NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #27/NN_1992_27.iso/spool/alt/peeves/17103

Internet Message Format | 1992-11-15 | 5.3 KB

Path: sparky!uunet!europa.asd.contel.com!darwin.sura.net!spool.mu.edu!umn.edu!news.cs.indiana.edu!nstn.ns.ca!ac.dal.ca!01sybok
From: [e-mail]
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: the Devil's Day (and the Devil's Night)
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Date: 15 Nov 92 15:06:27 -0400
References: <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]>
Organization: Dalhousie University, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
Lines: 107

In article <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] (Seventh Circuit Bound) writes:

> I'd be hurt by the characterization of my writing if it hadn't come from
> an illiterate.

GAWSP! Called an illiterate by Ted. The horror, the horror! I shall have to
throw myself off some high cliff now while wearing a long white dress and
clutching a long stemmes blood red rose or something. Even better, I'll
trow Ted of the cliff. White Dress is opitional Ted, I know you were saving
it for a special occasion.

Peeve: There aren't any high cliffs for miles.

>>I won't even get into their good fortune in not sleeping with you.
>
> Mikey, mikey, mikey, you're confusing "sleeping with" with the concept
> of getting women unconscious on punch spiked with grain alcohol and
> sharing her with your brothers in a pool of vomit.  You forget -- I'm
> not in a fraternity, so I don't engage in such practices.

I just love those stereotypes you pitch Ted. Maybe if you chant them long enough
thry'll come true some day. In fact, I can just see that day now:

Ted, kneeling at the edge of his bed, clad in those long pyjamas with
the feet we all wore as kids looking through the open window (the curtians
are flapping gently in the breeze) and our dear Ted is saying "Star light
Star bright..."

All of a sudden the room is awash with a blue light reminicient of a Steven
Spielberg flick and there stands the Good Fairy, radiating sweetness and light.
She is clad in the sharpest of Chanel outfits (hey, it's the '90's. flowing
gowns are passe.) and it almost seems like there is a halo floating over her
head of curly light brown hair. She opens her pert little cupid-bow lips saying:

"Ted, God is sorry he has made you into such a pathetic specimen, and so he
is going to grant you one wish. I know, it won't begin to redress the damage,
but if I were you, I wouldn't piss of the Almighty. You know what he's like."

Ted's eyes are aglow with pleasure. Tears of joy are streaming down his face.
Finally after all the misery inflicted on him all these years, something good
will happen. Something that might even take away the pain of being forced into
law school, cursed forever to be of no earthly use the the civilized world!

Ted's head spins (probably trying to twist itself off his body in disgust) as
he says:

"I'd like all those thngs I say about freternities and sororities to be true."

The Good Fairy smiles, lifts her wand and says:

"PSYCH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *SNORK* God was just pulling your leg,
Ted! Besides, God is greek. Phi Sigma Alpha, class of '00. Actually, if I were
you, Ted, I'd stop all that Greek bashing. God gets a little lightning-bolt
happy when he's upset."

Boy, even in fairy tales you can't get a happy ending, Ted. The moral of the
story is, "Ted Frank is a weenie. If the rest of you are thankful for nothing
else, be grateful that God didn't make you into Ted Frank."


>
> As alien as it might be to you to treat women as intelligent people with
> their own needs and thoughts, I assure you that such behavior is not
> unappreciated.

Speaking as a woman are you Ted? I should've known. Since you know everything
(snort) I shouldn't be surprised.

> Alas, my net.policy is not to discuss my sex life, but if you ever
> run into one of my ex-girlfriends at a Phi Alpha Delta convention, I'm
> sure she'll tell you all about it, as she seems to be wont to do.

Ah... she's a stand up comedian and this is part of her act, then? You must
tell me the next time she's performing.

> Peeve: Bozos who can't tell the difference between posting to alt.peeves
>        in a flame war and posting to soc.college in a discussion.  Perhaps
>        he thinks all newsgroups are really misc.misc.

With you, Ted, it's all one and the same. Your boring Vanilla Boy consistency
forces me to respond to you in the same way, no matter the group. Actually,
you aren't even Vanilla. I'd have to put you closer to the Vannillin scale
of things, since occasionally real vanilla can be tasty.



> !Peeve: The thought of cross-posting Mikey's alt.tasteless hazing stories
>         in response to the next time he claims frats don't haze.

Yawwwnnnn. Ted, I've never written a hazing story to alt.tasteless; I have
never hazed. I suppose lying must be in your genes, and that's why you make
such a good lawyer. Do go back to sticking your greased cranium up the behinds
of your superiors; I'm sure they miss you. Don't worry, we certainly won't.


> She dosen't?  I'm crushed.  I'll have to ask her about that next time we talk.

Heh. hehheh. You do that *snork*.


Now run along and have Judge Screwem read you that bedtime story I wrote you.
I wrote the moral in at the end so neither of you will have to think too much;
we know how difficult that is for you lawyers.

Bye Teddy!

Mike