NetNews Usenet Archive 1993 #3/NN_1993_3.iso/spool/misc/kids/33425

Internet Message Format | 1993-01-25 | 3.2 KB

Path: sparky!uunet!olivea!mintaka.lcs.mit.edu!micro-heart-of-gold.mit.edu!uw-beaver!neville
From: [e-mail] (Dorothy Neville)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Potheads of the 70's Raising Kids
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Date: 26 Jan 93 02:23:20 GMT
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Let's see if I can recap some of the arguments of this thread.  First
someone (Laura?) said that she had a great time doing drugs, and
wonders how she can tell her child about that and also keep them from
doing drugs.  Then Nancy said to talk about the bad experiences as
well, and tells of a couple of her own, and some stories of friends
who had some bad times with drugs.  Then someone flamed Nancy and said
if she had more than one bad experience then she is stupid and no one
should listen to her.  And a whole host of folks reiterated that drugs
were all fun for them, no problems.  (then why are you trying to keep
your kids from having the same fun?)

OK, first a comment to whoever flamed Nancy for being stupid for
having more than one scary experience.  All I can say is that if you
use that same attitude with your teenager, you are not going to get
anywhere.  They are more likely to pick up on the attitude you
demonstrate by deciding that no one should listen to Nancy, just
because you thought she did something stupid.  If I were your teen, I
would use that as an excuse not to listen to you, who of course is
going to do something I think stupid, that's the definition of parent
from a teen perspective.

Teenagers do not have a sense of mortality.  I reckon that
the things Nancy (and others -- she is certainly not alone) realise
now were scary and bad times were not considered that risky or
horrible back then.  As parents and other people who work with
teenagers, we have to take that into consideration.

Now here's my 2 cents on what to tell kids.  (I think that this is in
the same category as being sexually active, so will include that.)
Sex and drugs can be very pleasurable.  But both activities can
involve some physical, emotional, legal and financial risk.  I am sure
that anyone of us could come up with a fairly objective list of what
those risks are.  And one main point I would try to make is that one
of the best things they can do to reduce the risk is to delay
experimenting with either sex or drugs until they are older.  Just
being older won't make all the risks go away, but being out of
puberty, adolescence, with the growth spurts and hormone rushes
associated with it might mean that they are better able to make
educated decisions about their bodies and what they want to do with
them and who you want to do it with.  Now as I look at what I wrote, I
think I am being hopelessly naive, how many teens want to hear that
they should wait for anything?  And how many of them believe that they
are vulnerable to risks, which by their nature are probabilistic?  But
at least I think this is an honest approach.

Dorothy Neville