Amiga ISO Collection/AmigaDemoCD2.iso/ASCII/TEXTE/SEX/ADULTSHARE/T/TIPS.TXT

Text File | 1989-10-08 | 6.2 KB | 94 lines

Last night I was talking with some friends over the (some may call
it crude... I certainly felt it was at times) topic of "How do you
get a woman to sleep with you?"  Actually, since two of the three
guys I was talking to were gay (with some hetero experiences, too),
it had the combined experience of several viewpoints.
I approached the conversation with the question: "Why do I seem
to find it hard to find a woman who will be sexually interested
in me (relationship in the future or not)?"  I have had sex with about
14 or 15 women in my 25 years; why, I asked, had my friend of 20
years been with about 45 (15 or so of them becoming relationships)?
What did he do that I didn't?  Since I'm not him, comparison was difficult.
The overwhelming consensus at the table were these points:
        1) You've got to learn body language.  Watch carefully
           how they are sitting; adjust yourself to the situation
           (eg. if they've got their legs crossed against you,
           toward you, open, etc.).  If they're in a defensive posture,
           adopt a non-offensive one yourself.  If they're still
           defensive, give up and try someone else (remember, we're
           talking getting laid, not just being nice).
        2) Approach with a friendly, casual attitude.  Pretend (this is
           the way I interpreted it) to be your usual friendly (but not
           *too* friendly) self.  Don't brag, but don't put down any
           positive part of yourself.
        3) Don't praise them too much, especially in a general way
           (don't say "You're the most wonderful person!"... instead,
           compliment them on individual parts... "You have really beautiful
           eyes, nice hair, smile, etc."  That way, you have not placed
           yourself below them, and they still have doubts about their
           position in relation to you... keep 'em guessing, I suppose).
        4) Don't act bored or distracted... keep up your energy level.
           Also, don't act *too* interested.  Not blase', mind you, but
           staring intently at them right away could scare them away.
        5) Always be on top of the situation.  If you don't *feel* on
           top of the situation, *act* that way.  Don't let your fears
           run away with you, but always assume that you know what's
           going on.  Don't allow any self-defeating thoughts to enter
           your head, or severely question what you are doing... it'll
           show on your face (fear, disquiet, self-conciousness).
        6) Be patient.  You may have to try 100 times in a week.  BUT...
           you'll get there.
Now all this advice seems hard for me to put into practice.  It sounded
dishonest and manipulative to me.  So I said "Why can't we just say 'I am
attacted to you' or just *act* attracted to them?  Why all these games?
The women aren't playing these games, don't appreciate them."  My friends
believed that *everyone* played these games.  I could see that if that's
true, if you cannot escape games, then it would make sense to see them
conciously and understand what you are doing, what your goals are.
Problem is, most of the big figures in my life (parents, brother,
close friends, and also some of the most powerful, true-hearted women
that have been in my life) would object strongly to this attitude.  They
would say "This is being dishonest.  Sure, there are people out there that
play these games, but isn't being true to yourself, to your need for
honesty and sincerity, more important?"  I would disagree about the "some
people" part... most people (at least, most your people in Santa Cruz,
where I live) that I've observed or met in a boy-meets-girl context seem
to have a whole lotta stuff going on beneath the surface.  Lots of
body-language, subtle noticing of movements, touches, words... lots of
verbal fencing to reach a point of understanding.  One part of me would
lovew to be a master of this subliminal language, be able to move things
in a chosen direction.  I can say "Nobody does anything that they don't
want to do."  And if some magician came to me and said "here is the key",
no doubt I'd take it.
But another side says "No... people CAN be honest, forthright and honest
with their feelings... they have the ability to say what they feel,
to make it plain."  I want to wait in my life for people that can do that,
are unafraid to speak what they desire, to show boldly what they are thinking,
what they want.  And I've met people like this... they tend to be very strong,
complicated people.  The women like this have always wanted long-term
relationships, something I am not looking for these days.  Is it so much
of a contradiction to want to be light with someone, and yet expect
them to put the energy in for open, clear communication?
A scenario: I meet a woman I'm attracted to.  Over a few days, I talk to
her, pay her more attention (being attracted to her, it's east).  Suddenly
she starts not being happy to see me, in fact basically ignoring me when
I join a table of friends where she is sitting.  It is obvious from her
manner and speech towards me that she is not comfortable talking to me.
Inside myself I scream "Listen, damnit!  If you're going to be uncivil to
me, you owe me an explanation!"  I tell my friends that, they say "Hey,
it's not that important.  Just let it go."  But I can't, because I hold firm
to the idea that, in a choice between saying "This or that about you
bothers me" or even "I'm just uncomfortable around you" and treating me
like slime, her choosing to treat me like slime is the wrong choice.  And
this happens often.
Well, maybe I should count my blessings with the few women I've met who
*are* honest enough to say "I just don't want that... sorry.  Good luck!"
So my basic questions to the universe is:  IS this the way the world
of most social interactions works (games, chasing words around and around,
play-acting roles)?  Do we need this kind of non-communication in
order to feel safe (I don't).  And, if this is the way of most people,
and if I want to increase my ability to break down those barriers that
people put up (I do believe that once those barriers are broken down
that people become human), can it be learned?  Can you learn to be
a master wall-breaker?