ProfitPress Mega CDROM2 …eeware (MSDOS)(1992)(Eng)/ProfitPress-MegaCDROM2.B6I/PROG/MISC/VSNBL220.ZIP/VINSIDE.SNO

Text File | 1991-02-14 | 12.7 KB | 339 lines

* VINSIDE.SNO
* Produces an industry insider report,
*   thus saving the cost and nuisance of reading
*   Infoworld, PC Week, Microbytes, John Dvorak, etc.
*
* Written by Ed Quillen, Editor of "A SNOBOL's Chance."
*
* modified for Vanilla SNOBOL4 10/87 Dan Haney
*
* note: program size is very close to maximum for Vsnobol4
*    and will not tolerate much modification/addition.
*    Random number generation is highly textured because
*    of integer limit of 32767.
*
* to run: SNOBOL4 VINSIDE
*

* Set keywords

    &trim = 1
    &anchor = 1
    &maxlngth = 5000

* Define your arrays

* Blueboy is the I B M whatever

    blueboy = array('10')
    blueboy[1] = 'official'
    blueboy[2] = 'executive'
    blueboy[3] = 'vice-president'
    blueboy[4] = 'officer'
    blueboy[5] = 'manager'
    blueboy[6] = 'source'
    blueboy[7] = 'consultant'
    blueboy[8] = 'engineer'
    blueboy[9] = 'vice-president'
    blueboy[10] = 'vice-president'

* newspeak is verb for his statement

    newspeak = array('10')
    newspeak[1] = 'confirmed'
    newspeak[2] = 'denied'
    newspeak[3] = 'refused to confirm or deny'
    newspeak[4] = 'refused to comment on'
    newspeak[5] = 'denied any knowledge of'
    newspeak[6] = 'agreed that there might be some validity to'
    newspeak[7] = 'denied'
    newspeak[8] = 'been uncharacteristically forthright about'
    newspeak[9] = 'taken the Fifth Amendment when asked about'
    newspeak[10] = 'been involuntarily retired after prematurely confirming'

* hearsay is his statement

    hearsay = array('10')
    hearsay[1] = 'reports'
    hearsay[2] = 'an article in Tass'
    hearsay[3] = 'industry rumors'
    hearsay[4] = 'authoritative gossip'
    hearsay[5] = 'unsubstantiated dispatches'
    hearsay[6] = 'widespread speculation'
    hearsay[7] = 'unofficial reports'
    hearsay[8] = 'high-level rumors'
    hearsay[9] = 'leaks from beta-testers'
    hearsay[10] = 'informed conjectures'

* newstuff is the next product

    newstuff = array('10')
    newstuff[1] = 'system'
    newstuff[2] = 'architecture'
    newstuff[3] = 'CPU'
    newstuff[4] = 'system bus'
    newstuff[5] = 'token-ring network'
    newstuff[6] = 'local-area network'
    newstuff[7] = 'entry-level product'
    newstuff[8] = 'top-end workstation'
    newstuff[9] = 'video display standard'
    newstuff[10] = 'operating system'

* saywhat is an attribute of the new system

    saywhat = array('10')
    saywhat[1] = 'be totally proprietary'
    saywhat[2] = 'run under Microsoft Windows'
    saywhat[3] = 'be based on the Intel 80486'
    saywhat[4] = 'remain a closely-held secret until the end of the century'
    saywhat[5] = 'be generally compatible with existing systems'
    saywhat[6] = 'use a subset of the OS/360 instruction set'
    saywhat[7] = 'employ scalar interrupts and extensive masked gate arrays'
    saywhat[8] = 'be introduced in the near future'
    saywhat[9] = 'have DB-15 connectors'
    saywhat[10] = 'be produced by robots in Singapore'

* bluesite is where they're doing it

    bluesite = array('10')
    bluesite[1] = 'a product suitability testing facility'
    bluesite[2] = 'several gamma-test sites'
    bluesite[3] = 'a national refuge for migrating data'
    bluesite[4] = 'IRS offices'
    bluesite[5] = 'proposed MX missile bases'
    bluesite[6] = 'the corporate detention center for dress-code violators'
    bluesite[7] = 'a detoxification clinic'
    bluesite[8] = 'a number of Fortune 500 companies'
    bluesite[9] = 'a toxic waste dump'
    bluesite[10] = 'a maximum-security prison'

* bluecity is more where
    bluecity = array('10')
    bluecity[1] = ' on Three Mile Island'
    bluecity[2] = ' in Armonk, N.Y.'
    bluecity[3] = ' just above Boulder, Colo.'
    bluecity[4] = ' in midtown Manhattan'
    bluecity[5] = ' in beautiful downtown Burbank'
    bluecity[6] = ' near Fargo, N.D.'
    bluecity[7] = ' in the suburbs of Metetse, Wyo.'
    bluecity[8] = ' in the Silicon Valley'
    bluecity[9] = " between Cassini's Division and the Roche Limit"
    bluecity[10] = ', formerly in Boca Raton until the company learned '
+            'that "Boca Raton" means "Rat Mouth" in Spanish'

    morestuff = array('5')
    morestuff[1] = 'further explanation'
    morestuff[2] = 'detailed announcement'
    morestuff[3] = 'specific details'
    morestuff[4] = 'public statement'
    morestuff[5] = 'voluntary confession'

    sayblue = array('7')
    sayblue[1] = 'would be premature at this point in time'
    sayblue[2] = 'would cause smaller companies to file for Chapter 11,'
+            ' which would just get us in trouble again with the Antitrust Division'
+            ' of the Justice Department'
    sayblue[3] = 'would cost me my pension'
    sayblue[4] = 'might give clone-makers information they should'
+            ' not have access to'
    sayblue[5] = 'could get me transferred to Anchorage'
    sayblue[6] = 'will have to come from the M*A*S*H cast'
    sayblue[7] = 'must come from a more authoritative source'

    bytehead = array('8')
    bytehead[1] = 'observers'
    bytehead[2] = 'analysts'
    bytehead[3] = 'watchers'
    bytehead[4] = 'spies'
    bytehead[5] = 'followers'
    bytehead[6] = 'observers'
    bytehead[7] = 'analysts'
    bytehead[8] = 'observers'

    goodsay = array('10')
    goodsay[1] = 'the greatest thing since sliced bread'
    goodsay[2] = 'something the industry has long needed'
    goodsay[3] = 'an important and significant advancement'
    goodsay[4] = 'one of the finest achievements of western civilization'
    goodsay[5] = 'a seminal step, pregnant with fertile possibilities'
    goodsay[6] = 'the best improvement since they quit using punch cards'
    goodsay[7] = 'the reason why Big Blue continues to lead the way'
    goodsay[8] = 'a colossal advancement in personal-computing power'
    goodsay[9] = 'another reason why no one ever got fired for buying IBM'
    goodsay[10] = 'the first manifestation of the next generation of personal computers'

    goodmore = array('10')
    goodmore[1] = 'represents no major breakthrough'
    goodmore[2] = 'contains no surprises'
    goodmore[3] = 'employs an unusual huge interface known as the capybara'
    goodmore[4] = 'requires an an EE to configure'
    goodmore[5] = 'uses components yet to be invented'
    goodmore[6] = 'will work only with IBM peripherals'
    goodmore[7] = 'requires a three-phase 37-hz 440-volt power supply'
    goodmore[8] = 'blows up if connected to anything from a different manufacturer'
    goodmore[9] = 'is compatible with Sidekick'
    goodmore[10] = 'crashes at the slightest provocation'

    butmore = array('9')
    butmore[1] = 'set a standard'
    butmore[2] = 'be popular with MIS professionals'
    butmore[3] = 'be what Lotus is to spreadsheets'
    butmore[4] = 'move us into the next generation'
    butmore[5] = 'give the other companies something to try to emulate'
    butmore[6] = 'give the clone-makers fits for at least two months'
    butmore[7] = 'carry on the tradition of reliability and service'
    butmore[8] = "give Radar O'Reilly something besides a teddy bear to sleep with"
    butmore[9] = 'require substantial additional purchases by users,'
+            ' thus making IBM stock a good buy'

    badsay = array('10')
    badsay[1] = 'William Gates, president of MicroSoft,'
    badsay[2] = 'Phillipe Kahn of Borland International'
    badsay[3] = 'Mitch Kaypor, formerly of Lotus Development Corp.,'
    badsay[4] = 'Steve Jobs, a co-founder of Apple,'
    badsay[5] = 'Gary Kildall, developer of CP/M,'
    badsay[6] = 'Adam Osborne at Paperback Software'
    badsay[7] = 'Bob Wallace, president of QuickSoft,'
    badsay[8] = 'Esther Dyson, editor of Release 1.0,'
    badsay[9] = 'Charles Babbage, conceptual founder of computing,'
    badsay[10] = 'Lee Felsenstein, president of Golemics and designer of the Osborne I,'

    notgood = array('10')
    notgood[1] = 'a disaster waiting to happen'
    notgood[2] = 'a solution in search of a problem'
    notgood[3] = 'another chiclet-key PC Jr.'
    notgood[4] = "Big Blue's biggest blunder since the RISC machine"
    notgood[5] = 'as big a step backwards as returning to paper tape storage'
    notgood[6] = 'a titanic company finally hitting an iceberg'
    notgood[7] = "the kind of thing you'd expect from some hackers"
+            " in a garage, not from the world's biggest computer company"
    notgood[8] = 'something that only defense contractors could afford'
    notgood[9] = 'too much, too soon'
    notgood[10] = 'the DP equivalent of herpes'

    addbad = array('10')
    addbad[1] = 'Only IBM would try getting away with this'
    addbad[2] = 'It will go over like a pregnant pole-vaulter'
    addbad[3] = 'In two years, it will be as popular as ferrite core memory'
    addbad[4] = 'You can bet nobody will try to clone this one'
    addbad[5] = 'There are people starving on this planet, '
+        "and yet we have expensive products like this.  That's disgusting"
    addbad[6] = "They must be relying on the old saying "
+            "that there's one born every minute"
    addbad[7] = "I've heard it runs slower than a dBASE sort"
    addbad[8] = 'Maybe they developed it for the Strategic Defense'
+            " Initiative.  That's the only way it makes sense"
    addbad[9] = "Perhaps it's only a stopgap until OS/2 is debugged"
    addbad[10] = 'Only Big Blue would dare try anything like this'

    catname = array('2')
    catname[1] = 'Mark Emmer, publisher'
    catname[2] = 'Ed Quillen, editor'

    goodadj = array('10')
    goodadj[1] = 'influential'
    goodadj[2] = 'respected'
    goodadj[3] = 'esteemed'
    goodadj[4] = 'highly regarded'
    goodadj[5] = 'popular'
    goodadj[6] = 'noted'
    goodadj[7] = "insiders'"
    goodadj[8] = 'revered'
    goodadj[9] = 'powerful'
    goodadj[10] = 'innovative'

    badwarn = array('7')
    badwarn[1] = "All these reports have about as much credibility "
+            "as a White House spokesman"
    badwarn[2] = "If these statements could be transformed into "
+            "matter, we could go into the fertilizer business"
    badwarn[3] = "If you believe any of this, come and see me.  "
+            "I've got a bridge I'd like to sell you"
    badwarn[4] = "Such speculation just proves the truth of the "
+            "old saying, 'Garbage in, Garbage out'"
    badwarn[5] = "This baseless gossip ought to contain a "
+            "self-referential disclaimer"
    badwarn[6] = "Utter fabrications like this ought to be an "
+            "embarrassment to everyone involved.  Unfortunately, some people "
+            "persist in circulating them"
    badwarn[7] = "The circulation of such groundless rumors "
+            "represents as good a reason as any for joining Ed Meese "
+            "in his campaign to repeal the First Amendment"

*---------------------------------------------------------------
* Extract a number from the date for a random number 'seed'.
* Take modulus by 555 to prevent overflow in random generator.
* i.e. 555 * 59 = 32765, near the max integer.
*
    date() len(8) . today len(7) len(2) . s1 len(1) len(2) . s2
    seed = s1 s2
    seed = remdr(seed,555)
*----------------------------------------------- RANDOM
* Define random function

    DEFINE('RANDOM(N)')
    RAN_VAR = seed                :(RANDOM_END)
RANDOM    RAN_VAR = REMDR(RAN_VAR * 59, 491)
    RANDOM  = ((N * RAN_VAR) / 491) + 1    :(RETURN)
RANDOM_END

*----------------------------------------------- JUSTIFY
* Define output formatting function
*  Simplistically breaks line after 65th character at next
*  blank or hyphen.

    define('justify(s)')
    just_pat = (len(65) break(' -') (span('-') | '')) . output
+        (span(' ') | '')            :(justify_end)
justify    s just_pat =                    :s(justify)
    output = differ(s) s                :(return)
justify_end

*------------------------------------------------ MAIN BODY

    boyblue = blueboy[random(10)]
    speaknew = newspeak[random(10)]
    sayhear = hearsay[random(10)]
    stuffnew = newstuff[random(10)]
    whatsay = saywhat[random(10)]
    siteblue = bluesite[random(10)]
    cityblue = bluecity[random(10)]
    stuffmore = morestuff[random(5)]
    bluesay = sayblue[random(7)]
    headbyte = bytehead[random(8)]
    saygood = goodsay[random(10)]
    moregood = goodmore[random(10)]
    morebut = butmore[random(9)]
    saybad = badsay[random(10)]
    goodnot = notgood[random(10)]
    badadd = addbad[random(10)]
    namecat = catname[random(2)]
    adjgood = goodadj[random(10)]
    warnbad = badwarn[random(7)]

    output(.output,6,5000)

    output = "           SPECIAL CATSPAW INSIDERS' REPORT FOR " today

    justify('     An IBM ' boyblue ' has ' speaknew ' ' sayhear
+    " that the company's next personal-computer " stuffnew
+    ' would ' whatsay '.  The ' boyblue ', who asked that his name '
+    'not be used, did say that the ' stuffnew ' was under development at '
+    siteblue cityblue ', but that any ' stuffmore ' "' bluesay '."')

    justify('     Industry ' headbyte "' reactions were generally "
+    'favorable, with many calling the ' stuffnew ' "' saygood '."  '
+    'Technically, the new product "' moregood '," one said, "but it will '
+    morebut '."')

    justify('     However, there were some dissenters.  '
+    saybad ' said it represented "' goodnot '," adding that "'
+    badadd '."')

    justify('     ' namecat ' of the ' adjgood ' newsletter, '
+    "A SNOBOL's Chance, cautioned that " '"' warnbad '."')

    output =

end