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- @BEGIN_FILE_ID.DIZ
- THE DREAM@END_FILE_ID.DIZ
-
-
- She awoke at midnight again, the way she had for the past
- three nights, the sheets twisted tightly into an umbilical cord
- binding her to the sweaty womb of her bed.
- She disentangled herself from the tangled topsheet and laid
- back, closing her eyes. Immediately the dream from which she had
- awakened flashed into her consciousness: the utter darkness and
- the sudden, dim, slanting light; the stranger, the man she had
- seen and followed; the small anonymous room; the smell, the feel
- of him; the awful, all-consuming hunger.
- She opened her eyes quickly, sat up and turned on the
- nightstand light to dispel the vision. No sense trying for sleep
- now, she thought. Why the dream had come, why it affected her,
- consumed her like this, she did not know; but for now it would
- not leave her.
- She lit a cigarette, hoping to concentrate on that and
- occupy her mind, dispel the terrible demon that was the dream
- with the mundane, the ordinary. She sat back against the
- headboard, and without thinking closed her eyes tiredly.
- Instantly the dream filled her vision again. A dark
- restaurant, club, bar, a place she had never been; a man she did
- not know -- no, did not *want* to know; the small room,
- featureless apart from a bed against one wall, without blankets
- or frame or headboard; the feel of him against her, on top of
- her; feeling him between her legs, parting them, dividing her
- (divide and conquer, a part of her mind thought, unbidden),
- opening her....
- She started suddenly, looking down. As of its own volition,
- her hand was caressing her bare thigh, grasping it, pulling her
- leg away from its mate...opening her....
- She stubbed out the cigarette and jumped to her feet, her
- heart racing, pounding. This is ridiculous, she thought, pacing
- the floor. It's a dream. *Only* a dream. I'm in control; it
- only affects me as much as I want it to.
- Instantly upon thinking the phrase she stopped her pacing.
- The truth penetrated her mind: she *did* want it to affect her,
- to consume her. She wanted a reality to match the dream.
- NO! she shouted inside herself, sitting on the bed and
- massaging her temples. All right, she admitted, your sex life
- hasn't been that good lately: a series of nice guys, really
- sweet and kind and considerate and gentle, maybe lacking a
- certain fire, but good. So now, just for kicks, you're going to
- go to bed with someone you know nothing about? Going to risk
- rape, abuse, VD? My God, risk AIDS? Is that what all of your
- rhetoric about male chauvinism, about the myth of machismo and
- how sex is sharing, is cooperation, comes to?
- She tried to follow the old arguments playing now in her
- head, to hold back the dark tide of her dream with a teaspoon of
- reality, but it was no use. There was a kind of fire in her now,
- a heavy feeling, an electricity that began just behind her navel
- and traveled down her thighs, moving up again to nestle between
- her legs, to smolder in her womb. It spread upwards as well,
- moving along her skin and setting it ablaze, turning her nipples
- into pointed rosettes and moving toward her center, until finally
- it touched the pit of her heart.
- She stood, and moved toward the closet to dress. She told
- herself that she had no choice, that the dream was in control of
- her. It was easier than admitting that she wanted what the dream
- had to offer.
- The bar had no name, other than BAR. She stood in front of
- its gaudy red neon and its signs proclaiming COORS and MILLER On
- Tap. The sole window was heavily curtained, and the door was a
- solid wood portal, keeping the world out and its patrons in.
- She had asked the taxi to stop here after passing by
- countless other places, establishments more well-known and better
- furnished than this. Trendy singles bars, dance clubs, places
- with live music or canned music or no music at all; a club
- downtown catering to orange-spike-haired aficionados of loud
- music and full-contact dancing; a bar full of ferns and imported
- beer and men and women in expensive sweaters and designer jeans,
- each with an edge of desperation in his or her eyes; a club with
- a long admittance line, and a muscular, well-groomed man at the
- door eyeing each potential entrant, judging their worthiness to
- enter.
- She had almost stopped here, not doubting that she could
- have gotten in, no questions asked. After some thought as to
- what to wear, she had settles on a black jersey dress, its light
- knit fabric clinging oh-so-gently to her body, briefly hugging
- her hips before flowing freely around her legs, gracefully
- accenting her shoulders and arms. The open neckline sometimes
- slid down a little over one shoulder; she had discovered that the
- effect was intensified if she pretended not to notice, and if she
- went braless, as she was now. She had also worn black open-toed
- shoes, the heels bringing out the shape of her calf, and a purse
- of matching black fabric. The look was designed to convey
- innocence masking a secret knowledge.
- Now, though, she felt the innocence winning out, becoming
- uncertainty. She had been vaguely dissatisfied with each bar and
- club, running an exorbitant fare crisscrossing the downtown area
- looking for a place that felt right. On one traverse of the
- city, the driver had taken a shortcut along a little-used street;
- and she had spotted the bar, quickly telling the driver to pull
- over, paying the fare absent-mindedly, not noticing the driver
- pull away.
- *Something* about this place had caught her eye.
- This is insane, she thought, not for the first time since
- leaving her apartment. It's nearly one A.M. and you're standing
- in front of a bar in God knows what part of town, wearing an
- outfit that might as well have a sign on it saying Rape Me, and
- you don't even know *why*, do you? She closed her eyes to think.
- As if it had been waiting, growing inside her mind, the
- dream came to her, full-force. She felt again the weight of the
- stranger on her, felt his hands -- not gentle, but not painful,
- as though touch was his only sense -- and hers as well, touching
- him in like manner, kneading him, grasping him, holding his hips
- and pulling forward --
- Her eyes snapped open, she gasped slightly. Where this
- dream had come from, and where its power came from, she did not
- know. She knew only that she had to follow, to find out if this
- tantalizing vision could possibly be real.
- She stepped forward and, her heart pounding, pulled open the
- heavy door.
- Her first impression was one of silence, and darkness. Even
- deserted as it was, the street behind her carried its own noise,
- its own rhythms; and the few streetlights and lit windows along
- the avenue did cast some light. Inside, though, the bar was much
- more dimly lit, catering perhaps to those who do not wish to be
- seen, and who prefer the sound of their own thoughts.
- The change in lighting, however, threw her off for a moment.
- She found herself momentarily blind and deaf, so that for a
- moment her only sensation was the rough feel of the door jamb to
- which she clung with one hand, and the smooth fabric of her purse
- in the other, and the wooden floor beneath her feet; and the
- spasm she felt suddenly, the jump in the indescribable hunger in
- her. I'm very close, she thought.
- As her eyes adjusted, she found, disconcertingly, that the
- few patrons of the bar, whom she had been unable to see, had been
- staring at her. There was a man in working clothes, who turned
- back to his drink uninterestedly; another man, who had not seen
- her and was too involved in his own alcoholic world to notice or
- care; and a third man, near the back.
- It was this third man who captured her attention. He had
- jet black hair, slightly wavy, glossy but not enough to have been
- styled; just long enough not to be stylish, to be different. He
- stood casually, relaxed, the way a cat looks relaxed just before
- it pounces. Leather blazer, black or navy pants, it was too dark
- to tell. Shoulders -- shoulders from ancient Greece or Rome,
- from a statue, the shoulders of an athlete or a swimmer, not the
- weekend-health-club type she was used to. Hands with slightly
- hairy knuckles and long fingers that held his glass, moving as
- though caressing it, as though they could not keep still.
- She turned away, suddenly aware that she had been staring at
- him and trying to forget he had been staring back. She felt a
- hot flush rise in her cheeks as she found a stool at the bar.
- The bartender came and gave her a bored, questioning look; she
- asked for vodka. Nothing fancy, she told herself. One stiff
- drink, maybe that will clear this up. Inwardly, she doubted it.
- The drink arrived; she half-emptied it in one gulp. The
- fluid ran burning down her throat, and she closed her eyes
- briefly.
- Again the vision came to life, this time ten times more
- vivid: her hands on him, pulling him urgently onto her, into
- her; the white-hot feeling as he opened her, thrusting to her
- core in one swift stroke --
- Her eyes snapped open, and the vision faded, mercifully. It
- was so much more intense now, so vivid. She shifted
- uncomfortably in her seat, aware suddenly that she had made
- herself wet. The hunger was growing now, the feeling between her
- legs and in the pit of her stomach almost unbearable.
- Almost against her will, she turned her head toward where
- the man had been sitting, and realized with a start that he was
- gone. She stood stunned for a moment, then looked around the
- bar, and gasped. He was standing right beside her.
- "Hello," he said. Baritone, slightly scratchy; smoker's
- voice. There was a slight tobacco odor to him, blending with the
- scent of a cologne she couldn't place and an indescribable smell
- she could place all too well. She still didn't know where the
- dream had come from, but she knew now that its power had affected
- him too.
- Wordlessly he reached out and touched her hand, which was
- gripping the railing of the bar tightly. His touch was hot,
- electric; her hand relaxed instinctively, and a small whimper
- escaped her lips. She found herself staring helplessly into his
- eyes, his blue-grey eyes that smiled slightly, just as his full
- lips did now. His index finger traced along the back of her
- hand, leaving an itch behind it, a burning itch that kindled a
- fire in her limbs. She had felt weak-kneed passion before, the
- kind every schoolgirl feels, but this was different, opposite.
- She felt energized by it, restless. Her knees weren't weak; on
- the contrary, it was difficult to keep them still and straight.
- She moved her hand so that it was palm-up now, and caressed
- his palm with her nails. His eyes clouded ever so slightly,
- still fixed on hers as hers were fixed on his, and she knew that
- the dream, the terrible vision was not hers alone. She slid off
- the barstool and stood, her hand still moving against his, no
- longer caressing or tickling but rubbing now, gently,
- palm-to-palm.
- God, this is insane, she thought. Please let it stop -- no,
- not stop -- just end; please let me find a way to feed this
- hunger....
- He took a step backwards, and she moved likewise. He turned
- then, and walked toward the back of the bar, toward an unmarked,
- unremarkable door. The eye contact broken, she stopped, feeling
- like a marionette suddenly hung on a hook, without guidance.
- Again she felt the uncertainty, the fear -- the words Rape,
- Abuse, Kidnap flashing through her brain -- and then the hunger
- flexed again, sending a pulse through her, strong, almost animal.
- Without thinking she moved forward, feeling as though she were
- floating rather than walking, catching up to him as he held the
- door open for her. She entered into another darkness.
- The room was almost exactly as she had seen it in the
- vision: plain, featureless, only a bed without blankets or
- topsheet for furniture, the head against one wall, sitting on the
- floor without a frame. Who has a bed in a bar? she thought.
- This is ludicrous. The difference between the room in the dream
- and this room was that the dream-room had had that sourceless
- illumination only a dream can have, while this room was dimly lit
- by light leaking through the door jamb at the top. Her eyes
- adjusted quickly, after the dimness of the bar.
- She turned, and saw him shedding his jacket, not quite
- smoothly, as though he too didn't quite know what to do next.
- The dim light streaked across his face, casting deep shadows,
- accentuating his cheekbones and his lips. Half-illuminated, he
- looked incomplete, a mere shell, as though the surface of him --
- his skin, his lips, his hands -- was all she knew of, all
- she wanted.
- She felt adrift now, moved by forces she could not see or
- control; and those forces moved her to him now, moved her hands
- to his head, to his cheeks. She stroked his skin, held him, bent
- her head back as she pulled him to her lips; felt him move
- willingly, without protest; and then felt the excruciating touch
- of his lips on hers.
- The kiss was energizing, electrifying, burning; she felt her
- lips part to receive his, the press of his flesh, just the barest
- hint of tongue; and suddenly the smoldering in her mind and
- between her legs burst into flame, and she wrapped her arms
- around his neck, trying to drink him in, to consume him. His
- hands slid up her back, and their tongues wrestled; small moans
- escaped from both of them. She felt her hips undulating, and
- couldn't stop -- didn't want to stop, she realized. This was the
- dream made reality, the spirit made flesh: this man to whom she
- had not said one word, possessing her and she him, in an
- anonymous room, for no reason other than sensation and pleasure.
- He pulled back suddenly, breaking the kiss, and looked at
- her. All trace of a smile was gone now from his face, replaced
- now by a look of hunger, unmasked now, unconcealed. He put his
- hands on her shoulders, gripped the neckline of her dress,
- grasped, pulled suddenly apart. The fabric ripped violently, and
- she recoiled with a gasp. Her breasts bounced, steadied, their
- hard nipples proclaiming her arousal. She stepped backward
- toward the bed, and he followed. The backs of her knees touched
- the mattress. She reached out for him, and clutching a lapel in
- each hand, fell back onto the bed, pulling him onto her.
- Their lips met again, hungrily, their tongues seeking each
- other. She pushed him away suddenly, still holding his shirt,
- and pulled with all her strength. Buttons popped and flew, and
- she grasped his shirt lower and finished the task, ripping the
- cloth off him. His chest stood bare now, almost hairless, the
- muscles well-defined in a way that suggested, not workouts, but
- honest use. Briefly she wondered who he was, what he did -- but
- only briefly; she didn't know and didn't want to; this body, and
- the force driving it, were all she wanted now.
- She ran her hands over his chest as he ripped the remainder
- of the fabric off her body. She had debated going out without
- panties, and had decided against it; now she regretted the
- decision. She wanted to be naked now, to be exposed before this
- man, and for him to be exposed to her. She acted on the second
- desire, unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants quickly,
- fumblingly. She felt his legs move, and heard his shoes drop to
- the floor as he slipped them off, first one, then the other. She
- finished with his pants, and he hurriedly slid them off onto the
- floor, along with his briefs.
- He was totally naked now, exposed, as she had wanted; and he
- was indeed like a statue, like a Greek god, the muscles in his
- legs as developed as those in his chest, hips not too narrow,
- ample enough for a good grip (a dream-image flashed through her,
- of her hands on those hips, pulling him into her), his cock hard,
- throbbing now with need.
- She put her hands to the waist of her panties to slide them
- off, and then, on impulse, pulled instead, ripping them. His
- hands joined hers, ripping the remainder of the fabric; she lay
- now exposed, the scent of her wafting into his nostrils and his
- brain and his mind, as he closed his eyes, the fire no doubt
- building in him as it was in her.
- She began to slide her shoes off with her toes, but he was
- on her suddenly, his lips against hers, then on her neck, as his
- hips thrust at her and his cock pushed against her belly, then
- slid down, seeking the heat between her legs. She opened her
- legs, pulling her thighs open with her hands as she had done in
- the dream, as he moved farther down, nestling father into her;
- and then he slid forward again, and she bucked her hips in
- response, as he entered her, penetrating her to her very core in
- one stroke.
- She cried out then, the first truly audible sound she'd made
- since entering the bar, but her cry was quickly muffled by his
- lips. They fought again with their tongues, she trying again to
- drink him in, at the same time thrusting her hips to meet his as
- she tried to posers him this way also. She bit his neck, pulled
- at his hair, ran her nails over his skin; she flicked at his
- nipples, as hard as hers now, eliciting a cry from him; he pulled
- at her breasts, nibbling, nipping, pinching her nipples; and all
- the while they moved, bucked, slammed against each other.
- His cock speared her again and again, hard and fast,
- reaching some center deep within her that knew nothing but white,
- clear pleasure. Her pussy closed around him, hugged him,
- clasping him in a grip which knew no surcease, which would never
- let him free, not while this intense pleasure could continue.
- Her legs spread wide for him, letting him deeper; her feet, still
- encased in the shoes, caressed his calves and the backs of his
- knees.
- Suddenly the center deep within her exploded, a white-hot
- burst that stole her breath and her senses, left her falling
- endlessly in a world of pleasure. Dimly she was aware of his
- motions, and of hers, but she sensed nothing directly, nothing
- but the fire which burned her mind to ashes, left her with
- nothing but desire, nothing but lust.
- She found her breath, and screamed, as the explosion
- repeated itself, her pussy throbbing, squeezing the cock within
- it now, as she reveled in the sensation. She felt him move
- faster now, working toward his own release, and she moved to
- help, feeling the fire inside her building once again. She
- flicked at his nipples, bit his neck, rocked her hips in time
- with his motions, felt herself throb inside as she tried to coax
- his pleasure out of him.
- He stiffened, and she thrust her hips toward him, impaling
- herself deeply; and she felt the first wild, liquid burst, his
- entire body shuddering with the release of it. He arched his
- back, and she moved to follow, as he spasmed again and again, his
- release fueling her passion, bringing her closer to her own
- immolation once again.
- Suddenly she felt him relax, though his cock was still hard
- inside her. Her own climax was only moments away, but he had
- stopped; he was not moving. Desperately, almost angrily, she
- brought her legs up, and, still wearing the shoes, dug her spike
- heels into his thighs, spurring him.
- He gasped, and fell forward, and into her again. She flexed
- her legs even more, bringing her knees even with her breasts, and
- prodded him again, this time in his rear, at the top of his
- thighs.
- She brought her hands down to his buttocks, pulling him into
- her desperately, raking her nails across his skin. She needed
- him -- no, she thought, not him. She needed cock -- pure, sweet,
- and simple, nothing and no one attached, just this, yes, just
- pure unadulterated pleasure, just a cock to fill her, to touch
- her so deeply, where she couldn't touch herself, to fill her and
- ram into her, to stroke her, spread her, open her. Nothing but
- cock -- no name, no face, nothing else, just this.
- She was building toward her own private explosion again --
- as was he, impossibly, as she felt him shudder and stiffen again,
- his cock going very hard and meeting her center again. She
- summoned all her strength then, and stopped, holding him still,
- prolonging the moment, her mouth open in a silent scream;
- stretching the pleasure until it became unbearable, agonizing,
- until her entire body was straining for release, and she thought
- Yes, yes, just a little longer, just a moment, stretch it until
- it's more than I can take, until I want to die from it, want it
- to possess me and take me, to burn me, to consume me, yes, yes --
- She arched her back, meeting his hips one last time, impaling
- herself impossibly deeply, her scream matching his, feeling
- herself throbbing, not merely between her legs but from head to
- toe, her arms and legs locking around him, holding him tight, as
- she felt him spend himself inside her, writhing against her,
- unable and unwilling to escape her passion, his hands balling
- into fists behind her back, striking the mattress, his thighs and
- arms clenching, relaxing, clenching, and relaxing again, as he
- laid down on her and she released her grip on him, caressing him,
- soothing him as he did her.
- The fire was gone now, and a kind of sad peace crept into
- her mind and heart. She lay with her head to one side, hearing
- his breathing subside as he caught his breath. And suddenly,
- unbidden, a thought went through her head as she felt herself
- dozing off in this stranger's arms:
- To sleep...perchance to dream....
- by thomas frost
-