NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #31/NN_1992_31.iso/spool/rec/humor/36890

Internet Message Format | 1992-12-21 | 6.5 KB

Xref: sparky rec.humor:36890 alt.folklore.computers:18174 alt.cascade:3662 alt.best.of.internet:163
Path: sparky!uunet!olivea!charnel!sifon!gauss.math.mcgill.ca!marc
From: [e-mail] (Marc Sokolowski)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers,alt.cascade,alt.best.of.internet
Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Date: 21 Dec 92 08:20:40 GMT
References: <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]>
Sender: [e-mail]
Organization: Dept of Mathematics, McGill University
Lines: 126
Nntp-Posting-Host: gauss.math.mcgill.ca

In article <[e-mail]> [e-mail] (The One True Dave) writes:
>In article <[e-mail]> [e-mail] writes:
>>In article <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] (Daniel Drucker) writes:
>>> Right! I run System V on my VIC-20!
>>>
>>> Hmmmm...well, I am getting SVR4 for my HP 48SX.....
>>>
>>> HA! _I'm_ just finishing up a port of VMS for my Timex
>>> Top THAT!
>>>
>>> I'm running NextStep on Atari 2600 Video Game System.
>>>
>>> Just last night I was able to get Windows to boot on my S
>>> game.
>>>
>>> I am replying to this message with my built-in VAX Mailer
>>> Game-Boy.
>>> I just installed a 10 Gigabyte Drive to handle all the rep
>>> However, it only runs at 230,000 Baud due to the large dri
>>> slowing it down.
>>>
>>> I fear I will not be getting news any longer...  The batter
>>> calculator-watch are running out.
>>>
>>> My calculator-watch is solar...  And if I turned off the lig
>>> ONE would be getting news...
>>>
>>> Feh. I'm so slick NASA just awarded ME the TERADATA contract
>>> my TV remote! They liked my proposal mainly because I'm ALSO
>>> shoehorn in the TEXAS SUPERCOLLIDER computations between comm
>>> Beat THAT!
>>>
>>> Well, well, well. SSC calculations, huh. I built a system out
>>> inches of wire, 3 pennies and a AA battery that does realtime
>>> calculations of particle vectors during the Big Bang. A comple
>>> simulation of the first 2 years of the life of the universe, a
>>> to the theoretical limit, takes about 5 seconds.
>>>
>>> And you guys think you are so great.  I just spent the last hal
>>> getting X11 to run on my slide rule.  I am still having problem
>>> connecting it to the net around here, but I would welcome any
>>> suggestions.
>>>
>>> So what!!! I'm running Xinitrc, TWMRC, Internet, and 27 muds off
>>> paperclip.  Not to mention the fact that I am designing a new fo
>>> television with 7000 pixels based off a piece of tissue paper.
>>>
>>> Man, that's baby stuff.  I'm running a particle accelerator utili
>>> matter-antimatter reactions in my doorknob, and calculating every
>>> the fourth dimension using a single dip switch and a large glass
>>>
>>> Child's play, I have an old piece of cheese that is, at this very
>>> raytracing an actual model of the universe five hours from now, wh
>>> at the same time calculating the heat produced from the new intel
>>> Pentium.
>>>
>>> And you people think that you are hackers! I'm currently engaged in
>>> which involves simultaneous simulation of multiple universes (To se
>>> would happen if various constants change. Pi=8.4 is an interesting
>>> hardware consists of a single wooden pencil (no paper). With it, I
>>> real-time simulations of 2^32 universes in parallel.
>>>
>>> You guys are wimps!!  I've just finished converting a microwave oven
>>> paradimensional teleportation device.  The only problem I'm having s
>>> that my breakfast bagel keeps disappearing!!  May have to eat it raw
>>>
>>> Sorry, that's my fault.  I'm afraid that the high-energy laser-pumped
>>> negentropic vortex generator I made from my own nostril hair, which i
>>> currently cranking out entire new universes at the rate of 7.6 per pi
>>> was breaking the FCC emissions limits and gronking your microwave's c
>>> panel.  It should work properly now.  Also, my cat Arthur was FTPing
>>> of terabytes of PD software from Epsilon Eridani in the year 4741 A.D
>>> the faster-than-light Ethernet interface I built for him, and this ma
>>> been loading the Net a little yesterday.  My sincere apologies to eve
>>> noticed any performance degradation.
>>>
>>> Damn, I thought I was doin' smoe really advanced R&D. But I only have
>>> humble feather pen with build in spell checking. It checks all languag
>>> since Adam & Eve plus a few forthcoming languages. But after what I've
>>> here, thats not good enough for a Nobel Price..I have to work harder..
>>> Maybe some of the languages from outer space will help ?? I just have
>>> use my FingerNail Time&Universe Transporter(tm) to get there and learn
>>>
>>> You're all a bunch of lazy pseudo-programmers. When you have, as I, set
>>> up an entire University Unix net (with Mail, IRC, more than 2 MUDs, ano-
>>> nymous ftp, etc etc etc etc etc ) on a Turing Machine, we'll talk.
>>>
>>> Hahaha! Fools! You think that's impressive? I've wired together every
>>> computer on the Internet with Quantum-Thin Wire (tm), and programmed it
>>> to act like a really big abacus. Running 8 x 10^100^10^10^10^4
>>> calculations a millisecond, I hope to solve the equation 5x = 10
>>> by sometime next week. Now _that's_ progress.
>>>
>>> Then how about this I've constructed the first computer ever made of one
>>> single Hydrogen atom. There are a couple of advantages with it; 1. it can
>>> be inhaled for transport; 2. it relies entirely on voice-detecting for inp
>>> and a hologram for output (that was the tricky part), and 3. it creates
>>> two copies of itself every second, allowing for multiple processes! I'm
>>> speaking this reply right now to a cloud in front of me, using a Voice
>>> Detection version (mine, really) of X-Windows in 3D. NEXT!
>>>
>>> All accomplishments pale beside mine Managed to re-write DOS 5.0 so that
>>> it breaks the the 640K barrier.
>>>
>>> Oh yeah?  Well...well...I've got an AMIGA!  BWAHAHAHA!
>>>
>>> heh.... and here, I've spent the last somewhere between 9 to 20 billion years
>>> developing a system to simulate everything we can see.... I call it
>>> "the universe"
>>> beat that!
>>>
>>> And I take care of the stuff we CAN'T see.
>>>
>>
>> He......I just taught Sylvestor Stallone how to act.>
>
>(*snort*) I just got my Atari 400 to simulate the universe as it will be
>in about 18 hours.
>
>Oh, be careful crossing the street... never mind, it's inevitable. I
>predicted your care.
>
    And I just finished assembling the ZX80 I got for my 12th
birthday, 11 years ago. Now if I can only make it run Unix V...

                        Marc