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- @BEGIN_FILE_ID.DIZ
- GARDENING & SEXUAL FULFILLMENT@END_FILE_ID.DIZ
-
- by Coco LaMestres
-
-
- CHAPTER ONE - MOWERS & MENARCH
-
- There is nothing quite as sensual as sunrise over a jungle
- monolith. As a young child, before my first menarchal fertility
- rite, I would scamper into the bush very very early every morning
- in order to witness the glory of the Heavenly One. I would feel
- the sun's heat on my brown face and the crack between my legs
- would grow wet. I did not know then what I know now; I did not
- know why it happened. I thought it was a gift from Him.
-
- As an adult living in San Diego, working for a wealthy family
- (trimming bushes, mowing lawns, fertilizing), living in a very
- nice poolhouse out beyond the Quaking Aspen grove, I found myself
- with plenty of time to examine my condition, now sexless for 20
- years, yet sexually satisfied beyond my wildest dreams. I felt
- like the women of a Bulwer-Lytton novel: full of fancy and salty
- from the sea. I yearned for Tijuana and the expensive boys who
- leaned against adobe most of the day, but I prayed to my Gods for
- understanding. This book is the result.
-
- Over the course of the years I have had many pupils. When I
- was a young woman I enjoyed drinking from the mounds of other
- women (what we Mayans call "Maidenwater") and from the penises of
- boys (what we Mayans call "Agua Trabajo"). From these encounters
- I established a philosophy that I live with to this day:
- Never turn down a blowjob from a Mayan. They are and will always
- be the best. I am grateful to the Heavenly Ones that I am able to
- pass my knowledge on to generations of young Americans.
-
- I do not take credit for my expertise, nor do I take credit for
- the hundreds of pupils I have sent forth to places like Barstow and
- Los Gatos, with a piece of me lingering in their hearts. My Gift is
- the Gift of the Heavenly Ones. I am the foot soldier and my Gods
- are the decision makers.
-
- I now watch the sun rise over the Pacific and my loins heat and
- grow damp with longing for the boys and girls I sent off to make
- love among the non-Mayans. A good Mayan woman will always remember
- every blowjob she gave, and every penis that made her scream like a
- Macaw.
-
- The value of properly trimming a hedge, then forcing a white
- skinned boy to perform cunnilingus under it, is the coupling of
- Heaven and Earth. A tree shaped with love, a knothole expanded and
- greased for a hard penis is the coupling of Nature and Flesh. A lawn
- mowed by steel blade and sweat without benefit of gasoline or vinyl
- cushion brings a fatigue that can only be satisfied by cunnilingus
- and nylon rope.
-
- A girl came to me in the spring of 1981. Her name was Shelagh
- McKenzie, a firey name for a willowy large breasted brunette who
- had no knowledge of oral sex and found herself masturbating most
- nights with an attachment that came with her mother's electric
- shaver. Ironically, the small tool's vibrations from faulty design
- was her boon for two years until it stopped being entertaining.
- I was more than happy to take Shelagh at her word and moved her into
- the poolhouse immediately. She swore the usual Mayan oath of
- allegiance (roughly translated, "May my vagina/penis be cut out/off
- by a lawnmower blade if I speak of what happens in Coco's tent".)
- I pricked her finger with some hedge shears (medium-sized forged
- steel) and we went to work that night. Old Sages say the work of
- a Mayan is an inside job, and that is where Shelagh and myself
- began. I instructed her to remove her clothes and dainty under-
- -garments and with my tongue forged in the Heavenly One's garden,
- I began my Mayan licking, ignoring the blood of her monthly
- mistake. Shelagh was the perfect pupil. I did not have to teach
- her to moan or scream, she felt my tongue lashes against her red
- labia and cried out for more. She knew nothing before the shaver
- and I ate at her hungrily like a Toro Electric Mower ($249.95 at
- The Home Club on Escadero Avenue in Old Town).
-
- Shelagh's lips were sealed by mine and I sent her out into
- the world of anxious sailors and pockmarked teens with a sense of
- pride and a healthy appetite. She took with her one of the many
- xerox copies of my book and her vow to never reveal from whence her
- knowledge came. She now lives with a lawyer in Capistrano and I
- have heard from a reliable member of the SATAN'S SLAVES Motorcycle
- Club that her lawn is splendid.
-
- When I received word that all was well with Shelagh, I slept
- with a full heart and her shaver against my inner thigh.
-
- Coming next: CHAPTER TWO - WEED-EATING WIDOWS
-
-