a brief sensation of heaviness."
10513 PRINT
PRINT "What shall you do?"
PRINT "A. Scream for help "
PRINT "B. Go forward"
PRINT "C. Go Left"
PRINT "D. Go right"
INPUT b$
IF b$ = "A" THEN PRINT "You feel a brief sensation of lightness.": PLAY "ca": GOTO 10502
IF b$ = "B" THEN PRINT "You successfully step forward!": GOTO 10520
IF b$ = "C" OR b$ = "D" THEN PRINT "You hit glass.": GOTO 10513
GOTO 10513
10520 PRINT
PRINT "What shall you do?"
PRINT "A. Scream for help "
PRINT "B. Go forward"
PRINT "C. Go Left"
PRINT "D. Go right"
INPUT b$
IF b$ = "A" THEN PLAY "CA": PRINT "An anvil drops out of nowhere and smashes you.": GOTO 200
IF b$ = "B" THEN PRINT "You step forward.": GOTO 10530
IF b$ = "C" OR b$ = "D" THEN PRINT " You make no progress": GOTO 10520
GOTO 10520
10530 PRINT
PRINT "What shall you do?"
PRINT "A. Scream for help "
PRINT "B. Go forward"
PRINT "C. Go Left"
PRINT "D. Go right"
INPUT b$
IF b$ = "A" THEN PLAY "ca": PRINT "You feel a sensation of lightness.": GOTO 10600
IF b$ = "B" OR b$ = "C" THEN PRINT "You do not progress"
IF b$ = "D" THEN PRINT "You fall into a pool of battery acid.": GOTO 200
GOTO 10530
10600 PRINT "You're standing in a phone booth. The phone booth is standing in a mall."
PRINT "The mall is standing in Plezence. "
PRINT "There is graffiti on the telephone booth."
10601 PRINT
PRINT "Do u:"
PRINT "A. Leave the booth"
PRINT "B. Read the graffiti"
PRINT "C. Use the phone"
PRINT "D. Scream"
INPUT b$
IF b$ = "A" THEN PRINT "You exit the phone booth.": GOTO 20000
IF b$ = "B" THEN GOTO 10605
IF b$ = "C" THEN GOTO 10610
IF b$ = "D" THEN PRINT "A vietnam vet claws you to death.": GOTO 200
GOTO 10601
10605 PRINT
PRINT " THE BUKAS KICK ASS!!!"
PRINT " FOR A GOOD TIME CALL JONNY jim was"
PRINT " 555-6699 here"
PRINT " SATIN LIVES"
PRINT " T RHONDA 555-3229"
PRINT " h"
PRINT " e Snoop Loggy Frog Was Here"
PRINT " NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK RULE!"
PRINT " F"
PRINT " o FOR A GOOD TIME CALL 555-2418"
PRINT " n"
OPEN "NOMAD.DAT" FOR INPUT AS #2
INPUT #2, REC$, REC2, GRAF$
HS = REC2
PRINT " z ", GRAF$
CLOSE #2
GOTO 10601
10610 PRINT "Enter the number you wish to call. (ie. 555-1234)"
INPUT b$
IF b$ = "555-1234" AND m >= .25 THEN GOTO 10612
IF b$ = "555-6699" AND jonny = 0 AND m >= .25 THEN GOTO 10622
IF b$ = "555-3229" AND m >= .25 AND coinage <> 1 THEN GOTO 10777
IF b$ = "666" THEN GOTO 10623
IF b$ = "1-800-ABC-DEFG" THEN GOTO 10700
PRINT
PRINT " 'I'm sorry the number you have dialed did not go through'"
GOTO 10610
10612 PRINT "'Hello you've reached the number of Nathan Green. I'm not home right now, so"
PRINT "please leave a message after the beep.'"
PLAY "C"
m = m - .25
10613 OPEN "NOMAD.DAT" FOR OUTPUT AS #2
INPUT "ENTER YOUR MESSAGE: ", GRAF$
WRITE #2, REC$, REC2, GRAF$
CLOSE #2
GOTO 10601
10622 m = m - .25
PRINT "A suave and sexy male voice answers the phone. 'Hello, don't you look sexy"
PRINT "this evening. This is Jonny, if you want to talk tonight, press in your credit"
PRINT "card number now. The charge is 2 dollars per minute. You must be 18 or older."
INPUT "Credit Card #: "; b$
IF b$ = "35007" THEN GOTO 10625
IF b$ = "666" THEN GOTO 10623
PRINT ""; Goodbye, darling.' click."
GOTO 10601
10623 PRINT
PRINT "'Hello, you've reached hell's answering service. If you'd like to "
PRINT "leave a message to Satan press 1"
PRINT "talk to an admissions officer press 2"
PRINT "talk to Satan press 3"
INPUT b$
IF b$ = "1" OR b$ = "ONE" THEN GOTO 10613
IF b$ = "2" OR b$ = "TWO" THEN GOTO 10624
IF b$ = "3" OR b$ = "THREE" THEN GOTO 10623.5
PRINT "'Please repeat your choice.'": GOTO 10623
10624
10623.5 PRINT
COLOR 4
PRINT " 'WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!?'"
PRINT
INPUT hell$
IF hell$ = "" THEN GOTO 10623.5
PRINT " 'YOU CAN'T GET "; hell$; "FROM ME! YOU STUPID LOSER!'"
PRINT
COLOR 7
s = s * -.1
PRINT "You spontaneously combust and find yourself in a giant plastic gerbil ball."
PRINT "You spend all eternity rolling around on an endless blue carpet."
GOTO 200
10625 PRINT
jonny = 1
s = s + 2
PRINT "'Oh, thank you baby. I love it when you talk dirty.' Waves and seagulls"
PRINT "sound in the background. 'My names Jonny, Jonny Sampson. What's yours?"
INPUT b$
IF b$ = "" THEN GOTO 10625
PRINT b$; "'s such a beautiful name. It sounds French. J'aime vous beaucoup."
PRINT "So, what do you like to do "; b$; "? I like indoor sports myself."
10626 INPUT b$
IF b$ = "" THEN GOTO 10626
PRINT " 'But don't you think that one should "; b$; " with ones pets?"
PRINT "You know what, I'm feeling really hot all of a sudden. I think I'll take off"
PRINT "my bikini shorts. What is that you're wearing?"
10627 INPUT b$
IF b$ = "" THEN GOTO 10627
PRINT " While you certainly look stunning. Nobody knows this, but sometimes I"
PRINT "like to pull down the shades and put on my cute pink "; b$; "."
PRINT "BzzBzzz Cshkrickplop. The line suddenly goes dead and you're disconnected."
GOTO 10601
10700 CLS
PRINT " 'Hello, hooked on phonics. How may I assist you?"
INPUT b$
IF b$ = "HELP ME! I'M HOOKED ON PHONICS!" THEN PRINT : GOTO 10720
IF b$ = "SUCK MY COCK" THEN PRINT "Don't talk to me like that!": s = s - 1
PRINT "Click..."
GOTO 10601
10720 PLAY "cbcd ddaca"
s = s + 1
GOTO 10601
10777 coinage = 1
PRINT " To your surprise, three dollars worth of quarters rolls out of the"
PRINT "payphone."
m = m + 3
GOTO 10601
20000 PRINT "To go into the mall, you'd best be gettin' the registered version of this"
