NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #31/NN_1992_31.iso/spool/alt/callahan/16163

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From: [e-mail] (Jason)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: New Years at Caithelin's
Followup-To: alt.callahans
Date: 4 Jan 1993 00:21:09 GMT
Organization: the Polyhedron Group
Lines: 405
Distribution: world
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
NNTP-Posting-Host: aaa.uoregon.edu

Realspace Report on New Year's Eve at Caithelin's
in Portland, Oregon

1 PM Thursday, DEC 31st. Jason and Pegasus drove North from Eugene in their
minivan. They had heard reports that Portland had snow, but there was none
down South where they were, and they weren't too worried at the prospect.
Jason went to college in Klamath Falls, Oregon. You don't get in or out of
Klamath Falls without going through 5000 ft elevation mountain passes. One
year he had the 'joy' of returning for Winter session across 100 miles of
road covered with a full inch of solid ice. Beat a brand new set of tire
chains to death on that one trip. The snow Portland was reporting was
nothing to that. Besides, their new van had front wheel drive. No need to
have the snow tires put on, was there? Well . . .

The going was fine until they got to the South end of Portland. Then things
slowed to a 20 MPH crawl as they followed snow plows the rest of the way
in. The Portland area had 3 to 4 inches of snow on the ground. They arrived
at Phoenix's home with no problems, but were 2 hours later than planned,
due to having left late from Eugene. They called Caithelin, and soon headed
over to her place. As they left for Caithelin's, they did have a bit of
trouble getting the van away from the curb. Phoenix chimed in with "Umm, I
sure glad -you- are the one driving Jason. But maybe you should put on tire
chains?" Jason glanced back. "Don't have any. Got front wheel drive though.
No problems." Phoenix quietly replied "Oh boy . . ." and sat back in her
seat.

In spite of Phoenix's misgivings, they arrived without incident at
Caithelin's about 4:30. While Jason off loaded the van, the ladies went in
and introduced themselves. Soon all were inside, and a light dusting of
snow began to fall outside. The first 'person' Jason/Thyra was introduced
to was Shadow. A big black puppy. Only half as large as Fezzik is reported
to be, but Thyra was bemused to be greeted by a dog that seemed to be
almost as large as her. Conversations tended towards discussions of pets,
and the next two Jason was introduced to were the two cats, Dandelion and
Licorice. Jason took off his black leather Jacket, revealing a bright
purple T-Shirt with white lettering on the chest. It read "I am not here /
This is a hologram."

Jason got out his Deck and started typing up this chronicle, while Thyra
made friends with Shadow. Soon she had the large dog flat on his back,
ecstatically accepting a vigorous tummy rub. She wondered what the dog
would think if it could see her (Thyra's) feline form.

A while later, Shadow poked her nose into Jason's Cyberdeck. "No Shadow,"
Jason chided mildly, "you don't need to make an entry on my 'deck." That
got a chuckle from the others. It dawned on Jason that he had been
introduced to all the animal residents, but to none of the -humans- at the
party. One woman (he later found it was Ruthie) had greeted them at the
driveway, and when Jason asked she said she wasn't Caithelin. But her name
had eluded him. Shadow kept poking her nose into his deck, and Pegasus said
"There are times I want to pull that Decker's Jack.", so Jason jacked out
and sought out introductions from the human party goers.

After getting introduced to Caithelin, Ruthie (Escorpia) and John, Jason
joined Pegasus, Ruthie and Phoenix in a lively discussion on net access
problems. Ruthie and Phoenix commiserated over their respective problems
maintaining access to the Internet. Caithelin and John were working in the
kitchen, preparing ingredients for dinner and baking blueberry muffins for
tomorrow's breakfast. Eventually Caithelin decided the conversation was
centering too much on computers and work, and enforced a house rule
restricting conversation on those topics.

Everyone got some tea, and discussed puns of various types, and then Jason
cranked up Radio Free Colorado to let everyone hear "Zoo Blues". Just
before he hit the 'play' button, he saw someone approach the door. Jason
opened the door to find a woman dusted with snow. She had a snowballs worth
of snow in her hair, and more on both shoulders. "Chirp!" she said. Jason
smiled "Feather?! Glad to meet you at last." She cracked up laughing, and
walked in. Then she bent over and shook off the snow like a sheep dog, and
joined the party. Phoenix laughed and said to her "At least I'm not the
only one who's recently landed in a snow bank!"

Introductions were made. "Funny, none of you look -anything- like you do on
my screen." chirped Feather. She sat with Phoenix, and various avian jokes
started flying fast and furious. Phoenix: "Gee, is this a Feather couch
now?" Pegasus joined them "It is now. All the avians are here!" Jason: "Ah,
fine feathered friends." Feather was laughing heartily. Pegasus: "Think we
should quit?" Jason: "No, she's obviously tickled!" John came in and passed
out beer for those who wanted one.

Feather noted that she was having a bit of reality-shock, especially when
Jason put his Greek fisherman's hat and black leather jacket back on. (Yes,
he really does wear those often in RL). She looked over at him with his
PowerBook 140 in his lap, and had to admit that -he- now looked exactly
like he -was- at Callahans. She kept having to split her perceptions to RL
mode to talk to everyone else, but then to deal with Jason she got tossed
back into VR mode. And when she closed her eyes, she would hear Thyra
chatting with her.

Another person arrived, a man named Steve, with another dog, this one a
German Shepherd named Tillie. Tillie and shadow started playing with each
other immediately in the living room.

Folx went to the kitchen and merrily pitched in on preparing pizzas, while
Radio Free Colorado blasted out a series of tunes by Robin Williamson.
Everyone got a kick out of a sign on Caithelin's refrigerator, which read
"One thing you can say for reality -- it's still the only place you can get
a decent cheeseburger".

Jason jacked in again for a few minutes, and watched Tillie and Shadow
tussle on the living room floor. At one point, Phoenix grabbed a pull-toy
and joined in with them, hauling Shadow around by the pull toy over
Phoenix's shoulder. Then she started twirling Shadow around in circles by
the pull toy, holding the rope in front of her, and spinning the rope in a
small circle. The dog enjoyed every moment of it.

A joke from Feather: Something R. Crow did once at an Italian Pizzeria.
Asked the clerk, with a straight face "If you mix Pasta and Antipasto, will
you get a critical mass?" Those in the room started looking for peanuts to
throw at her, but we didn't have any.

About 6 PM, Steve had to go to the airport to pick up his better half. She
was flying in from Boston. John joked that he should write Caithelin's
number on his hand, so if something happened to him on the snowy roads, we
would be contacted. But everyone was certain he wouldn't really have
trouble with the trip, and wished him a speedy journey.

We all sat in the living room and enjoyed Caithelin's Pizza and traded
stories. Jason fixed himself a Dragon's Breath. He had them turn out the
lights when he lit the liquor on fire and poured it into the mixer. After
everyone watched the cascade of flames and made appropriate "Ooh!" and
"Ahh!" sounds, Jason passed it around for samples. Feather suggested "Mmmm,
we should treat this like a religious experience! Everyone make a religious
sounding toast as you try the Dragon's Breath." She took the glass, had a
big sip, and said "Ohmmmmm" John said "Wait a Minute!" and asked what she
meant. Then Jason chuckled and said "No, no. If she said 'OHM', You should
say 'Watt a minute.' " John laughed and replied with "Well, I don't want to
show resistance to your idea . . ." Phoenix offered a toast in Gaelic.
About that time, Feather felt the effects of the Dragon's Breath hit her,
and said "Whooo!" and started laughing. Jason chuckled "And now Feather
will walk around on the underside of the rafters for a while." Pegasus
offered her toast in Arabic "Salaam-al-lekum" (The Peace be on you). So
Jason smiled and gave his in Hebrew "Lacheim".

More pizza was prepared. People were asked what they wanted to drink. Jason
asked Caithelin if they had obtained the ingredients for Brandy Alexanders.
They had! Feather chirped that she definitely wanted one, then. A bar was
set up for Jason to be bartender. He made a point of installing a sign
behind the bar, which read "Hangovers installed and serviced". He also set
up his modem and Cyberdeck in the living room for an Internet link. They
made a list of what else would be needed for the bar. They had most of what
they needed. John, Ruthie and Feather went to the store seven blocks away
for Ice and whipped cream, to finish stocking the bar. On foot. In the
snow. Such dedication . . .   :-)

As Jason set up the 'Deck, a call came in from Liralen. She and John had
planned to attend the party, but they had to turn back. They took two hours
to travel just 30 miles, and had been hearing reports of many accidents
along the way. Not accidents they were involved in, thank goodness, but it
was not worth it to continue. Besides, they were driving the VW Van, as the
Range Rover had it's engine in the process of being replaced. Caithelin,
Jason, Phoenix and Pegasus all got a chance to chat with Liralen on the
phone. Then we -did- manage to read a few Callahans posts from Caithelin's
account. But we decided that the modem she had to dial in through was too
slow, so we went back to partying and gave up on the on-line angle.

About 9 PM, John, Ruthie, and Feather returned, and Jason did his best to
imitate Mike Callahan. He got busy at the bar, and soon was turning out
Brandy Alexanders, Monastery Coffees, Irish Coffees, Dragon's Breath,
Shogun Coffee, Irish Cremes, and other drinks. More Pizza appeared, and
everyone is happily chatting. Steve returned with his other half, Theresa,
who gamely tried a Dragon's Breath. A bit later Steve asked for a Dragon's
Breath. He gave Jason a -plastic- glass, and when it was prepared, the
flames partially -melted- his glass! He calmly accepted it and nursed it
the rest of the night. Theresa told everyone that she had been -determined-
to get here in time for the party. Even if she had to flap her own wings to
do it!

A variety of liquor-related puns ensued as folx got their drinks. Jason's
hands were busy tending bar, so he didn't have much of a chance to record
them. <Drat! :-)>

Feather said "Hey, did you hear what happened to the guy that put sodium
chloride on a dry cell? They arrested him for a-salt and battery."

Everyone returned to the front room, and discussed recent posts and humor.
Phoenix and Pegasus started an interesting discussion of the recent NOVA TV
show on the "Ice Man" discovery. At one point, when they mentioned that the
ice man was missing a particular part of his anatomy, the men in the room
seemed to get, shall we say, uncomfortable? (Thyra giggles at Jason's -own-
reluctance to mention the specific body part. "Hee hee. It was the ice
man's -penis- that was missing folx.") The men -were- outnumbered, after
all, six women to three men (Seven to three, if you count Thyra, eight to
three if you add in Rainbow Crow)!

Licorice the cat started to nibble at Feather's beaded bag. John noted it
and admonished the cat to stop. Feather said, "Just hang it up." meaning
the bag, of course. She cracked up laughing when John picked up -the cat-
by it's harness and looked at the coat rack. Then he put the cat on his lap
and hung up the bag.

After a bit we broke out a crazy game called "Hedgehogs Revenge". It was
hedgehogs against the cars, and you had silly challenges or dares to meet
whenever the hedgehogs attacked one of your cars. Jason commented about his
somewhat uncanny luck, and handicapped himself by using a dice tower for
his rolls. Caithelin and John had about fifteen penalties, some of which
stumped them, (Caithelin dissolved into giggle fits when trying to "Imitate
an aerobics instructor for 30 seconds") and some they carried off in grand
style (John had to stand on his head for 30 seconds, Caithelin to name five
brands of chocolate). Steve and Theresa only had to cope with three or so
penalties (Imitate five farm animals) We played till midnight. Jason was
declared the winner, with two cars 'home' and no penalties paid. Pegasus
seemed to think Jason had still warped probability somehow. It did seem
that his playing pieces just never were where any of the other players
could get them. Affecting the other's die rolls, perhaps? Hmmmm.

At midnight, many hugs and kisses were exchanged, and Jason and Phoenix
started giving backrubs. Jason worked on Feather, and then on Ruthie, while
Caithelin got hers from Phoenix. During her backrub, Feather suddenly
started laughing about being tickled. Phoenix looked over quizzically and
said with a grin "How do you tickle a Feather?" That got Feather laughing
again, even harder. Then Jason cracked feather up completely by imitating
one of her recent posts. She was sitting on the floor in front of him. He
looked at her upside down from over her head, and said brightly "Hello
there!", blinking his eyes at her. Just like she did to several patrons at
Callahans, perching on hats or heads and peering at them. She dissolved
into giggles, having had her own joke played on her.

A few minutes later, Feather got the other half of the joke from Jason's
bar sign. She saw Pegasus getting into the bar supplies, to produce aspirin
and antihistamines to stave off a possible hangover in the morning. They
had brought booze, -and- they had brought cures for hangovers too!. As it
happens, Pegasus has a slight alcohol allergy, but an aspirin and
antihistamine before going to bed prevents problems for her the next day.

Jason took a break from the party and got the bedding for himself, Pegasus
and Phoenix out of their van. Their sleeping bags and pillows needed time
to warm up a while, having gotten -quite- cold out in the car. While he was
out the others started telling really -bad- light bulb jokes (How many
Callahanners does it take to change a Bi-Bulb?), and other stories and
puns. Also a long string of knock-knock jokes.

Around 1 AM, Jason finally said he was "ready to turn into a turnip and get
planted". But Feather had asked earlier for everyone to sing Jason's
"Yellow Subroutine" filksong, and several others had said they wanted to
sing it too. (If you don't know the words yet, ask Jason to e-mail it to
you. This post's too long as it is!) So Feather, Caithelin, John and Jason
sang it through, reading the lyrics off Jason's Cyberdeck screen. Feather
threw in a happy "Chirp!" at the end of the chorus lines. Soon, -everyone-
was throwing in little "Chirps" with the song. After that, Jason, Pegasus
and Phoenix called it quits for the night.

The others chatted for another 45 minutes, discussing other Callahanners
they knew. Caithelin declared "I'm going to -finish- this #!XYZ###!
story!", referring to Spider's "The Immediate Family" in the January Analog
that Jason had brought to the party. She stayed up till 3 AM reading it.
But she -did- finish it!!

In the morning, we all regained consciousness around 9:30 or so. Jason,
Pegasus and Phoenix were up first, quietly padding around the house. Then
Feather and Ruthie awoke, and we reviewed the chronicle so far. Feather
asked Jason how he got through the room without waking her. "I can be
-very- quiet when I move." he said with a grin. She smiled and said "Oh.
Right. Thyra." and they both chuckled.

Since Caithelin and Ruthie had been around for a while at Callahans, they
talked a lot that morning about the history of alt.callahans. We all were
just laying around lazily and getting to know each other. Phoenix joked "Is
the futon Feather is lying on in the living room now a Feather bed?"

By 10:45, John was awake too, so the only ones who weren't there from last
night's party was Steve and Theresa, who went to their own nearby home for
the night. Coffee started to appear, and folx slowly became more coherent.

Jason got a chair and tried to set it up next to Feather. She asked if she
should put away the futon, since it was taking up most of the middle of the
room. Jason tucked the legs of a chair under one edge of the futon, and
smiled at her "No, we'll just roll you up in it like a sausage!" and picked
up the edge. Then he sat down and quickly put his feet under the edge of
the futon. "Besides," he said within a grin, "now I can tuck my feet under
it and keep them warm!" That got a series of chuckles.

People started making more hungry noises. Jason volunteered to start a
batch of dishes through. Steve and Theresa returned, with their dog Tillie.
John started washing spuds, and soon the kitchen was abustle with breakfast
preparations. Feather finally did get up and put away the futon. Tillie and
shadow resumed their wrestling match in the living room. Thyra took time
out to play with Tillie and Shadow. She was playing tug of war with both of
them with a rope pull-toy.

Jason and Pegasus told the story of 'how they met' to Feather, Steve and
Theresa. (The details are at the end of this post. It's a rather long
story.)

Finally brunch was ready. About 1:00 PM John stepped into the room and said
"Ding! Eat now or die!" Everyone rushed the buffet table like they were
going to collect a free round at Callahans. They had hash browns, scrambled
eggs with mushrooms, onions, cheese and ham, More eggs with onions, bell
peppers and cheese, cranberry juice cocktail, fresh baked blueberry
muffins, and a whole -flank- of smoked salmon! YUM!

As we ate, Jason, Pegasus and Phoenix traded other SCA stories. They have,
all three, been in the SCA for ten years or more, at least. Several of the
others had run into the SCA, and had questions about the group. Then the
con stories came up. R. Crow related a personal tale from a con. She had
been at a hospitality suite, with the usual array of differently dressed
con-goers. Then there was a 'strange' apparition in the room. It was a
woman in an ordinary power business suit. Dead straight, and looking rather
lost. Rainbow crow, having a merry time, approached her. She says "I
noticed she had a badge on. It said 'PRESS'. So . . .I did!" and she
pressed the badge with one finger and then walked off smiling. Jason
chuckled, 'cause he's already heard that related somewhere else.

About 3:30 PM Jason & co. left, to head not South, but NORTH. They went to
Olympia, Washington, about 2/3 of the way to Seattle, where Liralen Li was.
Fortunately, the roads that far had cleared by then. They had to get some
stuff from friends there who were moving, so they could take it south with
them and deliver the items to a church that they were being donated to, in
the town next to the one they live in. No problems on that trip. They all
wished though that the weather had cleared a day earlier, so that Liralen
and John could have attended the party. Oh well, one of these days they
will get a chance to meet in RL. <sigh.>

That's it folx! Happy New Year!

Hugs and Purrs,
Jason and Thyra

--------------------------------------------------------

HOW JASON MET PEGASUS:

It was a rather dramatic event. Jason had been invited by the SCA to attend
a demonstration they were doing as part of the Multnomah County Fair. They
had heard that Jason used to do crossbow marksmanship demonstrations for
the Renaissance Faire in Novoto California. He also could do a trick
'speed-draw' with the crossbow, where he would start with the crossbow
unloaded and on his back hanging from a shoulder sling, and from that start
could have it cocked, loaded and accurately fired in less than six seconds.
It was a drill he had practiced to prove to a Dungeon's and Dragon's
Gamesmaster that you really -could- do that with an 80-pound pull crossbow
in one six-second melee round.

Anyway, he had been doing the marksmanship demo for the SCA at the fair,
when he spotted a pair of attractive women in period costumes watching him.
"Ah," he thought, "I'll have to meet these ladies when I'm done." He was
getting groupings of six shots into a three-inch diameter or smaller circle
at 30 feet range. Unfortunately, when his demo was over, they were gone. He
slung the crossbow on his shoulder and put the bolts, the short arrows it
fires, into a belt quiver, and carried it with him as he roamed the
fairgrounds. He had nowhere safe to leave it, without going all the way
back to his car in the parking lot. And he had another demo to do in half
an hour. So he took it with him for safekeeping.

Pegasus had been looking at livestock exhibits, and when she left the barn
she ran into three animals of the two legged variety of wolf. The young
men, mistaking her short tunic and hosen for a minidress, assumed she would
be an easy make. They pinned her to the wall in a tight semicircle around
her, and started making indecent advances. She protested loudly for them to
leave, and that she was not interested. They weren't taking that for an
answer. She started to reach for an eating dagger on the back of her belt,
determined to use it if necessary.

Jason, meanwhile, was just around the corner. He heard an unknown female
voice protesting against three lewd make voices, and strode around the
corner, with the sun to his back. Walking swiftly along the wall, he
stepped to a position along side of and slightly behind Pegasus. Because of
the position of the sun, all she saw was a long, tall shadow. He said in
the deepest, most serious, basso-profundo voice he could muster "The lady
said 'no'! Go away!". Pegasus relaxed somewhat, relatively sure that was
the voice she had heard at the demo earlier. But she still couldn't really
see him.

The three toughs sized up Jason, and made a crucial mistake. They assumed,
because of his fancy period costume, that Jason was gay, and not a threat.
They also couldn't really see that he was armed. The only thing that showed
of his crossbow was one limb of the bow sticking out from behind his right
shoulder, a chain over his shoulder, and a batch of feathered sticks in a
belt pouch. They told him to do something that is anatomically impossible.
He told them again, calmly "Perhaps you didn't hear me. She isn't
interested. Go away. NOW!"

They tried to rush him. With a blurred motion, Jason brought the crossbow
to bear on their leader, loaded and ready to fire. Now, what they -didn't-
know was that the bow also has a safety on it. When cocked, the safety
locks. It -can't- be fired without releasing the safety first. That would
only take a fraction of a second to release with Jason's thumb, but at this
point they still were in no -real- danger. Pegasus, seeing the bow, now
knew who her rescuer was. Who else would have a crossbow and be able to
draw it that fast?

Jason looked sternly at the toughs, who had stopped in their tracks and
were warily eyeing this rifle-like 'thing' that had suddenly appeared in
the hands of their prey. Jason said in a -very- serious voice. "Stop right
there! M'lady, which should I take first." Pegasus said "The middle one."
Jason's aim lowered another four inches, to the man's 'lower head'. Faced
with the prospect of being skewered like a wiener ready for roasting, he
and his pals turned tail and ran off.

Jason calmly watched then run. Then he unloaded the crossbow, uncocked the
string, and put it back on his shoulder. At last he turned to face the fair
damsel, saying "Whew! I'm glad -that's- over. By the way, I am called Jason
of Rosaria. What be thy name m'lady?" Before the day was over, Jason had
her name, her phone number, and a date for later in the week. Before the
week was over, he had taken her out to dinner three times. After dating for
four years, he married her, and they have been happily married for more
than nine years now.

And -that- is how Jason met Pegasus. And not a -word- of exaggeration in
the telling of it!


Again, Happy New Years, folks!

Jason & Thyra