NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #31/NN_1992_31.iso/spool/talk/bizarre/42706

Text File | 1992-12-22 | 3.6 KB | 82 lines

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Path: sparky!uunet!van-bc!cs.ubc.ca!news.UVic.CA!haida!rigler
From: [e-mail] (Michael Rigler)
Subject: Vintage .sparky
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
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Nntp-Posting-Host: haida.dao.nrc.ca
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Organization: DAO/CADC .
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 92 03:20:38 GMT
Lines: 69

I miss Sparky....
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Article: 89812 of talk.bizarre
From: [e-mail] (sparky: longing for sahuarita)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: pursuing the perfect pooter
Date: 24 Feb 92 21:43:30 GMT
Organization: Wright State University

Dear Teebee;

     Once having had a brief but inspiring conversation with god
the other morning, mission in mind after a rather lengthy hiatus,
I set out today to resume my relentless search for the perfect
pooter.  I had one in mind before I even left the house.  It seems
that on any given day of the week, at specific times depending on
which day it is, I can go to the lounge at Allyn Hall and play a
game with a certain of the opposite gender whose name is not known
to me at this time.  She is of fair beauty, fine petite figure,
long brown hair just a bit messy around the bangs, little or no
cosmetics to speak of, conservative dresser - jeans and long
sleeves with lots of undergarments usually, on occasion a loose
fitting cashmere sweater or something on that order.

     The game goes like this.  Whoever gets there first sits
somewhere easily spotted from within the crowd.  The late-comer
will sit somewhere else, not too far away, where eye contact is
readily attainable.  Then for the better part of an hour, the two
players pretend to ignore one another, except for every few minutes
one or the other will look up from whatever we are pretending to be
doing, wait for the other player to look up as well, then quickly
look away again.  We've been playing this game ever since I started
school here last September.

     But today the game was somewhat different, because for the
first time since we'd first started playing it, I actually began to
wonder things about her, like what her name is, how old she is,
whether she's religious, whether or not she likes men, and even,
(try and believe this), what her personality is like.  And as I sat
there and played the game with her today, I realized that I not
only wanted to know these and other things about her, but that I
was completely terrified of her and given the opportunity to find
these things out, I would probably be reduced to nothing more than
a babbling idiot.

     What I think scares me the most about this girl is that
inspite of her genderal handicap, when I look into her eyes, I can
see a hint of rationale, a certain level headedness that is so rare
among her species, and god forbid that I might even for a moment
consider the possibility that she could be of something more
substantial than simple breeding stock.  To think that any girl
could be of any intellectual capacity is a notion completely
foreign to me, and I find myself groping for a means by which to
approach her as all my previous experiences with females have been
with the predominantly abundant air-head class variety.

     Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.


                                   Sincerely,

                                   Desperate For Answers
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Observe the gradual controlled lapse into poor grammar, the careful
misuse of certain words (e.g., "rationale" and "inspite"), the
artificially generated sexism.  Pure genius I tell you.
---
Rigl-o-saurus
Titanic Primeval Butcher