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*please reply to an168729@anon.penet.fi @BEGIN_FILE_ID.DIZ Chapter 20@END_FILE_ID.DIZ Karen did apologize to Jen the first chance she had. It was hard for Jen to look her in the eye, but soon everything was back to normal. In the summer they had a barbecue, with friends and family over. All the kids swam and played volleyball. As it turned into evening it began to get a bit chilly, and Jen was still in the pool, trying to keep warm. Ryan was sitting on a lawn chair, trying to soak up the last of the sun's rays. "Ryan," said his mom, who was wrapping up the food while she chatted with a friend. "Will you go get me a sweater? It's getting cold." "Just a minute, okay?" he replied. "Ryan, I asked you now, okay?" "Will you just hold on a minute?" "I'll go get it, Mom!" volunteered Will, jumping up. "Where is it?" "Um, it should be in the kitchen," she told her youngest son. Ryan rolled his eyes at Will's obvious brown-nosing. Right then Jen came over from the pool, wrapped in a towel. She sat on the edge of Ryan's lawn chair, shivering as her teeth chattered. He took his own towel and wrapped it around her shoulders. "You cold?" he asked. "Yes!" she laughed. "It was so hot like an hour ago!" He sat up. "You want your clothes, or a sweatshirt or something?" She nodded, shivering. "Yeah, please. Thanks hon," she told him as he jumped up and ran into the house. It was Karen's turn to roll her eyes. "Hmph," she said as she carried food into the house. JR grinned at her while he covered the barbecue. "What?" Jen asked, confused. "She just asked Ryan to get her a sweater. He wouldn't." "What?" she exclaimed, sounding surprised at Ryan. "Why not?" JR shrugged. "I don't know. He told her to wait, but Will offered to go get it for her." Jen laughed. "Will. Yeah, he's her little baby," she noted. His dad smiled again. "Yeah, but Ryan is her first born. Ryan used to be her little baby you know." Jen looked surprised as she now understood what his dad had been laughing about. "Yeah, but he's my little baby now!" she told him with a coy smile. He laughed again. "Yeah, and I bet she's knows it. She's known it for awhile," he told her with another grin. Ryan came back out then with her clothes. They looked at him hurrying out and laughed. "What?" Ryan asked them, mystified. They just laughed as Jen gave him a hug and kiss and said thank you. Chapter 21 Jen was awoken by footsteps outside her door. It was Ryan of course, and soon he was in her bed. He lay next to her, holding her tightly in the dark. She kissed him, and climbed on him, pulling her shirt off. He responded, kissing her back as he lay there. She stripped him, sucking his cock until it was hard. He tried to go down but she pulled him back up, eager to have him in her. He slid it in, and she sighed as he began thrusting on top of her. She lay back and closed her eyes. He began to kiss her as his hard dick moved in and out of her. Suddenly he stiffened, and stopped moving, then pulled out of her. She opened her eyes to see him looking down between them. In a flash he was off her, laying on his stomach as he faced the wall. "Ryan?" she whispered. What was the matter? He wouldn't look at her, and she figured it out. What could she say? She felt horrible, ugly and unattractive. But she knew that he didn't think so. She looked the same as she had the last time they did it. "It's okay. . . " she told him, rubbing his back. "Are you drunk?" she asked. She didn't think he was. He shook his head slowly, still not looking at her. He got up then, pulling his pants on in the dark. "Where are you going?" she asked. "Are you leaving?" "I gotta go," he mumbled. "Ryan! Don't leave!" He ignored her, sitting on the bed as he quickly tied his shoes. She touched his arm, but he shook her off. "Ryan! Talk to me!" she begged, in tears. He left quietly. She lay back in the bed, crying. Why wouldn't he talk to her? She didn't care about what happened. Maybe he thought she thought he was a failure or something? That could be the only thing. But why had it happened? And why did he have to leave? The whole thing was so weird. She looked at the clock. It wasn't too late, only 10:30. She turned on the light, picking up her phone and dialing. "Hello?" asked a male voice. "Danny?" "Yeah. Hi." "Hi, it's Jen. . . " "Hey Jen! What's up? How are you?" he asked. "Good. . . Well, kinda bad actually," she whispered. "What's the matter? I haven't talked to you in a couple weeks." "It's Ryan. . . " "What- did you guys break up?" "No. It's just, something happened." "What?" "Well, I need a guy's advice. And I need to talk to you especially because you don't know Ryan much, and he won't find out I told." "Aright. You can tell me. I'll try to help. What happened?" "Well. . . I guess it's embarrassing. Well, he came over, and we were doing it, and, and then he couldn't do it anymore. . . " she told him. "What? Oh, you mean he went *soft*?" he asked, surprised. "Yeah! And he got really upset and he left and he wouldn't even talk to me," she whined. "He just said, 'I gotta go,' and he left." "Hmm. . . Was he drunk?" "No. I asked him and he said he wasn't. I mean, I don't care. It's not like I was using him for sex and that's it or something." Danny sighed. "Hmm. . . Man! I mean, I'm sure he's really upset, and he was probably too upset to talk." "Well why did it happen?" she demanded. "What did I do? Has it ever happened to you?" "No, of course not!" he insisted. She laughed. "No, really." "No, actually it hasn't. Not with a girl. But," he added honestly. "It probably will happen some day. Probably more than once even. It happens to every guy sometime, but it's not like we talk about it." "Well why did it happen?" "I don't know. Maybe he was tired, or he didn't want to do it probably. He probably didn't want it but he didn't know, and that was his little dude's way of saying, 'Hey! I'm tired and I don't want to work tonight!'" She laughed, feeling better. "But he wouldn't talk to me. He just left," she said glumly. "Yeah, he was upset. He's probably stressed too," Danny added. "Do- do you think he feels like a failure maybe? Isn't that how guys feel?" "Oh, maybe. I mean, you tell me. You know him a lot better than I do!" "Well, I don't know. I thought he wanted to do it," she said glumly. "Did you instigate or did he?" "Well, he came over! I guess that's instigating." "Coming over isn't instigating unless he shows up naked. Maybe he just wanted to hang out. So what did he do when he came over? Did he rip your clothes off?" "No. . . Actually, I ripped his clothes off," she admitted, feeling bad. "Maybe I should have asked him if he wanted to do it?" "Well, yeah, you should have." "Oh," she said, feeling even worse." "Well, has he ever said no?" "No. I don't think he ever has." "Well, he probably would have said yes anyway, even if he didn't want to. Maybe, who knows." "Why?" she whined. "Why the hell can't he just tell me he didn't want to?" "Maybe he feels like it's his duty. To please you you know. Well I'm sure he thinks like pleasing you is his duty, but now maybe he feels like, like a piece of meat!" Jen laughed again. "But how am I supposed to know if he wants to do it or not if he won't tell me?" "I don't know. Maybe you guys need to talk. Make sure he knows it's okay for him to say no. Of course," he added. "I can't tell you for sure if that's the problem, he maybe was just too tired or stressed or something. But don't demand a reason from him, 'cause he probably has no clue either and feels bad." "He left. Should I call him? Or maybe go see him?" "Well, you can. He probably just went driving around, looking for the nearest cliff to drive off. . . " "Danny!" she laughed. "I'm just kiddin' you. I mean, he'll probably come back. Just give him a hug and tell him you love him, and don't say anything about it unless he does first. Don't make him talk about it unless he wants to." "I guess. . ." "Okay?" "Yeah. You've been a big help, Danny. Thank you." "No problem. Are you gonna tell him you talked to me?' "Hell no! He'll shoot me!" Danny laughed. "I know, I was just kiddin'. Tell him I say 'hi' when he comes back," he teased. "Yeah sure! Well, I gotta go. Talk to you later." "Bye, kiddo." "Bye." Jen lay back, feeling better. But her room was still lonely without Ryan there. She sighed. She shut off the light and went back to bed. A few hours later she fell asleep. ***** When she woke up it was nearly light outside. Ryan was laying next to her, looking at her. She inched closer to him, and hugged him. "I love you," she mumbled. "I love you too." She smiled, then closed her eyes again as she rested her head on his chest. She didn't say anything else, and neither did he. They both fell asleep. When he woke up she wasn't in bed. He lay there still, tired. Eventually she came back into her room with a flower from her backyard. "This is for you," she told him, handing it to him shyly. He took it, smiling at her. "Thanks." She climbed back into the warm bed, stretching as she lay next to him. She didn't say anything. He started. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "Oh yeah? You shouldn't be." "Yes I should. Last night- it wasn't very good last night." "Yeah?" "You know. I'm sorry." "Well, I wished you would have stayed and talked to me. I don't care at all about what happened." "Yeah, I should have stayed. . . " "You know I don't care about what happened. I don't care at all." He paused. "Well, it's never happened to me before. I don't know. . . " "I'm sorry if I ever put pressure on you. You know I love you, not it." "You don't put pressure on me. . . " "Well, I do. See, you wanted to give me pleasure, by going down on me, but I wouldn't let you. I made you get hard and I didn't even ask you if you wanted to do anything. See." "Maybe. . . " "And you put pressure on you too," she told him quietly, playing with the blanket. "It's okay for you to say no. Just like it's okay for me to say no. Got it?" He nodded. "And I'm sorry about what happened before," she told him quietly. "I still feel really bad about what a bitch I was." "When?" "You know. . . A couple of weeks ago." He laughed. "Jen, I think it's funny that you made me do it so much! I told you I'm not mad." "No, see, but what I said and stuff. I know I told you I didn't mean it, and I was out of my mind and all, but maybe you still think about it. . . " "No, Jen! I don't!" She rubbed his shoulders. "Maybe you do." "I told you, I don't!" "I never meant it," she whispered. "I know maybe you think, maybe. . . I don't know. . . Maybe I hurt you a lot? " She started to sniffle, wiping her eyes. "Jen!" he said. "Are we still talking about the same thing here?" She nodded. "Yes! 'Member when I said that if you loved me you would be able to do it again?" she cried. He groaned, pulling her to him. "Don't worry about it. I know you didn't mean it. You were drunk." She shook her head frantically. "No! You know, you say that you shouldn't excuse someone's behavior because they were drunk. It still counts." He didn't say anything. "But I didn't mean it." He sighed. "I know you didn't," he said quietly, looking at his hands. "I love you." He smiled, and nodded. "I love you too." "And you know, we don't have to make love for me to feel close to you, for us to feel close," she whispered. "You know?" He smiled. "I know. I love you." "I love you too!" She kissed him. "Now let's have a great day, okay?" "Sure. Let's have a great rest of our lives." Chapter 22 They were talking on the phone one night, and he mentioned that he was going away for a week, with his dad. "What for?" "Oh, just to go see some family and stuff. He said I could go, and maybe look at some schools around there." "Oh, I'm gonna miss you!" "Yeah, I'll miss you too." "When are you going?" "Um. . . Like, the 12th to the 18th I think. I'll have to check on it." "Wow, you get to miss school. Hey that's the week Danny comes down. You're gonna miss him!" "Oh no. I'd better stay then!" he teased. "Come on," she laughed. "He's my friend. You don't feel jealous do you?" "Nah, I'm just kiddin' you." "Good. Is the rest of your family staying here?" "Yeah, they're gonna stay." "Oh, is it man-to-man bonding time?" she teased. He laughed. "Yeah, we're gonna go fishing, and build furniture, and go to some topless bars. . . " "Uh, I think not!" she commanded, laughing. "You know I'm just kiddin'," he laughed. ***** The last night Danny was there he promised he'd spend it just with Jen. After all, she was the best friend he still had down there, he had told her. They went out to dinner, then wound up back at her house, watching a movie with her parents. Jen was hoping her parents wouldn't say anything like, "Oh Jen! Where's Ryan?" teasing, to embarrass her. She felt a bit weird with him, being alone with him in the restaurant and in the car. She would never cheat on Ryan, but still, she felt tingly inside, like maybe there was still some chemistry between Danny and her. He didn't have a girlfriend, and of course in a way *she* had sort of broken up with him. . . Maybe he still liked her like that? She was wondering if he still regretted their break-up. Anyway it just felt nice to maybe have someone like her, making her feel attractive, even if she wasn't planning on doing anything with him. After the movie her parents retreated to their bedroom, and Danny and Jen went back to hers. Dana called and they talked for awhile while he looked at all her yearbooks and photo albums. Finally she hung up, turning to him on the bed. "What are you looking at?" "This is a good picture of you," he told her, pointing to one picture. She looked at it. "Oh, yeah, that was freshman year Homecoming." She felt bad after she said it, though really she didn't have a reason to. After all, it was just one dance of many she and Ryan had been to. Of course, if things had turned out a bit differently she and Danny might have gone together instead. . . He nodded, looking at it intently. He looked over, and gave her a quick smile. She smiled back, picking up a photo album of her own to look over. "Gosh, what would have happened if we had never broken up?" he asked her lightly, but Jen could tell though that under his tone he was dead serious, but only trying to seem nonchalant. "Hmm, I don't know," she answered vaguely. "You probably don't ever regret it though," he said, still not looking at her. She shrugged. "Well, I wouldn't say I don't regret what happened, but, well, I don't know." Why did she say that? She did know. But she was trying to spare his feelings; she didn't want him to be hurt by saying she was glad they had broken up. He looked over at her again. Both of them were laying on their stomachs on the bed. "I regret it everyday," he told her quietly. She stared down at the pictures in front of her. "Really?" she asked him. "Yeah, sure," he said. "Well, you know, you moved away, so it actually worked out for the best," she said. He looked back down. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But I probably could have stayed with my dad down here, if I threw a big enough fit. If I had a reason to stay." She shrugged, unable to make eye contact with him. Why was it so uncomfortable? "Oh well," he said. "I guess you don't care." She looked over. "No, Danny! I do care!" "No you don't," he muttered. "Danny! Come on, don't be like that. I do care!" He looked at her, his face only inches from hers. "Really?" he asked. I should sit up or something, she thought. But she didn't. "Yeah," she said, giving him a smile. He smiled back, looking her face over, then leaned in. Pull away, she commanded herself, but she didn't. It happened too fast; before she knew it their lips were touching. An electric tingle shot through her body from the kiss, and with her eyes closed, for a moment she didn't think it was wrong at all. Then he opened his mouth against hers gently, and she jerked away, her eyes flying open. He turned away from her. "Sorry," he mumbled. She didn't say anything, just lay there. Her mind was spinning. "I'm sorry. It just happened. I didn't mean to kiss you," he told her, still looking at the wall. "I know you have a boyfriend. . . " "Yeah. I have Ryan," she murmured. For the first time Ryan didn't seem so invincible. They lay there for a minute, neither saying anything. Then Danny jumped up. "Aright!" he said. "Okay, now I can run away and we can both feel really guilty and really shitty forever. Or we can just stay friends and laugh about it?" She smiled, nodding. She felt relieved that he wasn't going to get mad and run away. But she still felt horrible inside, and she knew he was probably upset too, but trying to act like he didn't care. She felt grateful for that. "Aright, it sounds good to me. Sound good to you?" he asked. She laughed. "Sounds good to me!" "Cool." He leaned in and gave her a huge hug. "So, our evening isn't ruined?" "No, of course not! The night's still young!" They both laughed. Jen still felt awkward, of course, but she knew he was right. It hadn't meant anything, and she hadn't cheated on Ryan because she hadn't kissed him: he had kissed her, and she had pulled away. They talked for awhile, laughing and joking about people they knew and various things they had done while apart. And they got serious, discussing personal things like their families, and she told him about Ryan and arguments they had gotten in, and sweet things he had done for her. Danny talked about a girl that went to his school that he really liked, but how she was really hung up on another guy who didn't feel the same. Jen gave him advice, and they lay on her bed talking for a long while. Finally, her dad knocked on the door. "Jen? When is Danny leaving so I can close the gate?" She looked at Danny. "Um, he's probably gonna be here awhile. He might just stay the night." Her dad raised an eyebrow. "Dad!" Jen said. "Come on, don't worry about it! I'm not gonna cheat on Ryan!" She rolled her eyes. "Aright. The guest room has sheets on the bed," he told them. He left and they laughed. They talked for awhile longer, until they both began to yawn. "Don't worry, I'm not going to throw you in the guest room," Jen told him. "All my friends sleep in my bed when they sleep over." Maybe she was just flirting with him, or maybe she was just trying to prove how much willpower she had. "Oh, well, as long as you can control yourself young lady!" They both laughed, getting ready for bed. "Aright," Jen ordered, pointing. "Now, this is *your* half, and this is *my* half!" "Oh, well you know, I only sleep in my boxers so you will have to keep your hands to yourself." "Well, *I'm* only sleeping in my T-shirt," she told him. "Oh, yeah, like, as *if*!" he told her sarcastically, making a face as they tumbled into bed. "Don't flatter yourself Jen!" "Oh, sorry!" she laughed. "You know," he told her as they lay in the dark. "I've had better offers at the zoo!" "Yeah, well I've had better offers at the state mental institution." "Oh really?" "Yeah. Your mother was pretty disappointed when I told her no!" He burst out laughing, and they both traded insults until they fell asleep. ***** Jen woke up, her mind fuzzy. She looked over, and jumped to see the curtains moving. She hadn't locked her door. She froze, thinking it was a burglar. The moonlight shined in brighter as the curtains were drawn back, and she breathed a sigh of relief as she saw Ryan standing in the doorway. Only half awake, she turned away for a second, then jerked out of sleep. Danny was next to her, what if Ryan thought. . . He stood frozen as he stared down at the bed, the male figure next to her naked for all he knew. Jen sat up on her knees. "Ryan! You're back!" she exclaimed, trying to sound excited. He knew she would never cheat on him, didn't he? But he was only staring down at Danny, who was just now stirring. "I thought you weren't coming back until tomorrow night," she told him. She still tried to sound cheerful, not like someone who had done something wrong. After all, she *hadn't* done anything wrong. . . He looked at her for a second, too dark for her to see his eyes, then he turned around and walked out of the open door. "Ryan, wait!" she cried, almost falling on the floor as she jumped off her bed. She ran out into the cold night, barefoot and barelegged, after him. She reached him before he got out of her driveway and to his car on the street, where he always parked when he came over in the night. She grabbed his arms, trying to stop his brisk walking. "Ryan! Ryan, stop!" He kept walking, pushing her away. "Will you just stop?!?" she cried, jumping in front of him and trying to hold him still. "Ryan," she whined. "We didn't do anything! It's not what it looks like!" He shook his head. "Get out of my face!" he told her angrily, pushing her away from him as he kept walking. "No!" she cried, grabbing him again and pulling on his shirt as she planted her feet on the driveway. He dragged her, and her ankle twisted, skinning her heal on the blacktop. She let out a yelp, then yanked him back as hard as she could. "Listen to me!" she cried. "If we have a relationship, then you will fucking listen to me!" He pulled away, turning around and walking backward, shaking his head at her. "I guess we don't have a relationship!" he snapped. "You wanna fuck him? Yeah?" She shook her head, crying. "Well you can go finish fucking him!" he yelled. "I'm leaving!" "We didn't do anything!" she screamed. "Ryan, no!" she sobbed, running out into the street after him, throwing her arms around his waist as he fumbled for his keys. She turned him around roughly and grabbed his face, making her look at him. He clenched his jaw, and a tear slowly rolled down each of his cheeks. "We didn't do *anything*!" she told him, in his face. "He's my friend, he stayed over. Nothing, okay. Nothing! Look Ryan," she begged, pulling up her T-shirt. "Underwear! Look, underwear. . . " she whispered. He stared down at her, then pulled away and leaned against his car. He wiped his eyes. "You promise me, you didn't do anything?" "I promise!" "Nothing?!? You didn't so much as kiss him?!?" She dropped her eyes, looking down at his hand which she clutched in her own. She didn't answer him, her mind spinning. She should just lie, but no, if he found out, he. . . He stared at her, then pushed her hand away. "You fucking kissed him!" he said fiercely. "Well, I, no. . ." she began. She could lie, but he would know. "No, he kissed me!" "God!" he shouted, opening the car door angrily. "No, Ryan!" she cried. "No! He kissed me! I told him no! Ryan, stay!" she screamed as he got in his car. He turned to face her. "Get out of my face Jen!" he told her. "Get out of my fucking face!" he yelled at her, starting the car and slamming the door shut. She banged on the door, crying, "Ryan! I love you! Stop! We didn't do anything!" She leaned on the car. His car jerked into reverse and she stumbled forward, nearly falling. "We didn't do anything!" she screamed, but it was no use. He turned around, angrily, and sped away. Sobbing, she sank to the ground. "We didn't do anything!" she cried, grabbing the dirt and gravel in her fists. "I love you!" she whispered, the gravel digging into the bare skin of her shins, hurting her. She pushed down harder with her legs, making the pain stronger. She sobbed, her throat swelling larger, it seemed, with each one. "Jen!" said Danny. "Come on, it's okay!" he told her, dragging her up. He had put his clothes on, and kept out of it as he watched them from her driveway. "It's okay!" She shook her head. "He hates me!" she sobbed, as he pulled her back on her property. "Ryan *hates* me!" "He doesn't! He's just mad!" Danny whispered, his arm around her. "Yes he does!' she screamed at the top of her lungs. "Shh!" he told her. But her parents had already been awakened, the door opening as her dad peered out, in his pajamas. "What's going on?" he demanded. Jen was still sobbing, unable to answer. Danny just shrugged. "Jen, what is going on?" They walked in through her front door, the heat encompassing them and the light shocking their eyes. Jen pushed Danny away, covering her eyes with her forearm and crying. "What happened? Why are you all dirty Jen?" her dad asked. She sat on the couch, whimpering. Her dad looked at Danny. Danny shrugged. "Um, Ryan came over and I was in her bed, and he freaked out and he, um, is sort of upset and he thinks she cheated on him." "Jen!" her dad said. "Danny should have been in the guest room. What was Ryan doing here in the middle of the night?" "Dad, shut up!" she yelled at him. "Just shut up!" she whispered. "We just sort of fell asleep," Danny offered. "We didn't do anything but he thinks we did." Her dad tried to comfort her, rubbing her shoulder. "Honey, it will be okay." She shook her head, and her mom came out, demanding to know what was happening. "Ryan came over and Danny was sleeping her bed, and he thinks something happened between them. Nothing did, did it?" he asked Danny, who shook his head frantically. "Oh, shit," said her mom, sitting down next to her on the couch and hugging her. "I know, but it will be okay." Jen sobbed. "I love him, Mom," she whispered. "I love Ryan. Now he hates me!" "No, I-I think he's just upset," said her mom, looking at her husband. Jen kept crying, and her mom comforted her for awhile, until she stopped, her face sore. "It'll be okay, hon," her mom told her. "When he calms down he'll listen to you." Jen nodded. "I hope so," she whispered. "It will be!" Danny said. "Come on Jenny Penny, smile!" She gave him a weak smile. "Aright. Don't worry about it. Maybe we should go back to bed," suggested her dad, tired. "I can't sleep," mumbled Jen. "Come on Jen, we can talk," said Danny. "Come on." They went back to bed, her mom hugging her still and telling her it would be okay. Jen lay back on her bed, staring at the bright light overhead. Danny lay next to her, trying to comfort her though he had no clue what to say. "He's just mad," he told her. "If he didn't love you he wouldn't have left." "I don't think he'll forgive me," she whispered. "Jen, you didn't do anything wrong. What, did you tell him I kissed you?" She sighed sadly. "Yeah. . . But he thinks *we* kissed each other, I think. I told him I said no." "I'm so sorry Jen. It's all my fault." "No, don't say that. It's not your fault," she muttered. "Well, you know what? If it's not my fault--and I *know* it's not your fault--then excuse my saying so, but I think it's Ryan's fault!" "No. . . " she murmured. "Yes, I think it is!" he told her. "He is so damn quick to judge. I mean, he's a good guy and all," he added. "But he should have stayed and heard you out." She nodded, still staring at the ceiling. "I'm serious. I know it must have looked bad, but you're his girlfriend and he should trust you." "No!" she told him. "It's not- you can't just blame Ryan!" "I'm not *blaming* him blaming him! It's just that, if someone is at fault for the way you're feeling now, it's him! Because you didn't do anything wrong! Unless of course," he added. "It's my fault and you think so." "No, Danny!" she sighed. "I guess. . . But, he was so upset," she murmured. "He was crying, Danny. He's never cried." "Oh he's cried," Danny told her. "You just haven't seen him. But really? He was crying?" She nodded. "Yeah. . . " "Well, see, he must be really hurt and upset and everything. He's probably really hurting. See, if he didn't love you he wouldn't be so upset." She nodded again, wiping her eyes. "I know. . . " "Yeah? I know he does. It did look bad, but he'll calm down. He's just mad, and he'll realize what a dork he was and come crawling back." "I don't want him to come crawling back," she whispered. "I just want him back." She started to cry again. "Jen, he loves you. And you love him. If you didn't, I know you wouldn't have been able to resist charming old Danny, now huh?" She smiled, then laughed. "Yeah, I do." "And he knows it. And the thought of you with another guy really upsets him, so be happy that he cares so much. Even if he is being a dork." She gave him another smile. ***** When she woke up she felt like crying again. Danny had to leave, and Dana wasn't home. She lay on her bed, miserable. Her mom came in, bringing in her clean laundry. "How are you doing?" she asked. Jen shrugged sadly. Her mom sat down on the bed. "Did you guys break up?" "I guess," she told her. "I don't know. Probably. I don't think he wants me anymore," she whispered, starting to cry. "Oh honey," soothed her mom. "He's making a big mistake. He'll realize it. He'll say he's sorry." Jen shrugged, then shook her head, still crying. "I'm sure he was upset that he saw Danny with you in the middle of the night. It did look pretty bad, didn't it?" Jen nodded. "So he just stormed off. He'll realize it and come back to you, I'm sure. If he doesn't then he's losing out." She didn't say anything. "Why was he coming over here so late?" She shrugged, her heart racing. "He should call before he shows up at someone's house, especially in the middle of the night." Facing away from her mom, Jen rolled her eyes. Her heart was still pounding in her ears. There was an awkward silence, and Jen knew her mom wasn't stupid. "Um, I think he came back early and just wanted to surprise me." "Well he should have waited," she said. She paused. "Jen, exactly how serious are you two?" "What do you mean?" Jen asked, playing dumb. "We love each other." Oh good answer Jen! she thought. It sets us up well. "I mean, if he was coming over here in the middle of the night, he was sneaking over here, what, was he coming over to sleep with you?" Jen didn't answer. Her mom paused. "Jen, have you two had sex?" she asked. "Mom," Jen groaned, exasperatingly. But she knew her mom wouldn't stop her questioning now. "Jen, I have a right to know. What have you done?" "Don't worry about it Mom," she muttered. "I'm not gonna get pregnant and I'm not gonna get any diseases." "You are going to get pregnant!" her mother told her angrily. "You've slept with him, haven't you?" "Yes, we have, okay?" And I have great fucking orgasms, she thought sarcastically. Her mom didn't say anything. At that moment Jen didn't give a damn anymore about hiding it. Finally her mom spoke. "We didn't raise you like that Jen." "Oh, like what?" Jen snapped. "Like this! Plus you're too young and immature to be having sex!" "Oh, please! You always tell me I'm so mature. Now I'm too immature to do something. Make up your mind." Jen felt badly, she never spoke to her mom like that. She didn't say anything, just looked at her laying daughter on the bed for a while. "Well," she said quietly. "Are you using birth control?" Jen nodded. "Yeah, I'm on the pill." Her mom's voice wavered as she spoke. "You should have told me that!" She burst into tears. Jen groaned silently. She hated it when her mom cried. "Why?" she asked. "You would have just gotten mad. Like you're doing now! See, you don't understand." "I do understand! You don't tell me something like this!" "What exactly would it have helped?" she demanded sullenly. Her mom just sniffled. "Mom, it doesn't matter now, okay? We already did it. I'm not a slut, we were in love," her voice choked on those words "and we waited a long time, okay? I don't regret doing it one bit, aright?" She continued to sniffle. "Well, it just makes me feel left out." Jen looked over at her mom finally. "Do you *really* want to be involved with my sex life? I don't think you do, because I don't want to be involved in yours!" Her mom didn't know what to say, and just looked down at her. Finally Jen started to cry again. "That's the least of my problems right now," she sobbed. "Now he hates me!" Her mom patted her on the back awkwardly, not knowing what to say. Chapter 23 By that night Jen had made up her mind to go see him. She got in her car, feeling like such a spoiled brat. After all, her parents gave her so much. She remembered when Ryan had taught her how to drive, and how frustrated they had both been, him especially. But he had still let her learn on his car, and had tried to be so patient with her. But now she was scared to death, and she wanted to turn around and go back. What if he was sure he didn't want her? What if he never believed her? She felt numb as she rang the doorbell. Usually she would have walked in, but now she was too nervous to. She looked around while she stood on the doorstep, staring at his car in the driveway. She heard voices, and then the door opened. Robby opened it. "Come in," he said, as though she were retarded. She came in slowly, looking around for Ryan. "He's in his room," Robby told her, walking back to the living room. She was left alone in the front hall, and she slowly walked towards his bedroom. She heard his stereo. She knocked on the door several times before she heard the music die down and Ryan loudly say, "Come in!" She opened the door slowly and walked in. Ryan looked at her then looked away. She closed the door behind her as he turned his stereo back up. "Please turn your stereo down," she told him underneath the loud music. He ignored her, and she repeated it. Finally she walked over to his stereo and turned it off. He still wouldn't look at her, just stared at the ceiling. "Ryan," she said, her voice shaking. "If we have a relationship, you will listen to me." He ignored her. "You will listen to me, or else you will lose me. Is that what you want?" His eyes met hers, but he didn't answer. "I want to tell you what happened," she said, her voice slightly pleading. "I don't want to know," he told her simply. "You cheated on me, and that's good enough for me." "I didn't!" "Yeah you did," he said disgustedly, looking away. "I didn't! Ryan, I told you, nothing happened!" "Oh, except you kissed him. You kissed Danny. That is cheating in my book, aright?" "Ryan, why won't you listen to me?" He shrugged. "Maybe I don't wanna. It's black and white, so it doesn't matter." "Why?" "Because you fucking cheated on me, aright? Now I don't want a girlfriend who cheats on me. That's fucking bullshit. I don't forgive that." "Well you don't need to forgive me, because I did nothing wrong!" He rolled his eyes, looking away again and staring at the wall. "Ryan," she said gently, trying not to cry. "I love you. I would never cheat on you. Now what happened is that me and Danny were talking, and hanging out, okay? Are you listening?" "No." "Well listen!" she cried. He looked up. "We were hanging out, and he leaned in and kissed me. And I pulled away and said no." He paused. "Well, why the hell was he in bed with you?" "We didn't do anything. He just stayed over and I didn't really care if he slept in my room. 'Cause I wasn't gonna do anything with him." "Well why did he kiss you?" "I don't know! Because we were just sitting there, and it just happened. He felt really bad." "Well, did you feel bad?" he asked sullenly. "Maybe you didn't. How long was this kiss, anyway?" She sighed, hurt still. "It was fast! It wasn't a real kiss, not like a you kiss!" she told him, whining. "Here, you be me and I'll be Danny, and I'll show you!" He rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah?" he asked her. "I'll be you? Okay, here!" He spread his legs and lifted them up in the air. Jen was horrified. She couldn't breathe, nor move as she stared at him. Her jaw had dropped, and her eyes filled with tears. He didn't say anything else, just looked at her staring at him, his legs still like that. She turned away from him, her hand on her cheek as though he had hit her. She heard him stand up, but she didn't turn around. "I was kidding Jen," she heard him say softly. "I was just kiddin'. . . " He touched her on the shoulder, telling her he didn't mean it. She spun around, and pushed him away. Tears dripped down her cheeks. He came towards her again, trying to hug her, but she slapped his face. "Fuck," he muttered, shocked, his hand to his cheek. He moved towards her again, and she jumped, flinching as she threw her arm in front of her face to protect herself. He stared at her in disbelief, gulping. "No, Jen. . . " he whispered. He shook his head. "I wasn't going to hit you! No, I wasn't!" She lowered her arm, staring at him as she backed away. "No!" he told her. "No! I wasn't going to hit you! I would never hit you!" he pleaded. "Don't you believe me?" "I hate you," she whispered, turning around and walking out. "No," he whispered. "No, I wasn't!" he cried, going after her. She broke into a run as she got down the hall, and he chased her, catching up with her as she fumbled with the doorknob. "Jen, come on! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" he begged, trying to hug her. She struggled with him, trying to push him away, before she turned around and thrust her knee up into his groin. "Ohhahhh!" he groaned, doubling over from the blow. "Don't you fucking touch me!" she told him, shaking. He gasped, gritting his teeth from the pain. "Don't you ever fucking touch me again!" She opened the door and ran out, slamming it in his face. "Oh fuck," he gasped, knowing what he had done. "Shit!" He leaned against the door, and the tears started to fall. He sobbed, forcing himself to stand up. "What did you do to her Ryan?" asked Robby from the kitchen, staring at him. He shook his head, embarrassed that he was crying, and went back to his room, collapsing on his bed. He gasped as he cried, his pillow wet beneath his cheeks. He sobbed, and whispered over and over that he was sorry. He hadn't meant to hurt her of course, he never did. He just let his anger and hurt get the best of him, like usual. He was so damn impetuous. He had planned on calling her and saying he was sorry that he left her there, but that he had been upset, and that the situation looked bad anyway he looked at it. And then he planned on calmly telling her that he didn't think it was right for her ex-boyfriend to sleep in her bed. He had planned his speech all out. But then she had surprised him by coming over, and it just happened. He hadn't meant what he had done. No way did he think she was some sort of slut. Ryan knew he had blown it big time. He prayed she would forgive him. He prayed to God she'd take him back. continued. . . ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To find out more about the anon service, send mail to help@anon.penet.fi. If you reply to this message, your message WILL be *automatically* anonymized and you are allocated an anon id. Read the help file to prevent this. Please report any problems, inappropriate use etc. to admin@anon.penet.fi.