NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #27/NN_1992_27.iso/spool/alt/support/1420

Internet Message Format | 1992-11-17 | 3.8 KB

Xref: sparky alt.support:1420 alt.recovery:3567
Newsgroups: alt.support,alt.recovery
Path: sparky!uunet!charon.amdahl.com!pacbell.com!sgiblab!darwin.sura.net!wupost!emory!athena.cs.uga.edu!heath
From: [e-mail] (Terrance Heath)
Subject: ANGER!!!!!!!
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Sender: [e-mail] (Terrance Heath)
Organization: University of Georgia, Athens
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 18:17:07 GMT
Lines: 59


    Forgive me guys & gals, but I gotta vent for a second or two.
I'm 4 months sober and still not quite used to dealing with everyday
emotions this way. The main one I'm having trouble with is anger.
    Anger, for me, can be focused on an individual or the whole of
society, burns intensely, and can spring up at moments notice. I used
to spend all my time being angry, so I'm still quite good at it.
However, anger is something I used to drink over, as a means of
helping to calm it fires. Now I'm dealing with it sober, and I'm not
sure I'm dealing with it well. I know I can't afford to get angry, or
at least to let myself stay angry, even if I'm right. (Hell,
especially if I'm right!).  But I don't know what in the hell to do
about it. I'd like for it to go away, to be able to send it somewhere
else, but no one has been able to give me any magic words or any
sure-fire methods of doing this (I know, I know. "Don't drink and go
to meetings. And call your sponsor." But I need something to do in the
moment as well, when anger strikes, and I don't have anywhere to go or
anyone to call. That's how bad that particular emotion is with me.)
    Today, it was an inividual. One of my supervisors at work,
with whom I've had a personality difference from day-one. We just
don't get along. However, most of the time I try to stay out of her
way and just do what she tells me to do. But when I feels she's lit
into me unfairly, I speak up about it. (I've always been like that,
and I don't see it changing anytime soon.) I stand up for myself when
I need to, but I try to do it in a polite way.    I think she's looking
for a way to get rid of me (I'm already on probation for some errors
I've made, but yesterday my REAL boss - the one who has the final say
- told me that I have been improving.) So today, while I'm doing my
job (stamping books) she comes up to me and says "There's no need to
be so loud, Terrance. I know what you're doing." And walked off.
    At first I said "Excuse me. What's wrong?", but she waved me
off. Later, I asked her a second time "Was I doing something wrong?"
and she waved me off again.  Finally, before I left, I cornered her
in her office and asked  "Was I doing something wrong out there?",
looking her straight in the eye.  She finally said "No, you weren't
doing anything wrong. Forget about it."  And I left.
    BUT I'M SO ANGRY I COULD CHEERFULLY CHOKE THE LIVING SHIT OUT
OF THIS WOMAN!!!!!! AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT (I just got
off of work, and I'm still shaking with anger).
    What worries me is that this job is what stands between me and
financial disaster right now, and I need to keep it. That's why  I've
been watching myself and watching my work. Everyone else on the job
thinks I'm pleasant to work with, except this one woman, and I don't
know what to do about it. I can't change the way she feels about me,
and I'm not about to brown-nose to her. But I need to keep this job,
because I've tried finding another, and the pickens are very, VERY
slim.
    Anyway, me and my sponsor are going to have a long talk
tonight, and I'll probably go to a meeting, just to feel as though I
have some support.
    But is there anyone out there who has some suggestions about
how to deal with situations like that, and how to deal with anger? I
need some advice.

--
"Black men loving black men is THE revolutionary act!"
            -Joseph Beam_
Terrance Heath
[e-mail]