NetNews Usenet Archive 1993 #3/NN_1993_3.iso/spool/alt/angst/5517

Text File | 1993-01-23 | 1.7 KB | 36 lines

Newsgroups: alt.angst
Path: sparky!uunet!charon.amdahl.com!netcomsv!netcom.com!hjb
From: [e-mail] (H. J. Bae)
Subject: Re: The nature of life?
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Organization: Peaceful Star Project -- Oakland, CA
References: <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]>
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 1993 05:32:29 GMT
Lines: 25


i haven't been able to paint for some months now.  my book is in such
a sorry desperate state that mere thought of continuing with the whole
b.s. any longer causes such a profound sea of revulsion well up inside
me, i could puke my guts out.  the project at work i've been slaving
over for the past year has been cancelled, mothballed, and stamped as
the utter failure that it is.  and as i slowly realize that the reason
my wife agreed to the divorce was to have a relationship with another
woman, my fragile inner peace, obtained thru many cruel months of
introspection, yields to the pain -- not violent rage, but plain
sadness in reconginzing the truth -- we simply do not love each
other anymore. i drink too much.  my best friends are only found
packed tightly in a box of cigarette.  once again, as i sit here and
type these words, in this dark, in this cold converted cement factory
warehouse i call home, listening to the conversation echoing inside
the bucket of raindrops, falling from the cracked ceiling, i must also
decide whether i must quit my job -- to keep my sanity; trade in the
security of a bill-paying job.  why not, i do feel destructive enough
about everything in my life.  demolish the last stable aspect of this
existence -- complete the disintegration of order.  fuck life.


love,
hwajin