0 ()/&/()! Actually this is an interplanetary greeting.
1 10% of the male population over 50 will suffer acute myocardial infarction (AMI), the other 90% will suffer an ugly one (UMI).
2 11+10=101...???... Get outta here...
3 186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the law.
4 1957 - Fortran is introduced
5 2 C or not 2 C... That is the question now.
6 2 more quotes and this day is paid for...
7 2 wrongs dont make a right - but 3 lefts do!
8 2+2=5 for extremely large values of 2.
9 2+2=5... It HAS to, the computer says so.
10 400 MHz ain't fast enough!
11 24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case. Hmmmm.....
12 3 dreaded words: hard disk failure.
13 30 minutes of begging is not considered foreplay.
14 30 straight hours, What is that? A metric day?!
15 4 out of 5 modems prefer doing it at night.
16 42 Is The Answer To Life The Universe And Everything.
17 42? 7 and a half million years and all you can come up with is 42?!
18 43% of all statistics are worthless.
19 4am? Already? Oh no not again!!
20 50 states, and I had to pick this one...
21 640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates, 1981
22 7 cats is a purrfect number.
23 7 days without pizza makes one weak...
24 7 dead and they blame Marine training...
25 70% of accidents occur at home; the rest in voting booths.
26 73% of statistics are made up on the spot.
27 8 of 10 people suffer hemorrhoids. Two enjoy them.
28 82.6% of statistics are wrong...
29 9 out of 10 men who tried camels prefer women.
30 90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
31 A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed.
32 A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
33 A black hole is where God divided by zero...
34 A bore is a man who, when asked how he is, tells you.
35 A bug is a feature that didn't make it into the manual.
36 A bug is always wrong... when arguing with a chicken.
37 A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project will take only twice as long.
38 A clear conscience is usually result of bad memory.
39 A coin. Good. I will replicate one immediately. - Data
40 A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
41 A confident manner is important: Computers can sense this!
42 A cynic is only a frustrated optimist.
43 A cynic smells the flowers and looks for the basket.
44 A day without sunshine is like night.
45 A 'debugged' program that crashes will wipe out source files on storage devices when there is the least available backup.
46 A dirty book is seldom dusty.
47 A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
48 A drug is that substance which, when injected into a rat, will produce a scientific report.
49 A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
50 A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
51 A father is a banker provided by nature.
52 A fault recognized is half corrected.
53 A feature is a bug with seniority.
54 A flamethrower is more convincing than a good argument.
55 A Friend in Need is a pain in the neck.
56 A girl seldom falls in love with a man unless there is some reason why she shouldn't.
57 A girl's kisses are like pickles in a bottle - the first are hard to get, but the rest come easy.
58 A HARD DRIVE is from Cleveland to Chicago.
59 A hard drive is more satisfying than a soft floppy!
60 A hardware failure will cause system software to crash, and the customer engineer will blame the programmer.
61 A job would be nice but it could interfere with my life.
62 A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
63 A lie in time saves nine.
64 A little ignorance can go a long way in the direction of maximum harm.
65 A little revolution every now and then is good...
66 A long time ago in a galaxy far far away ...
67 A Macintosh a day keeps Apple Happy and Rich!
68 A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
69 A man has got to know his limitations.
70 A man who hesitates is lost. So is a woman who doesn't.
71 A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
72 A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.
73 A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
74 A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
75 A PC takes guesswork out of it. So does a bikini.
76 A popular fantasy is to suppose that flying machines could be used to drop dynamite on the enemy in time of war. - William Henry Pickering, 1908
77 A programmer's work is never done. <Sigh!>
78 A prune is a plum with experience.
79 A record of data is useful - it indicates that you in fact have been working.
80 A rose is not a rose when it's a brick.
81 A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
82 A seven day honeymoon makes one weak.
83 A Shade Below Neon: not too bright!
84 A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
85 A shroe! A shroe! My dingkom for a shroe!
86 A smoker is always attracted to the non-smoking section.
87 A sonic screwdriver is Vodka and orange juice going Mach 2.
88 A statesman is a dead polititian. We need more statesmen.
89 A system software crash will cause hardware to act strangely and the programmers will blame the customer engineer.
90 A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.
91 A truly wise person knows that he knows not.
92 A VAX is virtually a computer, but not quite.
93 A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
94 A VERY small joke, ensign... - Spock
95 A Virus?.. Never! Can't be! No way! Impossible!
96 A warm beer is better than no beer at all.
97 A welfare state is one that assumes responsibility for the health, happiness, and general well-being of all its citizens except the taxpayers.
98 A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
99 A Woman is a two edged sword... driven through your skull
100 Abandon all hope, ye who press 'Close'....
101 ACME Space and Explosives - We can put anything in orbit!!!
102 Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
103 Admit it - you expected to see a copyright notice here, didn't ya?
104 After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
105 After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been ommitted.
106 After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
107 After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
108 Age is a matter of the mind. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
109 Airbags won't help... when this machine crashes!
110 Aliens have invaded Earth! How else do you explain Windows?
111 Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
112 Alimony? ...sounds kinda like 'all yer money'
113 All bicycles weigh 50 pounds:30 pound bicycle needs a 20 pound lock.40 pound bicycle needs a 10 pound lock.50 pound bicycle doesn't need a lock.
114 All general statements are false (this one too).
115 All good things must come to an end.
116 All great discoveries are made by mistake.
117 All I want is a LITTLE more than I can spend!
118 All is true when said at the proper moment.
119 All people are cremated equal.
120 All progress is based on a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
121 All rules have exceptions-except the ones that don't.
122 All things are difficult before they are easy.
123 All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a thin person.
124 All this beer and only one mouth. Life sux!
125 All warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.
126 All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
127 Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
128 Ambivalent? Maybe I am and maybe I'm not ...
129 An 'acceptable level of unemployment' means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
130 An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his physician.
131 An empty bus travels fast.
132 An honest politician is one who STAYS bought!
133 An idea is a curious thing. It won't work unless you do.
134 An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
135 An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
136 An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
137 An upgrade, HAL. We're going to make you IBM compatible.
138 And I thought this was going to be simple....
139 And then God said: No, a BUD light!
140 And then the earth exploded....
141 And you thought you've seen it all? Well, you have...NOT!
142 Anderson is a common name but 'Chang' is much more common.
143 Animals are your friends. But they won't drive you home.
144 Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
145 Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
146 Any given program costs more and takes longer.
147 Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
148 Any given program, once working, is obsolete!
149 Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
150 Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion if it did occur, will occur.
151 Any inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or completely mysterious.
152 Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
153 Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
154 Any product cut to length will be too short.
155 Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
156 Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.
157 Any sufficiently advanced bug will become a feature.
158 Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
159 Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
160 Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
161 Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.
162 Anyone can hate. It costs to love.
163 Anyone who remembers the 60's... wasn't there.
164 Anyone who says he is not going to resign, four times, definitely will.
165 Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
166 Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
167 Anything goes (well, sorta).
168 Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
169 Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.
170 Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
171 Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
172 Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
173 Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.
174 Are beer commercials great or what?
175 Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
176 Are we having fun yet?
177 Ariel flight is one of that class of problems with which man will never be able to cope. - Simon Newcomb, 1903
178 As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing!
179 As far as sinking a ship with a bomb is concerned, you just can't do it. - Rear Admiral Clark Woodward, 1939
180 As I said before, I never repeat myself.
181 As King Arthur said: Some days it all seems so feudal.
182 As long as I'm in charge here, there will be no leaders.
183 As my grandfather had said in his last words, A TRUCK!
184 As regards computers, Murphy was an optimist.
185 As soon as the stewardess serves coffee, the aircraft encounters turbulence.
186 As soon as you mention something; if it is good, it goes away. if it is bad, it happens.
187 As soon as you realize that I'm God, we'll get along fine.
188 As your Doctor I advise you to drink heavily.
189 Assumption is the mother of all screwups.
190 Astrology is God's science.
191 At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
192 At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
193 AT&T Sub-space: The next best thing to beaming there.
194 Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
195 Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas. Taking the dog. Dorothy
196 Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.
197 Auuuuuugglgluggggl. There. I feel much better.
198 Avoid driving a motor vehicle or operating heavy machinery after use.
199 Awww, come on, just this one last little feature.
200 Axes, debuggers... - who cares, as long at they do the job!
201 BABY ON BOARD - just means five more points.
202 Back off man! I'm a programmer...
203 Back up my hard disk? I can't find the reverse switch!
204 Backing up does not cause severe tire damage...
205 Bad command. Bad, bad command. Sit! Staaay...
206 Badness comes in waves.
207 Bald men don't waste their hormones growing hair.
208 Basic programmers never die, they gosub and don't return.
209 Batteries not included.
210 Be alert. The world needs more lerts.
211 Be careful what you ask for - you just might get it!
212 Be excellent to each other and - Party On, Dudes.
213 Be kind to everyone you talk with. You never know who's going to be on the jury.
214 Be sure to obtain meteorological information before leaving on vacation.
215 Beat the 5 o'clock rush - Leave work at noon!
216 Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
217 Beauty is just a light switch away...'click!'
218 Beauty is only skin deep. Uglyness goes right to the bone.
219 Beauty times brains equals a constant.
220 Beauty without virtue is a flower without perfume.
221 Beer, Wine and Women - Isn't Life Great !!!
222 Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
223 Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.
224 Big Brother is watching you!
225 Big or small they tax us all.
226 Bigamy: Too many wives. Alimony: Same thing.
227 Bigamy: Too many wives. Monogamy: Same thing.
228 Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.
229 Bugs will appear in one part of a working program when another 'unrelated' part is modified.
230 Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
231 By 1960 work will be limited to three hours a day. - John Langdon-Davies, A Short History of the Future, 1936
232 Common sense is not that common.
233 Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.
234 Computers are female. Reason: Always turning simple statements into big productions.
235 Computers are female. Reason: Beauty is only shell deep.
236 Computers are female. Reason: Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
237 Computers are female. Reason: Miss a period and they go wild.
238 Computers are female. Reason: Picky, picky, picky.
239 Computers are female. Reason: Smalltalk is important.
240 Computers are female. Reason: They hear what you say but not what you mean.
241 Computers are female. Reason: They make you take the garbage out.
242 Computers are female. Reason: When you ask what's wrong they say 'nothing'.
243 Computers are female. Reason: You do the same thing for years and suddenly it's wrong.
244 Computers are male. Reason: A better model is always around the corner.
245 Computers are male. Reason: Big power surges knock them out for the night.
246 Computers are male. Reason: In order to get their attention you must turn them on.
247 Computers are male. Reason: It is always necessary to have a backup.
248 Computers are male. Reason: Size does matter.
249 Computers are male. Reason: They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
250 Computers are male. Reason: The lights are on but nobody's home.
251 Computers are male. Reason: They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
252 Computers are male. Reason: They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
253 Computers are male. Reason: The best part about having either one is the games you can play.
254 Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and give it back to them.
255 Corollary 1:sufficient condition for program triviality is that it have no bugs.2:least one bug will be observed after the author leaves the organization.
256 Critics are like eunuchs in a harem: they know how it is done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.
257 Definition: A working program is one that has only unobserved bugs.
258 Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.
259 Design flaws travel in groups.
260 Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
261 Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
262 Don't force it - get a bigger hammer.
263 Don't get any of that on you.
264 Don't get mad, get even.
265 'Easy' is easy to say.
266 Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
267 Enough research will tend to support your theory.
268 Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology.
269 Every man nourishes within himself a secret plan for getting rich that will not work.
270 Every solution breeds new problems.
271 Every time you come up with a terrific idea, you find that someone else thought of it first.
272 Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
273 Everything breaks down.
274 Everything costs more and takes longer.
275 Everything goes wrong all at once.
276 Everything takes longer than you think.
277 Everything that can be invented has been invented. - Charles H. Duell, U.S. Commissioner for Patents, 1899
278 Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
279 Experience varies directly with the equipment ruined.
280 Facts are stupid things - Ronald Reagan
281 Fixing a thing takes longer and costs more than you thought.
282 Flight by machines heavier than air is impractical and insignificant, if not utterly impossible. - Simon Newcomb, 1902
283 Food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.
284 Fooling around with alternating current is a waste of time. Nobody will use it, ever. - Thomas Edison
285 Fools rush in where fools have been before.
286 For every '10', there are ten '1's.
287 For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
288 For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong.
289 Friendly fire ain't.
290 Friends come and go but enemies accumulate. To make an enemy, do someone a favour.
291 Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
292 Give a kid a new toy -- Dad will play with the toy, the kid will play with the box it came in.
293 'God is dead' - Nietsche. 'Nietsche is dead' - God.
294 Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
295 Government intervention in the free market always leads to a lower national standard of living.
296 'Happiness is a warm puppy', said the anaconda.
297 He who has the gold, makes the rules.
298 He who hesitates is last.
299 Heavier than air flying machines are impossible. - Lord Kelvin, 1895
300 Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
301 Hey Joe, are you ABSOLUTELY SURE that this thing is plugged in?
302 Hmmm, I sense... nothing! Is that you operating the console, Data?
303 Hmmm, the Force is strong in this one...
304 Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.
305 I am a living example of Artificial Intelligence.
306 I believe in computer dating, but only if the computers are truly in love.
307 I could whip all the Indians on the Continent with the 7th Cavalry. - George Armstrong Custer, June 25, 1876
308 I do not believe in the commercial possibility of induced radioactivity. - J.B.S. Haldane
309 I do not think you will accept my help, as I'm waiting to kill you.
310 I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
311 I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
312 I must confess that my imagination, in spite even of spurring, refuses to see any sort of submarine doing anything but soffocating its crew and foundering at sea. - H.G. Wells, 1901
313 I say we nuke the site from Orbit, it's the only way to be sure, Sir.
314 If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
315 If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
316 If a project is not worth doing at all, it's not worth doing well.
317 If a severe problem manifests itself, no solution is acceptable unless it is involved, expensive, and time consuming.
318 If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems will malfunction.
319 If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
320 If any work has a suspense date on it, that work will be completed as close to the suspense date as possible regardless of how far in advance it was programmed.
321 If anything can go wrong, it will.
322 If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
323 If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.
324 If everyone dislikes it, it must be looked into. If everyone likes it, it must be looked into.
325 If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
326 If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
327 If God had really intended man to fly, he would have made it easier to get to the airports.
328 If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will break it.
329 If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
330 If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; if you can't pick it up, paint it.
331 If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
332 If it's good, they'll stop making it.
333 If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics. If it's incomprehensible, it's mathematics. If it doesn't make sense, it's either economics or psychology.
334 If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
335 If orders can be misunderstood, they have been.
336 If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone wrong, it would have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong.
337 If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
338 If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an ingenious idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it.
339 If the probability of success is not almost one, then it is damned near zero.
340 If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
341 If there is a 50/50 chance of something going wrong, nine times out of ten it will.
342 If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
343 If things were left to chance, they'd be better
344 If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation.
345 If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good. - B Gates
346 If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
347 If you have something to do, and put it off long enough, chances are that someone else will do it for you.
348 If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know. If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
349 If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.
350 If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
351 If you need X items of anything, you will have X - 1 in stock.
352 If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
353 If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
354 If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good, you should run for your life.
355 If you take your boots off, you'll never get them back on again.
356 If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
357 If you wait, it will go away. If it was bad, it will be back.
358 If you want your name spelled wrong, die.
359 If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
360 If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.
361 If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
362 If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
363 I'm Baud, James Baud. - famous British modem spy
364 Important things that are supposed to happen do not happen, especially when people are looking.
365 In America, it's not how much an item costs that matters, it's how much you save.
366 In any bureaucracy, stability is achieved when you spend all of your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.
367 In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake. No one whom you ask for help will see it. Everyone who stops by with unsought advice will see it immediately.
368 In any decisive situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.
369 In any household, junk accumulates to fill the space available for its storage.
370 In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.
371 In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
372 In matters of dispute, the bank's balance is always smaller than yours.
373 In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
374 In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus one obvious wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the wrong way, so as to expedite subsequent revision.
375 In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
376 In the first place God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards. - Mark Twain
377 In theory, the difference between theory and practice is small. In practice, the difference between theory and practice is huge.
378 Incoming fire has the right of way.
379 Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.
380 Information necessitiating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after - and only after - the plans are complete. (Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law)
381 Inside every large problem there is a small problem struggling to get out.
382 Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
383 Interchangeable parts won't.
384 Interchangeable tapes won't.
385 Inventions have long since reached their limit, and I see no hope for future improvements. - Julius Frontenus, 10 A..D.
386 It can be taken for granted that before 1980 ships, aircraft, locomotives and even automobiles will be atomically fueled. - David Sarnoff, 1955
387 It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.
388 It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.
389 It is bad luck to be superstitious.
390 It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
391 It is easy for a man to manage his wife. All he has to do is follow her instructions.
392 It is easy to tell when a politician is lying. Watch his lips. If they move, he's lying.
393 It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
394 It isn't necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure helps.
395 It will work in version v1.2 ... I promise!
396 It works better if you plug it in.
397 It's a good thing money can't buy happiness. We couldn't stand the commercials.
398 It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
399 It's always the partner's fault.
400 It's always the wrong time of the month.
401 It's awfully hard for a woman to pretend not to know the things she ought to know.
402 It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.
403 Job control cards that cannot be arranged in improper order will be.
404 Just when you get really good at something, you don't need to do it any more.
405 Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven.
406 Kickbacks must always exceed bribes.
407 Landing and moving about on the moon offers so many serious problems for human beings that it may take science another 200 years to lick them. - Science Digest, 1948
408 Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
409 Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
410 Life sucks - then you die.
411 Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
412 Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.
413 Make it possible to write programs in English and you will find that most programmers cannot write in English. <so true!>
414 Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
415 Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
416 Men and women will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
417 Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
418 Money is like manure. If you spread it around, it does a lot of good. If you pile it up in one place, it stinks.
419 Most jobs are marginally better than daytime TV.
420 Most people deserve each other.
421 Mother nature is a bitch.
422 Murphy was *REALLY* an optimist.
423 Murphy was an optimist.
424 Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
425 Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
427 Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
428 Never go to bed with anybody crazier than you are.
429 Never let hold of what you've got until you've got hold of something else.
430 Never program and drink beer at the same time.
431 Never replicate a successful experiment.
432 Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
433 Never test for an error you don't know how to handle.
434 Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
435 Nine tenths of a woman's intuition is suspicion.
436 No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
437 No books are lost by loaning except those you particularly wanted to keep.
438 No child throws up in the bathroom.
439 No experiment is reproducible.
440 No good deed goes unpunished.
441 No man knows what true happiness is until he gets married. By then, of course, its too late.
442 No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
443 No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
444 No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered, take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
445 No matter what happens, there is always someone who knew it would.
446 No matter what the experiment's result, there will always be someone eager to either misinterpret it or fake it or believe it supports his own pet theory.
447 No matter which direction you start, it's always against the wind coming back.
448 No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
449 No one ever raised a statue to a critic.
450 No one will ever be able to measure nerve impulse speed. - Johannes Muller, German Physiologist, 1846
451 No project was ever completed on time and within budget.
452 Nobody now fears that a Japanese fleet could deal an unexpected blow at our Pacific possessions. Radio makes surprise impossible. - Josephus Daniels, 1922
453 Nobody really cares or understands what anyone else is doing.
454 Not until a program has been in production for at least six months will the most harmful error then be discovered.
455 Nothing ever goes away.
456 Nothing is as easy as it looks.
457 Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
458 Nothing is ever done for the right reason.
459 Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do it himself.
460 Nothing is so good as it seems beforehand.
461 Nothing is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood.
462 Nothing motivates an employee more than to see the boss do an honest day's work.
463 Of course, America had been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up. - Oscar Wilde
464 Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.
465 Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.
466 Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse.
467 On a beautiful day like this it's hard to believe anyone can be unhappy - but we'll work on it.
468 On a clear disk, you can seek forever.
469 Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
470 Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.
471 Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
472 Only adults have difficulty with child proof bottles.
473 Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
474 Organizations are like wine; the bottleneck is always at the top.
475 Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them in relation to their environment and to their own physiology; when this occurs, they are an endangered species.
476 Our boys are not going to be sent into foreign wars. - Franklin D. Roosevelt, October 30, 1940
477 Paper is always strongest at the perforations.
478 Pascal programmers don't die, they perform a stack fault and get lost in there.
479 People are always available for work in the past tense.
480 People don't change; they only become more so.
481 People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.
482 People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
483 People will believe anything if you whisper it.
484 People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
485 Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes.
486 Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.
487 Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
488 Progress does not consist of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is right. It consists of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is more subtly wrong.
489 Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
490 Radio has no future. - Lord Kelvin
491 Rail travel at high speed is not possible because passengers, unable to breathe, would die of asphyxia. - Dr. Dionysus Lardner, 1793-1859
492 Reforms come from below. No man who has four aces ever calls for a new deal.
493 Science is to computer science as hydraulics is to plumbing.
494 Secret sources are more credible.
495 Seven-eighths of everything can't be seen.
496 Smile - tomorrow will be worse.
497 Soaking the brain in alcohol does not improve the mind.
498 Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.
499 Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
500 Space travel is utter bilge. - Richard Woolley, Astronomer Royal, 1956
501 Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds triple the desired restraining speed.
502 Speed limit: 14400 city / 28800 highway.
503 Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
504 Statistics are like bikinis: what they reveal is suggestive, what they conceal is vital.
505 Sufficient monies to do the job correctly the first time are not available, however, ample funds are much easier obtained for repeated revisions.
506 'Sun' radio: ...anyone not wearing 2,000,000 sunblock is gonna have a REAL BAD DAY...
507 Television won't matter in your lifetime or mine. - R.S. Lambert, (Canadian Broadcaster), 1936
508 That the automobile has reached the limit of its development is suggested by the fact that during the last year no improvements of a radical nature have been introduced. - Scientific American, 1909
509 The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumours to that effect. - Harper's Weekly, 1902
510 The aeroplane is the invention of the devil and will never play any part in such a serious business as the defence of a nation. - Sir Sam Hughes, (Canadian Minister of Defence), 1914
511 The Americans are good about making fancy cars and refrigerators, but that doesn't mean they are any good at making aircraft. They are bluffing. They are excellent at bluffing. - Hermann Goering, 1942
512 The amout of pleasure derived from a cigarette is directly proportional to the number of non-smokers in the vicinity.
513 The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
514 The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
515 The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
516 The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to ... proportional to ... to ... .
517 The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the value of the carpet.
518 The chief cause of problems is solutions.
519 The cigarette smoke always drifts in the direction of the non-smoker regardless of the direction of the breeze.
520 The conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious.
521 The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
522 The desire for modeling a prototype is inversely proportional to the decline of the prototype.
523 The difference between a politician and a snail is that a snail leaves its slime behind.
524 The difference between an amateur and a professional in the computer business is the number of backups they make.
525 The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly proportional to the importance of the consequences of failing to find it.
526 The director of Military Aeronautics of France has decided to discontinue the purchase of monoplanes, their place to be filled entirely with bi-planes. This decision practically sounds the death knell of the monoplane as a military instrunent. - Scientific American, 1915
527 The distance you have to park from your apartment increases in proportion to the weight of packages you are carrying.
528 The documented interfaces between standard software modules will have undocumented quirks.
529 The effort required to correct the error increases geometrically with time.
530 The energy produced by the breaking down of the atom is a very poor kind of thing. Anyone who expects a source of power from the transformations of these atoms is talking moonshine. - Ernest Rutherford, 1930
531 The farther away from the entrance that you have to park, the closer the space vacated by the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door.
532 The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time. The last 10% of the task takes the other 90%.
533 The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
534 The grass is brown on both sides of the fence.
535 The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
536 The important thing is never to stop questioning. - Albert Einstein
537 The information you have is not what you want. The information you want is not what you need. The information you need is not what you can obtain. The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.
538 The integral of the gravitational potential taken around any loop trail you chose to hike always comes out positive.
539 The larger the project or job, the less time there is to to it.
540 The leak in the roof is never in the same location as the drip.
541 The life of a cigarette is directly proportional to the intensity of the protests from the non-smokers.
542 The light at the end of the tunnel could turn out to be the headlight of an oncoming train.
543 The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible.
544 The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.
545 The local density of mosquitos is inversely proportional to your remaining repellent.
546 The longer ahead you plan a special event, and the more special it is, the more likely it is to go wrong.
547 The longer the title, the less important the job.
548 The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are in the wrong line.
549 The man who can smile when things go wrong...has thought of someone he can blame it on.
550 The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the further its influence will extend and the more plans will have to be redrawn.
551 The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success.
552 The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
553 The most delicate component will be dropped.
554 The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing.
555 The most undesirable things are the most certain (death and taxes).
556 The nail that sticks up gets hammered down.
557 The net weight of your boots is proportional to the cube of the number of hours you have been on the trail.
558 The new hardware will break down as soon as the old is disconnected and out.
559 The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the resulting dish.
560 The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
561 The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.
562 The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
563 The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
564 The ordinary 'horseless carriage' is at present a luxury for the wealthy; and although its price will probably fall in the future, it will never, of course, come into as common use as the bicycle. - Literary Digest, 1899
565 The other line moves faster. If you change lines, the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are now in.
566 The perceived usefulness of an article is inversely proportional to its actual usefulness once bought and paid for.
567 The probability of a hardware failure disappearing is inversely proportional to the distance between the computer and the customer engineer.
568 The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of a date, his wife or a better looking and richer male friend.
569 The probability of anything happening is inversely proportional to its desirability.
570 The probability of winning is inversely propertional to the amount of the wager.
571 The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
572 The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
573 The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is usually about 0.6.
574 The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as twilight approaches.
575 The resistance of air increases as the square of the speed and works as the cube [of speed].... It is clear that with our present devices there is no hope of aircraft competing for racing speed with either our locomotives or automobiles. - William Henry Pickering, 1910
576 The Seven Catastrophes of Computing: The user, the manufacturer, the model, the salesperson, the operating system, the language, and the application.
577 The size of each of the stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.
578 The solution to the problem changes the problem.
579 The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
580 The trouble with most jobs is the resemblance to being in a sled dog team: No one gets a change of scenery, except the lead dog.
581 The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way again.
582 The user does not know what he wants until he sees what he gets. - Ed Yourdon
583 The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
584 The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.
585 The way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes.
586 The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the amount of food you consume from it. If you run out of food, the pack weight goes on increasing anyway.
587 There are two classes of people: those who divide people into two classes, and those who don't.
588 There is no limit to how bad things can get.
589 There is no problem a good miracle can't solve.
590 There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home. - Ken Olson, President Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
591 There is not the slightest indication that nuclear energy will be obtainable. - Albert Einstein, 1932
592 There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
593 There's always one more bug.
594 Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
595 Things get worse under pressure.
596 Things will get worse before they will get better. Who said things would get better?
597 This is a day for firm decisions! Or is it?
598 Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, administrate.
599 Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
600 To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
601 Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty of assembly.
602 Toothache tends to start on Saturday night.
603 Tourist Season : When it's OK to shoot them.
604 Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job -- it is the start of a brand new series of three.
605 Two beer or not two beer. That is the question now.
606 Two most common elements in the universe: hydrogen and stupidity.
607 Two wrongs do not make a right; it usually takes three or four.
608 Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes! - Yoda
609 Under current practices, both expenditures and revenues rise to meet each other, no matter which one may be in excess.
610 Undetectable program errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
611 Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
612 Want 100% file compression? DEL *.*
613 WARNING: Do not open Windows - Air conditioned environment.
614 Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
615 What can be more palpably absurd than the prospect held out of locomotives travelling twice the speed of stagecoaches? - Quartely Review, 1825
616 What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts, not the facts themselves.
617 Whatever creates the greatest inconvenience for the largest number must happen.
618 Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
619 What's good politics is bad economics; what's bad politics is good economics; what's good economics is bad politics; what's bad economics is good politics.
620 When a man laughs at his misfortunes, he loses a great many friends. They never forgive the loss of their perogative.
621 When all else fails, read the instructions.
622 When all is said and done, more is said than done.
623 When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first place.
624 When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvenient time.
625 When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. When in charge, ponder.
626 When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.
627 When putting things back together again, there will always be at least one piece left over that will not fit anywhere.
628 When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.
629 When the government's remedies do not solve the problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
630 When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
631 When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain you're finished with, you will need it instantly.
632 When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
633 When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.
634 When you arrive at your chosen campsite, it is full.
635 When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
636 When you find out how far you can go, you've gone too far.
637 When you're up to your nose in it, keep your mouth shut.
638 When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
639 Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
640 Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find a need for them an hour later.
641 Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sure sign he expects to be paid for it.
642 Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
643 Where there's a will, there's a won't.
644 While theoretically and technically television may be feasible, commercially and financially I consider it an impossibility, a development of which we need waste little time dreaming. - Lee De Forest, 1926
645 Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
646 Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
647 Why does this thing never say: 'Excellent command or filename'?
648 Why is a politician different from an electrical engineer? The other one deals with current events.
649 X-rays will prove to be a hoax. - Lord Kelvin
650 Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again. - L. Long
651 You always find something the last place you look.
652 You can get ANYWHERE in ten minutes if you go fast enough.
653 You can lead a man to slaughter, but you can't make him think.
654 You can observe a lot just by watching.
655 You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
656 You can't fight the law of conservation of energy but you sure can bargain with it.
657 You can't have everything! Where would you put it?
658 You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step into it.
659 You can't win. You can't break even. You can't quit.
660 You get the most of what you need the least.
661 You just can't tell about women; and if you can, you shouldn't.
662 You never find a lost article until you replace it.
663 You'll never make it, four groups are out. - Anonymous record company executive to the Beatles, 1962
61440 Cannot assign a %s to a %s
61441 Cannot create file %s
61442 Cannot open file %s
61443 Stream read error
61444 Stream write error
61445 Out of memory while expanding memory stream
61446 Can't write to a read-only resource stream
61447 WriteObject called twice for the same instance
61448 Class %s not found
61449 Invalid stream format
61450 Resource %s not found
61451 Resource %s is of incorrect class
61452 List index out of bounds
61453 Operation not allowed on sorted string list
61454 String list does not allow duplicates
61455 Tab index out of bounds
61456 A component named %s already exists
61457 ''%s'' is not a valid component name
61458 A class named %s already exists
61459 ''%s'' is not a valid integer value
61460 Line too long
61461 Invalid property value
61462 Invalid property path
61463 Property does not exist
61464 Property is read-only
61465 Error reading %s.%s: %s
61466 Ancestor for '%s' not found
61467 Bitmap image is not valid
61468 Icon image is not valid
61469 Metafile is not valid
61470 Bitmap is empty
61471 Cannot change the size of an icon
61472 Unknown picture file extension (.%s)
61473 Unsupported clipboard format
61474 Out of system resources
61475 Canvas does not allow drawing
61476 Invalid image size
61477 Too many images
61478 Image dimensions do not match image list dimensions
61479 Invalid ImageList
61480 Unable to Replace Image
61481 Invalid ImageList Index
61482 Error creating window device context
61483 Client of TDrag not initialized
61484 Error creating window class
61485 Error creating window
61486 Cannot focus a disabled or invisible window
61487 Control '%s' has no parent window
61488 Cannot hide an MDI Child Form
61489 Cannot change Visible in OnShow or OnHide
61490 Cannot make a visible window modal
61491 Scrollbar property out of range
61492 %s property out of range
61493 Menu index out of range
61494 Menu inserted twice
61495 Sub-menu is not in menu
61496 Not enough timers available
61497 Printer is not currently printing
61498 Printing in progress
61499 Printer index out of range
61500 Printer selected is not valid
61501 %s on %s
61502 GroupIndex cannot be less than a previous menu item's GroupIndex
61503 Cannot have more than one MDI form per application
61504 Cannot create form. No MDI forms are currently active
61505 Invalid component registration
61506 Can only modify an image if it contains a bitmap
61507 A control cannot have itself as its parent
61508 OK
61509 Cancel
61510 &Yes
61511 &No
61512 &Help
61513 &Close
61514 &Ignore
61515 &Retry
61516 Abort
61517 &All
61518 Cannot drag a form
61519 PutObject to undefined item
61520 Could not load CARDS.DLL
61521 Duplicate CardId found
61522 An error returned from DDE ($0%x)
61523 DDE Error - conversation not established ($0%x)
61524 Error occurred when DDE ran out of memory ($0%x)
61525 Unable to connect DDE conversation
61526 FB
61527 FG
61528 BG
61529 Cannot load older version of TShape
61530 Metafiles
61531 Enhanced Metafiles
61532 Icons
61533 Bitmaps
61534 Grid too large for operation
61535 Too many rows or columns deleted
61536 Grid index out of range
61537 Fixed column count must be less than column count
61538 Fixed row count must be less than row count
61539 %s on line %d
61540 Identifier expected
61541 String expected
61542 Number expected
61543 ''%s'' expected
61544 %s expected
61545 Invalid numeric value
61546 Invalid string constant
61547 Invalid property value
61548 Invalid binary value
61549 Outline index not found
61550 Parent must be expanded
61551 Invalid value for current item
61552 Invalid input value
61553 Invalid input value. Use escape key to abandon changes
61554 Invalid outline index
61555 Incorrect level assignment
61556 Invalid selection
61557 File load error
61558 Line too long
61559 Maximum outline depth exceeded
61560 Warning
61561 Error
61562 Information
61563 Confirm
61564 &Yes
61565 &No
61566 OK
61567 Cancel
61568 &Help
61569 No help available
61570 Help
61571 &Abort
61572 &Retry
61573 &Ignore
61574 &All
61575 BkSp
61576 Tab
61577 Esc
61578 Enter
61579 Space
61580 PgUp
61581 PgDn
61582 End
61583 Home
61584 Left
61585 Up
61586 Right
61587 Down
61588 Ins
61589 Del
61590 Shift+
61591 Ctrl+
61592 Alt+
61593 (Unknown)
61594 (None)
61595 Value must be between %d and %d
61596 Cannot create a default method name for an unnamed component
61597 Invalid argument to date encode
61598 Invalid argument to time encode
61599 ''%s'' is not a valid date
61600 ''%s'' is not a valid time
61601 ''%s'' is not a valid date and time
61602 Invalid file name - %s
61603 All files (*.*)|*.*
61604 All
61605 : [ - no volume label - ]
61606 Unable to insert a line
61607 The specified directory does not exist. Create it?
61608 Select Directory
61609 Directory &Name:
61610 D&rives:
61611 &Directories:
61612 &Files: (*.*)
61613 Ne&twork...
61614 Color
61615 ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP
61616 Invalid clipboard format
61617 Clipboard does not support Icons
61618 Default
61619 Text exceeds memo capacity
61620 Custom Colors
61621 Operation not supported on selected printer
61622 There is no default printer currently selected
61623 Unable to write to %s
61624 Bits index out of range
61625 (Untitled)
61626 Invalid data type for '%s'
61627 Failed to create key %s
61628 Failed to set data for '%s'
61629 Failed to get data for '%s'
61630 Synchronize called when main VCL thread in a WaitFor call
