Source Code 1992 March/Source_Code_CD-ROM_Walnut_Creek_March_1992.iso/usenet/altsrcs/1/1961/cookies

Text File | 1990-12-28 | 8.4 KB | 234 lines

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The big difference between UNIX and VMS:
To do anything on UNIX, you need to know an obscure command.
To do anything on VMS, you need to know an obscure option to SET.
-- [e-mail]
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VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE'S ADVENTURES IN...
Hawaii, Sept. 1989:
  "Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific.  It is IN
   the Pacific.  It is a part of the United States that is an island that
   is right here."
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VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE'S ADVENTURES IN...
Prince William Sound, Alaska, May 1989
[Remarks to oil spill clean-up workers]:

  "It's a very valuable function and requirement that you're performing,
   so have a great day and keep a stiff upper lip."

  "The President is going to benefit from me reporting directly to him
   when I arrive."
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VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE'S ADVENTURES IN...
Pago Pago, April 1989:

  [Pronounced "Pango Pango" by the natives and "Pogo Pogo" by Mr. Quayle.]
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VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE'S ADVENTURES IN...
El Salvador, Feb. & June 1989:

  "We expect them [Salvadoran officials] to work toward the elimination
   of human rights."

  "El Salvador is a democracy so it's not surprising that there are many
   voices to be heard here.  Yet in my conversations with the Salvadorans...
   I have heard a single voice..."
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God is real unless declared integer.
- Allen W. Sherzer ([e-mail])
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what urge will save us now that sex won't
- Jenny Holzer, word artist
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File names are infinite in length where infinity is set to 255 characters.
- Peter Collinson, "The Unix File System"
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Matt Groening, creator of "The Simpsons",
speaking on fans of "The Simpsons":

"I have this comic strip called 'Life In Hell',
which runs in 200 newspapers, and I get alot of
fan mail from generally articulate, literate people.
And now I walk down the street and I see people
wearing Simpsons T shirts who I'm afraid might
beat me up, so the quality of fans has broadened.
The people who are my fans now frighten me."

     - from "Newsweek" magazine, June 18, 1990, page 13
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"This is a one line proof...if we start sufficiently far to the left."
- [e-mail]
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"I don't practice what I preach, because I'm not the kind of person
I'm preaching to."
- Bob Dobbs.
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"The documentation for this program is obvious, therefore it is left as an
exercise for the grader."
- [e-mail]
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"COBOL is not dead, it just smells that way."
- [e-mail]
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"Hmmm...  Equality is bad for the country?  Well, at least we know where
you stand now.  I also remember a lot of your ilk saying things about how
the ERA was going to require unisex bathrooms.  Equality is not the same
as identical.  If you can't get that straight, you're going to have a lot of
trouble programming in C."
- [e-mail]
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In Communism's central planning, citizens are told "you will make widgets".
In Capitalism's advertising, citizens are told "you will buy widgets".
- [e-mail]
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Unix: it's a nice place to live, but you wouldn't want to visit there.
-someone on usenet.
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A project can not be considered complete until the total height of the
viewgraphs produced exceeds the height of the shortest PI.
- Robert Metzger, scientist and author.
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It's not that simple, no matter how you wish it so.  You made public
statements from a position of false authority; now you're having them shoved
down your throat.  Welcome to netnews.
- Thomas Maddox
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It is unworthy of great men to lose hours [e-mail]
like slaves in the labor of calculation.
- Pascal
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Invalid null command.
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Calm down.  It's just ones and zeros.
- cbmvax!carolyn
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"Here's on for you. What's an 8 letter word for 'Love?'"

"Moisture"
- From the ABC series "Doctor Doctor"
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"Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run away.  Death really
 hates that."
- From the ABC series "Doctor Doctor"
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Courage is the willingness of a person to stand up for his beliefs in the face
of great odds. Chutzpah is doing the same thing wearing a Mickey Mouse hat.
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A comment from the Space Shuttle (!) computer IPL code, power
failure handling:

     "OK!  LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT.  I'M IN CHARGE OF THE CPU FOR THE
      NEXT 40 MILLISECONDS!"
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- Real programmers are a figment of the imagination.
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- Real programmers detest candy-ass architects.  Candy-ass architects won't
  allow Execute instructions to address another Execute.  Real programmers
  despise petty restrictions.
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- Real programmers disdain structured programming.  Structured programming
  is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet trained.  They
  wear neckties and carefully line up sharp pencils on an otherwise clean desk.
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- Real programmers don't believe in schedules.  Planners make up schedules.
  Managers firm up schedules.  Frightened coders strive to meet schedules.
  Real programmers ignore schedules.
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- Real programmers don't bring paper bag lunches.  If the vending machine
  sells it, they eat it.  If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't
  eat it.  Vending machines don't sell quiche.
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- Real programmers don't comment their code.  If it was hard to write, it
  should be hard to understand.
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- Real programmers don't document.  Documentation is for simps who can't read
  the listings of the object deck.
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- Real programmers don't draw flowcharts.  Cavemen drew flowcharts, and look
  how much good it did them.
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- Real programmers don't drive cars, or any other complicated mechanical
  contrivance.  Walking or bicycling are okay.  If a real programmer's bicycle
  breaks down he has a technician fix it.
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- Real programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport which requires you
  to change clothes.  Mountain climbing is okay, and real programmers wear
  their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in
  the middle of the machine room.
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- Real programmers don't write applications programs, they program right down
  to the BARE METAL.  Applications programming is for feebs who can't do
  systems programming.
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- Real programmers don't write in APL, unless the whole program can be written
  in one line.
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- Real programmers don't write in BASIC.  Actually no programmers write in
  BASIC after the age of twelve.
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- Real programmers don't write in COBOL.  COBOL is for wimpy applications
  programmers.
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- Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN.  FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks
  and crystallography weenies.
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- Real programmers don't write in LISP.  Only dweeb programs contain more
  parentheses than actual code.
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- Real programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA, or any of those
  pinky computer science languages.  Strong typing is for people with weak
  memories.
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- Real programmers don't write in PL/I.  PL/I is for gutless people who can't
  decide whether they want COBOL or FORTRAN.
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- Real programmers don't write specs - users should consider themselves lucky
  to get any programs at all, and take what they get.
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- Real programmers have no use for managers.  Managers are a necessary evil.
  They exist only to deal with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior
  planners, and other mental defectives.
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- Real programmers like vending machine popcorn.  Coders pop it in the
  microwave oven.  Real programmers use the heat from the CPU.  They can tell
  which jobs are running from the rate of popping.
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- Real programmers never grow old.  They suffer from burnouts, monumental
  crashes, or bugs in their DNA.
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- Real programmers never work 9 to 5.  If any real programmers are around at
  9 am, it's because they were up all night.
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- Real programmers scorn floating point arithmetic.  The decimal point was
  invented for pansy bed-wetters who are unable to think big.
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 The Algol compiler used at Case Institute of Technology, after finding
 25 errors in the source (e.g., like you spelled BEGIN as BEGNI), would
 print
     "At this point, we suggest you try re-reading the manual."
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 Programming by Monte Carlo methods is frowned upon.
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Installing unix fixes the [VMS] bug.
- Barry Shein
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vmunix: kbd: Too many keys down!
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"Code so clean...you can eat off it."
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"If we can't fix it, it isn't broken."
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"Never test for a bug you don't know how to fix."
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"Don't break it if you can't fix it."
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"There are two ways to write bug-free code; only the third way works."
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Final message received from the Titanic: "Fatal crash due to icebug."
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"Bugs bugs everywhere, and not a fix in sight."
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"A feature is a bug with seniority."
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