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Text File | 1995-08-19 | 38.7 KB | 945 lines

THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO COWS -- AS YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE! (__) (__) (__) (__) (oo) (oo) (oo) (oo) /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ / | || / | || / | || / | || * ||----|| * ||W---|| * ||w---|| * ||V---|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Cow Cow laden Same cow Betty Ford-type with milk after milking cow with milk (___) (___) * (___) (___) (o o) (o o) \ (o o) (o o) /-------\ / /-------\ / \-------\ / /-------\ / / | ||O / | ||O | ||O / | ~#>-+|O * ||,---|| * ||@\--|| ||,---|| * ||,----| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^ Bull Same bull after Rotc bull after Red-blooded American seeing above cow seeing other bull Bull shooting the Rotc bull (__) (__) (__) (__) (oo) (oo) (oo) (oo) /-------\/-* /-------\/ /-------\/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ / | || \ )*)(\/* / * / | || * ||----|| * \ |||/)|/()( ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ \/|(/)(/\/(,,/ \)|(/\/|)(/\ Cow munching Grass munching Cow in water Cow in trouble on grass on cow (__) (__) * (__) * (__) (oo) (oo) \ (oo) | (oo) /--------\/ /-oooooo-\/ \-------\/ \-------\/ * o| || * ooooooooo o o| || / || ||----|| ooooooooooooo ||----||>==/-----|| ooo^^ ^^ ooooooooooooooooo ^^ ^^ ^^ Cow taking Cow in deep Cow getting the sh*t sh*t sh*t kicked out of her (__) (oo) U /-------\/ /---V / | || * |--| . * ||----|| ^^ ^^ Cow at 1 meter. Cow at 100 meters. Cow at 10,000 meters. (__) )__( vv vv (oo) (oo) ||----|| * /-------\/ *-------\/ || | / / | || / | || /\-------/ * ||----|| / ||----|| (oo) ^^ ^^ vv vv (~~) American Cow Polish Cow Australian Cow (__) (__) (__) (oo) ____ (oo) _---_(oo) /-------\/ /- --\/ /- -\/ / | || / | || /| || * ||----|| * ||___-|| * ||___-|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Freshman Cow Freshman Cow Freshman Cow Arriving at Rit After the "Freshman 15" After the "Freshman 20" (__) (__) (__) (OO) (@@) (xx) /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ / | || / | || / | || * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Cow who drank Jolt Cow who ate Cow who used Jolt to psychadelic mushrooms wash down psychadelic mushrooms ________________________ (__) / \ (oo) ( Meet our great leader! ) /-------\/ --'\________________________/ / | || * ||----|| ^^ ^^ # # ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ### ### M M OOOO OOOO ### ###### ### MM MM O O O O ####### ####### M M M M O O O O # # M M M O O O O # ### ### # M M O O O O # # # # # # M M OOOO OOOO # # ### # ### # \\ # ### ### # \\ # # \\________ # ######## # \-------- # # ## ## # # # # # # ######### # # #### # # ###### ###### #### ########################### ### ## ## ## # # # ## # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### # # # # ##### # # ### # # # # # # # ##################### ######### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ##### ### #### #### ###### ### ###### ###### /\ __ / \ || (__) (__) \ / (_||_) SooS (oo) \/ (oo) /------S\/S /-------\/ /S /-------\/ / | || / | || / S / | || * ||----|| * ||----||___/ S * ||----|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ This cow belonged Ben Franklin owned Abe Lincoln's to George Washington this cow cow (__) * (__) (oo) \ (oo) /------\/ \-------\/ /| |/ | | ==$ || / | [) || ||----|| * ||----|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Old "One Arm" belonged This cow was given to to Ceasar's Palace Hugh Hefner for his Birthday (___) (__) (__) ( O ) (oo) (oo) /-------\ / \/--------\/ / | ||V | | * ||----|| ||------|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ The cyclops that Jason and This cow lived with the Argonauts met had this cow Dr. Doolittle (__) (__) [##] (@o) /-------\/ /-------\/ /------- (__) / | || / | || / | || (oo) * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----|---\/ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^ This cow belonged This cow lived with This cow belonged to to Flash Gordon the Little Rascals the Headless Horseman The following three cows were supposed to be appearing with the Celebrity Cows pictured above... However, I found out that they were sitting around a bar getting drunk discussing what exactly is art. The cows' conclusion: Art is a bunch of Bull(s). Sorry, but I couldn't resist, Hawk, Sesquipedalianite and Head of Heffer Control. (____) (____) (____) (oo ) (o o) ( O O) /-----------\ / /-----\ /---- /-----------\ / / || | \/ / | | \/ | / || | \/ / || |||| \ | | | | | / || |||| * ||||-----|||| *| | |-----| | | * ||||-----|||| /\/\ /\/\ /\ /\ /\ /\ ^^^^ ^^^^ This cow belonged This was Salvador No one was sure whether to Pablo Picasso Dali's favorite cow M.C. Escher's cow had four legs or eight Seeing as how it is Spring Break Season, I thought I would share with you some Vacation Ideas for any of you Cows out there on the Net who don't know where to go for some fun. - Steve "Hawk" Schultz Head of Heifer Control Well, first of all, there are theme parks and historic sites: O__O \_|_/ (oo) (oo) /-------\/ /-------\/ / | || / | || * ||----|| * ||----|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Cow at Disneyland Cow visiting the Statue of Liberty There's the fun and warmth of the southwest: (__) ~~ (oo) ~~~~ /-------\/ ~~~~~ / | || ~~~~~ * ||----|| ~~~~~~~~ ====^^====^^==== ~~~~~~~~~~~~/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cow Hanging Ten at Malibu And on the other coast, while the water might be a little chilly up north, it is still exciting: )\ (__) / \ (oo) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cow swimming at Amityville (Where Jaws was filmed, for those less educated) For those who believe in Winter Wonderland's, the Rockies present excitement galore: * \ \ |\ \ | \ (__) \\|| \(oo) \||\ \\/ ^^ \|| \\ || \\|| \|| ^^ \\_ \_ Cow skiing a Black Diamond at Aspen And of course, the traditional Spring Break spot, where you can go for expensive beer and cheap sex: (__) (--) /-\/-\ /| |\ ^ | | ^ (__) | | (DD) /----\ /-------\/ / \ \ / | ||_\_/ ^ * ^ * ||----| Cow sunning at Fort Lauderdale ^^ ^ (What a bod, huh guys?) Cow chugging brews and staring at sunbathers at Fort Lauderdale Or, for those who have trouble picking up members of the opposite sex: O O O O \ \ / / \ \ (__) / (__) \ \ (xx)/ (DD) \ +--------+\// /-------\/ \| | / / | || +--------+ * ||----|| ^^ ^^ Cow fantasizing about "Riding the Mechanical Bull" at Gillies in Texas Disclaimer: If these have offended anyone, I apologize, not whole-heartedly, but I do apologize. I mean, what do you expect from a bunch of cows??? \ (__) \\(oo) /-----\\\/ / | (##) * ||----||" ^^ ^^ This cow plays bagpipes. From: eric@snark.UUCP (Eric S. Raymond) (__) (__) (__) (\/) ($$) (**) /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ / | 666 || / |=====|| / | || * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Satanic cow This cow is a Yuppie Cow in love From: thomas@leah.Albany.Edu (Thomas Barry) (__) (__) (oo) (oo) /-'''''-\/ /-------------------\/ / |'''''|| / | || * ||''''|| * ||----------------|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Stretch Cow Cow in Argyle * ** ** * ** * * * ** * / / \ * * \ \ / \ / / * / / \ \ (__) \ \ / (00) / / \ /-------\/ \ \ / / | || / / \ \ * ||----|| \ \ / / ^^ ^^ / / Cow in Heat (__) /--------(00) / | |( ) * ||---- ||() || || ^^ ^^ Cow Chewing Marbles From: Anonymous (name withheld upon request) (___) (o o) /------\ / (__) / ____O (oo) | / /----\----\/ "Where did that camera come from!" /\oo===| / || | || *||~-----|| * ~~ ~~ ~~ From: ihnp4!decvax!savax!sii!siia!kgg (Kenneth G. Goutal) Thanks very much for distributing your cow canon. I got a copy via a friend who has access to netnews, which I do not. I ran off a copy to send to some friends who recently moved away, to a suburb of Detroit, and are not on the net at all. I thought they should have some cows appropriate to their locale. Herewith are my apocryphal cows: (__) (oo) /-------\/ / | || * ||----|| OO OO Detroit cow \__\ o (oo) ____\___\/ / | || * ||----|| OO OO Mustang cow (__) (oo) *+-------\/ ||______|| ||----|| OO OO pickup cow (__) (oo) /---------------\/ / | || * ||------------|| OO OO li-moo-cow (__) (oo) /----\/ / || *-||----|| OO OO fastback cow \_||_~ (*||*) /-------\||/ / | || * ||----|| OO }{ teenager's cow The following has nothing to do with Detroit, but surely belongs among the canonical cows: ____ (____) (__) (oo) /-------\/ / | || * ||----|| ~~ ~~ holy cow 28 responses Feb27/88 12:07 34:1) hyc: [Don't blame me, Dean forwarded the message to me!] - - - - - Feb27/88 12:11 34:2) Suzanne (Capitalist Pig): Cow cute, such bulloney. - - - - - Feb27/88 12:21 34:3) Suzanne (Capitalist Pig): [ ] [ --] [ oo] /-------------- {} / | || * || || ||-----------|| ** ** Cow after T-day (__) (OO) /-------- + / | || =>------/ || ||-------____ ||-----|| |00| mm mm |__| Compu-cow, with mouse | | | | * | | (__) | | \ (__) | | (oo) | | \ (oo) | | /-------\/ | | -----------\/-- | | / | || | | ----| |--- | | * ||----|| | | -------- | \______^^____^^___ | \_________________ | _________________ | _________________ | / | / | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | / \ / \ Cow perched on a tree. Cow attempting to fly off tree. | | | | | | | | | | | \_________________ | _________________ | / | | | | | | | | | | | | (__) | | *---------(..) / \ ^^----^^\/ The attempt results in an udder disaster. . /\ . . : (__) . / \ . . : (xx) / \ . . * : __------\/ / \ * : * ||____|| | (__) | . . ** : / | |\ . /| (oo) |\ ** : / | /\/\ | \ . . * : Hamburger . / |=|==|=| \ . * : . / | | | | \ . : / USA | ^||^ |NASA \ . : * (__) |______| ^^ |______| . : \ (oo) . (__||__) . . : \-------\/ . /_\ /_\ . . . : 8-| || !!! !!! : ||----|| : ^^ ^^ The cow that jumped over the moon. : Flying Cow ...---... ../ / | \ \.. ./ / / | \ \ \. / / / | \ \ \ / / / | \ \ \ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ \ | / \ | / \ | / \ | / \ | / \ | / \ | / \ | / \ | / \ | /(__) \|/ (oo) /---++--\/ / | || || * ||-++-|| ^^ ^^ Cow surviving attack by Red Baron ..---.. (__) / \ (oo) | RIP | /-------\/ | | / | || | | * ||----|| | | ^^ ^^ | | \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\///////////////// Elvis's Cow... ...Or is it alive and living in tax exile??? (__) (oo) /---+ +--\/ / | | | || * ||-+ +-|| ^^ ^^ * David Copperfield's Cow David Copperfield's other Cow (__) (oo) /-------\/ / | || * ||----|| ^^ ^^ (__) (__) (oo) (oo) /-------\/ \/-------\ / | || -^^- || | \ * ||---- -^^- || * ^^ ^^ (__) (__) (oo) (oo) /-------\/ \/-------\ / | || || | \ * ||----|| ||----|| * ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Barnum's Troupe of performing cows (__) _--------_ (oo) |__________| BIG /-------\/ XXXXXXXXXX MAC / | 007 || __________ * ||----|| |_ _| ^^ ^^ -------- Cow licenced to kill Enemy Cow after having met previous cow The cow that didn't jump over the moon. ------------------------ ! ! ^ / \ Hey diddle diddle /___\ The cat and the fiddle |= =| The cow blew up on the | | launch pad... | | ROCKET, | | TAKING OFF | | TOTALLY \\ | | OBLIVIOUS TO ||||||> | | THE FACT THAT // | | THERE IS A | | COW ON THE | | LAUNCH PAD /|##!##|\ / |##!##| \ / |##!##| \ | / ^ | ^ \ | | / ( | ) \ | |/ ( | ) \| (( )) (( : )) (( : )) (( )) (( )) ( ) . * . _ _ * * \\ *= // COW BLOWING \\ \\ =* // UP,ON THE ||||||>> * * ( __ ) LAUNCH PAD // * * * . _ (oo) * // *= *= * BOOM * () // *= * * * ==* \\ ________________________________________________ = * \\ ============================================== // // !! \\ \\ // // || \\ \\ (__) (oo) /'^^^-m (__) / '' ´ ) (oo) o /| /|/|_ | /| / \/ / / _ / | | | | / _\===^ ___\_____/___ |_____|_| ___|__/ |/\ (___________(_) //|| || * ^ ^ * ww ww Mrs. O'Leary's Cow Cow'nt Dracula ____ ____ |+++++| |++++| ___ |++++| ____ |+++++| |++++| |++ ______________________ |++++| |+++++| |++++| |++/ /( )\ \ |++++| |+++++| __ | | |+| |-oo- | \______ |++++| |+++++| |++| -----(__)--| \__\/ _(__)_ \ ---------------------------------- o ( oo /_______________________| (oo) \ | __ | _/\_| | M O O - B U S T E R S|__\/\ /| | /oo| - Bleaurgh! |-| \\____ ------ )_ /| /\ -|_ \_|-_|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 0 _| * \/ * \ | __________________________________/ | W| \ \_/ /----------------- \ \_/ / / /\ \ \___/ \___/ / / \ \ ^^^ ^^^ Who you gonna call...? (__) (__) (__) (----------) (00) (-o) (--) . . . ( *>YAWN<* ) /------\/ /------\/ /------\/ (----------) /| || /| || /| || * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----|| Cow w/ Glasses Flirtatious cow (winking) Cow after pulling an all-nighter * (__) (__) (__) (__) \ (oo) (oo) (oo) (oo) \-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ /| |\ / / \ / \ / / \ \ //||----||\\ * //------\\ * \\--// * \\----\\ ^ ^^ ^^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ Cow walking Cow jogging Same cow Cow braking (__) (oo) (__) o * (__) \/ (oo)/ " | (oo) ____| \____ /-------\/(__ o=o=o=|------\/ ---/ --** / | / | | *____/ |___// * ||----|| ||----|| //--------/ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ //__ Cow Cow pooing Cow marching standing Side Front Side back (___) Where's all the bulls! (__) (__) (__) (__) (O O)/ ( oo (oo) oo ) ( ) ^ _/\ /\_ ^ /\_| /\/\ |_/\ / \ \\/ O \// (___) ( -- \_ | - G'nite, and thank you for your support. Zzz z z z z z z z \O ...:::/// THE SEQUEL OF THE COWS \\\:::... Edited by David A. Bader but posted by me! = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = ______ (__) | | (__) (oo) | | ($$) ----\/ /-----^^^^^^ /-------\/ || / | || / | IRS || ---|| * ||----|| * ||----|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Eric the half a cow The unknown cowmic Tax Accowntant (___) (___) (___) (0 0) (0 0) (0 0) \ / \ / \ / __[_V_]__ __[_V_]__ __[_V_]__ /_________\===: /_________\===: /_________\===: \OOO---OOO/ \OOO---OOO/ \OOO---OOO/ Cowed Forces \ _ / - ( ) - /\ / " \ /| | (__) (__) / | | (oo)\ ________(oo) /____| | \/| \ /| \/ / \/ | \ / |_______|| __(_______ |||__ \ * || || |__________| ||| ____\---* ^^ ^^ Thomas Edison's cow Cow hearing his master's voice ) ( _ (____) / \ (__) ==========I / = = \ ~ ==' `== (oo) \ |||||| I (-O--O-) ~ 8 O O 8 /-------\/ \ ||||| I ( ) ~ /------- ( ) / | ||__o=< \ |||| I /------- ||||||====== / | || \_/ * ||----| \ ||| I / | || \/ * ||----|| ~~ ~ \ || I * ||----|| ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ Groucho Moo-x Chico Harpo ______________________ _______________________ | | | | | (__) | | (__) | | (oo) | | (oo) | | /-------\/ | |---\/ /----| | / | || | | || / | | | * ||----|| | |--|| * ||--| | ^^ ^^ | | ^^ ^^ | |--------------------| |---------------------| Normal Cow 0 Cow modulo one 1 (__) (__) (oo) (oo) ______________\/______ ____ /-------\/ __ /___/___/___/___/___/_/| /___/| / | || _/_/| |___|___|___|___|___|_|| |__||/|* //-----|||_|_|| |_|___|___|___|___|___|| |_|__|/|^^ ^/|___|| |___|___|___|___|___|_|/ |___|_|/ |___|_|/ Cow in the GDR before... ...and after 9-Nov-1989 ______________(__)_________________ (__) /_______________(oo)_______________ / (oo) | \/ || \/ _|_ _|| || /__/_______________________________/__/| || ( ) ( )| || | |________________________________| | | || \_____________________________________/] /------- / [] [] [] / | || * ||----|| COW-CH ^^ ^^ Cowraffe * * \ / \ / /^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^\ \/ / (__) \ +----------+ | (oo) ^^^^^^^^^^^\ | | | |^^^| \/. \\ // \_* |^^^| | | | |-----`//`====='\\-----| | | | | |-----//---------||----| | | | | |_ _ _"_ _ _ _ _ "_ _ _| | +----------+ ^||^ ^||^ || || "COWCH POTATO" +------------+ + | B A T E S | (__) o | (0x) ( ) |C O R R A L | (**) /| ---------- | \/ ( ) +------------+ \==/ / | |\ \ W------ | | ( ) v | ---------- *---- ====; ( ) | | (__) | \ / ( ) \ | (oo) | \ | ( ) \ | \/ | \+ | ( ) ---------- + ( ) Ice Cowbe COWBOOOOOM! | | o o Psycho Cow (with knife) (__) (oo) ------------------------- _______________________ /-------\/ - | Don't have a Bart, man! | |\ ^ ^ /| / | || ------------------------- | \ ^ ^ ^ / | * ||----|| |(_\ ^ COW-PIE ^ /_)| ^^ ^^ |(oo\ ^ /oo)| The Simpsons' cow | \/ \ ^ ^ / \/ | |(__) \ / (__)| \ / \(oo)(_\ ^ ^ /_)(oo)| \_____________/ \\/ (oo\ /oo) \// /\___________/\ \ \/ \ ^ / \/ / Cow in / /\_________/\ \ \ (__)\ / (__) / trouble / / /\_______/\ \ \ \ (oo) \^/ (oo)/ / / / / (__) /\ \ \ \ \ \/ :(__)\// ___/_/_/_/_ (oo) \_\_\_\_\___ \ (__):(oo) / \ \ \ \ \ \/ / / / / / \(oo): \/ / \ \ \ \/_____\/ / / / \\/(__) / \ \ \/_______\/ / / \ (oo)/ \ \/_________\/ / \ \// \/___________\/ \:/ / \ / \ (__) (__) (______) (__) (oo) (oo) ( o o ) (oo) /--------\/ /^^^^^^^\/ /-----\ / /-------\/ ./ | | ./ {^)))))_} / | |\/ / | || |--W-----| ||`` || * ||----|| * (.)(.)|| | | | | ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ cow before weight cow after Conceited Dolly Parton's loss program the program Cow Cow (___) ( OO ______ ______ _____\_ | ______ (__) ______ | | | | | |\O cowstle | | (oo)| | | |____| |____| | | |__\/_| | | | | | | | (__) | | | __________ | (oo) | __________ | | | | | \/-------\ | | | | | | | | ___ | ___ |_\_ | | | | | | (__) | |_| |_|_| |__|| |__| | (__) | | | | (oo) | | (oo) | | | \___\/___/ \___\/___/ | | | | | ( ______ ) ( / \ ) ( / \ ) ( | | ) | | | | | | | | |_________________________|________|______________| \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ (__) \ \ (oo) / /---\----\/ / / | \ || * (__) / * ||---\-\\ \ ( OO / ~~ ~~ \---\___/\_|\=/> ^^ ^^ | \===/> \\_____// | /______/ / || | _________\\_\\_____/____________________ /\------\ ^ ^ / (oo) \ / (--) * / Cow Circus: The flying Cowlendas Cow Circus: Tightrope walking ______________________ | |\ | (__) | | | (oo) | | | \/ | | | / \ \ | | ///////// \_ \_/////// | | | / | | (__) | /++++++< | | _____(oo) |==/====|==\=\=========|=|===========================\\/ | * | \_\_ | | / | || _______O)-----^---------------\O)_________________*__||----||_____ cow-lliope in the circus parade