home *** CD-ROM | disk | FTP | other *** search
- eel.txt
- How to kill a South Dakota eel
- (A true story)
-
- Little Johnny was 12 years old and, like other boys his age,
- was rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about
- "courting" from the older boys and he wondered what it was
- and how it was done. One day, he took his questions to his
- mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining
- things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtain one
- night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he
- did. The following morning, Johnny described everything to
- his mother in detail:
-
- "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he
- turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and
- hugging her. I figured Sis must be getting sick because her
- face started looking funny. He must have thought so too,
- because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart
- just like the doctor would except he's not as smart as the
- doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart.
-
- I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of
- them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other
- hand must have been cold because he put it in under her skirt.
- About this time, Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and
- squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This
- was when the fever started. I knew it was fever because Sis
- told him she felt really hot.
-
- Finally, I found out what was making them sick... A big eel had
- gotten inside of him somehow. It just jumped out of his pants
- and stood there about 10 inches long, honest. Anyway, he grabbed
- it in one hand to keep it from getting away.
-
- When Sis saw it, she got really scared. Her eyes got big and her
- mouth fell open and she started calling out to god and stuff like
- that. She said it was the biggest one she had ever seen. (I should
- tell her about the ones down at the lake.)
-
- "Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting it's
- head off. All of sudden, she made a noise and she let the eel
- go....I guess it bit her back.
-
- Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took
- a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to
- keep it from biting again.
-
- "Sis layed back and spread her legs so she could get a scissors-
- lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel.
-
- "The eel put up a helluva fight." Sis started groaning and squealing
- and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill
- the eel by squashing it between them.
-
- After a while, they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her
- boyfriend got up and sure enough they had killed the eel. I knew
- it was dead because it just hung there, limp with some of it's
- insides hanging out.
-
- "Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but
- went back to "courting" anyway. He started hugging and kissing
- her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead. It jumped straight up
- and started fighting again. I guess eels are like cats... they
- have nine lives or something.
-
- "this time Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on
- it. After a 5 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I
- knew it was dead this time because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel
- it's skin off and flush it down the toilet."
-