Amiga ISO Collection/AmigaDemoCD2.iso/ASCII/TEXTE/SEX/ADULTSHARE/G/GETTING8.TXT

Text File | 1989-02-19 | 11.9 KB | 216 lines

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                  Getting what you really want, Part Eight
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                             by Nicolus Tails
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        It had been more than two days since Aron's funeral.  No one had
talked much about him.  Tim had been staying with me for several days, since
something serious had evolved.  But more than that...something good.
        I missed Aron, I really did.  I didn't have any idea how much I
really cared about him, and I guess you really don't until they die, but it
actually shocked me how much it hurt me.  I was irritable, almost to the
point where Tim would get mad and walk out the door when I would start
arguing.  I was hurt, I was depressed, and I felt bad for pushing my feelings
onto other people.  Too many times I had sat down and cried over what had
happened.
        I visited the place Aron would remain.  His parents had bought an
elaborate stone for a marker, but it didn't fit.  It somehow gave you the
impression that he was one of the upper class, rich snobs that looked down on
anybody who made less of a salary than they did.  But Aron wasn't like that.
I don't care what anyone says, Aron was a real human inside.  But I didn't
know how much until I talked to Justin.

        Justin had come over a few times in the past few days, but it was
always for idle conversation.  Nothing ever serious came from it.  We would
always talk about this, and talk about that...but nothing really.

        It was Saturday Night.  Tim and I had just finished eating, Justin
showed up.  By this time, I had known it was him.  Tim answered the door, and
Justin walked into the living room.
        "I figured it was you," I told him.
        He looked at me.  He looked at me with the type of expression that
immediately lets you know something has gone wrong.  I stopped, and just on
reaction, walked to a chair and sat down, not knowing what to expect him to
say.
        "Justin, is there something wrong?"
        He fell back against the sofa.  He looked like he was in emotional
pain.
        "Justin, what is it?"
        Still, no answer.  He was silent.  It was like he was dying inside. I
got up, and sat down next to him.  I put my hand on his shoulder, and looked
up to Tim in front of me for suggestions.  He was as blank as I was.
        "Justin" I said, practically begging him to talk to me.
        "Oh God..." he whined, as he started to break apart.  I pulled him
over to me, and held him for a few minutes, as he was crying into my chest.
It pained me not to know what to do for him.  I looked at Tim, who was
looking at Justin.  No one said anything.

        About an hour later, Justin was lying down on my bed.  He was still
upset, but becoming more emotionally stable as time passed.  I sat up on the
bed, and Tim was sitting on the dresser in the bedroom.  I still didn't know
what to do, but Justin started speaking.
        "Nick, I'm sorry about this," he told me.
        "Don't worry about it.  Really.  I understand.  I guess I'd expect it
if the same thing happened to me."
        More silence.  I could hear my digital clock, it was so quiet in
there.
        "Can I talk to you.  I mean, really talk?" he asked.  I motioned for
him to continue.
        "I don't mean to be a bother or anything...I just...It...(He paused,
and started again.)...I got into an arguement with Aron the night he left. We
were mad at each other, something to do with...I dunno...I think I got mad at
him because he wouldn't cooperate or something...I got mad, I told him off,
and told him I'd be better of if he died tomorrow."
        I sank down into the bed.  Now it was starting to make sense, at
least the immediate depression.  I put my hand around Justin, some sort of
dubious comfort, but moot at best.  I tried to think of ways to make him feel
better.
        "What kind of thing did you do together?" I asked.  He stayed quiet
for a long time, then continued.
        "One of the best times was about the end of last year.  We were
running around together, this was shortly after you started to help out with
the course in school:

        "Justin, get out here!" Aron yelled.  He was sitting in his car in
front of Justin's house.  Justin scrambled out.
        "I'm hurrying!" he yelled back, almost tripping over himself.  He got
in the car, and they went off.
        "Didn't you say this thing started at 11pm?" Aron asked.
        "Sometime around there.  You can slow down, I think this car is
capable of going under 95."
        Aron eased up, and stared into the night sky.
        "Look," Aron said, point up.  Justin gazed into the field of lights
above.  The light from the city was getting dimmer as they left the limits,
and the sky kept getting darker.
        They pulled up to a lit house, out in the country.  Lots of cars were
parked in the area.  They walked up, and went inside.
        Loud music filled the house, people were crammed from one side to the
other.  Aron and Justin had to squeeze through, and eventually went into the
kitchen.
        "I'll be right back," Aron told Justin.  Aron walked into the next
room, and Justin walked to the doorway.  Aron went up to two of the guys
there, and started talking to them.  Justin couldn't hear what was going on,
but he noticed some money and a bag change hands.  Aron stuffed the bag into
his jacket, and then placed it in a cabnit in the kitchen.  Justin walked up.
        "What was that?"
        "What was what?" Aron replied, acting innocent.
        "The what, the bag."
        "Nothing.  Forget it.  Go have fun."
        "I'm just asking what it was," Justin begged.
        "And I'm telling you it's none of your damn business!" Aron shot
back.  Justin stood surprised, then turned, and walked out.  Aron just shook
his head and walked into the crowd.

        "I don't remember now how I got home," Justin told me, sinking deeper
into my bed.  "I think I got a ride from someone, but that was a little while
back."
        "Did you ever find out what it was?" Tim asked him.
        "No.  I asked, but he always pushed it off like he did the first
time.  He never apologized for snapping either.  It was the wrong crowd that
did it."
        I fell back onto the bed, thinking about it.  It certainly was a
different Aron that I had gotten to know toward the end.  I told Justin that.
        "Well you know that first time I met him?" I asked Justin.
        "Sure."
        "Well, that was the first time that I really saw Aron as a person. He
was gentle, considerate.  I really loved that.  But after a few months, we
started to slip apart.  He was with the wrong people, doing the wrong
things...I just..."
        Justin slowed.  He started to slip back again, getting upset.  I
looked at Tim for support.
        "Need another story about Aron?" Tim asked.
        "What do you mean?"
        "I was around him for a while.  I remember I was over at his house,
this is when we were still in High school, last winter:

        "Have you got a glass?" Tim asked Aron with a mouthful of toothpaste.
Aron ran into the kitchen and got one.  He brought it to Tim.
        Aron walked over to the stereo and turned it on.  One of the soft
stations that Aron's parents listened to was on, and Aron was fixing to
change it when...
        "Wait, leave it there," Tim interjected.  Aron shrugged and left it
alone.  He walked over and got a couple of drinks for himself and Tim.  Tim
finished in the bathroom, and sat down on the couch with Aron.  The night was
cold outside, but inside the fire in the fireplace cracked and heated the
room.
        Since Aron's parents were on vacation, as they were most of the time
on weekends, they were alone.  Aron got up and sat down in front of the
fireplace, and Tim did the same.  The lights were soft, and the music filled
the room.  The glow from the fireplace illuminated the two as they relaxed.
        Aron was watching Tim.  An occasional glance at first, but gradually
it increased more and more.  Aron realized what he was doing and stopped
himself.
        "So, do you have any idea what colleage you're planning to go to?"
Aron asked.
        Tim looked surprised.  "Are we talking about school?"
        "Have you got another topic?"
        Tim just shrugged, and warmed his hands against the heat of the fire.
"I don't know, actually.  Hadn't given it much thought."
        "Are you planning to go onto colleage?"
        "Sure."
        "Are you Gay?"
        Tim stopped moving, and looked over at Aron.
        "What did you ask?" Tim inquired.
        Aron shook his head.  "Never mind, ignore that."
        "No, I want to know what you asked?"
        "Nothing, forget about it," Aron told him.  Tim just paused.
        "Besides," Aron started, "I think you know what I asked anyway."
        Tim had to stop for a moment.  "So much for small talk."
        "Are you?" Aron persisted.
        "Why do you ask?"
        "Just a curious feeling," Aron told him.  Tim still was a little
surprised.
        "All right, assuming I was, what difference would it make?"
        "None, really," Aron said.  "I just asked."
        Tim didn't say anything.  He looked back into the fire.  He looked
back at Aron, who he found looking at him.
        Tim said, "You're Gay too, aren't you?"
        Aron didn't say anything, he just continued to look at him, then he
turned at watched the fire.

        "That was almost as good as answering me," Tim said.  I looked down
at Justin, who was half asleep, half thinking.  Somehow he had this image of
a little boy who had just realized there was no Santa.  Only the situation
was a little more real.
        "Come on," I said, shaking Justin out of his daze.  He really did
look a lot better than he did to start with.  I got him up, and gave him a
hug, and Tim did the same.  We walked into the living room.  It was pretty
dark outside, the day had slipped away from us.  Justin looked out my windows
into the sky.
        "Nick, come here," he called.  I walked over, and he pointed out to
the sky.
        "See that constallation?" he asked.  I looked up.
        "Leo?"
        "Yeah.  That's the first one I saw when I was with Aron that first
night in the car.  When we ran out of gas.  We started stargazing, and we
both found that one together."  He continued to stare up in the sky.  "Aron
was a Leo," he told me.  I searched the sky and found a few more, but Justin
continued to look at that one.  I rested my hand on his shoulder, then walked
into the kitchen, ajacent to the dining room where he was.
        "Do you mind if I stay here for tonight?" he asked.
        "No problem.  Do you want to stay in the spare bedroom or on the
couch?"
        "Isn't Tim using the spare bedroom?"  I poked my head under the row
of cabnits and looked at him.  "Oh," he said.  I smiled, and went to the
fridge.  "Doesn't matter."

        I woke up sometime during the night and walked to the big windows,
looking out.  The night had cleared all the clouds that remained in the sky,
so it was relatively clear.  I looked for Leo, but it had already set in the
distance.  I thought of Aron.  I wondered what he was doing right now, if he
could do anything at all.  I started thinking about life and death, and all
the usual things you wonder about when a close friend or relative dies.  I
wasn't sure exactly what happened, but I didn't worry about it.
        Sometimes, when a person dies, he doesn't really die.  He just puts
his life into those around him, and in that sense, lives forever.  For if
someone is remembered, then they never really die at all.  And sometimes,
they live more after death, than they ever did before.


>>>Nick Tails

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