NetNews Usenet Archive 1993 #3/NN_1993_3.iso/spool/misc/kids/33570

Internet Message Format | 1993-01-28 | 4.0 KB

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From: [e-mail] (Stephanie Edelmann)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: stepparenting
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Date: 27 Jan 93 21:07:07 GMT
References: <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]>
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Organization: University of Kentucky
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Nntp-Posting-Host: ukcc.uky.edu

In article <[e-mail]>
[e-mail] (Jan Byrd) writes:

>
>In article <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] (Jim Obrien) writes:
>|>
>|> I am a single father with a daughter,
>|> my girlfriend is a single mother with a daughter,
>|> when we marry then two daughters become stepsisters.
>|> Now we have a child after marriage. This child will
>|> not have stepsisters, but half sisters. I think this
>|> is correct, but I may have this mixed up.
>|>
>|> Actually, I am about to what the about discribes, and
>|> I was real concern about the way we all address each
>|> other. I want both daughters to call me dad, and to call
>|> my wife to be mom. Well we have had some problems with
>   [stuff deleted]
>I am not a stepparent, but my husband is stepfather to the 2 children
>of my first marriage, and father to our 2 children.  The children are,
>of course, half-siblings.
>
>My husband has got to be one of the greatest stepparents who ever walked
>on the planet (this isn't just my opinion - the stepchildren, who are
>grown now, have said it many times), and one of the many things he did
>right was he didn't REQUIRE his stepchildren to call him "Dad", much as
>he would have liked it.  Now they were 9 and 10 years old when we married,
>not 2, but this still seems an issue that shouldn't be FORCED on a step-
>child of any age.  It can be suggested, even encouraged, but I recommend
>[stuff deleted]
>Jan

I just HAD to answer to this one.  I'm stepmom to my husband's 2 children.
His son was 14, his daughter was 6 whan we got married.  Neither one of
them calls me "Mom".  Now, they also don't live with us most of the time,
we see his son occsionally (whnever he feels like vacationing with his
Dad) and his daughter 3 months out of every year.  However, both of their
Moms have remarried, and neither calls "the other" Dad "Dad".  These guys
are "Pat" and "Dave" even though they fulfill the role of Dad most of the
time.  And I'm not Mom, I'm "Stephanie" even though I fulfill the role of
"Mom" when they are with us.  My husband and I have a 2 yo together, who
calls us Mom and Dad and who knows that her siblings have other Moms.

I would't want it any other way and they wouldn't, either.  Their Daddy is
their Dad, no matter what decision their Moms made about their wanting to be
married to the guy.  (The kids were 6 and 3 when their parents got divorced)
And I'm not their Mom, no matter how much I love them as my own.

When they were here over Christmas, Maya (now 10) told me that I was the
greatest stepmom she had. I laughed and told here that that was a sweet
thing to say, especially considering that she only had one stepmom to
choose from.... At that moment, Aquila (now 19) says: "I think that you're
the best stepmom, too - and I got 2 to choose from."  Needless to say, I
was just melting away.

Or the time when Maya called me Mom by accident.  It was one of the nicest
sounds I had ever heard.  But is felt good because it was not forced, it
just slipped out because it felt right at the time.

On the step-sister, half-sister issue.  Maya cleared thatone up for me:
She has 2 half-brothers: 1. Her Dad's son with another woman;
                         2. Her Mom's son with her step-dad;
        1 step-brother : 1. Her step-dad's son with another woman
    and 2 half-sisters : 1. Her Mom's daughter with her step-dad
                         2. Her Dad's daughter with me her step-mom (me)
ans she says that she needs another half-sibling.....

Stephanie