NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #27/NN_1992_27.iso/spool/alt/support/1422

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From: [e-mail] (Ed Skinner)
Newsgroups: alt.support
Subject: Book Recommended: "Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway"
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Date: 17 Nov 92 18:20:01 GMT
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     Here are some quotations from a book I found useful.  At the time I
read the book, I was ready to learn how to better focus on what *I* wanted.
This book helped me figure out what it was that *I* really wanted, to fil-
ter out the "should"s and "ought to"s and combat them, and to come up with
some specific techniques I can use every day to work toward those goals.
     One of the activities I regularly practice is to write a short (three
or four paragraph) commentary or essay on one of these quotations, or on a
quotation from a similar source.  I have the office computer set up to email
a random quotation to me each morning and, when I arrive, my "A1" priority
for the day is to create this commentary before doing anything else.  Then,
my "A2" priority is to add a couple of sentences to my "Book of Abundance"
(an idea from this book).  These two activities usually take no more than
ten or fifteen minutes.  Thereafter, I review *all* of my priorities and
figure out the day's activities.
     In the quotations below, the words within square brackets [like this]
are mine.  Sometimes these occur to clarify the quotation out of its
context, and other times it is done to add a personal note.



"Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.
Fawcett Columbine, Ballantine Books, Copyright 1987

* (p.4) `I believe [the effect of fear] is primarily an
  educational problem, and that by reeducating the mind, you
  can accept fear as simply a fact of life rather than a
  barrier to success.'

* (p.15) `AT THE VERY BOTTOM OF EVERY ONE OF YOUR FEARS IS
  SIMPLY THE FEAR THAT YOU CAN'T HANDLE WHATEVER LIFE MAY
  BRING YOU.'

* (p.16) `ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO DIMINISH YOUR FEAR IS TO
  DEVELOP MORE TRUST IN YOUR ABILITY TO HANDLE WHATEVER COMES
  YOUR WAY!'

* (p.29) `We can't escape fear.  We can only transform it into
  a companion that accompanies us in all our exciting
  adventures:  It is not an anchor holding us transfixed in
  one spot.'

* (p.30) `Five Truths about Fear
  1. The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.
  2. The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is
     to go out ... and do it.
  3. The only way to feel better about myself is to go out ...
     and do it.
  4. Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I'm on
     unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.
  5. Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the
     underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.'

* (p.33) `For some, the fear [when approaching something new
  in life] is totally irrelevant.  For others, it creates a
  state of paralysis.  The former hold their fear from a
  position of power (choice, energy and action), and the
  latter hold it from a position of pain (helplessness,
  depression and paralysis).'

* (p.34) `No one is more unloving than a person who can't own
  his or her own power.  Such people spend their lives trying
  to pull it out of everyone else.  Their need creates all
  sorts of manipulative behavior.'

* (p.35) `A self-assured woman who is in control of her life
  draws like a magnet.'  [Amen.]

* (p.36) `Remember that much of the trick of moving from pain
  to power is taking action.  ACTION IS VERY POWERFUL!'

* (p.43) `Take a risk a day--one small or bold stroke that
  will make you feel great once you've done it.  Even if it
  doesn't work out the way you wanted it to, at least you've
  tried.  You didn't sit back ... powerless.'

* (p.45) `Each night before you go to bed, plan the risk you
  are going to take the following day.  Close your eyes, and
  in your mind's eye, practice doing it.  Make your
  visualization as clear as you possibly can.'

* (p.45) `Also, as you go through the day, be aware of where
  you find yourself hesitating, and start planning your future
  risks based on these observations.'  [Hesitations are clues
  to our inner workings of which we are unaware.]

* (p.46) `It takes constant repetition for newer and healthier
  patterns to take hold.'

* (p.51-63) [Seven definitions of taking responsibility:]
  `1. Taking responsibility means never blaming anyone else
      for anything you are being, doing, having or feeling.'
  `2. Taking responsibility means not blaming yourself.'
  `3. Taking responsibility means being aware of where and
      when you are NOT taking responsiblity so that you can
      eventually change.'
  `4. Taking responsibility means handling the Chatterbox.'
  `5. Taking responsibility means being aware of payoffs that
      keep you "stuck."'
  `6. Taking responsibility means figuring out what you want
      in life and acting on it.'
  `7. Taking responsibility means being aware of the multitude
      of choices you have in any given situation.'

* (p.54) `It is important to understand that you have always
  done the best you possibly could, given the person you were
  at any particular time.'

* (p.55) `I finally learned there is really only one person in
  the world who can make me happy, and that is ME!'

* (p.56) `Anger is your clue that you are not taking
  responsibility.'

* (p.59) `We are all victims of our Chatterboxes at some point
  in our lives.'  [I am now reading "Taming Your Gremlin" by
  Richard D. Carson which has a lot to say on this.  Much of the
  Chatterbox stuff is very much like the ideas of Albert Ellis,
  noted Psychologist, who says that we re-program our negative-
  ness over and over again through our self talk.  Ellis' work
  was, in part, in how to change this self talk.]

* (p.63-64) `As you go through each day, it is important to
  realize that at every moment you are choosing the way you
  feel.  When a difficult situation comes into your life, it
  is possible to tune in to your mind and say, "Okay, choose."
  Are you going to make yourself miserable or content?'

* (p.65-67) [Six exercises to help feel more powerful:]
  `1. List all the payoffs you get from staying stuck in some
      aspect of your life.'
  `2. Be aware of all the options you have during the course
      of a given day.'
  `3. Start noticing what you say in conversations with
      friends.  See if it includes a lot of complaining about
      other people.'
  `4. In a notebook, list the many choices available to you
      that can change presently upsetting experiences into
      positive ones.'
  `5. Begin to look at the gifts you have received from what
      you have always looked at as a "bad" situation.'
  `6. See if you can go one week without criticizing anyone or
      complaining about anything.'

* (p.67-68) `Seven Ways to Reclaim Your Power:
  1. Avoid casting blame on an external force for your bad
     feelings about life.  Nothing outside yourself can
     control your thinking or your actions.
  2. Avoid blaming yourself for not being in control.  You are
     doing the best you can and you are on the way to
     reclaiming your power.
  3. Be aware of when and where you are playing the victim
     role.  Learn the clues that tell you that you are not
     being responsible for what you are being, having, doing,
     or feeling.
  4. Familiarize yourself with your biggest enemy--your
     Chatterbox.  Use the exercises throughout this book to
     replace it with a loving internal friend.
  5. Figure out the payoffs that keep you "stuck."
     Paradoxically, once you find them, you will probably be
     able quickly to become "unstuck."
  6. Determine what you want in life and act on it.  Stop
     waiting for someone to give it to you.  You'll be waiting
     a long time.
  7. Be aware of the many choices you have--in both actions
     and feelings--in any situation that comes your way.
     Choose the path that contributes to your growth and makes
     you feel at peace with yourself and others.'

* (p.72) `It is reported that over 90% of what we worry about
  never happens.'

* (p.90) `The people in your life are a good indicator of
  where you are operating on an emotional level.'

* (p.91) `Among the new friends you make, include those who
  are farther along the journey than you are at the moment.'

* (p.93) `You have to go out and create the kind of support
  system you want.'

* (p.97) `I know of no one who has chosen the path of growth
  over his or her relationship who has regretted that choice!'

* (p.98) `[Following his divorce and] To this day, his wife
  still considers him to be selfish and uncaring, simply
  because he wouldn't play the game according to her rules.'

* (p.103) `Know that in all likelihood, as you start to take
  risks and grow, you are going to get resistance from people
  in your life.  It's a given.'

* (p.104) `When you rock the boat, someone will tell you to
  sit down.'  [But if you swim, have a life preserver, or it's
  not too deep, you can simply jump out!  Ker-Splash!!!  Come
  on in, the water's fine!]

* (p.104) `It will also help if you acknowledge others when
  they are supporting you.  Let them feel good when they are
  acting in a nurturing way.'

* (p.106) `The less you need someone's approval, the more you
  are able to love them.'

* (p.107) `Saying good-bye to the old relationship with a
  parent usually requires that we go through grief until the
  old door is closed and the new one is opened.'

* (p.111) `For some reason we feel we should be perfect, and
  forget that we learn though our mistakes.'

* (p.116) `Finding out what you don't like is, paradoxically,
  as valuable as finding out what you do like.'

* (p.120) `You don't have to continue having conversations
  about your decision[s] with those who make you feel bad
  about yourself.'

* (p.121) `Give yourself some time really to think about what
  you want out of life.'  [For me, the exercise beginning on
  page 144 was very helpful in figuring out *my* goals in life.]

* (p.127) `There are many inner clues that help you know when
  it is time to correct [your course in life].  The two most
  obvious are confusion and dissatisfaction.  Ironically,
  these are considered negatives, instead of positives.  I
  know it is hard to accept, but an upset in your life is
  beneficial, in that it tells you that you are off course in
  some way and you need to find your way back to your
  particular path of clarity once again.'"

* (p.128) `No-Lose Decision-Making Process
  BEFORE MAKING A DECISION
  1. Focus on the No-Lose Model.
  2. Do your homework.
  3. Establish your priorities.
  4. Trust your impulses.
  5. Lighten up.
  AFTER MAKING A DECISION
  1. Throw away your picture.
  2. Accept total responsibility.
  3. Don't protect, correct.'

* (p.130) `If I am not making any mistakes, I can be sure I am
  not learning and growing.'

* (p.131) `Each choice simply produces a different
  experience.'  [There is no "right" or "wrong" choice in any
  decision.  There are only different experiences thereafter.]

* (p.135) `Dependency in a relationship, as you might have
  experienced in your own life, creates some very unattractive
  side effects--anger, jealousy, resentment, clinging,
  nagging--all very unpleasant to live with.  These self-
  defeating qualities are the result of a deep-seated fear of
  losing that which we see as the basis of our entire
  identity.'

* (p.146-147) `The problem with needy people is that they
  can't take in anything around them.  Then they wonder why
  they are starving emotionally.'

* (p.149) `Most people never take the time to focus on what
  they want--then they wonder why they always feel empty.'

* (p.158) `ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF PAIN IS VERY IMPORTANT; DENIAL
  IS DEADLY.'

* (p.162) `SAYING YES MEANS GETTING UP AND ACTING ON YOUR
  BELIEF THAT YOU CAN CREATE MEANING AND PURPOSE IN WHATEVER
  LIFE HANDS YOU.'

* (p.166) `Steps to Saying Yes [to all of life]
  1. Create awareness that you can choose to say yes or no.
  2. Nod your head--say yes.
  3. Relax your body.
  4. Adopt an attitude of "Let's see what good will come from
     this situation."
  5. Be patient with yourself.  It takes times [sic] to adopt
     a "yes" approach to life.  Say yes to you!'

* (p.174) `It is amazing how long it takes to become a full-
  blown adult.  In fact, one might consider it a lifelong
  task.'

* (p.175) `So, even if you perceive that someone has
  mistreated you, find the lesson you learned from them and
  put the contribution on your list [of valuables you have
  received in ostensibly negative situations].'

* (p.179) `For some reason, when you become a support to
  others you become bigger than you are.  Moreover, when
  people use what they have learned from you, your effect in
  this world is greatly magnified.'

* (p.179) `YOU MUST BECOME WHAT YOU WANT TO ATTRACT.  BE THE
  KIND OF PERSON YOU WOULD WANT TO SURROUND YOURSELF WITH.'

* (p.196) `One of the tools the Subconscious Mind uses to
  connect you with what you are looking for is your
  intuition.'

* (p.197) `By learning to trust your intuition, "miracles"
  seem to happen.'

* (p.199) `When you are upset, you are not letting in the
  abundance of the Higher Self.  If you are aligned or
  "centered" as illustrated here, you feel yourself in a
  harmonious flow.'

* (p.201) `All the answers I need are within me.'

* (p.201) `What could you tell yourself if the problem is not
  your job, but your relationship?

    "This woman [or man] is not my life.  If we are meant to
    be together, we will be.  If not, so be it.  I trust that
    my Subconscious Mind and the universal energy are creating
    the perfect relationship for me.  I can let go trusting
    that everything is happening perfectly.  My life is full.
    My life is rich.  There is nothing to fear."'

* (p.201) [Marginal notation: Sometimes when we can't seem to
  find the answer to some problem it is because we are asking
  the question wrong.  It may be useful to question the
  question itself.  The classic example is the question, "Are
  you still beating your wife?"  There is no answer because the
  question is predicated on an assumption which may not be true.
  When questions persist in our lives, questions which we cannot
  seem to resolve, it may be because we are wording the question
  such that there is a built-in assumption we don't recognize
  which is creating a "Catch-22" predicament.]

* (p.215) `Each time we confront some intense difficulty, we
  know there is something we haven't learned yet, and the
  Universe is now giving us the opportunity to learn.'

* (p.215) `You will know if you are on the right path by the
  way you feel.  Trust your feelings.  If the path you're on
  isn't providing you joy, satisfaction, creativity, love and
  caring, that's not it.  Say to yourself, "Okay, I tried
  this, and this isn't it.  What else can I try?"'

* (p.216) `The journey upward is not always a steady climb.
  You may climb, then stop and rest, regroup.  So, too, with
  the spiritual journey.  Sometimes it may seem as though you
  have stopped growing.  Not so.  You are just consolidating
  your information.'

* (p.217) `We need to go through many life experiences before
  the power within is brought forward in all its glory.  And
  as long as we see ourselves as unfolding beings, there is no
  wish to go back one single day--and age becomes a beautiful
  thing.'

--
#include <disclaimer.h>
Ed Skinner, Customer Education Services, Motorola Inc., USA(602)438-3956
Internet: [e-mail],  UUCPnet: noao!asuvax!mcdphx!edski