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Internet Message Format  |  1991-05-03  |  13.8 KB
  1. From: jac@yoko.rutgers.edu (Jonathan A. Chandross)
  2. Newsgroups: comp.sources.apple2
  3. Subject: v001SRC046:  now -- ad-lib Generator For Orca (GS)
  4. Message-ID: <May.2.17.11.22.1991.344@yoko.rutgers.edu>
  5. Date: 2 May 91 21:11:24 GMT
  6. Approved: jac@paul.rutgers.edu
  7.  
  8.  
  9. Submitted-by: Jawaid Bazyar (bazyar@cs.uiuc.edu)
  10. Posting-number: Volume 1, Source:46
  11. Archive-name: games/gs/shell/orca/now
  12. Architecture: ONLY_2gs
  13. Version-number: 1.2
  14.  
  15. Ad-lib generator.  Requires Orca shell.
  16.  
  17. Enjoy.
  18.  
  19.  
  20. ###################################
  21.  
  22. =now.doc
  23. -
  24. -===========
  25. -    NOW
  26. -===========
  27. -
  28. -Version 1.2
  29. -
  30. -There are no parameters for now.  Note that now's output might be 
  31. -considered offensive by some.  You've been warned.  People who don't
  32. -read doc files first (or look at movie ratings or read reviews etc...)
  33. -don't deserve to be protected from 'obscenity'.
  34. -
  35. -In any case, now uses VERY random numbers (the x and y positions of the 
  36. -electron gun in the monitor) to generate some (usually) funny statements.
  37. -Give it a try...
  38. -
  39. ------
  40. -
  41. -Jawaid Bazyar
  42. -Derek Taubert
  43. -
  44. -Copyright 1990 by Procyon Software
  45. -Freeware - distribute but don't sell!
  46. -
  47. -This utility is FreeWare.  Distribute them as much as you like, just
  48. -don't sell them or distribute modified versions.  Send me your comments -
  49. -I'm eager to hear from you for suggestions and improvements.
  50. -
  51. -Also, if you make any modifications to the code please do not redistribute
  52. -them. Instead, send me the changed source along with an explanation and
  53. -I will consider including your change in the next version.
  54. -
  55. -    Jawaid Bazyar
  56. -    1120 Maple Street
  57. -    Mt. Vernon, IL 62864
  58. -
  59. -    Internet/ARPAnet     bazyar@cs.uiuc.edu
  60. -    GEnie                J.BAZYAR
  61. -
  62. =now.c
  63. -#include <stdio.h>
  64. -#include <stdlib.h>
  65. -#include <time.h>
  66. -#include <ctype.h>
  67. -
  68. -static char     *faster[] = {
  69. -        "\"Let the games begin!\"",             "\"Sweet Jesus!\"",
  70. -        "\"Not that!\"",                        "\"At last!\"",
  71. -        "\"Land o' Goshen!\"",                  "\"Is that all?\"",
  72. -        "\"Cheese it, the cops!\"",             "\"I never dreamed it could be\"",
  73. -        "\"If I do, you won't respect me!\"",   "\"Now!\"",
  74. -        "\"Open sesame!\"",                     "\"EMR!\"",
  75. -        "\"Again!\"",                           "\"Faster!\"",
  76. -        "\"Harder!\"",                          "\"Help!\"",
  77. -        "\"Fuck me harder!\"",                  "\"Is it in yet?\"",
  78. -        "\"You aren't my father!\"",            "\"Doctor, that's not *my* shou\"",
  79. -        "\"No, no, do the goldfish!\"",         "\"Holy Batmobile, Batman!\"",
  80. -        "\"He's dead, he's dead!\"",            "\"Take me, Robert!\"",
  81. -        "\"I'm a Republican!\"",                "\"Put four fingers in!\"",
  82. -        "\"What a lover!\"",                    "\"Talk dirty, you pig!\"",
  83. -        "\"The ceiling needs painting,\"",      "\"Suck harder!\"",
  84. -        "\"The animals will hear!\"",           "\"Not in public!\"",
  85. -};
  86. -
  87. -static char     *said[] = {
  88. -        "bellowed",             "yelped",               "croaked",
  89. -        "growled",              "panted",               "moaned",
  90. -        "grunted",              "laughed",              "warbled",
  91. -        "sighed",               "ejaculated",           "choked",
  92. -        "stammered",            "wheezed",              "squealed",
  93. -        "whimpered",            "salivated",            "tongued",
  94. -        "cried",                "screamed",             "yelled",
  95. -        "said",
  96. -};
  97. -
  98. -static char     *the[] = {
  99. -        "the",
  100. -};
  101. -
  102. -static char     *fadj[] = {
  103. -        "saucy",                "wanton",               "unfortunate",
  104. -        "lust-crazed",          "nine-year-old",        "bull-dyke",
  105. -        "bisexual",             "gorgeous",             "sweet",
  106. -        "nymphomaniacal",       "large-hipped",         "freckled",
  107. -        "forty-five year old",  "white-haired",         "large-boned",
  108. -        "saintly",              "blind",                "bearded",
  109. -        "blue-eyed",            "large tongued",        "friendly",
  110. -        "piano playing",        "ear licking",          "doe eyed",
  111. -        "sock sniffing",        "lesbian",              "hairy",
  112. -};
  113. -
  114. -
  115. -static char     *female[] = {
  116. -        "baggage",              "hussy",                "woman",
  117. -        "Duchess",              "female impersonator",  "nymphomaniac",
  118. -        "virgin",               "leather freak",        "home-coming queen",
  119. -        "defrocked nun",        "bisexual budgie",      "cheerleader",
  120. -        "office secretary",     "sexual deviate",       "DARPA contract monitor",
  121. -        "little matchgirl",     "ceremonial penguin",   "femme fatale",
  122. -        "bosses' daughter",     "construction worker",  "sausage abuser",
  123. -        "secretary",            "Congressman's page",   "grandmother",
  124. -        "penguin",              "German shepherd",      "stewardess",
  125. -        "waitress",             "prostitute",           "computer science group",
  126. -        "housewife",
  127. -};
  128. -
  129. -static char     *asthe[] = {
  130. -        "as the",
  131. -};
  132. -
  133. -static char     *madjec[] = {
  134. -        "thrashing",            "slurping",             "insatiable",
  135. -        "rabid",                "satanic",              "corpulent",
  136. -        "nose-grooming",        "tripe-fondling",       "dribbling",
  137. -        "spread-eagled",        "orally fixated",       "vile",
  138. -        "awesomely endowed",    "handsome",             "mush-brained",
  139. -        "tremendously hung",    "three-legged",         "pile-driving",
  140. -        "cross-dressing",       "gerbil buggering",     "bung-hole stuffing",
  141. -        "sphincter licking",    "hair-pie chewing",     "muff-diving",
  142. -        "clam shucking",        "egg-sucking",          "bicycle seat sniffing",
  143. -};
  144. -
  145. -static char     *male[] = {
  146. -        "rakehell",             "hunchback",            "lecherous lickspittle",
  147. -        "archduke",             "midget",               "hired hand",
  148. -        "great Dane",           "stallion",             "donkey",
  149. -        "electric eel",         "paraplegic pothead",   "dirty old man",
  150. -        "faggot butler",        "friar",                "black-power advocate",
  151. -        "follicle fetishist",   "handsome priest",      "chicken flicker",
  152. -        "homosexual flamingo",  "ex-celibate",          "drug sucker",
  153. -        "ex-woman",             "construction worker",  "hair dresser",
  154. -        "dentist",              "judge",                "social worker",
  155. -};
  156. -
  157. -static char     *diddled[] = {
  158. -        "diddled",              "devoured",             "fondled",
  159. -        "mouthed",              "tongued",              "lashed",
  160. -        "tweaked",              "violated",             "defiled",
  161. -        "irrigated",            "penetrated",           "ravished",
  162. -        "hammered",             "bit",                  "tongue slashed",
  163. -        "sucked",               "fucked",               "rubbed",
  164. -        "grudge fucked",        "masturbated with",     "slurped",
  165. -};
  166. -
  167. -char *her[] = {
  168. -        "her",
  169. -};
  170. -
  171. -static char     *titadj[] = {
  172. -        "alabaster",            "pink-tipped",          "creamy",
  173. -        "rosebud",              "moist",                "throbbing",
  174. -        "juicy",                "heaving",              "straining",
  175. -        "mammoth",              "succulent",            "quivering",
  176. -        "rosey",                "globular",             "varicose",
  177. -        "jiggling",             "bloody",               "tilted",
  178. -        "dribbling",            "oozing",               "firm",
  179. -        "pendulous",            "muscular",             "bovine",
  180. -};
  181. -
  182. -static char     *knockers[] = {
  183. -        "globes",               "melons",               "mounds",
  184. -        "buds",                 "paps",                 "chubbies",
  185. -        "protuberances",        "treasures",            "buns",
  186. -        "bung",                 "vestibule",            "armpits",
  187. -        "tits",                 "knockers",             "elbows",
  188. -        "eyes",                 "hooters",              "jugs",
  189. -        "lungs",                "headlights",           "disk drives",
  190. -        "bumpers",              "knees",                "fried eggs",
  191. -        "buttocks",             "charlies",             "ear lobes",
  192. -        "bazooms",              "mammaries",
  193. -};
  194. -
  195. -char *and[] = {
  196. -        "and",
  197. -};
  198. -
  199. -static char     *thrust[] = {
  200. -        "plunged",              "thrust",               "squeezed",
  201. -        "pounded",              "drove",                "eased",
  202. -        "slid",                 "hammered",             "squished",
  203. -        "crammed",              "slammed",              "reamed",
  204. -        "rammed",               "dipped",               "inserted",
  205. -        "plugged",              "augured",              "pushed",
  206. -        "ripped",               "forced",               "wrenched",
  207. -};
  208. -
  209. -static char     *his[] = {
  210. -        "his",
  211. -};
  212. -
  213. -static char     *dongadj[] = {
  214. -        "bursting",             "jutting",              "glistening",
  215. -        "Brobdingnagian",       "prodigious",           "purple",
  216. -        "searing",              "swollen",              "rigid",
  217. -        "rampaging",            "warty",                "steaming",
  218. -        "gorged",               "trunklike",            "foaming",
  219. -        "spouting",             "swinish",              "prosthetic",
  220. -        "blue veined",          "engorged",             "horse like",
  221. -        "throbbing",            "humongous",            "hole splitting",
  222. -        "serpentine",           "curved",               "steel encased",
  223. -        "glass encrusted",      "knobby",               "surgically altered",
  224. -        "metal tipped",         "open sored",           "rapidly dwindling",
  225. -        "swelling",             "miniscule",            "boney",
  226. -};
  227. -
  228. -static char     *dong[] = {
  229. -        "intruder",             "prong",                "stump",
  230. -        "member",               "meat loaf",            "majesty",
  231. -        "bowsprit",             "earthmover",           "jackhammer",
  232. -        "ramrod",               "cod",                  "jabber",
  233. -        "gusher",               "poker",                "engine",
  234. -        "brownie",              "joy stick",            "plunger",
  235. -        "piston",               "tool",                 "manhood",
  236. -        "lollipop",             "kidney prodder",       "candlestick",
  237. -        "John Thomas",          "arm",                  "testicles",
  238. -        "balls",                "finger",               "foot",
  239. -        "tongue",               "dick",                 "one-eyed wonder worm",
  240. -        "canyon yodeler",       "middle leg",           "neck wrapper",
  241. -        "stick shift",          "dong",                 "Linda Lovelace choker",
  242. -};
  243. -
  244. -static char     *intoher[] = {
  245. -        "into her",
  246. -};
  247. -
  248. -static char     *twatadj[] = {
  249. -        "pulsing",              "hungry",               "hymeneal",
  250. -        "palpitating",          "gaping",               "slavering",
  251. -        "welcoming",            "glutted",              "gobbling",
  252. -        "cobwebby",             "ravenous",             "slurping",
  253. -        "glistening",           "dripping",             "scabiferous",
  254. -        "porous",               "soft-spoken",          "pink",
  255. -        "dusty",                "tight",                "odiferous",
  256. -        "moist",                "loose",                "scarred",
  257. -        "weapon-less",          "banana stuffed",       "tire tracked",
  258. -        "mouse nibbled",        "tightly tensed",       "oft traveled",
  259. -        "grateful",             "festering",
  260. -};
  261. -
  262. -static char     *twat[] = {
  263. -        "swamp.",               "honeypot.",            "jam jar.",
  264. -        "butterbox.",           "furburger.",           "cherry pie.",
  265. -        "cush.",                "slot.",                "slit.",
  266. -        "cockpit.",             "damp.",                "furrow.",
  267. -        "sanctum sanctorum.",   "bearded clam.",        "continental divide.",
  268. -        "paradise valley.",     "red river valley.",    "slot machine.",
  269. -        "quim.",                "palace.",              "ass.",
  270. -        "rose bud.",            "throat.",              "eye socket.",
  271. -        "tenderness.",          "inner ear.",           "orifice.",
  272. -        "appendix scar.",       "wound.",               "navel.",
  273. -        "mouth.",               "nose.",                "cunt.",
  274. -};
  275. -
  276. -struct table {
  277. -        char    **item;
  278. -        short   len;
  279. -};
  280. -
  281. -typedef struct table    TABLE;
  282. -#define SZ(a)           sizeof(a) / sizeof(char *)
  283. -
  284. -TABLE   list[] = {
  285. -        faster,         SZ(faster),     said,           SZ(said),
  286. -        the,            SZ(the),        fadj,           SZ(fadj),
  287. -        female,         SZ(female),     asthe,          SZ(asthe),
  288. -        madjec,         SZ(madjec),     male,           SZ(male),
  289. -        diddled,        SZ(diddled),    her,            SZ(her),
  290. -        titadj,         SZ(titadj),     knockers,       SZ(knockers),
  291. -        and,            SZ(and),        thrust,         SZ(thrust),
  292. -        his,            SZ(his),        dongadj,        SZ(dongadj),
  293. -        dong,           SZ(dong),       intoher,        SZ(intoher),
  294. -        twatadj,        SZ(twatadj),    twat,           SZ(twat),
  295. -        (char **)NULL,  (short)NULL,
  296. -};
  297. -
  298. -#define LLINE   50
  299. -static short    lwidth;
  300. -
  301. -main()
  302. -{
  303. -        register TABLE  *ttp;
  304. -        register char   *cp;
  305. -        int             getpid;
  306. -        time_t          now;
  307. -
  308. -        getpid = *((int *) 0xE0C02E); /* read the horz and vert scan locs */
  309. -        now = time(&now) / rand();
  310. -        srand(getpid + (int)((now >> 16) + now + time(&now)));
  311. -
  312. -        for (ttp = list;ttp->item;++ttp,++lwidth) {
  313. -                for (cp = ttp->len > 1 ? ttp->item[rand() % ttp->len] : *ttp->item;*cp;++cp,++lwidth)
  314. -                        if (isspace(*cp)) outsp();
  315. -                        else putchar(*cp);
  316. -                outsp();
  317. -        }
  318. -        if (lwidth) putchar('\n');
  319. -}
  320. -
  321. -static
  322. -outsp()
  323. -{
  324. -        if (lwidth > LLINE) {
  325. -                putchar('\n');
  326. -                lwidth = -1;
  327. -        }
  328. -        else putchar(' ');
  329. -}
  330. -
  331. -
  332. + END OF ARCHIVE
  333.