NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #27

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Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes,alt.bitterness Path: sparky!uunet!psinntp!news.columbia.edu!cunixa.cc.columbia.edu!smb11 From: smb11@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu (Sameer M Bhasin) Subject: BLONDE JOKES! Message-ID: <1992Nov22.151031.28110@news.columbia.edu> Sender: usenet@news.columbia.edu (The Network News) Nntp-Posting-Host: cunixa.cc.columbia.edu Reply-To: smb11@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu (Sameer M Bhasin) Organization: Columbia University References: <1992Nov16.113347.6688@noose.ecn.purdue.edu> Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 15:10:31 GMT Lines: 904 > The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes > -------------------------------- > Revision 7.0 > > 1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? > A: Gifted! > > 2. Q: How do blonde braincells die ? > A: Alone. > > 3. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? > A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. > > 4. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? > A: Artificial intelligence. > > 5. Q: How does a blonde part their hair? > A: (Action of scissoring legs apart) > > 6. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? > A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables! > > 7. Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievment? > A: An IN-body experience! > > 8. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? > A: After a dye job. > > 9. Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? > A: It swells at night. > > 10. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? > A1: She'd just dyed her hair. > A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it > blown around too much. > > 11. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? > A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads. > > 12. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? > A: You can park in the handicap zone. > > 13. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? > A: When they're on their backs, they're screwed. > > 14. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. > She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?" > A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!" > > 15. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? > A: Humpme Dumpme. > > 16. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? > A: She liked kids... > > 17. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? > A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. > > 18. Q: Why do blondes like lightning? > A: They think someone is taking their picture. > > 19. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? > A: It takes too long to retrain them. > > 20. Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists? > A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter. > > 21. Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? > A: There's white-out on the screen. > Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? > A: There's writing on the white-out. > > 22. Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries? > A: She has a checkbook. > > 23. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent to a blonde? > A: There is a stamp on it. > > 24. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating? > A: By the buckle print on her forehead. > > 25. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend? > A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the > impression in her forehead! > > 26. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress? > A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering > what she did with her pencil. > > 27. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress > (reading her nametag) ? > A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?" > > 28. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator? > A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers. > > 29. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? > A: You only have to punch information into a computer once. > > 30. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common? > A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until > they go down on you. > > 31. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? > A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9.... > > 32. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? > A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno! > > 33. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a > flat forehead? > A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it! > > 34. Q: How do you kill a blonde? > A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads. > > 35. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? > A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads. > > 36. Q: Why don't blondes make Jello? > A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into > those little boxes. > > 37. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of > their head? > A: All you can eat, under a buck. > > 38. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? > A: Because they can't get their head in the jar. > > 39. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? > A: They can't find the zipper. > > 40. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should > cut it in six or twelve pieces. > A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." > > 41. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings? > A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles. > > 42. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more > attractive? > A: Her ankles. > > 43. Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with > PMS? > A: Lipstick. > > 44. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick? > A: Because red means stop. > > 45. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick? > A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole." > > 46. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators? > A: They chip their teeth. > > 47. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? > A: From eating with forks. > > 48. Q: Why do blondes wear panties? > A: They make good ankle warmers. > > 49. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini > skirts? > A: Cause their balls show! > > 50. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay? > A: Remove their underwear. > > 51. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? > A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!" > > 52. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? > A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!" > > 53. Q: What's the mating call of the brunette? > A: "All the blondes have gone home!" > > 54. Q: What's a brunette's mating call ? > A: Has that blonde gone yet? > > 55. Q: What's the mating call of the redhead? > A: "Next!" > > 56. Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax > now in effect in Canada) > A: Because they can spell it. > > 57. Q: What is 74 to a blonde? > A: 69 plus G.S.T. > > 58. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes? > A: Toes go in first. > > 59. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts? > A: Tits go in front. > > 60. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in? > A: "Have another beer." > > 61. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning ? > A: Pack their lunch and send them to work. > > 62. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? > A1: Introduces themself. > A2: Walks home. > > 63. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? > A: From crawling across the street when the sign said > "DON'T WALK". > > 64. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? > A: Fertilised. > > 65. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs? > A: Unfertilised. > > 66. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? > A: Opens the car door. > > 67. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? > A: Locking the car door. > > 68. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex ? > A: Kick open the car door. > > 69. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who was disappointed when > she got her driver's license? > A: The instructor gave her an "F" in sex. > > 70. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering? > A: More head room. > > 71. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? > A: More leg room. > > 72. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH? > A: A blonde going through a flashing red light. > > 73. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? > A: In case she locks the keys in her car. > > 74. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on? > A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. > > 75. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? > A: To turn the blinker off. > > 76. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? > A: An Air Bag. > > 77. Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after > a blonde drives a car? > A: Cause she blows the horn!!!!! > > 78. Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? > A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche. > > 79. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond? > A: Bucket seats. > > 80. Q: What do Blondes say after sex? > A1: Thanks Guys. > A2: Are you boys all in the same band/team? > A3: Do you guys all play for the Swans? > > 81. Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes? > A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, > four bucks. > > 82. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? > A: 'Cause everybody gets a turn. > > 83. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks? > A: 'Cause she's been laid all over the country. > > 84. Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate > before having sex? > A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate? > > 85. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm? > A: *Who cares?* > > 86. Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ? > A: So they know when to stop having sex ! > > 87. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm???? > A1: She drops her nail-file!!! > A2: Who cares? > A3: She say 'Next' > A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder > A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes > A6: The batteries have run out. > > 88. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? > A1: They can't remember the number. > A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons. > > 89. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? > A: "Thanks for the refill!" > > 90. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's > ear? > A: Data transfer. > > 91. Q: Why do blondes have more fun? > A: Because they don't know any better. > *A: They are easier to keep amused. > > 92. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? > A1: "What's a lightbulb?" > A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. > A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!" > > 93. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine? > A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!" > > 94. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? > A: A whine cellar. > > 95. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents > occur around the home? > A: She moved. > > 96. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? > A1: They both have a black box. > A2: Both have a cockpit. > > 97. Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747? > A: Not everyone has been in a 747 > > 98. Q: What does a dumb blonde say when she gives birth? > A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine? > > 99. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? > A: "Are you sure it's mine?" > > 100. Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant? > A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest. > > 101. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? > A: Tell her she's pregnant. > > 102. Q: How do blondes get pregnant? > A: And you thought blondes were dumb. > > 103. Q: What will she ask you? > A: "Is it mine?" > > 104. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart > blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 > bill. Who picks it up? > A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa > Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde. > > 105. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? > A: To see what was on the other side. > > 106. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? > A: Pull the pin and throw it back. > > 107. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill? > A: So they know what day of the week it is. > > 108. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? > A: Because it kept falling out. > > 109. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ? > A: Wishful Thinking. > > 110. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel? > A: Because her boyfriend was also blond! > > 111. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who > hits the ground first? > A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions. > > 112. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? > A: Her IQ goes up! > > 113. Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? > A: A blonde parade. > > 114. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche? > A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend. > > 115. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde? > A: Butter is difficult to spread. > > 116. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? > A: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball. > A2: There is no difference. They're both round and have > three holes to poke. > > 117. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"? > A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic". > > 118. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? > A: Bigfoot has been spotted. > > 119. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone? > A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone. > > 120. Q: What's the difference between a blonde girl and a blond guy? > A: The blonde has the higher sperm count. > > 121. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? > A: Not everybody has been in a limo. > > 122. Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe > of sly pygmies? > A: One's a bunch a cunning runts ... > > 123 Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush? > A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush. > > 124. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job? > A: Your job still sucks after 6 months. > > 125. Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and > a terrorist? > A: You can negotiate with a terrorist. > > 126. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shopping trolley? > A: The shopping trolley has a mind of its own! > > 127. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez Canal? > A: One's a busy ditch. > > 128. Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet? > A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it. > > 129. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster? > A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while > a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo." > > 130. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde? > A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it > won't follow you around for a week. > > 131. Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common ? > A: They both get easier to pick-up with age. > > 132. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? > A: The cow fell on her. > > 133. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? > A: The more you bang it the looser it gets. > > 134. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? > A: They're both empty from the neck up. > > 135. Q: What do blonds and spagetthii have in common? > A: They both wriggle when you eat them. > > 136. Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common? > A: They both have black roots. > > 137. Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a > recent car crash) and a blonde have in common ? > A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked. > > 138. Q: Why did the deaf blond sit on a newspaper? > A: So she could lip read. > > 139. Q: How do you drown a blond? > A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. > > 140. Q: How do you drown a blonde? > A: Don't tell her to swallow. > > 141. Q: Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool ? > A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. > > 142. Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU? > A: Too many blondes were drowning. > > 143. Q: Why do blonds have square boobs? > A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box. > > 144. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies? > A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties. > A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit. > > 145. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes? > A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees. > > 146. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? > A: Proofreading. > > 147. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? > A: For throwing out the W's. > > 148. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? > A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece. > > 149. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? > A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard. > > 150. Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq? > A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water. > > 151. Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date. > A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home. > > 152. Q: What's the Blonde's cheer? > A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. > I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..." > > 153. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? > A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds." > > 154. Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? > A: She kept having affairs with men! > > 155. Q: What does a blonde owl say? > A: What, what? > > 156. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? > A: She threw it off a cliff. > > 157. Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? > A: She drowns it. > > 158. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her > jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? > A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years. > > 159. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs? > A: "Nice tits!" > > 160. Q: How does a blonde high-5? > A: She smacks herself in the forehead. > > 161. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours? > A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper > > 162. Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts? > A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor. > > 163. Q: Why do blondes have legs? > A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground. > A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen. > A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails. > > 164. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn > around and come home? > A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking > was a television. > > 165. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina? > A: The Blonde! > > 166. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? > A: Flattered. > > 167. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives? > A: They always forget the 11 in 9-1-1. > > 168. Q: Did you hear about the blondes who froze to death at the > Drive Inn Theater? > A: They went to see "Closed for the Season" > > 169. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked > up by 'the fuzz'? > A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.' > > 170. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? > A: An interpreter. > > 171. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? > A: A mental block. > > 172. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? > A: A wind tunnel. > > 173. Q: What do you call 25 blondes on top of each other? > A: An air mattress. > > 174. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? > A: A dope ring. > > 175. Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ? > A: Sweet Fuck All... > > 176. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes? > A: Frosted Flakes. > > 177. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool? > A: Air bubbles. > > 178. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? > A: Frosted Flakes. > > 179. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? > A: Last year's hide-and-seek champ. > > 180. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? > A: A Space Invader. > > 181. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? > A: Branch Manager. > > 182. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves? > A: She fell out of the tree. > > 183. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? > A: Wave at her. > > 184. Q: What do you call a smart blond? > A: A golden retriever. > > 185. Q: How do you check a blonde's IQ? > A: With a tire gauge. > > 186. Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9? > A: A 69 interrupted by a period. > > 187. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of > Cheerios? > A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!" > > 188. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold? > A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out. > > 189. Q: Why do blonds have two more brain cells than a cow ? > A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits. > A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo. > > 190. Q: Why aren't BLONDES good cattle herders? > A: Because the can't even keep two calves together! > > 191. Q: Why don't blonds breast feed? > A: Because they always burn their nipples. > > 192. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? > A: Bobbing for french fries. > > 193. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? > A: To cover up the valve stem. > > 194. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? > A: Spot. > > 195. Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group? > A: Air Supply. > > 196. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes? > A: The back of her head. > > 197. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's > A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!! > > 198. Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ? > A: Tell them a joke on Friday night ! > > 199. Q: Why did God create blondes? > A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge. > > 200. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? > A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon. > A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell > if they're going to work or coming home. > > 201. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ? > A: A blond electrician > > 202. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? > A1: So brunettes can remember them. > A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit. > > 203. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ???? > A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children! > > 204. Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words? > A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries. > > 205. Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? > A: A thought. > > 206. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute? > A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally. > > 207. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage > aisle? > A: She realized she gave her last blowjob. > > 208. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her > husband's car? > A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe. > > 209. Q: Why did they call the blond twinkie? > A: She liked to be filled with cream. > > 210. Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period? > A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her? > > 211. Q: Why do blondes have periods? > A: They deserve them > > 212. Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist? > A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for > bait?" > > 213. Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ? > A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good. > > 214. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip > cookies? > A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor. > > 215. Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy? > A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them. > > 216. Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor? > A: By the ears. > > 217. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her > thoughts? > A: Change. > > 218. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk? > A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the > floor! > > 219. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass? > A: A brain tumor. > > 220. Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry? > A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex! > > 221. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla? > A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced > to do... > > 222. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see > where the sun went ? It finally dawned on here. > > 223. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw > a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, > she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home. > > On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said > "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she > had cleaned 43 restrooms. > > 224. How about the suicide blonde, > she dyed by her own hand. > > 225. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette > says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, > looks up, and says, "Where?" > > 226. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up > to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the > bird drops a load when it was directly over her. > The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth > open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!" > > Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly." > > 227. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the > wrong way on a one-way street. > Cop: Do you know where you were going? > Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the > people were leaving. > > 228. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway. > "Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?" > "Driver's licence? What's that?..." > "It's a little card with your picture on it." > "Oh, duh! Here it is..." > "May I have your car insurance?" > "What's that?..." > "It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car." > "Oh this? Duh! Here you go..." > The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde > exclaims: > "Oh no, not another breathanalyzer test!" > > 229. Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron", then > we could do without the ironing lady. > Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could > do without the gardener. > > 230. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends: > Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row! > Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred. > Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good. > Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy. > > 231. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of > them decides to call 911: > Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing > a light bulb. > Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? > Blonde: Yes. > Operator: The power in the house in on? > Blonde: Of course. > Operator: And the switch is on? > Blonde: Yes, yes. > Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? > Blonde: No, it's working fine. > Operator: Then what's the problem? > Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and > we all fell and hurt ourselves. > > 232. What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? > Her husband is out looking for the other man. > > 233. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, > and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and > estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to > try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really > tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired > to go on, so she drowned. > > The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made > it. > I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and > starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more > endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even > got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she > drowned. > > So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think > I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, > 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in > sight, > but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back. > > 234. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when > the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull > you finger out, I'll sink?" > > 235. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down > and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks > and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. > Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one > half hour later they were both killed by a train. > > 236. The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what > was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her. > Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about > the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can fuck and > suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook" > > 237. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly > Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into > Heaven, you have to pass a test." > "Oh No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy. > "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter > The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!" > "That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter > Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! > Andy tells me..." > > 238. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of > their Mercedes with a coat hanger. > > Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! > > Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting > to rain and the top is down! > > 239. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out > a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it > was volume seven of the encyclopaedia... > > 240. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": > "I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!" > > 241. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the > bartender: > Brunette: "I'll have a B and C." > Bartender:"What is a B and C?". > Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke." > Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T." > Bartender: "What's a G and T?" > Redhead: "Gin and tonic." > Blonde: "I'll have a 15." > Bartender: "What's a 15?" > Blonde: "7 and 7" > > 242. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman aobut her job. In > the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor > wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out > "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would > like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked > to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was > somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said > she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this > down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" > The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" > "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying > sod across the street. > >