Amiga ISO Collection/AmigaDemoCD2.iso/ASCII/TEXTE/SEX/ADULTSHARE/D/DILIME.TXT

Text File | 1985-10-07 | 125.2 KB | 4,017 lines

1    There was a young girl of Aberystwyth
    Who took grain to the mill to get grist with.
          The miller's sun, Jack,
      Laid her flat on her back,
    And united the organs they pissed with.

2    There was a young lady of Arden,
        The tool of whose swain wouldn't harden.
      Said she with a frown,
          "I've been sadly let down
    By the tool of a fool in a garden."

3    There once was a yokel of Beaconsfield
        Engaged to look after the deacon's field,
      But he lurked in the ditches
      And diddled the bitches
        Who happened to cross that antique 'un's field.

4       There's a charming young lady named Beaulieu
        Who's often been screwed by yours truly,
          But now--it's appallin'--
      My balls always fall in!
        I fear that I've fucked her unduly.

5    There was a young girl in Berlin
    Who was fucked by an elderly Finn.
      Though he diddled his best,
      And fucked her with zest,
    She kept asking, "Hey, Pop, is it in?"

6    I wooed a stewed nude in Bermuda,
    I was lewd, but my God! she was lewder.
      She said it was crude
      To be wooed in the nude--
    I persued her, subdued her, and screwed her!

7    There was a young lady of Bicester
    Who was nicer by far than her sister:
      The sister would giggle
      And wiggle and jiggle,
    But this one would come if you kissed her.

8    There once was a son-of-a-bitch,
    Neither clever, nor handsome, nor rich,
      Yet the girls he would dazzle,
      And fuck to a frazzle,
    And then ditch them, the son-of-a-bitch!

9    There once was a young fellow named Blaine,
    And he screwed some disgusting old jane.
      She was ugly and smelly,
      With an awful pot-belly,
    But... well, they were caught in the rain.

10    There was a young sailor form Brighton
        Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one."
          She replied, "'Pon my soul,
          You're in the wrong hole;
        There's plenty of room in the right one.

11    A lacklustre lady of Brougham
    Weaveth all night at her loom.
      Anon she doth blench
      When her lord and his wench
    Pull a chain in the neighbouring room.

12    A middle-aged codger named Bruin
    Found his love life completely a-ruin,
      For he flirted with flirts
      Wearing pants and no skirts,
        And he never got in for no screwin'.

13    There was a young fellow of Burma
    Whose betrothed had good reason to murmur.
          But now that he's married he's
      Been using cantharides
    And the root of their love is much firmer.

14    There was a young fellow from Cal.,
    In bed with a passionate gal.
      He leapt from the bed,
      To the toilet he sped;
    Said the gal, "What about me, old pal?"

15    There was a young man from Calcutta
    Who was heard in his beard to mutter,
      "If her Bartholin glands
          Don't respond to my hands,
        I'm afraid I shall have to use butter."

16    There once was a kiddie named Carr
    Caught a man on top of his mar.
          As he saw him stick 'er,
      He said with a snicker,
    "You do it much faster than par."

17    There was a young fellow named Charteris
        Put his hand where his young lady's garter is.
          Said she, "I don't mind,
          And higher up you'll find
    The place where my fucker and farter is."

18    A young woman got married at Chester,
    Her mother she kissed and she blessed her.
          Says she, "You're in luck,
          He's a stunning good fuck,
        For I've had him myself down in Leicester.

19    "For the tenth time, dull Daphnis," said Chloe,
    "You have told me my bosom is snowy;
      You have made much fine verse on
      Each part of my person,
        Now do something -- there's a good boy!"

20    A maiden who wrote of big cities
    Some songs full of love, fun and pities,
      Sold her stuff at the shop
      Of a musical wop
    Who played with her soft little titties.

21    There once was a gouty old colonel
    Who grew glum when the weather grew vernal,
      And he cried in his tiffin
          For his prick wouldn't stiffen,
    And the size of the thing was infernal.

22    A lady while dining at Crewe
        Found an elephant's whang in her stew.
          Said the waiter, "Don't shout,
          And don't wave it about,
    Or the others will all want one too."

23    There was a young lady of Dee
    Who went down to the river to pee.
      A man in a punt
      Put his hand on her cunt,
    And God! how I wish it were me.

24    I never had Miss Defauw,
        But it wouldn't have been quite so raw
          If she'd only said "No"
      When I wanted her so;
        But she didn't -- she laughed and said "Naw!"

25    A beautiful bell of Del Norte
    Is reckoned disdainful and haughrty
      Because during the day
      She says: "Boys, keep away!"
    But she fucks in the gloaming like forty.

26    A young man by a girl was desired
    To give her the thrills she required,
      But he died of old age
      Ere his cock could assuage
    The volcanic desire it inspired.

27    There was a young lady of Dover
    Whose passion was such that it drove her
      To cry, when you came,
      "Oh dear!  What a shame!
    Well, now we shall have to start over."

28    There was a young man of Dumfries
    Who said to his girl, "If you please,
      It would give me great bliss
    If, while playing with this,
    You would pay some attention to these!"

29    There was a young lady of Ealing
    And her lover before her was kneeling.
      Said she, "Dearest Jim,
      Take your hands off my quim;
    I much prefer fucking to feeling."

30    A lonely young lad of Eaton
    Used always to sleep with the heat on,
      Till he ran into a lass
      Who showed him her ass --
    Now they sleep with only a sheet on.

31    There was a young lady of Exeter,
    So pretty, that men craned their necks at her.
      One was even so brave
      As to take out and wave
    The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.

32    There was a young lady of fashion
    Who had oodles and oodles of passion.
      To her lover she said,
      As  they climbed into bed,
        "Here's one thing the bastards can't ration!"

33    There was a young girl in Dakota
    Had a letter from Ickes; he wrote her:
      "In addition to gas
      We are rationing ass,
        And you've greatly exceeded your quota."

34    There was a young lady named Flynn
    Who thought fornication a sin,
      But when she was tight
      It seemed quite all right,
    So everyone filled her with gin.

35    A reckless young lady of France
    Had no qualms about taking a chance,
      But she thought it was crude
      To get screwed in the nude,
    So she always went home with damp pants.

36    A nervous young fellow named Fred
    Took a charming young widow to bed.
          When he'd diddled a while
      She remarked with a smile,
        "You've got it all in but the head."

37    There was a young fellow named Fyfe
    Whose marriage was ruined for life,
      For he had an aversion
      To every perversion
    And only liked fucking his wife.

    Well, one year the poor woman struck,
    And she wept, and she cursed at her luck,
      And said, "Where have you gotten us
      With your goddamn monotonous
    Fuck after fuck after fuck?

    "I once knew a harlot named Lou --
    And a versatile girl she was, too.
      After ten years of whoredom
      She perished of boredom
    When she married a jackass like you!"

40    There was a young lady of Gloucester,
    Met a passionate fellow who tossed her.
          She wasn't much hurt,
      But he dirtied her skirt,
    So think of the anguish it cost her.

41    There was a young lady of Gloucester
    Whose friends they thought they had lost her
      Till they found on the grass
      The marks of her arse,
    And the knees of the man who had crossed her.

42    There was a young fellow named Goody
        Who claimed that he wouldn't, but would he?
      If he found himself nude
      With a gal in the mood
        The question's not woody but could he?

43    In my sweet little Alice Blue gown
    Was the first time I ever laid down,
      I was both proud and shy
      As he opened his fly
    And the moment I saw it I thought I would die.

    Oh it hung almost down to the ground,
    As it went in I made not a sound,
      The more that he shoved it
      The more that I loved it,
    As he came on my Alice Blue gown.

45    In my sweet little night gown of blue,
    On the first night that I slept with you,
      I was both shy and scared
      As the bed was prepared,
    And you played peekaboo with my ribbons of blue.

    As we both watched the break of day,
    And in peaceful submission I lay,
      You said you adored it
      But dammit, you tore it,
    My sweet little night gown of blue.

47    Winter is here with his grouch,
    The time when you sneeze and slouch.
          You can't take your women
          Canoein' or swimmin',
    But a lot can be done on a couch.

48      It always delights me at Hank's
    To walk up the old river banks.
      One time in the grass
      I stepped on an ass,
    And heard a young girl murmur, "Thanks."

49    There was a young girl from Hong Kong
    Who said, "You are utterly wrong
      To say my vagina
          's the largest in China
    Just because of your mean little dong."

50      There once was a sad Maitre d'hotel
    Who said, "They can all go to hell!
      What they do to my wife --
      Why it ruins my life;
    And the worst is they all do it well."

51    There was a young man named Hughes
    Who swore off all kinds of booze.
          He said, "When I'm muddled
      My senses get fuddled,
    And I pass up too many screws."

52    There were three ladies of Huxham,
        And whenever we meets 'em we fucks 'em,
      And when that game grows stale
      We sits on a rail,
        And pulls out our pricks and they sucks 'em.

53    There was a young lady named Inge
    Who went on a binge with a dinge.
          Now I won't breathe a word
      O f what really occured --
    But her cunt has a chocolate fringe.

54    An octagenerian Jew
    To his wife remained steadfastly true.
      This was not from compunction,
      But due to dysfunction
    Of his spermatic glands -- nuts to you.

55      "Snyder's got a stiff ticket," said Kay,
        "Come on, take it out, and let's play."
      He pulled it on out,
      But she started to pout,
    His ticket was only a quarter-inch stout.

56    A pansy who lived in Khartoum
    Took a lesbian up to his room,
      And they argued all night
      Over who had the right
    To do what, and with which, and to whom.

57    There was an old lady who lay
    With her legs wide apart in the hay,
      Then, calling the ploughman,
      She said, "Do it now, man!
        Don't wait till your hair has turned gray."

58    There was a young lady of Lee
    Who scrambled up into a tree,
      When she got there
      Her arsehole was bare,
    And so was her K U N T.

59    A worn-out young husband named Lehr
        Her daily his wife's plaintive prayer:
      "Slip on a sheath, quick,
      Then slip your big dick
    Between these lips covered with hair."

60    There was a young plumber of Leigh
    Who was plumbing a girl by the sea.
      She said, "Stop the plumbing,
          There's somebody coming!"
        Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me."

61    Il y avait  un plombier, Francois,
    Qui plombait sa femme dans le Bois.
      Dit-elle, "Arretez!
          J'entends quelqu'un venait."
        Dit le plombier, en plombant, "C'est moi."

62    Es gibt ein Arbeiter von Tinz,
    Er schlaft mit ein Madel von Linz.
          Sie sagt, "Halt sein' plummen,
      Ich hore Mann kommen."
    "Jacht, jacht," sagt der Plummer, "Ich binz."

63    Prope mare erat tubulator
    Qui virginem ingrediebatur.
      Dessine ingressus
      Audivi progressus:
    Est mihi inquit tubulator.

64    Have you heard of knock-kneed Samuel McGuzzum
    Who married Samantha, his bow-legged cousin?
      Some people say,
      Love finds a way,
        But for Sam and Samantha it doesn'.

65    In bed Dr. Oscar McPugh
    Spoke of Spengler -- and ate crackers too.
      His wife said, "Oh, stuff
      That philosophy guff
    Up your ass, dear, and throw me a screw!"

66    There was a young lady named Maud
    A terrible society fraud:
          In company, I'm told
      She was awfully cold.
    But if you got her alone, Oh God!

67    There was a young lady named May
    Who strolled in a park by the way,
      And she met a youg man
      Who fucked her and ran --
    Now she goes to the park every day.

68    There once was a Swede in Minneapolis,
    Discovered his sex life was hapless:
      The more he would screw
          The more he'd want to,
    And he feared he would soon be quite sapless.

69    There was a young dolly named Molly
    Who thought that to frig was a folly.
      Said she, "Your pee-pee
      Means nothing to me,
        But I'll do it just to be jolly."

70    Of his face she thought not very much,
    But then, at the very first touch,
      Her attitude shifted --
      He was terribly gifted
    At frigging and fucking and such.

71      The King plugged the Queen's ass with mustard
    To make her fuck hot, but got flustered,
      And cried, "Oh, my dear,
      I am coming, I fear,
        But the mustard will make you come `plus tard'."

72    There was a young lad from Nahant
    Who was made like the Sensitve Plant.
      When asked, "Do you fuck?"
      He replied, "No such luck.
        I would if I could but I can't."

73    There was a young man of Natal
    Who was fucking a Hottentot gal.
          Said she, "You're a sluggard!"
      Said he, "You be buggered!
    I like to fuck slow and I shall."

74    There was a young man of Natal
    And Sue was the name of his gal.
      One day, north of Aden,
      He got his hard rod in,
    And came clear up Suez Canal.

75    There was a gay dog from Ontario
    Who fancied himself a Lothario.
          At a wench's glance
          He'd snatch off his pants
    And make for her Mons Venerio.

76    There was a young man of Ostend
    Who let a girl play with his end.
      She took hold of Rover,
      And felt it all over,
        And it did what she didn't intend.

77    There was a young man of Ostend
    Whose wife caught him fucking her friend.
          "It's no use, my duck,
      Interrupting our fuck,
        For I'm damned if I draw till I spend."

78    There was a young fellow from Parma
    Who was solemnly screwing his charmer.
      Said the damsel, demure,
          "You'll excuse me, I'm sure,
    But I must say you fuck like a farmer."

79    A newly-wed man of Peru
    Found himself in a terrible stew:
      His wife was in bed
      Much deader than dead,
    And so he had no one to screw.

80    There was a young girl of Pitlochry
    Who was had by a man in a rockery.
          Sh said, "Oh! You've come
      All over my bum;
        This isn't a fuck -- it's a mockery."

81    There was a young lady from Prentice
    Who had an affair with a dentist.
      To make things easier
      He used anesthesia,
        And diddled her, `non compos mentis'.

82    There was a young man with a prick
    Which into his wife he would stick
      Every morning and night
      If it stood up all right --
    Not a very remarkable trick.

    His wife had a nice little cunt:
    It was hairy, and soft, and in front,
      And with this she would fuck him,
          Though sometimes she'd suck him --
    A charming, if commonplace, stunt.

84    There was a young man from Purdue
    Who was only just learning to screw,
          But he hadn't the knack,
      And he got too far back --
    In the right church, but in the wrong pew.

85    A young lady sat on a quay,
    Just as propper as propper could be.
      A young fellow goosed her,
      And roughly seduced her,
    So she thanked him and went home to tea.

86    I once was annoyed by a queer
    Who made his intentions quite clear.
          Said I, "I'm no prude,
          So don't think me rude,
        But I'm already stewed, screwed, and tattooed."

87    A young wife in the outskirts of Reims
    Preferred frigging to going to mass.
      Said her husband, "Take Jacques,
      Or any young cock,
    For I cannot live up to your ass."

88    The King named Oedipus Rex
    Who started this fuss about sex
      Put the world to great pains
      By the spots and the stains
        Which he made on his mother's pubex.

89    Now hear this fair lass from Rhode Isle
    Who said with a wink and a smile,
      "Sure, please stick it in,
      Be it thick be it thin,
        But if's rough I won't do as a file."

90    There was a young lady of Rhyll
    In an omnibus was taken ill,
      So she called the conductor,
      Who got in and fucked her,
    Which did more good than a pill.

91    There was a young German named Ringer
    Who was screwing an opera singer.
      Said he with a grin,
          "Well, I've sure got it in!"
        Said she, "You mean that ain't your finger?"

92    A young violinist from Rio
    Was seducing a lady named Cleo.
      As she took down her panties
      She said, "No andantes;
    I want this allegro con brio!"

93    A young Juliet of St. Louis
    On a balcony stood acting screwy.
      Her Romeo climbed,
          But he wasn't well timed,
    And half-way up, off he went -- blooey!

94    Said a lecherous fellow named Shea,
        When his prick wouldn't rise for a lay,
      "You must sieze it, and squeeze it,
      And tease it, and please it,
        For Rome wasn't built in a day."

95    There was a young man from Siam
    Who said, "I go in with a wham,
      But I soon lose my starch
      Like the mad month of March,
    And the lion comes out like a lamb."

96    Prince Absalom lay with his sister
    And bundled and nibbled and kissed her,
      But the kid was so tight,
      And it was deep night --
    Though he shot at the target, he missed her.

97    There was a young fellow named Skinner
    Who took a young lady to dinner
      At a quarter to nine
      They sat down to dine;
    At twenty to ten it was in her.
      The dinner, not Skinner --
    Skinner was in her before dinner.

    There was a young fellow named Tupper
    Who took a young lady to supper.
      At a quarter to nine
      They sat down to dine,
    And at twenty to ten it was up her.
      Not the supper -- not Tupper --
    It was some son-of-a-bitch named Skinner!

99    "My back aches.  My penis is sore.
        I simply can't fuck any more.
          I'm dripping with sweat,
          And you haven't come yet;
        And, my God! it's a quarter to four!"

100    There was a young lady of Spain
    Who took down her pants on a train.
      There was ayoung porter
      Saw more than he orter,
    And asked her to do it again.

101    There was a young man of high station
    Who was found by a  pious relation
      Making love in a ditch
          To -- I won't say a bitch --
    But a woman of no reputation.

102    There once was a dentist named Stone
    Who saw all his patients alone.
      In a fit of depravity
      He filled the wrong cavity,
    And my, how his practice has grown!

103    A sailor who slept in the sun
    Woke to find his fly buttons undone.
      He remarked with a smile,
      "Jesus Christ, a sundial!
        And it's now a quarter past one."

104    A plumber whose name was Ten Brink
        Plumbed the cook as she bent o'er the sink.
      Her resistance was stout,
      And Ten Bring petered out
    With his pipe-wrench all limber and pink.

105    The spouse of a pretty young thing
    Came home from the wars in the spring.
      He was lame but he came
      With his dame like a flame --
    A discharge is a wondeful thing.

106    I wonder what my wife will want tonight;
    Wonder if the wife will fuss and fight?
      I wonder can she tell
          That I've been raising hell;
        Wonder if she'll know that I've been tight?

    My wife is just as nice as can be,
        I hope she doesn't feel to nice toward me,
      For an afternoon of joy
      Is hell on the old boy.
    I wonder what the wife will want tonight!

108     There's an unbroken babe from Toronto,
    Exceedingly hard to get onto,
      But when you get there,
      And have parted the hair,
    You can fuck her as much as you want to.

109    Une joile epousetta a Tours
    Voulait de gig-gig tous le jours.
      Mais le mari disait, "Non!
          De trop n'est pas bon!
    Mon derriere exige du secours!"

110    A pretty wife living in Tours
    Demanded her daily amour.
      But the husband said, "No!
          It's to much.  Let it go!
    My backsides are dragging the floor."

111    In the shade of the old apple tree
    Where between her fat legs I could see
      A little brown spot
      With the hair in a knot,
    And it certainly looked good to me.

    I asked as I tickled her tit
    If she thought that my big thing would fit.
      She said it would do
      So we had a good screw
    In the shade of the old apple tree.

    In the shade of the old apple tree
    I got all that was coming to me.
      In the soft dewy grass
      I had a fine piece of ass
    From a maiden that was fine to see.

    I could hear the dull buzz of the bee
    As he sunk his grub hooks into me.
      Her ass it was fine
      But you should have seen mine
    In the shade of the old apple tree.

115    A lad from far-off Transvaal
    Was lustful, but tactful withal.
          He'd say, just for luck,
          "Mam'selle, do you fuck?"
        But he'd bow till he almost would crawl.

116    There was a young lady of Twickenham
        Who thought men had not enough prick in 'em.
      On her knees every day
      To god she would pray
        To lengthen and stregthen and thicken 'em.

117    There was a young lady named Twiss
    Who said she thought fucking a bliss,
      For it tickled her bum
      And caused her to come
    .siht gniyl ylbatrofmoc elihW

118    There once was a husky young Viking
    Whose sexual prowess was striking.
      Every time he got hot
      He would scour the twat
    Of some girl that might be to his liking.

119    At the moment Japan declared war
    A sailor was fucking a whore.
      He said, "After this poke
          `Long and hard' ain't no joke;
    This means months till I get back ashore."

120    There was a young lady of Wheeling
        Said to her beau, "I've a feeling
      My little brown jug
      Has need of a plug" --
    And straightaway she started to peeling.

121    Two anglers were fishing off Wight
    And his bobber was dipping all night.
      Murmured she, with a laugh,
          "It's ready to gaff,
        But don't break your rod which is light."

    A couple was fishing near Clombe
    When the maid began looking quite glum,
      And said, "Bother the fish!
          I'd rather coish!"
    Which they did -- which was why they had come.

    As two consular clerks in Madras
    Fished, hidden in deep shore-grass,
      "What a marvelous pole,"
      Said she, "but control
        Your sinkers -- they're banging my ass."

124    Love letters no longer they write us,
    To their homes they so seldom invite us.
      It grieves me to say,
      They have learned with dismay,
        We can't cure their `vulva pruritus'.

125    There was a young student from Yale
    Who was getting his first piece of tail.
      He shoved in his pole,
      But in the wrong hole,
    And a voice from beneath yelled: "No sale!"

126    In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
    Complacently stroking his madam,
      And loud was his mirth
      For on all of the earth
        There were only two balls -- and he had 'em.

127    There was a young bride of Antigua
    Whose husband said, "Dear me, how big you are!"
          Said the girl, "What damn'd rot!
          Why, you've only felt my twot,
    My legs and my arse and my figua!"

128    There was a young damsel named Baker
    Who was poked in a pew by a Quaker.
      He yelled, "My God!  what
      Do you call this -- a twat?
    Why, the entrance is more than an acre!"

129    There was once a mechanic named Bench
    Whose best tool was a sturdy gut-wrench.
      With this vibrant device
      He could reach, in a trice,
    The innermost parts of a wench.

130    There was a young man of Bengal
    Who swore he had only one ball,
      But two little bitches
      Unbuttoned his britches,
    And found he had no balls at all.

131    A chippy who worked in Black Bluff
    Had a pussy as large as a muff.
      It had room for both hands
      And some intimate glands,
        And was soft as a little ducks's fluff.

132    There was a young lady named Blount
    Who had a rectangular cunt.
      She learned for diversion
      Posterior perversion,
    Since no one could fit here in front.

133    There was a young fellow named Bowen
        Whose pecker kept growin' and growin'.
      It grew so tremendous,
      So long and so pendulous,
        'Twas no godd for fuckin' -- just showin'.

134    There was a young lady named Brent
    With a cunt of enormous extent,
      And so deep and so wide,
      The acoustics inside
    Were so good you could hear when you spent.

135    There was a young girl from the Bronix
    Who had a vagina of onyx.
          She had so much `tsoris'
      With her clitoris,
    She traded it in for a Packard.

136    There was a young lady from Brussels
    Who was proud of her vaginal muscles.
      She could easily plex them
      And so interflex them
    As to whistle love songs through her bustles.

137    There was a young lady of Bude
    Who walked down the street in the nude.
      A bobby said, "Whattum
      Magnificent bottom!"
    And slapped it as hard as he could.

138    There once was a queen of Bulgaria
    Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier,
      Till a prince from Peru
      Who came up for a screw
    Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.

139     There was a young girl of Cah'lina,
    Had a very capricious vagina:
      To the shock of the fucker
      "Twould suddenly pucker,
    And whistle the chorus of "Dinah."

140    A lady with features cherubic
    Was famed for her area pubic.
      When they asked her its size
      She replied in surprise,
    "Are you speaking of square feet, or cubic?"

141    There was a fat lady of China
        Who'd a really enormous vagina,
      And when she was dead
      They painted it red,
    And used it for docking a liner.

142    I met a young man in Chungking
    Who had a very long thing --
          But you'll guess my surprise
      When I found that its size
    Just measured a third-finger ring!

143    There was a young man of Coblenz
    Whose ballocks were simply immense:
      It took forty-four draymen,
      A priest and three laymen
    To carry them thither and thence.

144    There was an old man of Connaught
    Whose prick was remarkably short.
      When he got into bed
      The old woman said,
        "This isn't a prick, it's a wart."

145    There once was a girl from Cornell
    Whose teats were shaped like a bell.
      When you touched them they shrunk,
      Except when she was drunk,
    And then they got bigger than hell.

146    There once was a lady of Crete
    So enormously broad in the beam
      That one day in the ocean
      She caused such commotion
    That Admiral Byrd claimed her for America.

147    There was a young fellow named Cribbs
    Whose cock was so big it had ribs.
      They were inches apart,
      And to suck it took art,
    While to fuck it took forty-two trips.

148    There was a young lady whose cunt
    Could accomodate a small punt.
      Her mother said, "Annie,
      It matches your fanny,
    Which never was that of a runt."

149     There's a young Yiddish slut with two cunts,
    Whose pleasure in life is to pruntz.
      When one pireg is shot,
          There's that alternate twat,
    But the ausgefuckt male merely grunts.

150    There was a young man from Dallas
    Who had an exceptional phallus.
          He couldn't find room
          In any girl's womb
    Without rubbing it first with Vitalis.

151    There was a young girl of Des Moines
    Whose cunt could be fitted with coins,
      Till a guy from Hoboken
      Went and dropped in a token,
    And now she rides free on the ferry.

152    To his bride said the keen-eyed detective,
        "Can it be that my eyesight's defective?
      Has the east tit the least bit
      The best of the west tit,
    Or is it the faulty perspective?"

153    There was a young girl of Detroit
    Who at fucking was very adroit:
      She could squeeze her vagina
      To a pin-point, or finer,
    Or open it out like a quoit.

    And she had a friend named Durand
    Whose cock could contract or expand.
      He could diddle a midge
      Or the arch of a bridge --
    Their performance together was grand!

155    There was a young man of Devizes
    Whose balls were of different sizes.
      His tool when at ease,
      Hung down to his knees,
    Oh, what must it be when it rises!

156    Visas erat: huic geminarum
    Dispar modus testicularum:
      Minor haec nihili,
      Palma triplici,
    Jam fecerat altera clarum.

157    There was a young fellow whose dong
    Was prodigiously massive and long.
      On each side of his whang
      Two testes did hang
    That attracted a curious throng.

158    There was a young man from East Wubley
    Whose cock was bifurcated doubly.
      Each quadruplicate shaft
      Had two balls hanging aft,
    And the general effect was quite lovely.

159    While I, with my usual enthusiasm,
        Was exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm,
      She explained, "They are flat,
      But think nothing of that --
    You will find that my sweet sister Susiasm."

160    There was a young fellow from Florida
        Who liked a friend's wife, so he borrowed her.
      When they got into bed
      He cried, "God strike me dead!
        This ain't a cunt -- it's a corridor!"

161    An old man at the Folies Bergere
    Had a jock, a most wondrous affair:
      It snipped off a twat-curl
      From each new chorus girl,
    And he had a wig made of the hair.

162    There was a young man with one foot
    Who had a very long root.
      If he used this peg
      As an extra leg
    Is a question exceedingly moot.

163    In the case of a lady named Frost,
        Whose cunt's a good two feet acrost,
          It's the best part of valor
      To bugger the gal, or
        You're apt to fall in and get lost.

164    A certain young person of Ghent,
    Uncertain if lady or gent,
      Shows his organs at large
      For a small handling charge
    To assist him in paying the rent.

165    There was an old woman of Ghent
    Who swore that her cunt had no scent.
      She got fucked so often
      At last she got rotten,
        And didn't she stink when she spent.

166    There was a young man from Glengozzle
    Who found a remarkable fossil.
      He knew by the bend
      And the wart on the end,
        'Twas the peter of Paul the Apostle.

167    There was a young fellow of Greenwich
    Whose balls were all covered with spinach.
      He had such a tool
      It was wound on a spool,
    And he reeled it out inich by inich.

    But this tale has an unhappy finich,
    For due to the sand in the spinach
      His ballocks grew rough
          And wrecked his wife's muff,
    And scratched up her thatch in the scrimmage.

169    A mathematician named Hall
    Had a hexhedronical ball,
      And the cube of its weight
      Times his pecker, plus eight,
    Was four fifths of five eighths of fuck-all.

170    There was a young fellow of Harrow
    Whose john was the size of a marrow.
      He said to his tart,
          "How's this for a start?
    My balls are outside in a barrow."

171    There was a young fellow named Harry,
    Had a joint that was long, huge and scary.
      He pressed it on a virgin
          Who, without any urgin',
    Immeadiately spread like a fairy.

172    There was a young girl named Heather
    Whose twitcher was made out of leather.
      She made a queer noise,
      Which attracted the boys,
    By flapping the edges together.

173    There was an old curate of Hestion
        Who'd errect at the slightest suggestion.
      But so small was his tool
      He could scarce screw a spool,
    And a cunt was quite out of the question.

174    There was a young man from Hong Kong
    Who had a trifurcated prong:
      A small one for sucking,
      A large one for fucking,
        And a `boney' for beating a gong.

175    A fellow whose surname was Hunt
    Trained his cock to perform a slick stunt:
      This versatile spout
      Could be turned inside out,
    Like a glove, and be used a s a cunt.

176     Alas for the Countess d'Isere,
        Whose muff wasn't furnished with hair.
      Said the Count, "Quelle surprise!"
      When he parted her thighs;
    "Magnifique!  Pourtant pas de la guerre."

177    A highly aesthetic young Jew
    Had eyes of a heavenly blue;
      The end of his dillie
      Was shaped like a lilly,
    And his balls were too utterly two!

178    There once was a lady from Kansas
    Whose cunt was as big as Bonanzas.
      It was nine inches deep
      And the sides were quite steep --
        It had whiskers like General Carranza's.

179    Oh, pity the Duchess of Kent!
    Her cunt is so dreadfully bent,
      The poor wench doth stammer,
      "I need a sledgehammer
    To pound a man into my vent."

180    There was an old gent from Kentuck
    Who boasted a filigreed schmuck,
      But he put it away
      For fear that one day
    He might put it in and get stuck.

181    There was an old lady of Kewry
        Whose cunt was a `lusus naturae':
          The `introitus vaginae',
      Was unnaturally tiny,
    And the thought of it filled her with fury.

182    There was a young fellow named Kimble
    Whose prick was exceedingly nimble,
      But fragile and slender,
      And dainty and tender,
    So he kept it encased in a thimble.

183    There was a young man of Lahore
    Whose prick was one inch and no more.
      It was all right for key-holes
          And little girl's pee-holes,
    But not worth a damn with a whore.

184    There once was a horse named Lily
    Whose dingus was really a dilly.
      It was vaginoid duply,
      And labial quadruply --
    In fact, he was really a filly.

185    There was a young fellow from Leeds
    Who swallowed a package of seeds.
      Great tufts of grass
      Sprouted out of his ass
    And his balls were all covered with weeds.

186    The wife of young Richard of Limerick
    Complained to her husband, "My quim, Rick,
      Still grows in diameter
      Each time that you ram at her;
    How can your poor tool stay so slim, Rick?"

187    There was a young lady of Lincoln
        Who said that her cunt was a pink'un,
      So she had a prick lent her
      Which turned it magenta,
    This artful old lady of Lincoln.

188    There was a young girl of LLewellyn
    Whose breasts were as big as a melon.
      They were big it is true,
      But here cunt was big too,
    Like a bifocal, full-color, aerial view
    Of Cape Horn and the Straits of Magellan.

189    A contortionist hailing from Lynch
    Used to rent out his tool by the inch.
      A foot cost a quid --
      He could and he did
    Stretch it to three in a pinch.

190    There was a young man from Lynn
    Whose cock was the size of a pin.
      Said his girl with a laugh
      As she felt his staff,
        "This won't be much of a sin."

191    There was a young girl named McCall
    Whose cunt was exceedingly small,
      But the size of her anus
      Was something quite heinous --
    It could hold seven pricks and one ball.

192    There was an old satyr named Mack
    Whose prick had a left handed tack.
      If the ladies he loves
          Don't spin when he shoves,
    Their cervixes frequently crack.

193    An envious girl named McMeanus
        Was jealous of her lover's big penis.
      It was small consolation
      That the rest of the nation
    Of women were with her in weeness.

194    There was a young man named McNamiter
    With a tool of prodigious diameter.
          But it wasn't the size
      Gave the girls a surprise,
    But his rythm -- iambic pentameter.

195    There was a young man of Madras
    Whose balls were constructed of brass.
      When jangled together
      They played "Stormy Weather,"
    And lightning shot out of his ass.

196    A bad little girl in Madrid,
    A most reprehensible kid,
      Told her Tante Louise
      That her cunt smelled like cheese,
    And the worst of it was that it did!

197    There was ayoung man from Maine
    Whose prick was as strong as a crane;
      It was almost as long,
      So he strolled with his dong
    Extended in sunshine and rain.

198    There was a young girl from Medina
    Who could completely control her vagina.
      She could twist it around
      Like the cunts that are found
    In Japan, Manchukuo and China.

199    There was a young fellow named Morgan
    Who possessed an unusual organ:
      The end of his dong,
      Which was nine inches long,
    Was tipped with the head of a gorgon.

200    There was a young soldier from Munich
    Whose penis hung down past his tunic,
      And their chops girls would lick
      When they thought of his prick,
    But alas! he was only a eunuch.

201    There was a young lady of Natchez
    Who chanced to be born with two snatches,
      And she often said, "Shit!
          Why, I'd give either tit
    For a man with equipment that matches."

    There was a young fellow named Locke
    Who was born with a two-headed cock.
          When he'd fondle the thing
      It would rise up and sing
    An antiphonal chorus by Bach.

    But whether these two ever met
    Has not been recorded as yet,
      Still, it would be diverting
      To see him inserting
    His whang while it sang a duet.

204    A girl of uncertain nativity
    Had an ass of extreme sensitivity
      While she sat on the lap
      Of a German or Jap,
    She could sense Fifth Column activity.

205    There was a gay parson of Norton
        Whose prick, although thick, was a short 'un.
      To make up for this loss,
      He had balls like a horse,
    And never spent less than a quartern.

206     A farmer I know named O'Doole
    Had a long and incredible tool.
      He can use it to plow,
      Or to diddle a cow,
    Or just as a cue-stick at pool.

207    A chap down in Oklahoma
    Had a cock that could sing La Paloma,
      But the sweetness of pitch
          Couldn't put off the hitch
    Of impotence, size and aroma.

208    There was a young girl named O"Malley
    Who wanted to dance in the ballet.
      She got roars of applause
      When she kicked off her drawers,
        But her hair and her bush didn't tally.

209    There was a young maiden from Osset
    Whose quim was nine inches across it.
      Said a young man named Tong,
      With tool nine inches long,
        "I'll put bugger-in if I loss it."

210    "The testes are cooler outside,"
    Said the doc to the curious bride,
      "For the semen must no
      Get too fucking hot,
    And the bag fans your bum on the ride."

211    There was a young fellow named Paul
    Who confessed, "I have only one ball.
      But the size of my prick
          Is God's dirtiest trick,
        For my girls always ask, 'Is that all?'"

212    There was a young girl of Pawtucket
    Whose box was as big as a bucket.
      Her boy-friend said, "Toots,
          I'll have to wear boots,
    For I see I must muck it, not fuck it."

213    When I was a baby, my penis
    Was as white as the buttocks of Venus.
          But now 'this as red
      As her nipples instead--
    All because of the feminie genus!

214    Two roosters in one of our pens
    Found their pricks were no larger than wens.
      As they looked at their foreskins
      And wished they had more skins,
        They discovered they'd both become hens.

215    There was a young fellow of Perth
    Whose balls were the finest on earth.
      They grew to such size
      That one won a prize,
    And goodness knows what they were worth.

216    To his bride a young bridegroom said, "Pish!
    Your cunt is as big as a dish!"
      She replied, "Why, you fool,
      With your limp little tool
        It's like driving a nail with a fish!"

217    A very odd pair are the Pitts:
    His balls are as large as here tits,
      Her tits are as large
      As an invasion barge--
    Neither knows how the other cohabits.

218    A young man from the banks of the Po
    Found his cock had elongated so,
          That when he'd pee
      It was not he
        But only his neighbors who'd know.

219    There was a young fellow named Prynne
    Whose prick was so short and so thin,
      His wife found she needed
      A Fuckoscope--she did--
        To see if he'd gotten in.

220    A beautiful lady named Psyche
    Is loved by a fellow named Ikey.
      One thing about Ike
          The lady can't like
    Is his prick, which is dreadfully spikey.

221    There was a fat man from Rangoon
    Whose prick was much like a ballon.
      He tried hard to ride her
      And when finally inside her
    She thought she was pregnant too soon.

222    There was a young fellow called Rex
    With diminutive organs of sex.
      When charged with exposure
      He said with composure,
    "De minimis non curat lex!"

223    There was a young lady named Riddle
    Who had an untouchable middle.
      She had many friends
      Because of her ends,
        Since it isn't the middle you diddle.

224    There was a young man from Salinas
    Who had an extremely long penis:
      Believe it or not,
      When he lay on his cot
    It reached from Marin to Martinez.

225    There was a young harlot named Schwartz
    Whose cock-pit was studded with warts,
      And they tickled so nice
      She drew a high price
    From the studs at the summer resorts.

    Her pimp, a young fellow named Biddle,
    Was seldom hard up for a didle,
      For according to rumor
      His tool had a tumor
    And a fine row of warts down the middle.

    Her brother, a bastard named Ben,
    Could rotate his pecker, and then
      He would shoot through his rear
      Which made him dear
    Of the girls, and the envy of men.

    Her other young brother, named Saul,
    Was able to bounce either ball,
      He could stretch them and snap them,
      And juggle and clap them,
    Which earned him the plaudits of all.

229    The skater, Barbara Ann Scott
    Is so fuckingly "winsome" a snot,
      That when posed on her toes
      She elaborately shows
    Teeth, fat ass, titties and twat.

230    A cowhand way out in Seattle
    Had a dooflicker flat as a paddle.
          He said, "No, I can't fuck
      A lamb or a duck,
    But golly! it just fits the cattle."

231    There was a young man from Seattle
    Whose testicles tended to rattle.
      He said as he fucked
      Some stones in a bucket,
        "If Stravinsky won't deafen you  -- that'll."

232     There's a lovely young lady named Shittlecock
    Who loves to play diddle and fiddle-cock,
          But her cunt's got a pucker
          That's best not to fuck, or
        When least you expect it to, it'll lock.

233    There was an old fellow named Skinner
    Whose prick, his wife said, had grown thinner.
      But still, by and large,
      It would always discharge
    Once he could just get it in her.

234    An ingenious young man in South Bend
    Made a synthetic arse for a friend,
      But the friend shortly found
      Its construction unsound,
    It was simply a bother -- no end.

235    An aesthete from South Carolina
    Had a cock that tickled like China,
      But while shooting his load
      It cracked like old Spode,
        So he's bought him a Steuben vagina.

236    There was a young blade from South Greece
    Whose bush did so greatly increase
      That before he could shack
      He must hunt needle in stack.
        'Twas as bad as being obese.

237    There was a young lady from Spain
    Whose face was exceedingly plain,
      But her cunt had a pucker
      That made the men fuck her,
    Again, and again, and again.

238    Il y avait une madame de Lahore
        Dont la figure n'etait la meilleure,
      Mais la vagine tres forte,
      Toujours ouverte la porte,
    Encore, et encore, et encore.

239    De Hispanice puella verumque
    Simplex oris verborumque
      Tulit potens vagina
      Hominum agmina
    Iterum iterum iterumque.

240    There once was a girl from Spokane
    Went to bed with a one-legged man.
      She said, "I know you --
          You've really got two!
        Why didn't you say so when we began?"

241    There was a young man from Stamboul
    Who boasted so torrid a tool
      That each female crater
      Explored by this satyr
    Seemed almost unpleasanlty cool.

242    There was a young fellow of Strensall
    Whose prick was as sharp as a pencil.
      On the night of his wedding
      It went through the bedding,
    And shattered the chamber utensil.

    So here was this fellow of Strensall
    Whose pecker was shaped like a pencil,
          Anemic, 'tis true,
      But an interesting screw,
    Inasmuch as the tip was prehensile.

244    A wonderful tribe are the Sweenies,
    Renowned for the length of their peenies.
      The hair on their balls
      Sweeps the floors of their halls,
        But they don't look at women, the meanies.

245    There was an old man of Tagore
    Whose tool was a yard long or more,
      So he wore the damn thing
      In a surgical sling
    To keep it from wiping the floor.

246    There was a young lady whose thighs,
    When spread showed a slit of such size,
      And so deep and so wide,
      You could play cards inside --
        Much to her bridegroom's surprise.

247    There was a young hayseed from Tiffan
    Whose cock would constantly stiffen.
      The knob out in front
      Attracted foul cunt
        Which he greatly delighted in sniffin'.

248     There's a charming young girl in Tobruk
    Who refers to her quiff as a nook.
          It's deep and it's wide,
      -- You can curl up inside
    With a nice easy chair and a book.

249    There was a gay parson of Tooting
    Whose roe he was frequently shooting,
      Till he married a lass
      With a face like my arse,
    And a cunt you could put a top-boot in.

250    There was a young man of Toulouse
    Who had a deficient prepuce,
      But the foreskin he lacked
      He made up in his sac;
    The result was, his balls were too loose.

251    A wide-bottomed girl named Trasket
    Had a hole as big as a basket.
      A spot, as a bride,
      In it now, you could hide,
    And include with your luggage your mascot.

252    A young man maintained that his trigger
        Was so big that there weren't any bigger.
      But this long and thick pud
      Was so heavy it could
    Scarcely lift up its head.  It lacked vigor.

253    A cautious young fellow named Tunney
    Had a whang that was worth any money.
      When eased in half-way,
          The girl's sigh made him say,
    "Why the sigh?"  "For ths rest of it, honey."

254    There was an old man who said, "Tush!
    My balls always hang in the brush,
      And I fumble about,
      Half in and half out,
    With a pecker as limber as mush."

255    A pious old woman named Tweak
    Had taught her vagina to speak.
      It was frequently liable
      To quote from the Bible,
    But when fucking -- not even a squeak!

256    There once was a newspaper vendor,
    A person of dubious gender.
      He would charge one-and-two
      For permission to view
    His remarkable double pudenda.

257    A maiden who lived in Virginny
    Had a cunt that could bark, neigh and whinny.
      The horsey set rushed her,
      But success finally crushed her
    For her tone soon became harsh and tiny.

258    There was a young of Warwick
    Who had reason for feeling euphoric,
      For he could by election
      Have triune erection:
    Ionic, Corinthian, and Doric.

259    When he tried to inject his huge whanger
        A young man aroused his girl's anger.
      As they strove in the dark
      She was heard to remark,
    "What you need is a zeppelin hanger."

260    There was a young squaw of Wohunt
    Who possessed a collapsible cunt.
      It had many odd uses,
      Produced no papooses,
    And fitted both giant and runt.

261    There was a young laundress named Wrangle
    Whose tits tilted up at an angle.
      "They may tickle my chin,"
      She said with a grin,
    "But at least they keep out of the mangle."

262    An organist playing in York
    Had a prick that could hold a small fork,
      And between obbligatos
          He'd munch at tomatoes,
    And keep up his trength while at work.

263    There was a young man named Zerubbabel
    Who had only one real, and one rubber ball.
      When they asked if his pleasure
      Was only half measure,
    He replied, "That is highly improbable."

264    There was a young man named Zerubbabub
    Who belonged to the Block, Fuck & Bugger Club
      But the pride of his life
      Were the tits of his wife --
    One real, and one India-rubber bub.

265    Thus spake I AM THAT I AM:
        "For the Virgin I don't give a damn.
      What pleases me most
      Is to bugger the Ghost,
    And then be sucked off by the Lamb."

266    Asi dije YO SOY QUE YO SOY:
    "Por La Virgen un carajo no doy.
      Lo que debe gustar
      Es Jesus caporar --
    Y para hacerlo Yo voy."

267    Dame Catherine of Ashton-on-Lynches
    Got on with her grooms and her wenches:
      She went down on the gents,
          And pronged the girl's vents
    With a clitoris reaching six inches.

268    There was a young lady named Astor
    Who never let any get past her.
      She finally got plenty
      By stopping twenty,
    Which certainly ought to last her.

269    Oden the bardling averred
    His muse was the bum of a bird,
      And his Lesbian wife
      Would finger his fife
    While Fisherwood waited as third.

270    There was a young fellow named Babbitt
    Who could screw nine times like a rabbit,
      But a girl from Johore
      Could do it twice more,
    Which was just enough extra to crab it.

271    A young polo-player of Berkeley
    Made love to his sweetheart beserkly.
      In the midst of each chukker
      He would break off and fuck her
    Horizontally, laterally and verkeley.

272    There once was a jolly old bloke
    Who picked up a girl for a poke.
      He took down her pants,
      Fucked her into a trance,
    And then shit into her shoe for a joke.

273    There was a young idler named Blood,
    Made a fortune performing at stud,
      With a fifteen-inch peter,
      A double-beat metre,
    And a load like the Biblical Flood.

274    Though the invalid Saint of Brac
    Lay all of his life on his back,
      His wife got her share,
      And the pilgrims now stare
    At the scene, in his shrine, on a plaque.

275    There was an old man of Brienz
    The length of whose cock was immense:
      With one swerve he could plug
          A boy's bottom in Zug,
        And a kitchen-maid's cunt in Coblenz.

276    There once was a Duchess of Bruges
    Whose cunt was incredibly huge.
      Said the king to this dame
      As he thunderously came:
    "Mon Dieu!  Apres moi, le deluge!"

277    There was an old man of Cajon
    Who never could get a good bone.
      With the aid of a gland
      It grew simply grand;
    Now his wife cannot leave it alone.

278    There was a young girl of Cape Cod
        Who dreamt she'd been buggered by God.
          But it wasn't Jehovah
      That turned the girl over,
        'Twas Roger the lodger, the dirty old codger,
    The bugger, the bastard, the sod!

279    There once was a lady named Carter,
    Fell in love with a virile young Tartar.
      She stripped off his pants,
      At his prick quickly glanced,
        And cried: "For that I'll be a martyr!"

280    A talented fuckstress, Miss Chisholm,
    Was renowned for her fine paroxysm.
      While the man detumesced
      She still spent on with zest,
    Her rapture sheer anachronism.

281    There was a young man in the choir
    Whose penis rose higher and higher,
      Till it reached such a height
      It was quite out of sight --
        But of course you know I'm a liar.

282    There a young man from the Coast
    Who had an affair with a ghost.
      At the height of orgasm
      Said the pallid phantasm,
    "I think I can feel it -- almost!"

283    Have you heard of the lady named Cox
    Who had a capacious old box?
      When her lover was in place
      She said, "Please turn your face.
    I look like a  gal, but I screw like a fox."

284    A team playing baseball in Dallas
    Called the umpire a shit out of malice.
      While this worthy had fits
      The team made eight hits
    And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.

285    There was a young girl of Darjeeling
    Who could dance with such exquisite feeling
      There was never a sound
      For miles around
    Save of fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.

286    There was a young woman in Dee
    Who stayed with each man she did see.
      When it came to a test
      She wished to be best,
    And practice makes perfect, you see.

287    There was a family named Doe,
    An ideal family to know.
      As father screwed mother,
          She said, "You're heavier than brother."
    And he said, "Yes, Sis told me so!"

288    A lady, by passion deluded,
    Found an African drunk and denuded,
      And -- fir as a fiddle,
      And hot for a diddle --
    She tied splints to his penis and screwed it.

289    There was a strong man of Drumrig
    Who one day did seven times frig.
      He buggered three sailors,
      Four Jews and two tailors,
    And ended by fucking a pig.

290    There was an old man of Duluth
    Whose cock was shot off in his youth.
      He fucked with his nose
      And with fingers and toes,
    And he came through a hole in his tooth.

291    There was an old man of Duddee
    Who came home as drunk as could be.
      He wound up the clock
      With the end of his cock,
    And buggered his wife with the key.

292    A rapturous young fellatrix
    One day was at work on five pricks.
      With an unholy cry
      She whipped out her glass eye:
    "Tell the boys I can now take on six."

293    There was a young man with a fiddle
    Who asked of his girl, "Do you diddle?"
      She replied, "Yes, I do,
      But prefer to with two --
        It's twice as much fun in the middle."

294    I dined with Lord Hughing Fitz-Bluing
        Who said, "Do you squirm when you're screwing?"
      I replied, "Simple shagging
      Without any wagging
    Is only for screwing canoeing."

295    There was a young fellow named Fletcher,
    Was reputed an infamous lecher.
          When he'd take on a whore
          She'd need a rebore,
        And they'd carry him out on a stretcher.

296    A young fellow discovered through Freud
    That although of penis devoid,
      He could practice coitus
      By eating a foetus,
    And his parents were quite overjoyed.

297    There was a young man from Jodhpur
    Who found he could easily cure
      His dread diabetes
      By eating a foetus
    Served up in a sauce of manure.

298    There once was a sailor named Gasted,
    A swell guy, as long as he lasted,
      He could jerk himself off
      In a basket, aloft,
    Or a breeches-buoy swung from the masthead.

299    There was a young girl of Gibraltar
    Who was raped as she knelt at the altar.
      It really seems odd
      That a virtuous God
    Should answer her prayers and assault her.

300    A young man with passions quite gingery
        Tore a hole in his sister's best lingerie.
      He slapped her behind
      And made up his mind
    To add incest to insult and injury.

301    A passionate red-headed girl,
    When you kissed her, her senses would whirl,
      And her twat would get wet
      And would wiggle and fret,
    And her cunt-lips would curl and unfurl.

302    There was a young lady named Gloria
    Who was had by Sir Gerald Du Maurier,
      And then by six men,
      Sir Gerald again,
    And the band at the Waldorf-Astoria.

303    Thank God for the Duchess of Gloucester,
    She obliges all who accost her.
      She welcomes the prick
      Of Tom, Harry or Dick,
    Or Baldwin, or even Lord Astor.

304    The latest reports from Good Hope
    State that apes there have pricks thick as rope,
      And fuck high, wide, and free,
      From the top of one tree
    To the top of the next -- what a scope!

305    A newlywed couple from Goshen
    Spent their honeymoon sailing the ocean.
      In twenty-eight days
      They got laid eighty ways --
    Imagine such fucking devotion!

306    There was a young fellow named Grimes
    Who fucked his girl seventeen times
      In the course of a week --
          And this isn't to speak
    Of assorted venereal crimes.

307    There was a young lady named Hatch
    Who would always come through in a scratch.
          If a guy wouldn't neck her,
          She'd grab up his pecker
    And shove the damn thing up her snatch.

308    There was a young lady named Hilda
    Who went for a walk with a builder.
      He knew that he could,
      And he should, and he would --
    And he did -- and he goddam near killed her!

309    Cum Hilde autem ambulabat
    Homo qui aedificabat.
      Dixit volebat.  Debet et potebat.
      Sic ille ducebat.  Statim faciebat.
    Sed virginem pine necebat.

310    I know of a fortunate Hindu
        Who is sought in the towns that he's been to
      By the ladies he knows,
      Who are thrilled to the toes
    By the tricks that he makes his foreskin do.

311     If you're speaking of actions immoral
    The how about giving the laurel
      To doughty Queen Esther,
      No three men could best her --
    One fore, and one aft, and one oral.

312    There was a young miss from Johore
        Who'd lie on a mat on the floor;
      In a manner uncanny
          She'd wobble her fanny,
    And drain your nuts dry to the core.

313    There was a young fellow of Kent
    Whose prick was so long that it bent,
      So to save himself trouble
      He put it in double,
    And instead of coming he went.

314    There was a young man of Kildare
    Who was fucking a girl on the stair.
      The bannister broke,
      But he doubled his stroke
    And finished her off in mid-air.

315    A young man of Llanfairpwllgwyngyll
    While bent over plucking a dingle
      Had the whole of Eisteddfod
      Taking turns at his pod
    While they sang some impossible jingle.

316    There once were two brothers named Luntz
    Who buggered each other at once.
      When asked to account
      For this intricate mount,
    They said, "Ass-holes are tighter than cunts."

317    There was a young lady named Mable
    Who liked to sprawl out on the table,
      Then cry to her man,
      "Stuff in all you can --
        Get your ballocks in, too, if you're able."

318    An impotent Scot named MacDougall
    Had to husband his sperm and be frugal.
      He was gathering semen
      To gender a he-man,
    By screwing his wife through a bugle.

319    There once was a girl named Mcgoffin
    Who was diddled amazingly often.
      She was rogered by scores
          Who'd been turned down by whores,
    And was finally screwed in her coffin.

320    A stout Gaelic warrior, McPherson,
    Was having a captive, a person
      Who was not averse
      Though she had the curse,
        And he'd breeches of bristling furs on.

321    There was a young Scot in Madrid
    Who got fifty-five fucks for a quid.
      When they said, "Are you faint?"
          He replied, "No, I ain't,
        But I don't feel as good as I did."

322    There was a young fellow of Mayence
    Who fucked his own arse, in defiance
      Not only of custom
      And morals, dad-bust him,
    But most of the known laws of science.

323    The woman who lives on the moon
    Is still cherishing the balloon
          Of an earthling who'd come
      And given her some,
    But had dribbled away all too soon.

324    There is a young faggot named Mose
    Who insists that you fuck his long nose.
          And you'll double the joy
      Of this lecherous boy
        If you'll tickle his balls with your toes.

325    There was an Old Man of the Mountain
    Who frigged himself into a fountain
      Fifteen times had he spent,
          Still he wasn't content,
    He simply got tired of the counting.

326    There was a young lady named Nance
    Who learned about fucking in France,
          And when you'd insert it
          She'd squeeze till she hurt it,
    And shoved it right back in your pants.

327    A studious professor named Nestor
    Bet a whore all his books that he could best her.
      But she drained out his balls
      And skipped up the walls,
    Beseeching poor Nestor to rest her.

328    The late Brigham Young was no neuter --
    No faggot, no fairy, no fruiter.
      Where ten thousand virgins
          Succumbed to his urgin's
    There now stands the great State of Utah.

329    There was a young girl of Newcastle
    Whose charms were declared universal.
      While one man in front
      Wired into her cunt,
    Anothere was engaged at her arsehole.

330    There was a young girl from New York
    Who plugged up her cunt with a cork.
      A woodpecker or two
      Made the grade it is true,
    But it totally baffled the stork.

    Till along came a man who presented
    A tool that was strangely indented.
      With a dizzying twirl
      He punctured that girl,
    And thus was the cork-screw invented.

332     There was a young girl named O'Clare
    Whose body was covered with hair.
      It was really quite fun
          To probe with one's gun,
    For her quimmy might be anywhere.

333    There once was a gay young Parisian
    Who screwed an appendix incision,
      And the girl of his choice
      Could hardly rejoice
    At the horrible lack of precision.

334    While spending the winter at Pau
    Lady Pamela forgot to say "No."
      So the head-porter made her
      The second-cook laid her;
    The waiters were all hanging low.

335    There was a young girl of Penzance
    Who boarded a bus in a trance.
      The passengers fucked her,
      Likewise the conductor.
    The driver shot off in his pants.

336    The Shah of the Empire of Persia
    Lay for days in a sexual merger.
      When the nautch asked the Shah,
          "Won't you ever withdraw?"
        He replied with a yawn, "It's inertia."

337    A remarkable race are the Persians,
    They have such peculiar diversions.
      They screw the whole day
      In a regular way,
    And save up the nights for perversions.

338    There was a young girl of Rangoon
    Who was blocked by the Man in the Moon.
      "Well, it has been great fun,"
          She remarked when he'd done,
        "But I'm sorry you came quite so soon."

339    There was a young lady named Ransom
    Who was rogered three times in a hansom.
      When she cried out for more
      A voice from the floor
    Said, "My name is Simpson, not Samson."

340    A maestro directing in Rome
    Had a quaint way of driving it home.
      Whoever he climbed
      Had to keep her tail timed
    To the beat of his old metronome.

341    "Last night,"  said a lassie named Ruth,
    "In a long-distance telephone booth,
      I enjoyed the perfection
      Of an ideal connection --
    I was screwed, if you must know the truth."

342     Said a lesbian lady, "It's sad;
        Of all the girls that I've had,
      None gave me the thrill
      Of real rapture until
    I learned how to be a tribade."

343    There once was a handsome young seaman
    Who with ladies was really a demon.
      In peace or in war,
      At sea or on shore,
    He could certainly dish out the semen.

344    Said a girl being had in a shanty,
    "My dear, you have got it in slanty."
      He replied, "I can use
      Any angle I choose.
        I ride as I please -- I'm Duranty!"

345    An old couple just at Shrovetide
    Were having a piece -- when he died.
      The wife for a week
      Sat tight on his peak,
    And bounced up and down as she cried.

346    My wife is an amorous soul
        On fire for an African's pole.
      She told a coon chauffeur
      That he was her gopher --
    And, say, did he go for her hole!

        As he creamed my wife's cunt, the coon said,
    "I could fuck this until she was dead!"
      As he plugged up her trough,
      I jerked myself off;
        "If that's how you feel, go ahead!"

348    There was a young lady of Spain
    Who was fucked by a monk in a drain.
      They did it again
      And again and again,
    And again and again and again.

(1)    A habit depraved and unsavory
    Held the bishop of Bingham in slavery
     Midst screeches and howls
     He deflowered young owls
    Which he kept in an underground aviary.     <Ornithology>

(2)    While Titian was mixing rose madder
    His model ascended the ladder
      Her position to Titian
      Suggested coition
    So he mounted the ladder and had her.        <Fine arts>

(3)    There was a young girl from New York
    Who plugged up her quim with a cork
      A woodpecker or two
      Made the grade, it is true,
    But it totally baffled the stork.        <Family Planning>

(4)    A remarkable race are the Persians,
    They have such peculiar diversions.
      They screw the whole day
      In the regular way,
    And save up the nights for perversions.     <Culture shock>

(5)    There was a young lady named Ransom
    Who was raped three times in a hansom
      When she cried out for more
      Said a voice from the floor,
        "My name, ma'am, is Simpson, not Samson!        <Biblical>

(6)    There was a young man from Tibet-
    And this is the strangest one yet-
      Whose tool was so long,
      So pointed and strong,
    He could bugger six Greeks "en brochette".    <Foreign exchange>

(7)     There's an oversexed lady named Whyte
    Who insists on a dozen a night.
      A fellow named Cheddar
      Had the brashness to wed her-
    His chance of survival is slight.        <Overwork>

(8)    A worried young man from Stamboul
    Discovered red spots on his tool.
      Said the doctor, a cynic,
     "Get out of my clinic!
    Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool."        <Hypchondria>

(9)    A broken-down harlot named Tupps
    Was heard to confess in her cups:
      "The height of my folly
       Was diddling a collie-
    But I got a nice price for the pups."        <Animal husbandry>

(10)    There was an old whore in the Azores
    Whose body was covered with festers & sores.
      Why the dogs in the street
          Wouldn't eat the green meat
    That hung in festoons from her drawers.     <Raunchy>

(11)    There was a young poet named Dan,
    Whose poetry never would scan.
      When told this was so,
      He said,"Yes, I know,
        It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can.

(12)    There was an old hermit named Dave
    Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
          He said "I'll admit
           I'm a bit of a shit,
    But look at the money I save."            <Necrophilia/ageism>

(13)    A scandal involving an oyster
    Sent the Countess of Clews to a cloister
      She preferred it, in bed,
      To the count, (so she said)
        'Cause it's longer and stronger and moister.    <Seafood>

(14)    There once was a bishop from Birmingham
        Who deflowered young girls while confirming 'em.
      As they knelt on the hassock
      He lifted his cassock
        And slipped his Episcopal worm in 'em.          <PLF/religious>

(15)    There was an old pirate named Bates
    Who was learning to rhumba on skates
      He fell on his cutlass
      Which rendered him nutless
    And practically useless on dates.        <Clean>

(16)    On the breasts of a harlot from Yale
    Was tatooed the price of her tail
      And on her behind,
      For the sake of the blind,
    Was the same information in Braille.        <Clean?>

(17)    If continence causes neurosis
    And intercourse causes thrombosis
          I'd rather expire
      Fulfilling desire
    Than live in a state of psychosis.        <Clean/PHS>

(18)    There Was a young lady named Rose
    With erogenous zones in her toes.
      She remained onanistic
      Till a foot-fetishistic
    Young man became one of her beaux.        <Clean/Psycho>

(19)    There was a young man named Rex
    Who really was small for his sex.
      When tried for exposure
          The judge's disclosure
    Was "De minimus non curat lex."         <Clean/legal/Latin>

(20)    There was a young fellow from Kent
    Whose cock was so long that it bent
      To save himself trouble
      He put it in double
    And instead of coming, he went.         <Past tense>

(21)    There was a young man from Nantucket
    Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
      He said with a grin,
      While wiping his chin,
    "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."    <Versatility>

(22)    Said the nun as the bishop withdrew,
    "This must be our final adieu,
      For the vicar is slicker,
      And thicker, and quicker,
    And two inches longer than you."        <Religious/internal rhyme>

(23)    A scream from the crypt of St. Giles
    Resounded for miles upon miles.
      Said the friar, "Good gracious,
      The brother Ignatious
        Forgeteth the abbot hath piles."                <PD'E/religious>

(24)    There was a young man named Laplace
    Whose balls were made out of spun glass.
      When they banged together
      They played "Stormy Weather"
    And lightning shot out of his ass.        <Musical>

(25)    There was a young man named Knute
    Who had warts all over his root.
      He put acid on these
      And now when he pees,
    He fingers the thing like a flute.        <Musical>

(26)    A sweetheart named Teresa Arden
    Went down on her beau in the garden.
      He said, "Good lord, Tess,
          Don't swallow that mess!"
    And she replied, "Ulp, beg your pardon?"    <Tasteful>

(27)    A physical fellow named Fisk
    Could screw at a rate very brisk.
      So fast was his action
      The Fitzgerald contraction
    Would shrink up his rod to a disk.        <Relativity>

(28)    There was a young lady named Bright
    Who could travel much faster than light.
      She took off one day,
      In a relative way,
    And returned on the previous night.        <Clean>

(29)    A computer called ILLIAC4
    Had a rather tough bug in its core.
      It chewed up its cards
      And spewed yards and yards
    Of illegible tape on the floor.         <Clean>

(30)    There once was a couple named Kelly
    Who walked around belly-to-belly.
      It seems in their haste,
          They used Carter's paste
    Instead of petroleum jelly.            <Eternal bond>

(31)    An amazon giantess named Dunne
    Let a midget screw her for fun.
      But the poor little runt
      Was engulfed in her cunt
    And re-born as the twin of his son.        <Oedipal>

(32)    There was an old maid from Cape Cod
    Who thought all good things came from god.
          But it wasn't the almighty
      Who lifted her nighty,
        It was Roger, the lodger, by god.               <I'm an archangel>

(33)    There was a young man from Bel-aire
    Who was screwing his girl on the stair.
      But the banister broke
      So he doubled his stroke
    And finished her off in mid-air.        <Aerobatics>

(34)    An architect fellow named Yoric
    Could, when feeling euphoric,
      Display for selection
      Three kinds of erection-
    Corinthian, Ionic, and Doric.            <Good structural design>

(35)    A gay young prince from Morocco
    Made love in a manner Rococco.
      He painted his penis
      To resemble a Venus
    And flavored his semen with cocoa.        <Arabic>

(36)    A frustrated lady named Alice
    Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
      They found her vagina
      In North Carolina
    And bits of her tits were in Dallas.        <Getting a bang out of sex>

(37)    There was a young man from Boston
    Who rode around in an Austin.
      There was room for his ass
      And a gallon of gas,
        But his balls hung out and he lost 'em.         <Economy>

(38)    There was a young monk from Siberia
        Whose life got drearia' and drearia'
      Till he did to a nun
          What shouldn't be done
        And made her a mother superia'.                 <Religious>

(39)    There was a young lady from Wheeling
    Who had a peculiar feeling.
      She laid on her back
      And tickled her crack
    And pissed all over the ceiling.        <Internal decorating>

(40)    On a ship wrecked far out at sea,
        The girl said, "I can't seem to pee."
     "Aha!" said the mate,
      "That settles the fate
        Of the captain, the pilot, and me."             <We're in this all together>

(41)    There was a young man from Bear Ridge
    Who had strange ideas about marriage.
          He fucked his wife's mother
      And sucked off her brother
        And ate up her sister's miscarriage.            <Raunchy>

(42)    A clever young man named Eugene
    Invented a jack-off machine.
      On the twenty-third stroke
      The goddam thing broke
    And beat both his balls to a creame.        <Mechanical engineering>

(43)    There was a young man from Racine
    Who invented a fucking machine.
      Concave or convex,
      It served either sex,
    But oh what a bitch to keep clean.        <Sanitation>

(44)    A pansy who lived in Khartoum
    Took a lesbian up to his room.
      They argued all night
      Over who had the right
    To do what, with which, and to whom.        <Differences in opinion>

(45)    There once was a girl from Madras
    Who had such a beautiful ass -
      It was not round and pink
      ( As you bastards think )
    But had two ears, a tail, and ate grass.    <Clean?>

(46)    A maiden who travelled in France
    Once got on a train, just by chance.
      The engineer fucked her,
      The conductor sucked her,
    And the fireman came in his pants.        <Railroad lore>

(47)    There was a young man from Dundee
    Who buggered an ape in a tree.
      The results were quite horrid:
      All ass and no forehead,
    Three balls and a purple goatee.        <Raunchy>

(48)    There was a young man from Rangoon
        Who used to lament 'neath the moon
      That he had the luck
      To be born of a fuck
    That was scraped off the sheets with a spoon.        <Raunchy>

(49)    A green-thumbed young farmer from Leeds
    Once swallowed a package of seeds.
      In a month, his ass
      Was covered with grass
    And his balls were grown over with weeds.    <Agricultural>

(50)    An ardent young man named Magruder
    Once wooed a girl nude in Bermuda.
      She thought it quite lewd
      To be wooed in the nude,
    But Magruder was shrewder, he screwed her.    <Internal rhyme>

(51)    Have you heard about Magda Lupescu,
        Who came to Rumania's rescue?
          It's a wonderful thing
      To be under a king--
    Is democracy better, I esk you?         <Political>

(52)    There once was a gangster named Brown
    - The sneakiest bastard in town.
      He was caught by G-men
      Shooting his semen
    Where the cops would slip and fall down.    <Law enforcement>

(53)    There was a young girl from Decatur
    Who was raped by an alligator.
      But no one quite knew
      How she relished that screw,
    For after he screwed her, he ate her.        <Animal husbandry>

(54)    The acrobats - Tom and Louise-
    Do an act in the nude on their knees.
      They crawl down the aisle
      While screwing dog-style,
        As the orchestra plays Kilmer's "Trees."        <Music/theater>

(55)    "Well, I took your advice, doc," said Knopp,
    "And told my wife to try it on top.
      She bounced for an hour,
      Till she ran out of power,
        And the kids, who'd grown bored, made us stop." <Family>

(56)    There was a young man from St. Paul's
        Who read "Harper's Bazaar" and "McCall's"
      Till he grew such a passion
      For feminine fashion
    That he knitted a snood for his balls.        <Publishing>

(57)    There was a young lady from Rio
    Who slept with the fornier trio.
      As she dropped her panties
      She said, "No andanties!
    I want this allegro con brio."            <Music/Don>

(58)    There was an old bishop from Buckingham
        Who fell in love with some oysters while shucking 'em.
      His wife with distain
      Could scarcely restrain
    That sprightly old bishop from * * *.        <Mystery>

(59)    A greedy young lady from Sidney
    Liked it in up to her kidney,
      Till a man from Quebec
      Shoved it up to her neck--
        He really diddled her, didn' he?                <Just a little bit more>

(60)    A pretty young lady named Vogel
    Once sat herself down on a molehill.
      A curious mole
      Nosed into her hole-
        Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill.             <DWS>

(61)    There once was a fellow named Potts
    Who was prone to having the trots
      But his humble abode
      Was without a commode
    So his carpet was covered with spots.        <DWS>

(62)    A trapper named Francois Lefebrve
    Once captured and buggered a beabrve.
      The result of this fuck
      Was a three titted duck,
    A canoe, and an Irish retriebrve.

(63)    There was an old whore from Silesia
        Who'd croke: "If my box doesn't please ya,
      For a slight extra sum
       You can go up my bum
        But watch out or my tapeworm'll seize ya."      <Raunchy>

(64)    For the sores on his prick he used Dial.
    That failed; he gave Lava a trial.
      But the one remedy
      For contagious V.D.
    Is the wonder drug sulfa-denial.        <DON>

(65)    A cute little twerp from Samoa
    Had a cock of one inch and no moa.
      It was good for keyholes
          And debutantes' peeholes
        But not worth a damn on a whoa.                 <PD'E>

(66)    There was a young fellow called Clyde
    Who fell in an outhouse and died.
      He had a twin brother
      Who fell in another
        So now they're interred side by side.           <Pun>

(67)    A lusty young maid from Seattle
    Got pleasure by sleeping with cattle;
      Till she found a bull
      Who filled her so full
    It made both her ovaries rattle.        <Animal husbandry>

(68)    There once was a man with a hernia
    Who said to his doctor, "Gol dern ya,
      When you work on my middle
          Be sure you don't fiddle
    With things that do not concern ya."        <Clean/DWS>

(69)    A princess who reigned in Baroda
    Made her home on a purple pagoda.
      She festooned the walls
      Of her halls with the balls            <Interior decorating>
        And the tools of the fools who be-stroda'.      <Internal rhyme>

(70)    A lady, while dining in Crewe,
        Found an elephant's whang in her stew.
          Said the waiter, "Don't shout
      Or wave it about
    Or the others will ask for one, too."        <Limited supply>

(71)    There was a young plumber named Lee
    Who was plumbing his girl by the sea.
      She said, "Stop your plumbing,
          There's somebody coming!"
        Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!"    <Seaside love>

(72)    There was a young lady from Exeter,
    So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
      One was even so brave
      As to take out and wave
    The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.    <Salutations!>

(73)    In the garden of Eden lay Adam,
    Complacently stroking his madam
      And loud was his mirth
      For on all of the Earth
        There were only two balls and he had 'em.       <Monopolistic>

(74)    A mathematician named Hall
    Has a hexahedronical ball,
      And the cube of its weight
          Times his pecker's plus eight
    Is his phone number - give him a call.        <Algebraic>

(75)    There was a young harlot from Kew
    Who filled her vagina with glue.
      She said with a grin,
     "If they pay to get in,
        They'll pay to get out of it too."              <Wanna bet?>

(76)    There was an old count of Swoboda
    Who would not pay a whore what he owed her.
     So, with great savoir-faire,
     She stood on a chair
    And pissed in his whiskey-and-soda.        <Revenge>

(77)    There was a young man in Havana,
    -Banged his girl on a player-piana.
      At the height of their fever
      Her ass hit the lever -
    And: Yes!  He has no banana!            <Musical>

(78)    She begged and she pleaded for more.
        I said, "We've already had four,
          And I'm sure that you've heard,
      Though its somewhat absurd,
    That eros spelt backwards is sore."        <Poor girl>

(79)    There once was a horny old bitch
    With a motorized self-frigger which
      She would use with delight
      All day long and all night -
    Twenty bucks: Abercrombie & Fitch.        <Recommend it highly>

(80)    A geneticist living in Delft
    Scientifically played with himself,
      And when he was done
      He labelled it: Son,
    And filed him away on a shelf.            <Scientific advancement>

(81)    Said Einstein, "I have an equation
    Which to some may seem Rabelaisian:
      Let  V  be Virginity
      Approaching infinity;
    Let  P    be a constant persuasion;

    Let  V    over  P  be Inverted
    With the square root of Mu inserted
      N  times into  V ...
      The Result, Q E D,
    Is a relative!" Einstein Asserted.        <B. Gold/Clean?>

(82)    The sexual desires of the camel are greater than anyone thinks.
    Why once in a moment of passion one tried to deflower the sphinx
        Now the sphinx's posterior orifice is clogged with the sands of the nile
        Which accounts for the hump on the camel's back and the sphinx's inscrutable smile.
        <OSU sundial>

(83)    The new cinematic emporium
    Is not just a super-sensorium,
      But a highly effectual
         Heterosexual
    Mutual masturbatorium.                <Popular attractions>

(84)    An artist who lived in Australia
    Once painted his ass like a dahlia.
      The drawing was fine,
      The colour - devine,
    The scent - Ah! that was a failia.        <Almost perfect>

(85)    There was a young man of Devizes,
    Whose balls were of different sizes.
      One was so small,
      It was nothing at all;
    The other took numerous prizes.         <Competition>

(86)    A talented girl from Detroit
    Could fuck you in ways quite adroit.
      She could squeeze her vagina
      To a pin-point or finer
    Or open it out like a quoit.            <As you like it>

(87)    There was a young royal marine,
    Who tried to fart "God Save The Queen".
      When he reached the soprano
      Out came only guano
        And his britches weren't fit to be seen.        <Music>

(88)    Il y avait un jeune homme de Dijon,
        Qui n'avait que peu de religion.
          Il dit: "Quant a' moi,
      Je deteste tous les trois,
    Le pere, et le fils, et le pigeon-"        <Ala France>

(89)    There was a young girl of Spitzbergen,
    Whose people all thought her a virgin,
      Till they found her in bed
      With her twat very red,
        And the head of a kid just emergin'.            <Immaculate conception>

(90)    There was a young girl from Samoa
    Who pledged that no man would know her.
      One young fellow tried,
      But she wriggled aside,
    And he spilled all his spermatozoa.        <Waste>

(91)    There was a young lady named Wylde
    Who kept herself quite undefiled
      By thinking of Jesus;
      Contagious diseases;
        And the bother of having a child.               <Doctor's bills>

(92)    There was a young lady from Spain
    Who got sick as she rode on a train;
      Not once, but again,
      And again, and again,
    And again, and again, and again.        <Clean>

(93)    There was a young girl from St. Paul
    Who went to a newspaper ball.
      Her dress caught on fire
      And burnt her entire
    Front page and sport section and all.        <Clean?>

(94)    A silly young man from Hong Kong
    Had hands that were skinny and long.
      He ate rice with his fingers--
      The taste of it lingers,
    But now all his fingers are gone.        <Clean>

(95)    According to experts, the oyster
    In its shell - a crustacean cloister -
      May frequently be
      Either he or a she
    Or both, if it should be its choice ter.    <BB/Clean>

(96)    The cruelest of creatures the crab
    With claws that can pinch you or stab,
      And then when you dine
      On crab and white wine
    It gets you as well with the tab.        <Clean>

(97)    That naughty old Sappho of Greece
    Said: "What I prefer to a piece
      Is to have my pudenda
      Rubbed hard by the enda
    The little pink nose of my niece."        <12th Letter>

(98)    Two eager young men from Cawnpore
    Once buggared and fucked the same whore.
      But her partition split
      And the blood and the shit
    Rolled out in a mess on the floor.        <Raunchy>

(99)    There was a young girl from Peru,
    Who noticed her lovers were few;
      So she walked out her door
      With a fig leaf, no more,
        And now she's in bed - with the flu.            <Clean>

(100)    There was a young lady from Spain
    Who demurely undressed on a train.
      A helpful young porter
      Helped more than he orter,
    And she promptly cried, "Help me again!"    <Clean>

(101)    A pretty young maiden from France
        Decided she'd just "Take a chance."
      She let herself go
      For an hour or so
    And now all her sisters are aunts.        <Clean?>

(102)    A team playing baseball in Dallas
    Called the umpire blind out of malice.
      While this worthy had fits
      The team made eight hits
    And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.    <Clean/sports>

(103)    A bather whose clothing was strewed
    By breezes that left her quite nude,
      Saw a man come along
      And, unless I am wrong,
    You expected this line to be lewd.        <Clean>

(104)   She wasn't what one could call pretty
    And other girls offered her pity,
      So nobody guessed
      That her Wasserman test
    Involved half the men in the city.        <Clean?>

(105)    There was a young lady from Norway
    Who hung by her heels in a doorway.
      She told her young man,
     "Get off the divan,
        I think I've discovered one more way!"          <Experimentation>

(106) There was a young girl who begat
    Three babies named Nat, Pat and Tat.
          T'was fun in the breeding
      But hell in the feeding
        When she found there's no tit for tat.          <SIC>

(107)    A girl camper once had an affair
    With a fellow all covered with hair.
      When she gave him his hat
      She realized that
        She'd been had by Smokey the bear.              <Animal husbandry>

(108)    A busy young lady named Gloria
    Was had by Sir Gerald du Maurier
      And then by six men,
      Sir Gerald again,
    And the band at the Waldorf-Astoria.        <Exercising for health>

(109)    Oh pity the prince, Montezuma!
    He tried to make love to a puma.
      Seems the puma, in play,
      Tore his testes away -
    - An example of animal huma.            <Animal husbandry>

(110)    A cautious young fellow named Lodge
    Had seatbelts installed in his Dodge.
      When his date was strapped in,
      He committed a sin,
    Without even leaving his grodge.        <SIC/highway safety>

(111)    A progressive professor named Winners
    Held classes each evening for sinners.
      They were graded and spaced
        So the vile and debased
    Would not be held back by beginners.        <Modern education>

(112)    To his bride, said the sharp eyed detective,
        "Can it be that my eyesight's defective?
      Is your east tit the least bit
      The best of your west tit,
    Or is it a trick of perspective?"        <Observations>

(113)    There once was a lady named Myrtle
    Who had an affair with a turtle.
      She had crabs, so they say,
          In a year and a day
    Which proved that that turtle was fertile.    <Animal husbandry>

(114)    There was a young lad - name of Durcan
        Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
      His father said, "Durcan!
          Stop jerkin' your gherkin!
        Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.        <Parental guidance>

(115) There once was a man from Sandem
    Who was making his girl on a tandem.
      At the peak of the make
      She jammed on the brake
    And scattered his semen at random.        <Birth control>

(116)    There once was a fellow named Brewster
    Who said to his wife, as he goosed her,
     "It used to be grand
      But look at my hand!
        You're not wiping as clean as ya uster."        <Marital discord>

(117)    A petulant man once said, "Pish!
    Your cunt is as big as a dish."
      She replied, "Why you fool,
      With your limp little tool,
        It's like driving a pin with a fish."           <Disappointment>

(118)    There was an old man from Bengal
    Who liked to do tricks in the hall.
         His favorite trick
      Was to stand on his dick
    While he rolled around on one ball.        <Acrobatics>

(119)    There once was a fellow named Sweeney
    Who spilled gin all over his weenie.
      Not being uncouth,
      He added vermouth
    And slipped his amour a martini.        <AA>

(120)    On a cannibal isle near Malaysia
    Lives a lady they call Anastasia.
      Not Russian elite-
          She's eager to eat
    Whatever or whoever lays her.            <WFM/Boston accent>

(121)    There was a man from Mich.
    Who used to wish and wich.
      That spring would come
         So he could bum
    Around and go out fich.             <Clean/Abbr.>

(122)    There was a young lady named Ciss
        Who Said, "I think skating's a bliss!"
          But she'll never restate,
      For a wheel off her skate
    .siht ekil gnihtemos pu hsinif reh edaM     <Clean>

(123)    A joker who haunts Monticello
    Is really a terrible fellow.
      In the midst of caresses
      He fills ladies dresses
    With garter snakes, ice cubes, and jello.    <Clean>

(124) There once was a maid from Mobile
    Whose cunt was made of blue steel.
      She only got thrills
      From pneumatic drills
    And an off-centered emery wheel.        <Popular Mechanics>

(125)    There was a young fellow named Feeney
    Whose girl was a terrible meany.
        The hatch of her snatch
      Had a catch that would latch
    -She could only be screwed by Houdini.        <Internal rhyme>

(126)    There was a young lady from Wheeling
    Who claimed to lack sexual feeling.
      But a cynic named Boris
      Just touched her clitoris
    And she had to be scraped off the ceiling.    <I told you you would like it>

(127)    A marine being sent to Hong Kong
    Got a doctor to alter his dong.
      He sailed off with a tool
      Flat and thin as a rule-
    When he got there he found he was wrong.    <Folklore>

(128)    There was a young girl from East Lynn
     ( To save her from sin )
      Had filled up her crack
      With hard-setting shellac,
    But the boys picked it out with a pin.        <Resourcefullness>

(129)    There was a young girl named Saphire
        Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
          She said, "It's a sin,
          But now that it's in,
    Could you shove it a few inches higher?"    <Might as well go all the way>

(130)    There was a young fellow named Hatch
    Who was fond of the music of Bach.
          He said: "It's not fussy
      Like Brahms and Debussy;
        Sit down, and I'll play you a snatch."          <DON/Clean>

(131)    There was an old lady of Glascow,
    Whose party proved quite a fiasco.
      At nine-thirty, about,
      The lights all went out,
    Through a lapse on the part of the Gas Co.    <Clean>

(132)    A limerick packs laughs anatomical
    Into space that is quite economical.
          But the good ones I've seen
         So seldom are clean,
    And the clean ones so seldom are comical.    <The way it is>

(133) A lady from Kalamazoo
    Once found she had nothing to do,
      So she sat on the stairs
      And she counted her hairs:
    4,302.                        <Boredom>

(134)    A corpulent maiden named Kroll
    Had a notion exceedingly droll:
      At a masquerade ball,
      Dressed in nothing at all,
    She backed in as a Parker House roll.        <Clean>

(135)    There was a young lady named Nelly
    Whose tits would jiggle like jelly.
      They could tickle her twat
      Or be tied in a knot,
    and could even swat flies on her belly.     <Versatility>

(136)    There once was a girl named Priscilla
    Whose vagina was flavored vanilla.
      The taste was so fine
      Man and beast stood in line
     (Including a stud armadilla).            <Good eating!>

(137)    There was an old man from Duluth
    Whose cock was shot off in his youth.
      He fucked with his nose
      Or his fingers and toes
    And he came thru a hole in his tooth.        <Unlikely>

(138)    There was a young lady from Rheims
    Who amazingly pissed in FOUR streams.
      A friend poked around
      And a fly-button found
    Lodged tight in her hole so it seems.        <How did that get there?

(139)    There was a young sailor from Brighton
        Who said to his bird, "You're a tight'un."
      She replied, "Pon my soul,
          You're in the wrong hole!
        There's PLENTY of room in the right'un."        <Ignorance>

(140)    There was a gay Countess of Bray,
    And you may think it odd when I say,
      That in spite of high station,
      - Rank and education,
        She always spelled cunt with a 'K'.             <Nobility>

(141)    There was an old man of Connaught
    Whose prick was remarkably short.
      When he got into bed,
      The old woman said,
        "This isn't a prick, it's a wart!"              <Definitions/DEL>

(142) There was a young cook with the art
    Of making a delicious tart
      With a handful of shit,
      Some snot and some spit,
        And he'd flavor the whole with a fart.          <Raunchy/culinary/DEL>

(143)    There was a young lass from Surat.
    The cheeks of her ass were so fat
      That they had to be parted
      Whenever she farted,
    And also whenever she shat.            <Obesity/DEL>

(144)    There was a young lady of Gaza
    Who shaved her cunt bare with a razor.
      The crabs, in a lump,
      Made tracks to her rump -
    This passing parade did amaze her.        <Feminine hygiene/DEL>

(145)    A doctoral student from Buckingham
        Wrote his thesis on cunts and on fucking 'em.
      But a dropout from Paree
      Taught him Gamahuchee
        - So he added a footnote on sucking 'em.        <Higher education>

(146)    There was a young woman of Cheadle,
    Who once gave the clap to a beadle.
      Said she, "does it itch?"
      "It does, you damned bitch,
    And it burns like hell-fire when I peedle."    <Law enforcement>

(147)    There was a poor parson from Goring,
    Who made a small hole in his flooring,
      Fur-lined it all round,
      Then laid on the ground,
    And declared it was cheaper than whoring.    <Economic deprivation>

(148)    A potter who lived in Bombay
    Once fashioned a cunt out of clay;
      But the heat of his prick
      Kilned the damn thing to brick
        And chafed all his foreskin away.               <Murphy's law>

(149)    There was a young lady from Siam
    Who said to her lover, one Kiam,
      "You may kiss me of course,
          But you'll have to use force.                 <Foreign affairs>
        Though god knows you're stronger than I Am."    <Clean/JL>

(150)    On the porch of a dude named Horatio,
    His girl got a yen for fellatio.
      As she sucked on his dingus
      He tried cunnilingus
        But the cops ran 'em off of that patio.         <Police brutality>

(151) There was a young man of Calcutta,
    Who tried to write "CUNT" on a shutter.
      When he got to C-U,
      A pious Hindoo
    Knocked him ass-over-head in the gutter.    <Anti-graffiti>

(152)    A handsome young rodent named Gratian
    As a lifeguard became a sensation.
       All the lady mice waved
       And screamed to be saved
    By his mouse-to-mouse resuscitation.        <First aid>

(153)   In Duluth there's a hostess, forsooth,
        Who doesn't know gin from vermouth,
       But this lubricant lapse
           Isn't noticed, perhaps
    Because NOBODY does in Duluth.            <Effete snobery>

(154)   A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
    And had an affair with a Saracen.
       She was not oversexed,
       Or jealous or vexed,
    She just wanted to make a comparison.        <Consumer affairs>

(155)    A princess who lived near a bog
    Met a prince in the form of a frog.
       Now she and her prince
       Are the parents of quints,
    Four boys and one fine polliwog.        <Animal husbandry>

(156)    A new dramatist of the absurd
    Has a voice that will shortly be heard.
       I learn from my spies
           He's about to devise
    An unprintable three-letter word.        <Vocabulary improvement>

(157)    A teenage protester named Lil
    Cried, "Those Watergate spies make me ill!
       First they bugged our martinis,
       Our bras and bikinis,
    And now they are bugging the pill."        <Pubic disclosure>

(158)    There was a young man of Bombay
    Who buggered his dad once a day.
         He said, "I like, rather,
         Fucking my father --
        He's clean, and there's nothing to pay."        <All In The Family>

(159)    A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
        I am not I, I'm a tree."
         But another, more sane,
             Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!"
    And covered his pants leg with pee.        <Psychological>

(160) There once was a fellow named Bob
    Who in sexual ways was a snob.
             One day he was swimmin'
         with twelve naked women
    And deserted them all for a gob.        <Personal preference>

(161)    There once was a monk of Camyre
    Who was seized with a carnal desire
         And the primary cause
             Was the abbess's drawers
    Which were hung up to dry by the fire.        <Laundry>

(162)    An exotic young lady named Suki
    Once danced in a troupe of Kabuki
         When asked for a fuck
         She said, "Solly, no luck--
    See here!  Looky looky, no nuki!"        <Inscrutable Oriental>

(163)    One evening a Guru had coitus
    With an actress, a whore and a poetess.
         When asked what position
         He used for coition,
    He answered serenely, "The loetus."        <Transcendental meditation>

(164)    Asked a supplicant priest of the Pontiff,
    "Do I sin if I do what I want, if
         I screw a young nun
         In the Eastertide sun?"
    His Holiness murmured, "Gut Yontiff."        <Whatever that means>

(165)    A pious young lady of Chichester
    Made all of the saints in their niches stir
         And each morning at matin
         Her breast in pink satin
        Made the Bishop of Chichester's breeches stir.  <Heavenly!>

(166)    There was a young gaucho named Bruno
    Who said, "There is one thing I do know,
         Women are fine
         And children devine,
    But the llama is Numero Uno."            <Animal husbandry>

(167)    There was a young lady at sea
    Who complained that it hurt her to pee.
         Said the brawny old Mate,
         "That accounts for the state
    Of the cook and the captain and me."        <Sharing>

(168)    A lovely young maid from St. Jude
    Once rode through the streets in the nude.
         The police cried, "Whatam--
         Agnificent bottom!"
    And slapped it as hard as they cude.        <Police brutality>

(169) Said a pornographistic young poet
    "Although I perhaps do not show it,
         My interest in sin
         Is wearing quite thin,
        And I'll soon tell those fuckers to stow it."   <New and better things?>

(170)    There was a young fellow named Grant
    Who was made like the sensitive plant.
         When they asked "Do you fuck?"
         He replied, "No such luck.
        I would if I could, but I can't."               <Botanical>

(171)    There was a young monk of Dundee
    Who complained that it hurt him to pee,
         He said, "Pax vobiscum,
             Now why won't the piss come?
        I'm afraid I've the C-L-A-P."                   <God forbid!>

(172)    A pathetic old maid of Bordeaux
    Fell in love with a dashing young beau.
         To arrest his regard
         She would squat in his yard
    And longingly pee in the sneaux.        <True love>

(173)    There was a young woman, quite handsome,
    Who got stuck in a sleeping room transom.
         When she offered much gold
         For release, she was told
        That the view was worth more than the ransom.   <I don't care much for money>

(174)    There was a young man from Bengal
    Who claimed he had only one ball,
         But two little bitches
             Pulled down this man's breeches
    And proved he had nothing at all.        <Third world deprivation>

(175)    Have you heard of those trollops of Birmingham
        And the scandal that's currently concerning'em?
         How they lift the frock
         And tickle the cock
        Of the Bishop while he was confirming 'em?      <Religious>

(176)    There was a young lady from Wooster
    Who complained that too many men gooster.
         So she traded her scanties
         For sandpaper panties,
        Now they goose her much less than they used 'ter.<Ounce of prevention>

(177)    A weary old lecher named Blott
    Took a luscious young blond to his yacht.
         Too lazy to rape her,
         He made darts out of paper,
    Which he leisurely tossed at her twat.        <The good life...>

(178) An arrogant wench from Salt Lake
    Liked to tease all the boys on the make.
         She was finally the prize
         Of a man twice her size
    And all she recalls is the ache.        <Just desserts>

(179)    A gifted young fellow from Sparta
        Was widely renowned as a farta'.
         He could fart anything
         From "Of Thee I Sing,"
        To Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata."              <Musical virtuosity>

(180)    A deep-throated virgin named Netty
    Was sucking a cock on the jetty.
         She said, "It tastes nice,
         Much better than rice,
    Though not quite as good as spaghetti."     <Culinary preference>

(181)    There was a young man of Lake Placid
    Whose prick was lethargic and flaccid.
         When he wanted to sport
         He would have to resort
    To injections of sulphuric acid.        <Chemical technology>

(182)    A certain young sheik of Algiers
    Said to his harem, "My dears,
         Though you may think it odd of me,
             I'm tired of just sodomy
        Let's try straight fucking." (Loud cheers!)     <For a change>

(183)    An ambitious lady named Harriet
    Once dreamed she was raped in a chariot
         By seventeen sailors
         A monk and three tailors,
    Mohammed and Judas Iscariot.            <But what about the horse?>

(184)    The old archeologist, Throstle,
    Discovered a marvelous fossil.
         He knew from its bend
         And the knot on the end,
        T'was the penis of Paul the Apostle.            <Religious>

(185)    "Well, Madam," the Bishop declared,
    While the Vicar just mumbled and stared,
             "'Twere better, perhaps,
         In the crypt or the apse,
    Because sex in the nave must be shared."    <Christian giving>

(186)    The Kings of Peru were the Incas,
    Who were known far and wide as great drincas.
         They worshipped the sun
         And had lots of fun,
    But the peasants all thought they were stincas. <Clean>

(187) There was a young lady named Cager
    Who, as the result of a wager,
         Consented to fart
         The entire oboe part
        Of Mozart's Quartet in F Major.                 <Musical virtuosity>

(188)    A whimsical fellow named Bloch
    Could beat the base drum with his cock.
         With a special erection
         He could play a selection
    From Johann Sebastian Bach.            <Musical virtuosity>

(189)    There was an old man of Hong-Kong
    Who NEVER did anything wrong.
        He would lie on his back
         With his head in a sack
    And secretly finger his dong.            <Well, almost never>

(190)    There was an old person of Ware
    Who had an affair with a bear.
             He explained, "I don't mind,
             For it's gentle and kind,
    But I wish it had slightly less hair."        <Animal husbandry>

(191)    A hearty young fellow named Yost
    Once had an affair with a ghost.
         At the height of the spasm
         The poor ectoplasm
    Cried, "Goodie!  I feel it ... almost."     <Heavenly orgasism>

(192)    A pretty young boy known as Kevin
    Was raped in a pasture by seven
         Lascivious beasts
     (Oh, those Anglican priests!)
    And such is the kingdom of heaven.        <Religious>

(193)    Well buggered was a boy named Delpasse
    By all of the lads in his class
         He said, with a yawn,
             "Now the novelty's gone
        And it's only a pain in the ass."               <Disillusionment>

(194)    A lad, at his first copulation,
    Cried, "What a sensation!  Inflation,
         Gyration, elation
         Throughout the duration,
        I guess I'll give up masturbation."             <Growing up>

(195)    A charmer from old Amarillo,
    Sick of finding strange heads on her pillow,
         Decided one day
         That to keep men away
    She would stuff up her crevice with Brillo.    <Ounce of prevention>

(196) A dentist, young Doctor Malone,
    Got a charming girl patient alone,
         And, in his depravity,
         Filled the wrong cavity.
    God, how his practice has grown!        <Medical>

(197)    There was a young lady named Alice
    Who was known to have peed in a chalice.
             'Twas the common belief
         It was done for relief,
    And not out of Protestant malice.        <Religious>

(198)    A distinguished professor from Swarthmore
    Got along with a sexy young sophomore.
         As quick as a glance
         He stripped off his pants,
        But he found that the sophomore'd got off more. <Those sexy co-eds!>

(199)    A lady from old Little Rock
    In fidelity took little stock,
         And deserted her man
         In the streets of Japan
    For a boy with a prehensile cock.        <When opportunity knocks>

(200)    There was a young lady from Munich
    Who had an affair with a eunuch.
         At the height of their passion
         He dealt her a ration
    From a squirt gun concealed in his tunic.    <Innovation>

(201)    An impish young fellow named James
    Had a passion for idiot games.
         He lighted the hair
             Of his lady's affair
    And laughed as she pissed through the flames.    <Pyromania thwarted>

(202)    A cabin boy on an old clipper
    Grew steadily flipper and flipper.
         He plugged up his ass
         With fragments of glass
    And thus circumcised his old skipper.        <Revenge>

(203)    We sailed on the good ship Venus,
    My god, you should have seen us
       With a figurehead
       Of a whore in bed
    And the mast an upright penis.

    The captain of the lugger
    Was known as a filthy bugger
       Declared unfit
       To shovel shit
    From one ship to another.

       The first mate's name was Cooper,
    By god he was a trooper
       He jerked and jerked
       Until he worked
    Himself into a stupor.

    The cabin boy was Chipper,
    A dandy little nipper
       He shoved cracked glass
       Inside his ass
    And circumcised the skipper.

        The captain's wife was Charlotte,
    Born and bred a harlot
       Her thighs at night
       Were lily white
    By morning they were scarlet.

        The captain's youngest daughter
    Slipped into the water
       Her plaintive squeals
       Announced that eels
    Had found her sexual quarter.

        The ship's dog's name was Rover,
    They turned the poor beast over
       And ground and ground
       That faithful hound
    From Tenerief to Dover.             <KLH/Saga>

(204)   God's plan had a great beginning,
    But man spoiled his chances by sinning
       We trust that the story
           Will end in God's glory
        But at present the other side's winning.        <Religious>

(205)    There once was an ARPAnet freak,
    Who better response-time did seek.
       He searched coast to coast,
       For a reliable host,
    Whose logger took less than a week.        <Computers/DCrocker>

(206)    There was a young maiden named Hoople
    Whose bosom was triple, not duple
      She had one removed
      But it grew back improved
    At present Miss Hoople is quadruple!        <The more the better>

(207)    A honeymoon couple named Kelly
    Spent their honeymoon belly to belly,
        Because in their haste,
        They used library paste
    In the place of petroleum jelly.        <Inexperience>

(208) A man who would woo a fair maid
        Should 'prentice himself to the trade.
        He should study all day
        In methodical way
    How to flatter, cajole, and persuade.        <Advice>

(209)    A certain unmusical Persian
    Had a curious sort of perversion.
        He thought that the part
        That was words was by Art
    And was sure that the tunes were Gilbertian.    <Music>

(210)    A woman who lived on Antigua
    Once said to her mate, "What a pig you are!"
        He answered, "My queen,
        Is it manner you mean?
    Or do you refer to my figure?"            <Beauty>

(211)    There was a young lady of Yap
    With pimples all over her map.
        But in her interstices
        There lurked a far worse disease
    That is commonly known as the clap.        <Health>

(212)    There was a sweet girl of Decatur
    Who went to sea on a freighter.
        She was screwed by the master
        --An utter disaster--
    But the crew all made up for it later.    <Darkest before dawn>

(213)    There was a young woman of Sydney
    Who could take it clear up to the kidney.
        But the thrust of Alphonse
        Barely reached to her mons
    So he left her unsatisfied, didney?        <Frustration>

(214)    A woman from South Philadelphia
    Once found herself left on the shelfia.
        No one wanted her wares
        But she muttered, "Who cares?"
    And cheerfully played with herselfia.        <Independence>

(215)     There was a young man from Poughkeepsie
    Who, whenever he got slightly tipsy,
        Would whip out his tool
        And attack, like a fool,
    Any girl who was breasty and hipsy.    <The dangers of drink>

(216)    A certain young fellow named Vaughn
    Once felt irresistibly drawn
        To exhibiting fun
        That involved more than one
    So he screwed his best girl on the lawn.    <Look, everybody!>

(217) A man from the small Isle of Wight
    Once went on a far eclipse flight.
        The weather was bad
        Girls were not to be had
    And the Moon veered away out of spite.        <The last straw>

(218)    A certain hard-working young hooker
    Was such an enchanting good-looker,
            There were fights 'mongst the fuzz
        Over whose turn it was
    To pinch her, and frisk her, and book her.    <Cops are human, too>

(219)    There was a young man named Sam Stover
    Who prayed for a girl to Jehovah.
        She appeared on his lap
        And gave him the clap
    Now that sort of prayer is all over.        <Retribution>

(220)    All was well with the Dowager Duchess
        When trapped in the mad rapist's clutches.
        Till he turned on the light,
        Took one look, said good night
        So she hit him with one of her crutches.        <Don't back out now>

(221)    There was a young lady named Hunt
    Who performed the unusual stunt
        Of screwing by mail
        When she was in jail
    For she had a detachable cunt.        <Convenient in a pinch>

(222)    There was a young woman named Clare
    Within genitals lacking in hair.
        What caused this affliction
        Was sexual friction
    Which left them the worse for the wear.     <Overdoing it>

(223)    Another young waman named Clare
    Would walk around perfectly bare,
        Saying, "All that I show
        Are my publics, you know,
    For my privates are covered with hair."     <Modesty victorious>

(224)    "I am just," moaned a girl from Racine,
    "A perpetual motion machine.
            I can't help it.  I must.
        For I service the lust
    Of a sex-starved young U.S. Marine."        <No time out>

(225)    There was a young fellow from Queens
    Whose perpetual motion machines
        Would more forward by jerks
        For he kept in the works
    The best Mexican high-jumping beans.        <Clean>

(226) A woman most gorgeously stacked
    Thought screwing a glorious act.
        So, for finding a niche
        For those who were rich,
    She was diamonded, minked, Cadillacked.     <Reward of industry>

(227)    There is a young woman from Riga
    With morals depressingly meager,
            She's seduced twice a week
        By a lecherous Greek
        If "seduced" is the word when she's eager.      <Shocking!>

(228)    An Olympian lecher was Zeus,
    Always playing around fast and loose,
        With one hand in the bodice
        Of some likely young goddess
    And the other preparing to goose.        <A poor example>

(229)    A young woman from South Carolina
        Placed fiddle strings 'cross her vagina.
        With the proper-sized cocks
            What was sex became Bach's
    Toccata and Fugue in D Minor.            <The classic>

(230)   "On the beach," said John, sadly, "There's such
    A thing as revealing too much."
        So he closed both his eyes
        At the ranks of bare thighs
    And felt his way through them by touch.     <A good move>

(231)    A young violinist named Biddle
    Played exceedingly well on the fiddle.
            Yet 'twixt women and art
            'Twas the girls won his heart
    Hands down and hands up--and hands middle.    <Ah, those sensitive fingers>

(232)    A Sultan said sadly, "One strives
    To please all my fifty-six wives.
        But, alas, intromission
        Gives me the condition
        That's commonly known as the hives."            <How awful>

(233)    Said a woman with open delight,
        "My pubic hair's perfectly white.
            I admit there's a glare
            But the fellows don't care
    They locate it more quickly at night."        <Compensation>

(234)    "What a shame," said a winsome young miss,
    "That an organ that brings me such bliss
        With its delicate touch
        Should be wasted on such
    An unpleasant production as piss."        <Side effect>

(235) In her youth, exhibitionist Annie
    Was fequently spanked by her nannie.
        That is why, to this day,
        Some psychiatrists say
    She is fond of exposing her fanny.        <A la Freud>

(236)   An expert at kissin' and dallyin'
    Had a prick quite like that of a stallion.
        His success would be cosmic
        But for shortcomings osmic
        For he reeked very strongly of scallion.        <Don't breathe>

(237)    An innocent hooker named Agnes
    Was reduced to mere tatters and ragness
        Because the poor sweet
        Kept on working a street
    That was laden with queers and with fagness.    <What a shame!>

(238)   A rapist's convicted, and hence is
    Executed for all his offenses,
        Thereafter, indeed,
        His victims agreed
    That the man was well-hung in both senses.    <Fit for his work>

(239)    A young teacher from far-off Bombay
    Turned down a request for a lay
        Nicely couched in a note,
        Since the fellow who wrote
    Had spelled "intercoarse" with an "a."        <The cost of ignorance>

(240)    Said a man from Mobile, Alabama,
        "I'm displeased with my role in life's drama.
            My wife, who's a shrew,
            Isn't willing to screw
        And she's sure to outlive me, God damma."       <The prospective widow>

(241)    Young Jane was a lollapolooza
    Yet no one could manage to use her.
            She wouldn't screw with them
        Except to the rhythm
    Of the marches of John Philip Sousa.        <The Stars and Stripes Forever>

(242)    A fellow from Chicopee, Mass.
        Rejected another man's pass.
        He felt some attraction,
        But recalled that the action
    Might well prove a pain in the ass.        <Forethought>

(243)   During sex, Mary's moans were harmonic
    From high C, down by chords, to the tonic.
        So John felt it unsordid
        To have them recorded
    In sound that was stereophonic.         <Music lover>

(244) How bitter was Joseph's existence
        When he found that his girl friend's insistence
            Meant that he'd have to wed her
        Before he could bed her.
    She was simply a piece de resistance.        <Too bad>

(245)    A young man from a lofty sierra
    Found sex both a puzzle and terror.
        But he met with a lass
        In a similar pass
    And they both learned--by trial and error.    <Slow but sure>

(246)    A luscious young student at Vassar
    Was hailed as a top-of-the-classer.
        But not in her studies
        You old fuddy-duddies
    For she shone as a great piece-of-asser.    <Valedictorian>

(247)    The crotch of a lady from Trenton
    Was too tight to make much of a dent on.
        The fellows who tried
        Spread the news far and wide
    That she made of a hard-un, a bent-un.        <Ouch!>

(248)    There was a young woman named Melanie
    Who was asked by a man, "Do you sell any?"
        She replied, "No, siree,
        I give it for free
    To see it, dear sir, is a felony."        <Law abiding>

(249)    There was a young woman named Susan
        Who found it completely amusin'
        To make love to three men
        Although who did what when
        Was frequently rather confusin'.                <Let's see now>

(250)    Thanks to sex, a young woman named Carol
        Looked delightful in model's apparel.
        The slimming effect
        Was best, I suspect,
    When her man had her over a barrel.        <Therapeutic effect>

(251)    A stableman, fresh from the Ruhr,
    Had a daughter, delightful and pure.
        It seems such a shame
        That her chief claim to fame
    Was her great skill at pitching manure.     <Yo heave ho>

(252)   Said a young man, "I'm really delighted
    To find that my love is requited
        By all twenty-eight
        Of the girls that I date.
        Were they fewer, I'd feel myself slighted."     <One has one's pride>

(253) There was an old man from the Nile
    Whose sexual habits were vile.
            Yet whenever he'd score
        The women all swore
    That he sure made perversion worthwhile.    <Heh, heh>

(254)    A lovely French girl from Calais
    Looks great in her sheer negligee.
        Delightful and chaste
        She would just suit the taste
    Of the typical Gallic gourmet.            <Ooh, la, la>

(255)    A colonial girl, sweet and sainted,
    Was by war-striped young Indians tainted.
        Later, asked of the ravages,
        She said ofthe savages,
        "They aren't as bad as they're painted."        <Pleasant surprise>

(256)    A stately giraffe, when he necks,
        Or a hippo, when he's having sex,
            Aren't worth a tut-tut
        To the bellowing rut
    Of the great Tyrannosaurus Rex.         <Zoological comparison>

(257)    Young Alice is known for her poise
    During quiet foreplay with the boys.
            But then when she has 'em
        At the brink of orgasm,
        You can't hear yourself think for the noise.    <Oh, that screaming>

(258)    An uncertain young woman named Fern
    Was so great she had lovers to burn.
        She got into bed
        With both Johnnie and Fred
        And didn't know which way to turn.              <Indecision>

(259)    A confirmed multilinguist, I fear,
    Finds conditions for flirting severe.
        A girl scarcely knows
            The response to a beau's
    "Bitte, couchez avec mich, my dear."        <Huh>

(260)    There was a young woman named Golda
    Whose lovers grew colder and colder
        For during love making
            She'd sing the earth-shaking
    Love theme from Tristan und Isolde.        <Wagnerian>

(261)    Thre was an old Scotsman of Fife
    Who had left, in the course of his life,
        Scores of well-rounded ends
        Of the wives of his friends
    And likewise of the friends of his wife.    <Either way>

(262) There was a young man of Rostov
    Who found it a risk to make love.
        He had grown very fond
        Of a statuesque blonde
    And was hurt when he slipped and fell off.    <Hold tight!>

(263)    A sprightly young fellow named Jay
    Screwed a girl in his car every day.
            His aims weren't base
        He just wanted to place
        The "let" in his old Chevrolet.                 <It's only fitting>

(264)    A certain young woman named Mame
    Longs to play in a tough football game.
            You would think that can't be
            Since she's female, you see,
        Yet she's making the team, just the same.       <More than one way>

(265)    At a bullfight, Jose made his bid.
    When the maiden agreed, he was rid
        Of all inhibitions
        And, despite the conditions,
    As the crowd yelled "Ole!" Jose did.        <Following orders>

(266)    There was a young fellow from Juilliard
    With a penis that measured a full yard.
        The girls whispered and leered
        And most of them cheered
    Whenever he ran through the schoolyard.     <Unwieldy>

(267)    There was a young sailor from Rome
    Who found the girls over the foam
        All acted the same
        In the sexual game
    So he might just as well have stayed home.    <Disillusionment>

(268)    It seemed all was well for old Bill
    For the night was romantic and still.
        She was warm, she was waiting,
        She was ripe for the mating
    But alas--she was not on the pill.        <Heartbreak!>

(269)    There was a young woman named Maud
    Who found herself now and then floored
        --Or bedded, or chaired,
        Or top of the staired--
        Oh, well, it's the life of a bawd.              <All in a night's work>

(270)    Thre was a young lady named Bates
    Who amused every one of her dates
        By keeping one breast
        In total arrest
    While the other described figure eights.    <Asymmetry>

(271) A certain sweet girl from Key West
    Was uncommonly large in the chest.
            Any man's close attention
        To her outsize dimension
    Brought his own measurement to its best.    <Reciprocity>

(272)    There was a young woman named Vicki
        Who said, "I don't want to be picky.
        If, in five hours or so
        As you say, you must go,
        At least we'll have time for a quicky."         <Better than nothing>

(273)   A psychiatrist said, "It's no matter
    That my husband is mad as a hatter.
        There are certain psychoses
        That bring sex in large doses.
    My husband, you see, is satyr."         <Nothing personal>

(274)    The climax, when Josie engages,
    Is postponed for what seems to be ages.
        Out of self-preservation
        And to banish frustration
    She has three or four fellows--in stages.    <Next!>

(275)    Annabelle turned beet-red in the face
    At having been raped.  Such disgrace!
        Yet although it was terrible
        It was not quite unbearable.
    She had taken her pill just in case.        <All is not lost>


(276)    An industrious young obstetrician
    Conceived his financial position
        To depend upon beauty
        And husbandly duty
    Plus determined and endless coition.        <The economic facts>

(277)    Once Titian, while mixing rose madder,
    Spied his model on top of the ladder.
        Her position, to Titian,
        Suggested coition,
        So he climbed up the ladder and had 'er.        <Classic>

(278)    A virtuous maiden named Nora
    Viewed sexual sinning with horror.
        But a bit of love play
        Was indulged in today
        And who knows what she'll think by tomorrow.    <Woman's prerogative>

(279)    There was a young man of Belgrade
    Who planned to seduce a fair maid.
        And as it befell
        He succeeded quite well
    So the maid, like the plan, was deep-laid.    <Not foiled!>

(280)      There was an old man of Belfast
    Whose active sex life was so vast
            He was glad he'd worked through
        To a spry ninety-two
    When his lust was declining at last.        <Retirement!>

(281)    Those men who are born under Taurus
    Are attracted to girls of the chorus.
        They go on to excursions
        In varied perversions--
        But forget it, the details would bore us.       <No, it won't>

(282)    A queen of old Egypt, named Cleo
    Conducted her loving "con brio."
        She felt quite at home in
        The arms of one Roman
    But preferred to be part of a trio.        <Age cannot wither>

(283)    There was an old maid of Peru
    Who swore that she never would screw
        Except under stress
        Of forceful duress
        Like, "I'm ready, dear, how about you?"         <Well, hardly ever>

(284)    Turning down the desires of Marie
        John explained, "It's unfair, don't you see?
        For all I can do
        Is to keep screwing you
        While you'd screw none other than me."          <Male chauvinist pig>

(285)    A finicky man from Australia
    With the ladies was largely a failure.
        He said, "Sex may be fun
        But in the long run
    It will damage my fine genitalia."        <Too good to use>

(286)    A sultan, inspecting his harem,
        Said, "Eunuch, proceed to unbare 'em."
        Having seen the details
        He issued long veils
        And ordered the harem to wear 'em.              <Disillusionment>

(287)    A woman who lived near Cape Fear
    Would always most carefully steer
        Past men whom she saw,
        But was brought to the floor,
    By a well-timed attack from the rear.        <Watch out behind you>

(288)    There once was a member of Mensa
    Who was a most excellent fencer.
        The sword that he used
        Was his--(line is refused,
        And has now been removed by the censor).        <Now we'll never know>

(289) A woman who reached ninety-nine
    Said she always felt pefectly fine
        Thanks to helpings of semen
        From rugged old he-men
    Who were not too far gone in decline.        <Never say die>

(290)    A young woman from old Montreal
    Reminisced once concerning her fall,
        Saying, "He was so quick,
        And his prick was so slick,
    That I just never felt it at all.        <Scarcely worth it>

(291)    A young fellow received much acclaim
    For his skill at the sexual game.
        A real Juggernaut
        He easily brought
    Three girls to the peak ere he came.        <Bravo!>

(292)    A sadly afficted young stutterer
        With a wish, but unable to utter 'er,
        Showed his favorite tart
        The appropriate part
    Of the drawings in his Kamasutra.        <Like this, please>

(293)    There once was a lecherous pianist
        Of all, the most he-in' and she-inest.
        To heighten his joy
        He would only employ
    Those girls he was told were agreein-est.    <Making beautiful music>

(294)    An astronomer fellow named Mark
    Was sure it would be a great lark
        To have a girl eye
        The stars in the sky
        And see what came up in the dark.               <That's the big dipper,

(295)    There was a young fellow named Adam
    Whose mother had once been a madam.
        As for Daddy, the score
        Was at least seven, for
        On the day of conception, Ma'd had 'em.         <No safety in numbers>

(296)    We all laughed when a fellow named Ollie
    Once swore he would screw a young dolly.
            "For twelve hours, I'll engage'er,"
        And he laid down his wager.
    We all laughed, but he did it, by golly.    <Last laugh>

(297)    A feminist, fetchingly scented,
        In a charming hotel room she'd rented
        Had picked up a guy
        In the street, passing by,
    And when she said, "Right on!" boy, she meant it.    <Now hear this!>

(298) Another young feminist, Florence,
    Held all the male sex in abhorrence.
            She'd take men to bed
        And screw them till dead
        And then she'd collect the insurance.           <Insult added to injury>

(299)    Some gentlemen born under Aries
    Are likely to go by contraries.
            They're apt to ignore
        The sweet girl next door
    And feel much attracted to fairies.        <Each to his taste>

(300)    An actor, in furious rage,
    Muttered this to an actress on stage,
            "When I'd fallen for you
        I had thought forty-two
    Was meant for your breasts, not your age."    <A natural mistake>

(301)    There was a young couple from Florida
    Whose passion grew steadily torrider.
        They were planning to sin
        In a room in an inn.
    Who can wait?  So they screwed in the corridor. <Impatience>

(302)    There was a hard-working soothsayer
    Well-known as an honest truth-prayer.
        He married a dame
        And Ruth was her name
    And now he is called a Ruth-layer.        <Change of life>

(303)    There was a young girl named Laraine
    Whom no one could think of as plain.
        The fellows pursue her
        In order to screw her
    Again and again and again.            <Naturally!>

(304)    A devil-may-care sort of flapper
    Was a belle who was seeking a clapper.
        But not every bum
        Would be making her come
    She was after a Phi Beta Kappa.         <High standards>

(305)    Said old Dick to a quite famous beauty,
        "I think that it's my bounden duty
        To give you the measure
        Of my tip for your pleasure
        --And by 'tip' I don't mean a gratuity."        <Whatever do you mean?>

(306)    A young man who enjoyed the society
    Of girls to the point of satiey
        Sometimes had a half a mind
        To leave them behind
    And jerk himself off for variety.        <For a change>

(307) A woman who lived in St. Paul
    Had breasts undeniably small
        Her husband growled, "Dear,
        Why not burn your brassiere?
        It's fulfilling no function at all."            <Nonfunctional>

(308)    An eager inventor named Jones
    Was reduced to loud sobbing and moans.
            He'd devised x-ray glasses
        To study clothed lasses
    But all he could see were their bones.        <Too good>

(309)    An insatiable damsel named Bridget
    Was likely to mutter and fidget
        Whenever some jerk
            Couldn't manage to work
    Up a quick enought rise to the rigid.        <Faster, faster>

(310)    The seductive Dolores could lay so
    Well, she earned many a peso
        Fom men who walked miles
        To climax, with smiles.
    (Her ads in the papers all say so.)        <Truth in advertising>

(311)   Said John, "Sex I've always enjoyed
    And the way to avoid being cloyed
        For the fellow who dallies is
        The psychoanalysis
    Of the school of the great Sigmund Freud."    <The good doctor>

(312)    Softly seductive young Brenda
    Wnats a man who is sweet, kind, and tender,
        And thoughtful and bright
        And sexually right
    But mostly a very big spender.            <Order of increasing importance>

(313)    The man whom I call Dr. A.
    Is past master at love and at play.
        At hugging and kissing--
        (The remainder is missing
        For I won't give my secrets away.)              <And, finally>