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Text File | 1988-07-15 | 12.5 KB | 321 lines

******************************************** ** ** ** THE ROBLE HALL PURITY TEST ** ** ___ _____ ____ ______ ____ ** ** ** ******************************************** INSTRUCTIONS ____________ 100 points, no time limit. Test may be taken in any number of sittings or layings. Open note, open consultation. Calculators permitted. Use your own judgement as to whether to include prepubescent acts. The word "relative" is used here to mean someone who is descended from the same grandparents that you are. Please do not discuss the test with people until they have taken it. People who consider themselves to be homosexual should substitute the phrase another homosexual for the phrase a member of the opposite sex. SCORING _______ Purity = Number of "no" answers. Score = Number of "yes" answers. The following are some suggested varients: Imaginary Score = Number of things that you have not done but have wanted to do at one time or another. McCorquodale Number = Purity - Imaginary Score = number of things you haven't done and haven't ever wanted to. McCorquodale has a Mc Corquodale number of zero. Simay Quotient = 100 X (Imaginary Score/Number of yes answers) Within each section, the questions are in order of increasing difficulty. This does not apply to the extra credit section or the memorial section. Difficulty was determined from a poll of 300 Cal-Tech students. Their mean score was 34. The mean score at Roble Hall was 50. MALE ONLY ____ ____ Have you ever: 1. Measured yourself? 2. Fondled a girl's breast through clothing? 3. Unfastened a brassiere? 4. Had an erection for more than an hour and done nothing about it? 5. Fondled a girl's bare breast? 6. Sucked a nipple (not your own) subsequent to weaning? 7. Unfastened a bra with one hand? 8. Fingered a vagina? 9. Been aroused by seeing or touching underwear (by itself)? 10. Told someone else your size? (Not necessarily truthfully) 11. Masturbated in 6 or more buildings on campus? 12. Made an obscene phone call? 13. Made a girl pregnant? FEMALE ONLY ______ ____ Have you ever: 1. Had your covered breast fondled by a guy? 2. Had a bare breast fondled by a guy? (1/2 point if it was for medical reasons but you enjoyed it anyway.) 3. Gone braless in public since needing to wear a bra? 4. Placed your hand inside a guy's pants or pants pocket? 5. Told a guy when your period is? (Not necessarily truthfully) 6. Placed a guy's hand on your breast? 7. Been on the Pill? 8. Worried about a late period? 9. Intentionally increased the real or apparent size of your breasts? 10. Become Pregnant? 11. Had an abortion? 12. Become pregnant and been uncertain about who the father was? 13. Tried to lifted six men? EVERYBODY Have you ever: 14. Been Horny? (If not, Read on) 15. Been on a date? 16. Kissed a non-relative? 17. Read soft pornography? (Playboy, Hot Throbbing Rivet, etc.) 18. Masturbated? 19. Told a dirty joke? 20. Slept nude? 21. Experienced premarital interdigitation? 22. Given anyone the Finger? 23. Seen a pornographic movie? 24. Masturbated while standing up? 25. Had an orgasm while asleep? 26. Masturbated using literature? 27. Stayed out passed 3 A.M. with a member of the opposite sex? 28. Been massaged or given a massage to a member of the opposite sex? 29. Masturbated three or more times in a given 24-hour period? 30. Pinched or patted an ass? 31. French kissed? 32. Asked someone if they were horny? 33. Shouted the word "FUCK" at the top of your lungs? 34. Masturbated without using YOUR hands? 35. Undress or been undressed by a member of the opposite sex? 36. Gotten ideas for things to do from a purity test? 37. Had your genitals fondled? 38. Simulated intercourse without penetration? 39. Exchanged (in conversation) sexual experiences with a member of the opposite sex? 40. Bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen a contraceptive? 41. Watched, with interest, two animals having intercourse? (Other than human) 42. Had sexual intercourse? 43. Planned or attempted a seduction? 44. Spent the night in bed with a member of the opposite sex? 45. Read hard pornography? (Screw, Orgasm, Moosey-Goosey, ect.) 46. Been manually stimulated to climax by a member of the opposite sex? 47. Had your genitals kissed? 48. Bathed or showered with a member of the opposite sex? 49. Had intercourse more than twice in the same night? 50. Tasted semen? 51. Had intercourse with a female superior? 52. Had intercourse in Roble or with another Robleite? 53. Been interrupted during sexual activity by a third person and not been embarrassed? 54. Had intercourse during menstruation? (the girl's stupid) 55. Fingered an anus? (not your own) 56. Written something obscene on a wall? 57. Been stimulated by reading stories or descriptions of torture? 58. Had intercourse without using contraceptives? (both stupid) 59. Helped produce pornography? (posed for pictures, taken pictures, written stories, etc.) 60. Had intercourse with someone while fantasizing that they were someone else? 61. Had intercourse rear entrance? 62. Had intercourse standing up? 63. Been on a date with someone more than 5 years younger or older than yourself? 64. Gotten a sexual partner hot and then dropped them? 65. Had intercourse without removing any clothing? 66. Consulted a doctor or nurse about a sex problem of a non-physiological nature? 67. Explained to a prepubescent child (not a Frosh.) where babies come from? 68. Used alcohol or drugs to lower someone's resistance to sexual activity? 69. ??? 70. Told a member of the opposite sex that you loved them and been lying through your teeth? 71. Participated in group sexual activity? (> 2 people) 72. Simulated intercourse between the woman's breasts? 73. Had separate dates with three or more members of the opposite sex in a given 72-hour period? 74. Streaked or flashed? 75. Had intercourse on the first date? 76. Had intercourse while swimming? 77. Masturbated using devices? (vibrators, inflatable women, toy train transformers, refrigerators, etc.) 78. Lived for three months or more with a member of the opposite sex? (not a relative) 79. Obtained a hotel or motel room for sexual purposes? 80. Had intercourse while drunk or stoned or with someone who was drunk or stoned? (Yes, all four...McQ) 81. Had intercourse in a car? 82. Been a transvestitie? 83. Drawn blood from a person or had blood drawn from you during sexual activity? 84. Had intercourse on a waterbed? (Get sea sick?) 85. Had intercourse with someone more than five years older or younger than Yourself? 86. Had intercourse with someone engaged to someone else? 87. Had intercourse with more than four persons? (not simultaneously) 88. Had intercourse with someone you didn't really like personally at the time? 89. Had intercourse with someone married to someone else? 90. Had anal intercourse? 91. Had intercourse with an animal other than a human? (1/2 point for a resident of Wilbur or Stern) 92. Gotten engaged without the intention of getting married, or gotten married with the intention of getting divorced? 93. Had intercourse with someone you never saw before or after? 94. Been to a house of prostitution? 95. Used a vibrator or related device to stimulate others? 96. Had intercourse against the other person's will? 97. Provided sex in return for money? (See 94) 98. Had intercourse with a relative? 99. Had a veneral disease? 100. Knowingly given someone a venereal disease? THE McCORQUODALE TEST ___ ____________ ____ 1. Would you kick him/her out of bed? 2. Is he/she better than self-abuse? A member of the opposite sex to whom a "no" answer to 1. and a "yes" answer to 2. may be applied, is said to pass the McCorquodale test. EXTRA CREDIT _____ ______ MALE ONLY Have you ever: Done pushups without using your hands or fingers? Had intercourse with a gopher hole? Been Castrated by a gopher? Ejaculted off Mount Wilson? ("Hey Yaffe, I shot it a mile!") Beaten off into a blue book and turned it in? --within the time limit of the exam? --and received a blue slip that was similarly treated? Masturbated in more than six States of the Union, or in four States at once? FEMALE ONLY Have you ever: Given yourself a Coca-Cola douche? Orange Crush? Vernors? Giggled upon seeing a banana? Or upon reading this question? How about knockwurst? Had anal intercourse followed by fellatio, and enjoyed it? Tried to suck your own nipple? Kicked a guy in the groin? Had intercourse with 2 guys simultaneously? (separate orifices) Fallen asleep during intercourse? Been stimulated by rope climbing? By horse riding? Purchased anything from Mark Eden? EVERYBODY Have you ever: Had your ass sandblasted? Sniffed a bicycle seat? Given someone an enema? Lied about your score on this test? Lied about your answer to this question? (Wait a minute...) Had intercourse with a male or female BNC connector or banana plug? Bitten an ass? Had intercourse in free fall? Had intercourse while reading this test to see what questions you were missing? Played doctor with someone more than 10 years younger than yourself? Attempted self-fellatio? succeeded? Looked up the word "smegma" in the dictionary? Masturbated and been bored? (If this isn't depravity, I don't know what is.) Stuck your finger in a dyke? Participated in a gang bang? (firecrackers in the housing office do not count) Ordered a Linda Lovelace sandwich at Stottlemeyer's and asked them to hold the nuts? Hidden in the room while your roommate had intercourse? Practiced Coitus Interruptus? (This is not a Glee Club Song) Been in a come race? Been aroused by reading this test? Streaked while covering your face and been recognized anyways? Participated in an interhouse erection? Put a food substance on a sexual partner and eaten it? Had a vagina around your neck? THE MEMORIAL SECTION ___ ________ _______ Arthur "House Union Jack" Baron Ellis Memorial ______ ______ _____ _____ _____ _____ ________ Have you had sex in 48 States of the Union? Ioannis Nicoloas Kessides Memorial _______ ________ ________ ________ Have you ever told a sheep that you loved it? James Ellis Kleckner Memorial _____ _____ ________ ________ Have you ever had intercourse on a waterbed and burst it at the moment of climax? Douglas Steven Jones Memorial _______ ______ _____ ________ Have you ever had intercourse in Alley 1.5 Robert Stanley Pfeiffer Memorial ______ _______ ________ ________ Have you ever masturbated while staring at a mirror? Laurence Gregory Yaffe Memorial ________ _______ _____ ________ Have you ever gotten it over the stall door? Cindy Lee Duckett Memorial _____ ___ _______ ________ Have you ever had sexual intercourse in the housing office? Albert Lewis Wells Jr. Memorial ______ _____ _____ ___ ________ Have you ever inflated a condom at a house dinner? James Alexander McCorquodale Memorial _____ _________ ____________ ________ Have you ever beaten off during a math lecture? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------