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-
- A man died, and went to heaven. As he approached the gate he
- thought of all the things he had done wrong, and became sure he wouldn't
- get in. But St Peter met him at the door, and said "Come on in. We're
- glad to have you here!"
- The man entered, and commented "I didn't think I'd get in with
- my record."
- St Peter replied "Ah, but this is heaven, and we want all to
- come in. Strictly forgive and forget here, WELCOME!"
- "Wow, well thank you."
- As they proceded into heaven they passed a group of people kicking
- each other, crying, and pulling out their hair. The man couldn't help
- commenting, and St Peter replied "Oh, they also thought we kept records."
-
- * * *
-
- A man died and went to hell. When the devil came up to him,
- he said, "Son, you have your choice of staying in three rooms. I will
- show you each room, and you can decide which you want to stay in".
- The man agreed (he didn't have much choice after all), and they went
- to the first room.
- In the first room, there were 10,000 beautiful girls, and 50 guys.
- All of the guys were having the time of their lives. The man said,
- "Hell, I had enough of that when I was living. No" So the devil took
- him to the next room.
- In the second room, there were men and women all sitting around
- using whatever drugs they wanted to use. And they were really high.
- The man said "I had enough of that in my life too. No"
- So they went to the third room. In this room there were hundreds
- of men standing in 5 feet of shit. And it really reeked. The man
- said, "Hey, this is something I haven't tried. Ok, devil, I'll stay
- in this room."
- The devil reminded him, "Now you will stay here for eternity if
- you choose here." The man said, "Yeah, I know." So the devil left him.
- He muddled his way into the room, and talked with some of the guys
- for a while, when the guy in charge of the room said "Ok, everybody,
- breaks over! Back on your heads!"