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*please reply to an168729@anon.penet.fi @BEGIN_FILE_ID.DIZ Chapter 15@END_FILE_ID.DIZ "The Brett Incident," as it was eventually titled, caused them to become even closer. He became a little more protective of her, and guarded her closely whenever they were together. Deep down he felt guilty about the whole thing, especially about his anger at her and for not being there in the first place. He was the greatest, and Jen knew she was going to sleep with him soon, although she wasn't yet sure if she really wanted to actually do it for herself. It was getting hard to resist him though. The only reason she hadn't let him was a fear somewhere that their relationship was going to change after they did it. They were so great together, nobody ever challenged that. Of course, she knew it would change, but would it change for the worse? What if he decided he didn't want her anymore? It had happened to her friend Melissa. She'd been with her boyfriend for eight months before she'd slept with him. He'd broken up with her soon after. Said she was trying to control him, he had, which was of course ridiculous. Jen didn't want anything to change; she was happy with their relationship the way it was she supposed. But God, he got this look in his eyes sometimes. He'd stopped begging her, though, with words, and replaced them with the look. In September she went to see the gynecologist. She'd been having problems with her period. It was lasting nearly a week sometimes. Once she got it two weeks after the last one ended. She'd called Ryan's mom, because her own mom was out of town at a medical seminar. Karen made an appointment for her with her doctor. She didn't tell her what the doctor said though, nor that she took his advice. She didn't want Ryan's mom to know she was on the pill. The weekend after she first started taking it, she went to Alicia's house Saturday night. Josh, Alicia, Scott, Corey, Ryan, and Jen all ended up in her parents' room, who were gone. Scott put in a porno movie, and they all watched, fascinated. Jen had seen them before; her sixth grade boyfriend had stolen them from his step-father and showed them to her all the time. Everybody made comments about the action. It was just scene after scene of explicit sex, no bothering with a plot or anything. The guys made comments about "how loose that shit is" and "Boy, he's gettin' up that!" The girls screamed and covered their eyes when two girls went after each other, while the guys whooped and drooled. During one scene, Alicia commented on how her and Josh should try the gymnastic position being used. Jen noticed Ryan looking at Alicia when she said that, looking at her longer than everyone else's glances. She felt a twinge of jealousy. Maybe he's thinking he should go for her; she'd fuck him. But she knew Ryan would never go after his friend's girl, even if he wasn't with Jen. She tried to push the jealousy out of her mind, but the thought of him thinking it still hurt.. She was sitting on his lap in an easy chair, his hardon pressed into her thigh. She looked up at him, and he smiled at her briefly, then returned his gaze to the screen, his breathing rapid. She looked back at the movie, this time some girl was sucking one guy's dick while being fucked by another doggy style. The girl was screaming loudly, and moaning while she pumped her mouth around his dick. He gasped and groaned, while the other guy grunted, stuffing his huge dick into her red cunt. The movie turned her on, of course, but she noted that the close-ups of the fucking were gross. The guys disagreed, except Ryan, who just stared. There was a close-up of the face of the guy who was being fellated; it was contorted in pleasure. The woman in the movie screamed, and concentrated on being fucked for a minute while she removed her mouth from the dick. "Oh, come on!" said Corey. "Suck his dick again!" He laughed, looking at Jen. "Jen needs to learn how!" She gasped and laughed, insulted, telling him to fuck off. Shit, she thought. Ryan said nothing, and she avoided looking at him. The woman kept moaning, and screaming. Josh laughed, saying, "Why, Alicia, she sounds like you!" "Yeah!" laughed Alicia, who started moaning and crying out as if in pleasure. Ryan said suddenly, "Hey! Get up a sec," to Jen, and he leapt up and went out the sliding door into the backyard. As he unlocked the door and disappeared behind the curtains, Scott chided, "Hey, Ryan! Try not to cum on his mom's rose bush!" Everyone laughed. Jen was horrified, embarrassed. Why'd he leave? He isn't getting off for real, is he? she wondered. Corey looked over at Jen. "God Jen, why don't you treat Ryan right?" "Excuse me?" "Why are you so mean to him?" "I'm not mean to him," she said, although at that moment she felt anything was possible. "Why won't you sleep with him?" asked Josh, sounding extremely concerned. "I don't know," she replied. She felt like the biggest uptight bitch on the planet, and like a big baby next to Alicia. "Well, maybe you oughtta think about it," he said sarcastically. "Why do you care?" "He's my best friend." "Yeah?" "Dude, you don't understand, do you?" asked Scott in a disgusted tone. God, everybody's ganging up on me! she thought. "What?" "He's a guy!" he said, slowly, as though she was retarded. She didn't answer. "He needs it!" "Leave her alone!" interrupted Alicia. "If she doesn't want to do it that's her problem." "Yeah, but it's Ryan's too, as long as he goes out with her!" argued her boyfriend. "Well, so what. Leave her alone. You're being dicks." Corey leaned back, pulling the curtain aside and peering outside. "What's he doing?" asked Jen. "He's whacking off. There he goes. . . POW! All over the grass!" he joked. "Just kidding," he told her. "Girl, he's sitting on the bench with his head in his hands. Please, sleep with him! It's killing me to see him like this." Jen contemplated getting up and hiding in the bathroom, but instead went outside. He was right, Ryan sat on a white iron bench, his face in his hands. God, he must hate me, she thought tearfully. I am a prude, a frigid bitch. She sat down next to him, putting her arm around his shoulder. "Ryan?" she whispered. He looked up, and smiled at her. His eyes were glassy, but he didn't look mad. Sad? she wondered. But he didn't look like he'd been crying. "Ryan, what's the matter?" "Oh, nothing. . . " She tried not to cry. "Are you mad at me?" "No!" he said. "Not at all." "What are you doing out here?" "Oh," he said, looking embarrassed. "I had to leave, I'm sorry. That movie, the beautiful girl on my lap. . . I had to get outta there before I shot in my pants." "Ry. . . " she sighed. "What?" "Are you pissed at me?" "No! I told you, I'm not. Really!" "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive. Why do you think I'm pissed?" "Because I'm such a prude." "Jen, come on. I don't think you're a prude. We do a lot, don't we?" he asked, not sounding convinced. She knew he was just contradicting her to make her feel better. "I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head. "But I don't want to do it with you because your friends want me to, because your friends want you to get laid. I want to do it because I want to do it. I mean, I know that sounds really lame and cliche and like an after-school special or something, but it's true, okay?" "Okay! Jen, I said I don't think you're a prude." She looked away. "But, why *don't you* want to do it with me?" he asked slowly. She looked back at him, annoyed. "Because I don't, okay?" She didn't tell him her fears, like that he would leave her, or only want her for sex. He looked away, and stared straight ahead. He loved her, he loved her more than anything, but he hated her rejecting him. He did everything for her, he thought. She must not love me enough. He felt angry when he thought about Josh and Alicia. His friend treated his own girlfriend like shit; he ripped on her all the time to his friends. He even said he didn't give a damn about her. And Alicia still did anything for him. It wasn't fair. Ryan was jealous, and hurt, and angry about the whole thing, not to mention horny, especially right then. He looked over at her. She looked so beautiful, her perfect profile illuminated by the moonlight and outside lamp. He leaned back and put his arm around her. "Ry? I wasn't going to tell you this but. . . " she began, sighing. "Tell me what?" "I wasn't going to tell you yet, but I started taking the pill." His eyes grew big. "Really?" he asked delightedly. She nodded. "You- you want to do it?" he asked incredulously. "Well, not now! I mean, I just started taking it. You have to wait like a month, or two months even, before you're really safe." He made a face. "Two months?" "Well, that's why I wasn't going to tell you. But, I never said I wanted to do it yet." He got mad. "Well, then, why'd you go on the pill? You're totally teasing me!" "No, I'm not. Really, I'm not. The gynecologist put me on it because my periods were whacked." "Oh." He still sounded mad. "Ry, I just started getting my period, okay! I mean, you know, not many girls have sex the same year they start their period. If you told anyone that someone did, they would tell you that someone was a slut. You know, if you're so interested in fucking and that's it, why don't you just break up with me? Why didn't you break up with me a long time ago?" she demanded, crossing her arms. "Then you can find someone who will screw your brains out all the time, and then you'd be happy." "No, Jen! It's not like that." He sighed. "I don't want to break up with you. I understand your point of view, I guess. You're right about the period thing. It just bugs me that you don't want me, that's all." "Ryan! Of course I want you!" "Yeah, but not like I want you. . . " He can't drop it, can he? she thought. I hate fighting with him. "Just tell me when you're ready, okay? Put it in writing if you want," sighed Ryan. "Fine." She sighed too. "I will, I promise. When I want to do it, I promise you, you will be the first to know!" They went back in the house. Thank God, everyone left them alone. Chapter 16 One rainy Saturday, Jen hung out at Ryan's house. He'd gotten his license the Thursday before, and picked her up himself. He felt so free all of a sudden. One of his mom's friends was over, and had brought her newborn with her. Karen was cooing and dying over the little boy. Jen gasped and did the same as soon as she walked in and saw the baby. She got to hold him, and was in heaven. Ryan teased them, imitating them. "But it is a cute baby, though," he added. "Why don't you hold him?" suggested the baby's mom. "Oh, no! I might drop him!" he protested. "Ryan, you don't even fumble the football. You're not going to drop the baby!" insisted Jen. "Well, okay. . . " He gingerly took the small bundle, which smelled like formula, in his arms. He stared down at it in awe. He smiled down at the sleeping baby. Sitting on the couch, he gently touched the tiny hands, feeling its satiny skin. "It's so small. . . " he breathed. Jen watched as he leaned over and softly kissed the baby's cheek. She nearly burst into tears from the breathtaking sight. Her maternal instincts, which were already going in mock speed from the baby's presence, went crazy watching this. He's gonna be such a good daddy, she thought. He looked up at her staring at him, with that same look on her face she had when she had held the baby. He smiled at her. "I betcha I was this cute." She laughed. "You still are." He grinned at her, then gave the baby back to its mom, who was about to leave, when his brother came in the room. "Hey Robby," he said, getting up. "Did you take my GameGear?" "Yeah, I borrowed it." "Well, give it back," he said in an annoyed tone. "I can't. I left it at school." "You took it to school?" Ryan demanded angrily. "What if it got stolen, you dumbass?" "Well, it didn't." "What's the matter with you? I didn't say you could take it you little brat!" "Fuck you," he said. "Robby!" yelled his mother. Ryan took off after his brother, who fled with a wail of terror, chasing him into the rec room where he soon began pounding him, as all older brothers do. Jen ran after them. Robby burst into tears. Only ten, he was no match for his brother. "Mom!" he cried. Ryan pinned him to the couch, pulling his ears and kneeling him in the legs. "Ahhhhh!" Robby screamed. "Ryan! Leave him alone!" commanded Jen, who was quite amused, but felt sorry for Robby. "Asshole! Get off me!" sobbed Robby, desperately flailing underneath him. Ryan flicked his cheek, and he screamed again for his mom. Karen came in, yelling. She wasn't in the best mood anyway, babies always did that to her. "Get off your brother!" she snapped. "Or you can't have the car tonight!" "What the hell?" Ryan demanded, climbing off Robby with one final smack. "He started it! He took my video game without asking. Didn't you hear what your son said to me?" he asked angrily. "Well, it's not your job to punish him, now is it?" "Oh, like you were gonna do it! He's such a brat." "Ryan, just never mind," she snapped exasperatingly. "Come on, Ryan," said Jen, pulling him away before he got into a big fight with his mom. "Come on, it's okay," she said, dragging him down the hall. He complained about the unfair treatment. He threw his books off his bed and laid down, saying, "I'd better get the car tonight or I'm gonna be pissed!" Jen locked the door behind her, then climbed on the bed next to him, rubbing his shoulders and saying, "You already are pissed!" She changed the subject. "You liked holding the baby? You looked so cute. . . " He smiled, remembering, his temper cooling. "Yeah it was just so small! I was scared I was going to drop it. It was so cute!" he said, using the same tone Jen and his mom had when fawning over the baby. Jen threw her arms around him and squeezed him. "You're gonna be such a good daddy, Ryan," she whispered, gazing into his eyes, her own shining. "Of course," he bragged. He looked mad again. "Man, if Robby were my son, God!" he said, making a face. "Calm down," she said, kneeling between his legs. He made another face. "I know, it just really pisses me off. God, I'm so pissed!" She laid down and kissed his stomach. She kissed him between his legs, over his clothes, while he stared at her. Giving him a naughty look, she undid his jeans and pulled his soft dick out. She kissed the tip gently, saying again softly, "Calm down. . . " He stared down at her, surprised, as she took him in her mouth. He gasped at the sensation, the incredible warmth. He pushed his pants down further to give her better access, and melted back into the bed as she began to pleasure his most sensitive area with her mouth. She licked all around the red head, her tongue swirling around his ridge. She ran her tongue down to his balls slowly. She poked them with her tongue and he groaned, "Ohhh. . . " She licked them, pushing them around in the sack, her nose rubbing against the underside of his cock. His dick completely hard now, she had to scoot up to reach the head, which she sucked in her mouth. She tried to remember everything she had ever seen in a porno. But she went on instinct too, enjoying his taste in her mouth. He gasped again, as her soft wet tongue rubbed the ridge on the head. He said her name, not actually believing it was actually happening. God, he couldn't believe how good it felt. He wished it would never end. He lay back, gripping the comforter in his hands, his breathing rapid. Her lips slid down its length, and the entire sensitive underside was raked by her tongue. He reached for her face, touching her cheeks with his numb hands. His face screwed up in pleasure, he groaned over and over. She began moving her mouth up and down around it, trying to get to the base as well without gagging. He lay his head back on his pillow, his eyes closed, gasping. She rubbed his shaft, concentrating her mouth on the pink head. She flicked her tongue against it, licking the slit and dragging his precum out onto her tongue. She slipped the head into her mouth, and sucked with all her might. He cried out. She took in more, sucking still, trying to stimulate him with her tongue at the same time. He groaned his pleasure. Her hands gripped the base, her mouth still sucking, and massaged his balls as they crept up towards his body. Whimpering, he rolled his head back and forth against his pillow. He gripped her head as the pressure built and built, and the warmth spread throughout out his lower body. He gasped that he was going to cum. Swallow, oh baby please swallow, he thought frantically. She considered jerking her mouth away, and finishing him off by hand. But she didn't really want to do that. She wanted him to cum in her mouth more than anything, she'd always wanted to taste it. Her mouth kept going, sucking his cock up and down, faster and faster. Throwing his head back, he gasped again as he climaxed, his body convulsing as his mind swam. His dick had never been so sensitive, it throbbed in her mouth. He shot into her what seemed like a gallon of cum, it seemed to go on forever. He groaned her name, his hips thrusting slightly towards her head. She attempted to swallow every drop of his sweet liquid, it was sticky and thick, but she managed to get it all down her throat. She sucked gently some more, then wrapped her hungry mouth around his aching sack, kissing and licking his balls. She sighed, in pleasure. Opening his eyes, he stared down at her and pushed her hair out of her eyes. He watched as she cleaned his twitching, oozing cock with her tongue. "Oh, Jen. . . Wow. . . " he whispered, his voice cracking. She looked up at him, giving him another smile. "Was that good?" she asked, crawling up to lay next to him. He rolled his eyes back, saying, "Oh my God. . . Where'd you learn to do that?" he asked in awe, hugging her tightly. "Movies," she shrugged. He laughed. "God, I love you." "And I love you." She reached down for his softening cock. "And I love him too!" she said in a high voice. "Well, I'll have to ask him, but I'm pretty sure he sort of worships you!" Ryan laughed. "You're very sweet," she told him, kissing his ear. "Literally!" "Really?" he asked. "Oh yeah," she said, kissing him so he could taste himself. He didn't protest. Chapter 17 As an early Christmas present, he got a new car from his parents, a blue Ford Bronco. He was completely shocked, and Jen teased him. Her own parents were completely clueless, she thought disgustedly, as Ryan started driving down now to see her late at night, and she sneaked him in through her side door. As soon as he walked into her room that first late night, she pulled him onto her bed. They kissed, and she rubbed him through his clothes. Laying on his back, she climbed onto him, kissing his neck and rubbing against him. He pulled her shirt off, licking her nipples and her ears. No words were spoken, it was all automatic. She sucked him until he came, while he bit his lip so as not to scream. Still horny, he rolled onto her and continued sucking her breasts, which had "exploded" as he had said, since she started taking the pill. He slid down her naked body, dragging the blankets with him as he started kissing her stomach, rubbing her between her legs while she moaned softly. He looked up at her, whispering, "Do you want me too?" She nodded, and he responded by burying his face between her thighs. She gasped as his virgin tongue went to work on her, licking up her juices and sucking her tender inner lips. Writhing in pleasure, she started groaning so much he had to shush her, to remind her her parents were down the hall. Ryan thought he had never eaten something so delicious in all his life, and his mind spun from her reactions to it. She arched her back, grinding her sopping cunt into his mouth. He nearly came when she did that. She couldn't believe the sensations. She wished it would never end. He started sucking her clitoris. This pressure began building, this huge pressure, and she thought she was going to burst. Her clit became extremely sensitive, and hurt as he sucked it directly. Oh fuck, she thought, suddenly scooting up against her headboard, away from him. "What?" he whispered. "Stop," she whispered back. "Why?" he asked, not believing his ears. He was sure she hadn't cum yet. "Because!" she said. She was relieved, once again sure she had control of her bladder. She'd been petrified she was going to urinate. That would have been horrible. "You didn't cum!" "Shit! I thought I was gonna piss," she whispered, shaking her head. "No! You were gonna cum!" He was pretty sure anyway. What if she had pissed though? Yuk! The incredible pressure was gone. Her heart still pounded, but she felt relieved. She lay back down on her side, pulling the blankets up to fight the draft. He came up with them, pulling her to him and ki ssing her. "Stay here tonight," she whispered. "I'll set my alarm so you can get up early." "Okay. Let me keep doing it," he suggested, annoyed slightly. "No. . . Really." He didn't argue, but led her hands to his hardon, which rubbd against her. She gripped him, and rubbed him a few times. That was all he needed; he shot cum all over both of them. They laid in the dark, holding each other. "I liked doing it," he said, though that was obvious. "Remember you said I might not like it? Well, I do!" he whispered in her ear. "That's good," she smiled. "I like you doing it too!" ***** Later that week they were in the hot tub, in his backyard. His family had all gone shopping. It was almost evening, and starting to get chilly. But they were hot of course, making out and fondling each other in the hot water. They hadn't bothered with swim suits. He was between her thighs, her legs clasped around his hips. His cock touched her clit, making her gasp. It drooped lower, where it belonged. She didn't protest it being there. She kissed him wildly still, her hands running through his wet hair. He pushed it forward, and the tip pressed into her. She didn't notice; it felt nice, no pain at all. He thrust deeper. It didn't go in, because she screamed from the pain of her hymen stretching, pushing him away from her. "What are you doing?" she demanded. "What? I thought you wanted it." She rolled her eyes disgustedly at him, getting out of the hot tub and wrapping the towel around her. Shivering, she snatched up her clothes and hurried into the house. Ryan trailed after her, dripping water all over the floor. "What? God, Jen! Don't be so pissed." Drying off in his room, she wouldn't talk to him. Finally, he took her clothes away and put them behind him, out of her reach. "Give me my clothes!" she demanded. "No. Don't be mad!" he ordered back. "You give me my fucking clothes this minute!" she seethed. "What's the matter?!? Come on, I'm really sorry. I thought you knew I was gonna do it," he said honestly. She stared at him, wrapped in the towel. "You think, after all this time, that I would want to do it--lose my virginity--in the *hot tub*?" she demanded. "You must not know me that well, do you?" "I don't know. The hot tub's kinda nice." She rolled her eyes at him. "Give me my clothes now." "No." "Fine. I'll call my parents, and tell them to pick me up and bring me clothes because you stole mine and won't give them back." He looked at her. She looked at him. They both started to laugh at the idea. But she was still mad; she scowled at him. "Am I a jerk?" he asked. "Yes." "I'm sorry." "Whoopee." "The hot tub isn't nice?" "Not especially." He gave her her clothes back. She sighed, taking them. "Ryan, I said that when I wanted to do it, I'd *tell* you so! And Ryan, I want it to be a special night. Not 'hurry up because your parents will be home soon' type-thing. I thought you grasped that concept by now." "Oh. I- I guess I just got carried away." He walked over to his desk, taking out a small package. He held it out to her. "What's that?" she asked, fastening her bra. "It's for you." She took it, opening it. It was a pair of gold earrings, expensive ones. She stared at him. "What are these for?" "They're for you!" "Thank you," she said automatically. "What are they for, though?" He sighed. "They're not *for* anything. I just thought you might like them, that's all. They match the necklace I gave you for our anniversary. . . " "Oh, Ryan. They're beautiful, thank you. They're for Christmas?" she asked suspiciously. "No! They're not *for* anything I said!" he repeated, toweling off and pulling some jeans on. "If they were for Christmas you would get them for Christmas. I just thought you might like them, okay?" he asked, sounding hurt. "Okay. I *do* like them, I do." "Good." She felt guilty. She loved him so much. Why did she always have to fuck up? She wanted him more than anything. She was just now realizing how much. "I'm sorry," she said. "Me too. Bad Ryan," he said, slapping his hand. He gave her a shy smile. She kissed him. "I wish I didn't have to go away for Christmas," she said, sitting on his lap. "Then don't. Stay here. You can stay with us, and come to the cabin again this year." "I wish I could, but there's no way my parents would let me. My Grandma would freak, too." "When are you getting back?" he asked. "The day after New Years." "Oh. We're coming back then too, I think." "Oh." "My parents are going away the weekend after New Years," he ventured. "They're going on a four-day cruise. But don't say anything, though. My mom doesn't know yet. It's her Christmas present." "Oh, sure no problem. Your dad's so romantic. . . " "Of course he is. That's where I get it from," he teased. She smiled. "Are you staying here?" she asked. "Well," he rolled his eyes, "I said I'd stay at Josh's but I probably won't. Will and Robby are staying at Robby's friend's house. The friend stayed here one weekend, remember? That little blond kid? Anyway, they don't know yet so don't bring it up with them either. They can't keep secrets." "Sure," she said. "Can I come over?" she asked. "Of course. You can always come over," he answered. She wrapped her arms around him. "Oh, Ryan. Let's do it then. Let's make love," she breathed into his ear. His mouth dropped. "Yeah? You mean it? Oh, Jen, are you sure?" "Of course I'm sure," she laughed. She nodded, smiling, "I've been ready forever." "Me too!" He kissed her. "God, I love you you know!" "Me too. I love you too. . . " He grinned at her. "I'll make you dinner, and I'll show you how romantic I can be. We'll have the house to ourselves. Baby, it'll be beautiful, I promise." ***** "Hello?" "Hi, what's up?" "Ryan! You're back! Did you just get back?" "Yeah, like half an hour ago . . . What's up?" "Nothing. We got back last night. How was the skiing?" "Great. I missed you you know." "I missed you too Ry . . . " "I can't wait to see you." "Me neither." "I thought about you the whole time," he said. "Me, too. Was your mom surprised with the trip?" "Yeah. Only a few more days," he said excitedly. "Are you excited too? Or is it just me?" "Oh, no. I'm excited too." "Are you scared?" "Yeah. . . " "How come?" "I hope it doesn't hurt a lot." "I promise you, I'll be very gentle." "I know you will. . . Are you scared?" "Nah." "Maybe just nervous a little?" she asked. "Maybe just a little," he laughed. "Me too. But I'm glad." "Yeah! Me too." "When are they leaving?" "I don't know. Probably during the day sometime. I don't want to make them suspicious by asking." "Yeah, that's true." "I'm wearing your watch," he told her. "It's your watch now!" "Oh yeah, and it's great. You did like the jacket?" he asked. "Yes, I love it Ryan! It's so warm, too. I can't believe you remembered it! I said I liked it, like, in October." "I bought it right away." "You did?" "Yeah! You almost found it too, one time." "I did? Where was it?" "It was in my closet. Remember, like last month I think, you were looking at all my clothes and stuff. It was still in the over-thingy from the store. I was like, 'Uh, let's leave'." "Oh yeah! I remember that. You were like, 'Why are you going through my closet?' I thought you were mad at me!" she laughed. "Nah." "Well, thank you. It kept me very warm when you weren't there to do it yourself." He laughed. "You won't need it this weekend my love." "Okay! Should I dress up?" "Yeah, dress up." "Aright. Are you taking me somewhere?" "Yeah--to heaven." "Oh, Ryan!" she blushed. "I guess I am nervous." "Me too." continued. . . ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To find out more about the anon service, send mail to help@anon.penet.fi. If you reply to this message, your message WILL be *automatically* anonymized and you are allocated an anon id. Read the help file to prevent this. Please report any problems, inappropriate use etc. to admin@anon.penet.fi.