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-
- I am in a story posting mood here -- (grin)..
-
- This is a story that evolved out of a conversation/fanatsy held on my BBS a
- year ago , having buffered it , the two users got together and wrote this ...
-
- ********************
- Copyright 1986
- Magus
- PERFECT
- He awoke with a start, as he always did. It took a moment or
- two before the fact that he was in his own bedroom registered on
- his consciousness. He'd been dreaming, such a strange dream. It
- was about a woman. He'd dreamed of making love to this wonderful
- woman. Something soft, firm, and silky rubbed against his hip. It
- was the first indication he had that it might not have been a
- dream. With a quick jerk of his head, he looked over to his left.
- Yes, there she was, just as he remembered her from his dream. A
- beautiful, young woman, rounded and warm, cuddled into an
- embryonic ball on the left side of his bed. If what he thought he
- might remember about last night was true, he needed to think. He
- really needed, badly, to think.
- He got out of bed as gently as he could, partly out of
- consideration for the woman, but mostly because he desperately
- needed time to think before she awoke. He needed some distance
- from this enchantress who could evoke such feelings from him even
- as she slept, as if distance could break the spell she had woven
- over him.
- As the cobwebs began to lift from his sleep-lulled brain, he
- felt the chill of the cold morning. He, quietly, pulled a blanket
- out of his closet and wrapped it around his naked body. Almost on
- tiptoes, he moved to an overstuffed chair across from the bed. He
- seated himself, and for the next few minutes he stared blankly at
- her sleeping form. With a shudder, he began to understand that a
- thousand miles would not suffice to break the incredible feeling
- of a magic bond between them. He tried for awhile to convince the
- rational part of his mind that this flesh and blood body was the
- dream woman he remembered. It was impossible. He knew, but not
- without a trace of sadness, that there were no dream women in the
- real world. He, of all people, ought to be sure, after all. He
- had tried hard enough to find one.
- She stirred. Unaccountably, the moment brought her reality
- back to him. In a quick, burning flash it all came rushing back
- into his memory. The swiftness, the intensity, of it made him
- shiver with a combination of pleasure and fear. It was so good
- last night. She seemed so ... perfect. Damn it! What will last
- night do to his life? Will he want her all the time? Damn, once
- he'd accepted the fact that perfection would never enter his
- life, he'd begun to learn to treasure his aloneness. What would
- happen to that solitude now? And what would happen when reality
- set in? Would this magic leave, as it had in every marriage he
- knew. Marriage!
- Okay. Time to slow down, get a little perspective. Time to
- remember exactly what had happened the night before. Okay, yeah,
- it was coming back now, coming back in detail, coming back
- slowly, piece by piece. This would work. He'd be able to think
- about it objectively if he could only remember it just as it
- happened. Initially, it had come back to him as one perfect,
- seamless whole. Now the events were taking shape in his mind in
- the order that they'd occurred. Temporality was being restored.
- Yeah, now he would be able to think about it like a logical,
- clear headed, sane human being.
- It had all started with a walk along the beach. He'd come to
- savor the feeling of walking on the beach alone at night. He
- enjoyed the bitter taste of the salt spray on his lips, the
- gentle rhythm of the waves keeping him company. It was the last
- week of winter and the beach was deserted, or so he thought. He
- had laughed to himself as he had a memory of walking along the
- beach at night when he was younger, when he was in his teens.
- He'd had this fantasy that, if he just walked along the beach
- long enough, he'd come across that perfect woman of his dreams,
- the one destined to be his soul-mate. Young and inexperienced, he
- had believed in soul-mates, perfect partners, and other such
- mythical creatures. Older now, he knew that such concepts were
- just so much romantic claptrap. Now he was content and whole,
- complete in his solitude, no longer searching and, therefore, no
- longer empty and wanting. Or so he told himself after each failed
- relationship.
- He remembered that it was just when he'd laughed at the
- memory of his adolescent fantasy, it was at that precise moment,
- that he saw the dark figure walking in his direction from further
- down the shore. He remembered an almost overwhelming desire to
- run. Some voice in his head warned against taking a chance on
- being disappointed again. But it was too late. He felt inexorably
- drawn to the lone figure, almost as if there was a tow-line
- attached to his gut.
- It was a woman. He would have been surprised if it had not
- been a woman. He'd known it would be a significant woman. Somehow
- he knew. They exchanged pleasantries. That was not unusual. They
- were the only two people who had braved the late winter chill to
- walk along this shoreline. It was only natural that they'd say
- hello, and laugh about their common obsession with being near the
- ocean that night. He asked her if she'd like to warm up with a
- drink at a bar a couple of blocks off the beach. He thought he
- saw her head dip a bit, as if she was unsure. Could it be that
- she was feeling something mysterious in this too, something
- inexplicable and frightening? But she quickly accepted, and
- surprised him by taking his arm as they walked back to the
- boardwalk. He tightened a bit at first, but that arm felt so
- natural there, so right folded in his, that he loosened up
- immediately.
- As they walked with their arms entwined, his tongue loosened
- even more. He found himself telling her things that he'd never
- told anyone before. He found himself, even more amazingly,
- feeling perfectly comfortable hearing the most intimate things
- about her. He found himself listening to things so personal that
- it would have embarassed him terribly to hear them from anyone
- else. He found himself. By the time they'd walked the few blocks
- between the beach and the bar, he felt she knew him better than
- almost anyone else. He knew the same was probably true about his
- knowledge of her.
-
- I guess I slept about three hours after we
- collapsed from sheer mental and physical exhaustion. I
- awoke about half an hour before he did. I don't want
- him to know that I'm awake. I need some time to
- consider last night's events. So I lie here with my
- eyes closed, cuddled into a protective ball,
- occassionally grabbing a quick look through squinted
- eyelids, to convinve myself that he's really still
- there. The first thing that crosses my mind as I peek
- at his partially blanketed torso is that, if he knows
- nothing else, he sure knows how to make love to a
- woman. I muse to myself that I would like to thank
- every woman who came before me for everything they
- taught him. Then, like cold water poured on someone
- getting out of a hot tub, an awareness fills me that I
- need him. I've never needed anyone, but I need him. I
- shudder at the thought.
- Usually, after a pleasant night of lovemaking, I
- would wake up in the middle of the night, plan my
- escape, and simply leave: cold, clean, effective. But
- here I lay, watching him contentedly, wondering if he
- was disappointed to find me still here in his bed. The
- truth is that the thought of needing him bothers me,
- but not enough to motivate me to leave.
- How did this all start? It began with my birthday.
- My girlfriends were going to take me to Bradley's to
- see the young men dance for dollars in their revealing
- g-strings. I declined. The dancers are younger than I
- am; too young. No, I wanted to be alone.
- Cape May at this time of year, late winter/early
- spring, could serve as Webster's definition of "alone".
- I had the moon to keep me company, though. "Full moon
- tonight," I sighed to myself. "Perfect moon." It
- occurred to me that only Man creates imperfection. We
- take what Nature has made perfect and manipulate it to
- our so called advantage. What will we do to that
- perfect moon once we can afford to send enough people
- up there to exploit it?
- I can see the same shameless manipulation in my
- own profession. I thought then about the Jameson and
- Jameson Paints campaign. "Colours taken from Mother
- Nature's own palette." What a farce! It was my own
- slogan, even the idea of using the pretentious British
- spelling of "colours" was my idea, and I am ashamed of
- it. How could those silly, chemically manufactured
- pigments ever hope to compare with Mother Nature's
- painting of a summer scene? But I had vowed not to
- think of work on my birthday. There was so much I was
- ashamed of.
- So there I was: thirty and alone. I was thirty and
- alone on a beach in South Jersey. Well, damn it, there
- were worse ways to spend your thirtieth birthday than
- to be alone on a beautiful beach on a moonlit night,
- with the moon reflecting off the peaks of thousands of
- waves like a myriad shining diamonds. I could be in a
- plastic house with my plastic friends smiling plastic
- smiles at me. No, that's too cynical. I really do like
- my friends. I was just glad to be there on the beach
- alone that night, that was all.
- As I watched the tide roll in and erase my
- footprints from the sand, I realized there was hope
- after all. Nature was always capable of erasing Man's
- meddlesome imprint and renewing hope. Could nature even
- remove Man's imprint from my heart and remove the
- emptiness I felt there? Good lord, look who was all of
- a sudden becoming melodramatic in her old age!
- I suddenly felt the impulse to run barefoot
- through the foam. I kicked of my Nikes and ran along
- the pounding shoreline. March had come in like a lion
- all right. The water, and even the sand, was cold. I'd
- probably catch my death, but I relished the moment
- because, for the first time in a long time, I felt as
- free and carefree as a child, just as if Nature had
- answered my question on the spot by lifting the weight
- from my heart.
- I sat there for about a half hour, a stupid smile
- on my face. After putting my shoes back on, I felt an
- impulse to get up and do some walking. As soon as I'd
- dusted the sand off my ass, I saw him. I was alone on
- the beach with a stranger. Was this experience going to
- be romantic or dangerous? Or, just maybe, was it going
- to be both?
- I was inexplicably drawn to this guy on the
- beach. I knew instantly that we would hit it off. We
- would talk, perhaps even go to bed. How did I know?
- There was something about the way he came walking up to
- me, it seemed almost familiar, and then ... I saw
- something in his eyes. His eyes were so sensual, and so
- penetrating. I shook my head in an attempt to break the
- magnetic pull of his mesmerizing eyes.
- Anyway, we shared some inane pleasantries before
- he invited me for drinks. Whether it was impulsive or
- instinctive, I quickly accepted. I took his arm as he
- led the way. Usually I'm not quite so direct, but I
- knew where this was leading. He knew I knew where this
- was leading. I didn't want to fuck around with this
- one. Immediately, he began asking cutting questions,
- and I found myself pouring my heart out. I, too,
- started asking him questions that I never before would
- have even considered asking a potential lover, for fear
- of frightening him away. But what did I have to lose?
- Nothing. On this birthday of my discontent, things were
- beginning to look up. He didn't seem scared, though I
- thought I picked up a slight shiver through his sleeve.
- Must have been the cold.
-
- They talked in the bar for hours. There was none of the
- usual pressure to hit on her before the opportunity slipped away.
- He wasn't sure at which point it became a certainty that they'd
- make love that night. Maybe it was when they'd first said hello.
- Maybe it was even earlier, when he'd first seen that mysterious,
- dark form on the shore. Maybe it was years earlier when an
- adolescent version of himself had searched for her along the
- sands of many beaches. In any case, it was certain that they'd
- make love. What a great feeling to be able to just sit there and
- patiently discover her, let her explore him, and not be hung up
- about when to make the move on her that would bring her to his
- bed. No, it was even more different than that this time. They'd
- bring each other to their bed.
- What was it they spoke about? Her name was Liz. Liz, it
- seemed right somehow, as if he'd always known her name would be
- Liz. She lived in Brooklyn? Then what was she doing on a beach in
- South Jersey? It was her birthday (A Pisces! Could it possibly be
- true? He'd been expecting a Pisces all along.), her thirtieth
- birthday, a birthday where lives need re-examining. She was a
- successful account executive for a major Manhattan advertising
- agency. She had money, at least enough money to make her life
- comfortable, at least enough money that she didn't feel guilty
- when she bought the more expensive of two scarves just because of
- the designer's label on it. She had accomplishments, a veritable
- slew of awards for her layouts of paint products, fine-grain
- leather products, etc. She had independence, which somehow
- translated into never sleeping with the same man more than twice,
- and never letting anyone, ever, put their arm around her. But she
- was thirty years old, for godssake, and she felt an emptiness in
- her womb where she should by now have produced a child. She
- absolutely abhorred herself for so completely falling into the
- stereotype, but that was how she felt. She felt a hole in her
- heart where it should have, by now, have been filled by the love
- of a husband and children. She felt that something had been
- denied her soul because she had waited so long, in vain, for
- love. Now,at thirty, she was sure that no such emotion existed.
- So, she'd remembered this beach down in Cape May from a vacation
- several years ago, and, on an impulse, drove down here to be
- alone, to take stock of her life.
- "If you were looking to be alone, why did you accept my
- invitation to the bar?" he asked, shyly beginning the dance of
- love.
- "Somehow, I knew I could take better stock of my life with
- you than without you," she said as the puzzled expression on her
- face flickered in the soft candlelight.
- He dropped his eyes, breaking the lock between their gazes.
- It was going too fast. He had to re-group, get a chance to build
- his defences back up again. "If you want one so badly, why
- haven't you had a child yet?" he asked, trying to gain some time.
- Again her eyes looked straight into his for an instant. He
- knew she had seen through his stalling ruse. "It would seem
- meaningless if it was created out of an act of passion rather
- than an act of love," she answered with a wry smile.
- "Kind of old fashioned romantic, isn't it?"
- "I know," she confessed and he thought he saw her blush.
- "The attitude surprises me too."
- "And sex, for you, has never been an act of love?"
- "No. How about you?"
- He surprised himself by agreeing that he, too, had never
- made love while having sex. A couple of hours ago he would have
- protested that every act of sex had been, for him, making love.
- Now, sitting here with her, all those liasons seemed somehow
- shallow.
- "I mean," she went on, "I've had men tell me that, for them,
- it was love, and maybe for them it was. But, for me, I felt a
- man's penis stir around in me for awhile, nothing more. It always
- leaves me feeling emptier than before he enters my vagina. For
- me, it was just a fuck. I mean, I could reach orgasm and all, but
- it was never enough. I know there's something more." She paused,
- lost in her thoughts. "I'm just a hopeless dreamer," she said as
- a fine mist covered her eyes.
- "Maybe you were unsatisfied because the men left you still
- thinking of it as a vagina," he said, totally out of control.
- He'd never said anything like this to a woman before, but he
- could not will himself to stop. "For chrissake, a gynecologist
- should examine your vagina; a man should make love to your cunt.
- He should help you feel every last bit of sexual energy there,
- not like you've just rubbed body parts together."
- He studied her face for signs of shock, for outrage at his
- obscene references. And, yet, he was not surprised when a sly
- smile crossed her lips. Her eyes half looked away in shyness, but
- the sultry smile stayed on her sweet, full mouth as she asked,
- "So, can you make it feel like a cunt?"
- So there it finally was, out in the open. They were going to
- make love that night. He felt he ought to say a few words, sort
- of welcome his dream after its long journey from the shadowy
- world of possibilities to the harsh light of reality. Could it
- survive here? Words would have burst the bubble. Without another
- syllable, he threw a few dollars down on the table and, taking
- her hand with an infinite amount of tenderness, he led her out of
- the bar. They walked silently, their arms held tightly, hungrily,
- around each other's bodies as they walked the few blocks back to
- her car.
-
- I'd been to Watson's Pub before on previous
- excursions to Cape May. It was a quaint little bar with
- Victorian decor, serving ales and marguiritas at
- tourist prices. The bartender, a man who looked like he
- was in his later forties, nodded to David as we
- entered. Obviously, this wasn't David's first time, in
- any sense of the term. Why did that bother me?
- David chatted with the bartender while he waited
- for our drinks. I idly listened as a sportscaster on
- the wide screen TV set installed just above a silent
- juke box described the latest action in a basketball
- game. The Cape May regulars interrupted their beer
- drinking to cheer whenever the 76ers scored a basket.
- But even the cheering seemed somehow more sedate than
- the passioned frenzy one experienced in Manhattan bars
- when the Knicks were on top of their game. Life here,
- as in most seaside towns, always seemed slower, more
- peaceful, in tune with the rhythms of the ocean itself.
- David came back, smiling as he offered me my
- drink. We toasted each other. The clink of our glasses
- sounded deafening for just that one, finite moment, as
- if that, and the sound of two pulses racing, completely
- filled the bar.
- I can't remember who started first, but we talked
- like best friends who knew everything there was to know
- about each other, but who had been out of contact for a
- few years. I remember thinking silently (maybe he could
- read my mind anyway), and rather defensively, that it
- didn't matter what I said to David. I probably would
- not see him again after that night anyway. But, when I
- relaxed with him, I could almost feel an exchange of
- energy between us.
- Briefly, for just a moment, I looked into his
- eyes as he sat across the table from me. I felt love
- surrounding us. The thought quickly vanished as my
- rational mind chalked it up the wine and my birthday.
- Birthdays naturally have a romantic tint to them, but
- love was out of the question. In my mind, I have only
- two categories of events: the possible and the
- impossible. Any hint of something in the "impossible"
- category seeming to happen was a sure sign that the
- wool was being pulled over my baby-blues. Over the
- years, love had slowly but surely meandred its way over
- to the "impossible" side of the balance sheet. As the
- conversation deepened, and a tight knot right in the
- pit of my gut told me that I was falling very
- desperately in love, my defense system went on auto-
- pilot. I became harshly aware of a need to find a fault
- in this attractive, intelligent, and very sensual man.
- Most guys I knew were either into dominating or
- being dominated. The dominating type probed for a
- weakness in your character, and then, oh so
- solicitously, proceded to "help" you. They thought I
- needed them to protect me from the big, bad wolves in
- my life. I learned wolf-slaying a long, long time ago.
- The ones who wanted to be dominated, on the other hand,
- really craved protection. This would satisfy my ego for
- awhile, but I would always end up bored and tired. This
- guy seemed different. I listened, as if I were a third
- party to our own conversation, and realized he was
- sharing as much of himself as I was. Maybe he was
- different. Maybe not. New act, same show? God, if that
- fatal flaw would only hurry up and show itself!
- David Burnes was his full name. He managed a small
- manufacturing plant in Cape May. He told me all about
- his work. I remember being utterly fascinated at the
- time, but the details escape me now.
- He'd married too young. As he and his wife grew
- up, they realized they didn't have the perfect
- marriage. They didn't have the perfect children. They
- weren't perfect parents. Resentment, frustration, the
- intrusion of reality, broke the whole family apart.
- Now, at the bar, he wondered out loud, more to himself
- than to me, whether there could really be a perfect
- love. I knew the disillusionment he was feeling. I held
- my breath as our eyes locked once again.
- So many of my friends' marriages had died because
- they tried to hold on to the perfection they thought
- they had found in the first place. They ceased to grow,
- desperately trying to cling to a status quo that had
- passed them by long ago. One of the first things I'd
- learned in the advertising game was that the very best
- commercial loses its impact if you run it too often.
- And, yet, here were people trying to re-run the early
- stages of their relationships over and over, and sadly
- wondering where the magic had gone.
- I heard it again and again, "Why aren't things
- like they were in my parents' and grandparents' day?"
- Everyone figures that if it worked then, it ought to
- work now. But I'd seen so many agencies that started
- out with a fresh approach end up getting suckered by
- security. When they stopped trying to find that new
- slant, every campaign looking just like the last one,
- they went under. I've never married, but various
- "permanent" (hah!) attachments have taught me that it's
- the same with relationships. Holding on to love was the
- swiftest and surest way to lose it.
- Would it be the same with David? How in hell was I
- so sure, after spending so little time with him, that
- our love would always be growing, changing, fresh? "Our
- love"?!? Holy, merciful god, where did that come from?
- Damn it to hell and back! That fault was taking its own
- sweet time showing up. Only one chance left ...
- lovemaking. If sex turned out bad, I could breathe a
- sigh of relief. If he was like most other men, if he
- thought that his damn cock was the center of the world,
- I could write him off in a minute. On the other hand,
- if he was too slavishly devoted to my needs, too
- insecure to allow me to give him pleasure in return,
- I'd be equally revolted, but I'd keep him around for a
- little while, at least, if he ate pussy well. If, by
- some miracle, making love with David was the balance of
- giving and taking, if the pleasurable energy of
- pleasing and receiving create a constantly spiraling
- circuit of love and lust, love that was lust and lust
- that was love, then, as gauche as it might sound, I'd
- be his forever.
-
- Once in her car, their desire could no longer be denied.
- There was a flurry of mouths and hands, searching, exploring,
- yearning to feel and touch and taste. He knew that it would not
- be consumated there and then. He knew that neither of them were
- the type to make love in a car. But he did not know how to stop
- feeling the softness of her tits or how to stop gently stroking
- the wetness of her cunt. For, in his hands, her body had indeed
- come alive, imbued through and through with sexual energy. It was
- impossible to think of the parts of her body by their common
- names. God, why wasn't there a sexual name for a mouth? Why
- wasn't there a sexual name for this ravenous beast that was now
- feasting on his tongue, and now, with tiny little nibbles too
- delicious to bear, devouring his chest? How was he going to stop
- the flow of the intense pleasure she gave him wherever she
- touched him? How was he going to stop it long enough to get them
- to the bed that awaited them in his house, where they could truly
- make love?
- And then, for the first time in his life, the woman that he
- was with took charge. The words came out haltingly, through a
- throat almost too choked with desire to speak. "Let's go." He was
- awed by her strength. He loved her strength. Why had he spent so
- much time on weak women? Why hadn't he realized how much he would
- love a woman of strength? It was she who broke away, long enough
- to start the car. And then, as he directed her over the mile that
- separated them from his beach house, their hands were all over
- each other's body again, exploring, learning. Several times he
- saw, out of the corner of his eye as he feasted on her beautiful
- neck, that she almost ran up on the curb. Never for a second,
- though, did he worry for life or limb. He had come to trust her
- that much.
- Finally, they were in his driveway. As they stood at his
- door, she was behind him, her hands underneath his shirt, her
- fingers playing devilishly with his nipples. Why had no other
- woman known so instinctively how sensitive his nipples were? He
- was always a bit embarassed about it, as if it was somewhat
- effeminate. But at that moment he just reveled in the pleasure.
- He fumbled the keys several times, his hands trembling with each
- wave of sexual energy that inundated his body. Finally the key
- turned and they were inside.
- From the door to the bed was a blur of the mutual ripping
- off of clothing. For the next several hours there was not a
- single moment when some part of their bodies weren't touching,
- feeling, probing, desperate to give and receive pleasure,
- desperate to express love. Through all this, the thought kept
- going through his mind that he had no logical reason yet to love
- her this much. Though he felt like they had known each other
- forever, in reality he did not know very much about her. How
- could he love her this much? But ought love to be logical,
- anyway? When finally, physically exhausted, they had fallen
- almost comatose into each other's arms with a mutually whispered
- "I love you", he knew that the first moment on the beach their
- hearts had spoken to each other more than enough for them to love
- each other for an eternity. Soon enough, his heart would inform
- his mind.
-
- David rolled over onto his stomach. I layed very
- still. I needed some time alone, time to think. So
- there it was, my last shot at finding the crucial fault
- in David was gone. We'd made love just as I'd always
- dreamed two people in love would, like we were meant to
- make love to each other. I couldn't find any fault in
- him, other than his being human, with all his human
- needs. And, in my eyes, being human only made him all
- the more perfect.
- God, why was I so scared by the fact that he was
- everything I'd always wanted? He was very intelligent,
- widely read, arrogant within limits, exuding inner
- confidence, very sensitive. His one fault, ironically
- was that he was too perfect. Searching futilely for a
- perfect love for as long as I had been, I'd developed a
- deep seated mistrust of the "real" thing.
- I sighed as I realized what a nice back he had. He
- loved it when I'd kissed him slowly down the center of
- his back. He murmurred with pleasure as my tits rubbed
- gently against his back while I hugged him. When we
- made love, the more I did for him and to him, the more
- he enjoyed himself. What a novel experience for me! I
- began doing things to him that others had refused as
- too intense, or too perverted. They must have been
- insane. There were so many men and women who wanted
- love, but were afraid of intimacy. How lovely it was to
- be able to give. As his beautiful, smooth cock had
- moved hungrily in my mouth, I felt myself actually
- suckling on his pleasure. His pleasure fed me, and
- filled me, and, finally, made me happy.
- He, too, seemed to open up. With little motions
- that only lovers can decipher, he led me into the
- things he liked for me to do, and eagerly picked up my
- signals in kind. I could tell that for him, too, this
- was a totally new experience.
- In all my midnight fantasies of the perfect love,
- I'd always envisioned a feeling of overwhelming sexual
- energy exchanged between two true lovers. None of my
- friends had ever experienced this so I assumed it
- didn't exist. But, lordy, last night did I ever truly
- experience it! My body trembled at his touch. How
- would I, could I, ever leave this man? My, no, our
- bodies were one. When, time after time, last night we'd
- climaxed together, the heat had merged our beings into
- one.
- The first act totally seared away my incredulity.
- We were on our sides in the classic "69" position. I
- was filled with the pleasure of intently sucking on his
- cock, pausing only for gasps of passion as his tongue
- stroked an especially sensitive portion of my cunt.
- That itself would have been delight enough, but, as I
- was stroking his body, my hand passed over his ass. I
- was filled with an overwhelming desire to stick my
- finger up his asshole. Could I? No, it would be
- impossible. Surely, he wouldn't allow me to. Every man
- I'd ever had was too sensitive about the homosexual
- implications to even let me go near their asshole with
- a finger, or even with my tongue. Surely, David could
- not be secure enough in his masculinity to let me give
- him the pleasure I so wanted to share with him. Damn
- it, though, it would make the perfect test of whether
- he was who I thought he was or not.
- To my surprise, without conscious direction from
- my higher brain functions, my finger went probing into
- his asshole. David's response was instant and electric.
- He went wild with passion. He attacked my snatch like
- he was a man who hadn't eaten in weeks and was
- restricted to a diet of pussy juice. I remember, even
- now, how charged I was with power. With a single
- finger, I could control the entire undulating body of a
- man who outweighed me by a good 75 pounds! No wonder
- men concentrated so much on penetration when they made
- love; it was such a rush of power, and this dear,
- perfect man had given me the great gift of being secure
- enough to allow me to experience it with him.
- The energy circuit this set up was tremendous. I
- was so filled with love for him that, when his cum
- splashed against the back of my mouth in hot spurts, it
- felt like mother's milk, a gift of love. At that same
- moment, I felt my pussy contracting around his tongue,
- undulating in waves of orgasm. "Of course," I remember
- thinking with a flash of enlightenment. "When two
- people are truly in love, simultaneous climax is not a
- cliche, it's only logical. When you love someone,
- experiencing them experiencing such a high level of
- excitement just naturally excites you." I knew then I
- could explore any territory with David. As I lay there
- afterward, panting for air, I thought, with a bemused
- smile, that next time I saw David I would have to
- remember to bring a vibrator.
- The second act was even more significant. I told
- David that it would really mean alot to me if I could,
- for awhile, just give to him without his trying to give
- me anything back. I expected him to reject the request,
- to tell me that he was too masculine to be totally
- passive. To my great surprise and delight, he put his
- hands behind his head, leaned back on the pillows, and
- promised not to move. I licked and kissed and nibbled
- all over his beautiful body at will. True to his word,
- his only movement was when he arched his back in
- passion. As I lapped at his nipples and gently stroked
- the soft insides of his thighs, I thought that this was
- what women in a lesbian relationship must experience.
- Being heterosexual, I was fortunate to be able to find
- it with a man.
- I finished up by straddling his hips and taking
- his erect prick deep inside me. I leaned back, putting
- my hands on the bed for support, moving slowly up and
- down on his long shaft. What a kick. Technically, he
- was indeed penetrating me, but, because I was really in
- control, it didn't feel like an intrusion, as it
- normally did.
- Several times I took him just to the point where I
- could feel he was about to cum, and then I became very
- still, letting the climax subside without ejaculation.
- Then I would start up again, slowly building the tide
- of urgency. When, finally, I could no longer keep from
- cumming myself, I brought him all the way to the point
- where he splashed his passion deep within my cunt. I
- actually cried for the beauty of the experience.
- After a short period of rest and talking, it was
- David's turn to be in control. He gently rolled me on
- my stomach, and entered me from the rear. I thrilled to
- the hard power of his rough thrusts. Giving me some of
- my own medicine, just as he felt me about to climax
- with the downward pressure on my clitoris, he rolled
- onto his back, his prick still inside me. In that
- position, his hands were free to roam all over my body,
- and he truly did let his fingers do the walking, all
- over my tits, my pussy, and my ass, as his mouth was
- busy devouring my neck. He was vibrating my clit with
- one hand and alternately being rough and gentle (I
- loved both) with my nipples when we both came.
- This was followed by some more rest and talk, some
- more caresses. The man had stamina all right, but he
- told me that he'd never before, not with any other
- woman he'd ever known, been able to do it so many times
- in one session. Even as we lay there, too exhausted to
- keep going, I could feel another majestic erection
- against my thigh. But, as willing as the spirit was,
- the flesh could no longer move. David rolled over his
- stomach to sleep, one arm draped lovingly over my
- midriff, and I was left alone with my thoughts.
- He was perfect. At least, he was perfect for me.
- And I knew I was perfect for him. We were perfect
- together. Last night, after he'd fallen into a deep
- sleep, I reached over and ran my fingers down his back.
- He stirred slightly. A cheshire cat smile spread over
- his wide, trusting face as he reached over and pulled
- me to him so that my back melded into his chest. We
- slept cuddled together in one position or another all
- night. I slept the sleep of the well contented.
-
- So here he was, the next morning, freezing his ass off,
- wrapped in a blanket, cuddled in an armchair, staring at the
- woman he loved so perfectly, and it was time for his heart to
- start spilling the beans.
- The perfection of his feelings bothered him. He was able to
- put his finger on that, at least, right away. Strange as it might
- seem, he knew he would have felt much more comfortable if he just
- loved her a lot, if he could find some obvious faults that he
- could overlook because he loved her. He would feel a damn sight
- less vulnerable if there were just a few minor, glaring faults.
- Then, if things got too sticky, he could just focus on the faults
- and get the hell out of the relationship. He knew that particular
- gambit very well. It had worked for him before, seeing him
- through one marriage and several affairs (before last night he
- would have thought of them as "love" affairs, but that was
- impossible now). When he wanted to not be there anymore, he would
- just start a fight about not putting the cover back on a tube of
- toothpaste, and out he'd go. Damn! Damn! Damn! Was her perfection
- going to deny him his exit when he wanted to go? And then his
- heart told him that he wouldn't need any such ploy with this
- woman; that when they both wanted to be together their love would
- be perfect, and when either one wanted not to be there for awhile
- their love would still be perfect.
- But perfection had never worked out well for him. Perfection
- had always ended in disappointment and pain.
- It seemed to him that he could actually remember for a
- moment the warm, snuggled feeling of being held close to his
- mother's soft, tender breast, the warm fluid feeling of her milk
- trickling down his little throat. Yes, that was perfection, as a
- child understands perfection. Then, one day, there was the trauma
- of no longer feeling the warmth and the love, having it replaced
- by a rubbery substitute dispensing some strange substance he
- didn't recognize. And later in life there was not even this, only
- the painful feeling of glass or china between his lips, and
- liquids that traded caffiene for the warm, soothing mother's milk
- he sometimes still tasted in his dreams.
- His first kiss, bestowed on him with tenderness and
- curiosity at the age of twelve by Jennie Halpern, that was
- perfection, as a pubescent young man understands perfection. The
- pride of walking into the soda fountain store with the prettiest
- girl in the seventh grade on his arm, while all the other boys
- and girls ooohed and aaahed at what a perfect couple they made -
- that was perfection. Even the teasing he endured from those of
- his chums who had not quite matured to the point of liking girls,
- that was perfect too. It made him feel so much older, more
- worldly than those around him. And then the pain, the nights
- spent with his stomach doing wild dervish dances in his gut when
- Jennie dumped him for Ronald Lipft, who got two dollars a week
- more allowance than he did. It was weeks before he could bring
- himself to go to the soda fountain again. Then he found that the
- derision that his "friends' had been saving up all that time was
- paid to him in full, with all the interest accrued. All this
- right in front of Jennie and Ronald who tittered gaily to each
- other in a corner booth.
- College, that had been perfect. The protest marches, the
- involvement with causes. He had honestly felt that he and his
- small band of compatriots would really achieve immortality. The
- desperate search for knowledge in the books and in the words of
- their "hipper" professors, knowledge they would need to build a
- better world. It was so perfect. And, then, the disillusionment
- as, one by one, both his peers and his teachers were either
- claimed by death from drug overdose, or worse: by assimilation
- with the establishment. Finally, he too found a nice girl and a
- nice job and settled down.
- Seeing his three children, a girl and two boys, born. What a
- feeling of perfection that was! He was certain he would not make
- the mistakes with them that were made with him. This perfection
- would last forever. After all, they were flesh and blood. And
- then his marriage to Sally got worse and worse. He could not
- believe it, but he found himself actually resenting the kids.
- They were the only reason he was staying in that purgatory of a
- relationship. They were his jailers. Then, to assuage the guilt
- he felt at resenting his own children, he tried to drown them in
- things, flooding them with every gizmo any Madison Avenue
- marketer could conceive. And they began, in their childish
- wisdom, to resent the withdrawal of his love and its replacment
- with things. Given no choice, they began to resent him and love
- the things. When their alienation from him became complete, there
- was no longer any reason for him to stay in the marriage for
- their sake so he left, almost as if it had been a strategem on
- his part. The kids were glad that the court awarded their custody
- to their mother because she had also gotten the 50 inch
- projection TV in the settlement.
- After the divorce, he'd immersed himself in his work, and
- for awhile that seemed to achieve a certain perfection too. With
- all the hours and the tremendous, single-minded dedication he was
- now able to give his work, he quickly rose up the corporate
- ladder. But all too soon he found that success meant that he
- simply got more paper to shuffle from Person A to Person B. He
- was simply a bigger link in an eternally meaningless chain.
- For awhile, he almost believed in the perfection of single
- life: a different woman every night. What a heady feeling! What a
- shot for his ego! But this was the shortest perfection of all. It
- did not take him long to realize that he wanted a relationship,
- not fleeting interactions, and he was not meeting anyone he'd
- want to have a realtionship with.
- So there he was last night, prepared to believe in the
- perfection of solitude, until Liz walked into his life. Now,
- what was he to do? Perfection had hurt him so much in the past.
- And, then, his heart finally spoke up, and he knew what it
- said was true. Perfection had not worked for him in the past
- because he had tried to use it for more than it was meant for.
- Perfection, by definition, cannot be improved on, and if you try,
- you destroy it. He had wanted his mother's nursing to last
- forever, and perfection was only able to exist in one moment at a
- time. He had tried to use little Jennie as a status symbol, and
- she had done the same to him, moving on when she found someone
- with more status. Neither he nor his friends had been "involved"
- because of the issues themselves, but only because, in that place
- and time, "involvement" bestowed social acceptance. When they
- reached an age where social acceptance was bestowed for other
- reasons, such as a good job and a house in suburbia, they'd opted
- for that instead. God, and this hurt the most, he'd tried to use
- the kids; first as a validation of his bad marriage, and then as
- his passport out. One after the other, he'd accepted perfection,
- not for the joy of perfection itself, but for other reasons,
- reasons that eventually destroyed that very perfection.
- And what about Liz? He didn't know how, but he knew with a
- certainty he'd never experienced before that he loved her wholly
- and completely for the perfect love they felt for each other.
- Yes, they'd go on living their own lives, being involved with the
- whole broad spectrum of life, each happy in knowing that,
- somewhere, there was a person they could share those experiences
- with. He knew their lives would be entwined forever, but, even if
- they never saw each other again in this lifetime, the perfection
- of this moment, sitting quietly, shivering with joy, watching her
- lying so beautifully and peacefully in their bed, was enough. He
- loved her so much.
- She stirred, slowly opened her eyes, and caressed him with
- her gaze.
- "How are you doing?" he asked with infinite tenderness.
-
- Yes, we are perfect together, and perfection
- scares me because it would hurt so much to lose it.
- But, damn it, for once in my life I'm going to take a
- chance on happiness.
-
- She blessed him with a smile that he would carry in his
- heart far past the last moments of eternity. "Perfect," she
- purred.
- He knew everything was going to be all right.
-
- The End
-
-
- *************************************************************************
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- +++++++++++++[All original text is Copr.1990 by Kenneth Jamieson]++++++++++++
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- --
- David Zinkin (drz@po.cwru.edu) -- RGH Radiology and CWRU Psych/Chem ('92)
-
- "You know, you perplex me. Normally, people who lack physical appeal make
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