NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #27/NN_1992_27.iso/spool/alt/rushlim/10074

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From: [e-mail] (EMIL CHUCK)
Newsgroups: alt.rush-limbaugh,alt.politics.elections,alt.politics.bush,alt.politics.clinton,talk.politics.misc,rec.humor
Subject: Final call for Clinton cabinet nominations
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Date: 20 Nov 92 16:16:32 GMT
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A few days ago (more like a week) I called upon people to send in their
humorous suggestions of a Clinton cabinet. Now, by no means is my list
complete, but here are the positions I have called to be filled. If you
have more, I can write them in.


The Cabinet, as nominated by the enews populace,

Secretary of State
1)      James Baker
2)      Willie Brown
3)      Robert Redford
4)      Don Imus,  he was the man that revived Bubba and gave him the
run for the White House
9)      Willie Horton
11)     Jesse Jackson - it's payoff time.

Secretary of Defense:
1,2)    Pat Schroeder
3)      No need. The military will be disbanded.
4)      Buddy Ryan,  it would be funny to hear him call Clinton "That
guy from Arkansas" and Clinton would be guaranteed Pennsylvania
in 1996.
6)      Clark Clifford. HE has experience under LBJ. Former head of
DNC. His ethical standards are beyond reproach. So what if he's 80+ ?
9)      Abbie Hoffman.  So he's dead.  So's the military.
11,12)  "Hanoi" Jane Fonda

Secretary of the Treasury:
1)      Tom Foley
2)      The person who headed up the House Bank.
3)      Robert Byrd
4)      Michael Jordan,  he's got lots of money and wouldn't it be nice
to see  "In Nike we trust" on our money.
5,9)    Charles Keating
11)     The brilliant Democratic California Treasurer Woman who spoke
on "Ladies' night" at the democratic national convention. ("We can do
to the country what I did to California")

Attorney General:
1)      Ice-T (you know, "Cop Killer"?)
2)      Lawyer who argued Miranda ruling
3)      I don't care what anyone says, Hillary's got her name on this
job.
4)      Alan Dershowitz, to keep with the Kennedy perspective (Harvard
people).
6)      * Floyd Adams. Needs a job after loss to Al D'Amato.
        * Laurence Tribe of Harvard Law School
9)      William Kunstler (sp?)
11)     The victim Anita Hill

Secretary of the Interior:
1)      Teddy Kennedy
2)      President of Earth First
3)      Paul Erhlich or Michael Oppenheimer
6)      Barry Commoner
11)     Jerry Brown - he's been out there too long.

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
1)      * Earvin "Magic" Johnson
        * Madonna
2)      * Teddy "Pay or Play" Kennedy
        *  President of ACT-UP
3)      Faye Wattleton of Planned Parenthood
4)      Carol Moseley Braun: she knows how to work the loopholes of
the welfare system.
11)     Has to be Teddy Kennedy

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development
1)      Martin Sheen, or some person from the homeless advocacy
2)      Maxine Waters (D-CA)
3)      Jesse Jackson
4)      Spike Lee, only if they make Congress 75% black, and if
he gets a three picture deal for the Jesse Jackson Story.
11)     Spike Lee - "don't burn the houses kids, there's a
Demo-(lition)-Crat in the White House now!!)

Secretary of Labor
1)      Eleanor Smeal or Patricia Ireland
2)      Current President of AFL-CIO
3)      No one will fill the job at first.  It would be insensitive to
have an employed person fill a job representing most of the country,
which is out of work. Of course, once Clinton get the country going,
someone will be picked.
11)     Some feminazi abortionist maniac

Secretary of Education
1)      Larry King
2)      Head of the NEA.  More money for the educrats..oops, I mean
for the schools and our children!
3)      Commissioner of NYC Public Schools
4)      * Governor Mario Cuomo and [General] David Dinkins [where are
you?],
so they can rewrite the history of the bad Republicans who didn't enact
liberal initiatives they proposed.
        * Joe Biden: He will help to give the children of America the
impetus to plagiarize to the best of their abilities.
6)      Donna Shalala. Current Wisconsin Chancellor. Queen of PC
11)     The kid who spelled POTATO

Secretary of Commerce
5)      Ross Perot
6)      Alan Cranston. Knows the ins and outs of banks.
11)     The Chief Chicken Plucker of the Arkansas "industrial growth"
- " I promise a chicken in every kitchen"

Chief of Staff
1)      Hillary Clinton
2)      Ron Brown
3)      That depends on who donates the most this year.  That's how he
does it in Arkansas.
9)      Ted Kennedy
11)     Paul Tsongas - I want to hear more of his voice on tv, since
there
aren't any good new cartoons since Mel Blanc died

National Security Advisor
1)      Mikhail Gorbechev
2)      Sam Nunn--if they decide he isn't too moderate.
3)      Our only threats are the lack of education, health care, etc.,
so no one need fill this.
4)      Admiral Crowe. A political payback for his Bush bashing
despite serving for Reagan.
11)     * Tom Foley, or
        * Ross Perot - nothing would get by those [both men's] ears

Joint Chiefs of Staff (military)
1)      Jane Fonda
2)      How about the groups protesting the Gulf War?
3)      Another unnecessary job.
11)     Hillary and Bill, watch out for marital troubles

Surgeon General
1)      Roseanne Barr
2)      Ralph Nader
4,9)    Jack Kevorkian
11)     That guy who isn't a doctor, but he plays one on tv

Director of the Office of Management and Budgeting
1)      Ross Perot (those charts are handy for something)
2)      John Kenneth Galbraith
11)     Go Ross Perot, let's see how simple it is

Federal Reserve Board Chairman
1)      Highest contributor to Clinton campaign
2)      In the Clinton administration, you'd better say
ChairPERSON...
11)     I have a good idea, just let the Democratic congress handle
all facets of the economy.  (*shiver just from the thought*)

"Drug Czar"
1)      * Jack Kevorkian
        * Marion Barry
2)      I don't know--but whoever it is will tolerate pot smoking
as long as the people don't inhale.
3)      Timothy Leary (remember "tune in, turn on, and drop out?").
As all liberals know, you can't comment on anything unless you've
Experienced it yourself, and Dr. Leary even inhaled.
9)      Don't need one
11)     Marion Barry - "I promise to get drugs off the street and
into the hotel room where they belong"

Secretary of Transportation
4)      Any head of the Big 3 presidents fired in the last 3 years.
6)      Ted Kennedy: has knowledge of bridges

Secretary of Agriculture (Do we have one???)
10)     Frank Perdue
        (actually, this is just a sneaky way to get Ross Perot on
the Cabinet, as they're really the same person.  You never
see them together, do you?  And why do you think Perot hit
so hard on the Arkansus chicken industry?)

Director of National Transportation Safety Board
8)      Ted Kennedy

Head of the AIDS Commission
4)      Earvin "Magic" Johnson. Maybe he'll show up at a meeting
this time.

Press Secretary
4)      Larry King. We saw how well he got the Little General's
campaign going.
6)      Eleanor Clift

Director of White House Communications
6)      Tipper Gore

Supreme Court appointees
1)      Catherine McKinnon
        Anita Hill
        Judge Susan Hoerschner
4)      Linda Bloodworth-Thomason (of "Murphy Brown" fame)
        Hillary Clinton

Head of the Environmental Protection Agency
4)      Anyone cited in Al "Ozone Man" Gore's extremist book.

Director of the FCC
1)      Howard Stern
6)      2 Live Crew

CIA Director
6)      Phillip Agee. HE won't reveal our secrets to anyone.

Ambassador to China
1)      Phil Donahue
7)      Tom Bradley
9)      Jane Fonda
11)     Rev. Al Sharpton ( I know he has no qualifications, but hey,
why look at his past?  The past means nothing )

Ambassador to Israel
1)      Jesse Jackson
6)      Gus Savage. Need I say more?

Ambassador to Russia and other former Soviet States
6)      Lenora Fulani
9)      Yakov Smirnoff
11)     Mikhail Gorbechev

Ambassador to United Nations
6)      Ron Dellums
11)     lover of peace - Jimmy Carter

Administrator of Health Care Policy
1)      Bill Clinton's mom
11)     Jack Kavorkian

Trade Representative
5)      Ross Perot
11)     George Steinbrenner - look out, there goes the West coast for
an island to be named later

And ... the "scapegoat"
9)      Al Gore. What are vice-presidents for?
11)     The only scapegoat for the next century will be that evil man
- Ronnie Reagan

******************************************************************
Citations:
1) [e-mail]           Emil Thomas Chuck
2) [e-mail]
3) [e-mail]    Kurt Krueger
4) [e-mail]  Richard L. Trionfo
5) [e-mail]          J. A. Carr
6) [e-mail]    Doug Mraz
7) [e-mail]     Chris Gilbert
8) [e-mail]  Brandon D. Ray
9) [e-mail]              Kevin J. Podsiadlik
10) [e-mail]       Bob Munck
11) [e-mail]   Rich Gerberding
12) [e-mail]
******************************************************************
--
Emil Thomas Chuck    [e-mail]    Biomedical Engineering 1993
    THANK GOD IT'S BASKETBALL SEASON!!!!!
I don't have to have a 4.0 GPA to succeed in life because I'm
good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.