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- Banned From the Pages of the Muddraker
-
- Now available to you on the walls of Harvey Mudd
-
- The following letter to the editor was submit to the
- Muddraker Staff last week and was deemed inappropriate for
- the publication. Feeling a bit rejected I decided to go
- ahead and print it on my own and let you see for yourself.
- I suggest you read it and let the editors of the Muddraker
- know how you feel about their decision; pro or con.
-
- a GANG OF FOUR wallposter production
-
-
- To the editor:
-
- I must honestly admit that in the past I had found
- most of your letters to the editor to be a bit on the
- fictitious side. My cynicism, however, was dispelled last
- week when the most unbelievable thing happened to me at the
- library. I was quietly working at a table when the most
- beautiful girl silently approached and took the seat
- directly across from me. Normally I would have suspected
- something, but the library was quite crowded that night and
- I had noticed her pass by once our twice looking for a place
- to sit. What was to happen next can only be described as
- phenomenal.
-
- She coyly removed her coat and started to make
- herself comfortable. As I started to return to my work I
- was drawn away by the unmistakable sound of a zipper.
- Meagerly I looked up and thought I saw a flash of pink as
- she removed a book from her backpack. I felt my blood start
- to stir as the color flashed through my mind. Thoughts of
- another all-nighter quickly forced my attention back to the
- work in front of me. At the end of every problem I glanced
- up under the pretense of checking to see what time it was.
- The first time I did this, I noticed her head turn quickly
- from me to the work before her. It was not until the third
- time that I had tried my clock ploy that I suddenly realized
- that all the time she had been staring at my bulging H&R,
- (which in all modesty I must admit is over 10-inches long
- and quite thick, truly an awesome sight). The next time I
- looked up, having finished the problem set, I immediately
- trained my eyes to her face. She quickly realized I had
- discovered the source of her longing. She feigned a blush
- and started to collect her things as if to leave, but she
- was able to discard her inhibitions and started to converse.
-
- I learned that her name was "Sappho" (not her real
- name) and that she was taking physics at Pomona. She
- admitted that she had been staring at my usually large book
- and that and stated that she wished to examine it more
- closely in order to work out a problem that had been
- troubling her for some time. Eagerly I agreed and
- volunteered to help her with her problem. She reached for
- her backpack and began to unzip it. Though this time, her
- movements were slow and sensuous. She exposed to my view
- the bright pink notebook in its full glory. I now
- understood how my previous glimpses were able to unleash
- such passion as I once again began to be won over by this
- object. She invitingly opened the notebook to the middle
- and showed me her problem. It was a simple problem of
- harmonic oscillation and frictional forces.
-
- I reached to my pocket and whipped out my mechanical
- pencil, and with a few quick pushes on the base the hard
- lead emerged triumphantly from the tip of the pencil. I
- leaned over the table, but then I hesitated before writing
- anything down. Sensing the reason for my hesitation, she
- injected that she had brought along her eraser and told me
- there was no need to worry about making a mistake. Without
- further ado I began making fierce strokes of the pencil on
- the waiting pages of her notebook. My strong and meaningful
- strokes translated my abstract understanding of her problem
- to the physical realization she had hoped for. As I reached
- the conclusion of the problem my strokes became quicker and
- I saw the expression of delight fill her face. When I
- finished she let out a sigh of exhaustion and thanked me for
- all I had done. She leaned back and explained she got a lot
- more out of doing it this way with me than when she than
- when she worked on it by herself.
-
- Seeing that I too was pleased, she told me she had
- another problem and asked if I would like to help some more.
- Needless to say I agreed. Sappho explained that this
- problem was solved in the back of her book, but when she
- tried to work the problem backwards by herself she got
- nowhere. I flipped over the notebook and began work on the
- fresh page. This problem was a little tougher. I began
- slowly to make sure she followed my meaning. Slowly the
- problem became less sticky and progress was made more
- steadily. Again I watched her face for signs, so as not to
- rush ahead and leave her behind, but her face told the whole
- story as she smiled with approval. With the solution she
- gently folded up her notebook and returned it to her
- backpack. She thanked me and said she would like to do this
- again sometime. Since that day I have helped Sappho many
- times with her physic, yet that first time will always stick
- out in my mind.
-
- Name and Address withheld
-