Software Du Jour/SoftwareDuJour.iso/BUSINESS/DBASE/DB3JOKE.ARC/CASTLE.PRG

Text File | 1985-11-19 | 3.5 KB | 134 lines

********************(CASTLE.PRG)
CLEA
SET FUNCT 9 TO 'DO CASTLE;'
SET FUNCT 10 TO 'MODI COMM CASTLE;'
SET TALK OFF
STORE ' ' TO OPTION
DO WHILE VAL(OPTION)<7
CLEA
TYPE CASTLE.TXT
@ 20,25 SAY ' X to exit '
?
?
WAIT '                         Select option ' TO OPTION
IF OPTION='X'
CLEA
RETURN
ENDIF
IF OPTION='1'
clea
@ 1,1 SAY 'John Cammeron Swazie presents the torture test of the ì
Texas Instruments 99A'
@ 2,1 say 'wristwatch/computer-calculator.'
@ 4,1 say [Tell us John....how are we going to put the new TI ì
through it's paces today?]
@ 6,1 say [Well Bob,today we have a test that shows how YOUR ì
wristwatch]
@ 7,1 say [can survive a nuclear holocaust and still keep ì
ticking!]
@ 9,1 say [Gee Bob....I've got to get going you know I think I ì
left the water]
@ 10,1 say [running in my apartment. I'll have to catch you ì
later.]
@ 12,1 say [Oh shucks Bob,we've got everything under control ì
here,now watch what]
@ 13,1 say [happens when I push this big red button.....]
@ 14,1 say [You see what I have just done is started a ì
non-reversable chain reaction]
@ 15,1 say [that will detonate the device we have over there by ì
the gasoline tanks.]
@ 16,1 say [We figure it will take about 30 seconds to go off.]
@ 18,1 say [Golly,this is going to put a damper on my weekend ì
plans with Judy & the kids.]
?
WAIT ' Cautiously press any key to continue....'
CLEA
TYPE BOOM.TXT
WAIT ì
'Tick-glow,tick-glow,tick-glow,tick-glow,tick-glow,tick-glow,tick-ì
glow,tick-glow'
endif
IF OPTION='2'
CLEA
STORE '          ' TO MNAME
STORE ' ' TO FNAME
STORE ' ' TO FNAME2
@ 3,1 SAY [*^(&^*$^@^$@#_(*)_)(*%*^$^)*&(^$%*&(&^^&%&(^*)(^(&&]
?
wait [*(%$#@(*&&*(%^%#$#@!@^&($%*^_()&(%#&%&^*&%&*%^*%&^%&(^(^]
clea
@ 3,1 SAY [Don't forget the important notes you just read...,now what is ì
your name ?]
@ 5,30 GET MNAME
READ
STORE SUBSTR(MNAME,3,1) TO FNAME2
STORE SUBSTR(MNAME,2,1) TO FNAME
STORE TRIM(MNAME) TO MNAME
STORE FNAME+MNAME+FNAME2 TO MNAME
@ 9,1 SAY [Thanks,]
@ 9,8 SAY MNAME
@ 10,1 SAY [Now be prepared to see some real slick business ì
software from]
@ 11,1 say [the business professionals of Taiwan.-Where the ì
REALLY good programs come from.]
?
WAIT 'Press joystick FIRE button to see loan amortization demo...'
CLEA
TYPE AMORT.TXT
@ 21,60 SAY [%5.94]
@ 6,1 SAY [98784.8375983]
@ 13,1 SAY [$3.29/lb(in season)]
@ 6,70 SAY [umm...]
@ 4,79 SAY [2]
@ 1,34 SAY [Insert 25]+CHR(155)
@ 8,23 SAY [2+2=1784875.854]
@ 18,70 say [what?]
@ 9,59 SAY [but then it could be]
@ 7,5 SAY [LOAN APPLICATION DENIED]
@ 2,14 say [8457.3476*]
@ 10,30 say [(*&^&*%77777]
@ 3,67 SAY [********.**]
STORE CHR(146) TO Z
@ 3,55 SAY Z+Z+Z+Z+Z+Z+Z+Z+Z+Z
@ 5,40 say [$25 per lid]
@ 16,57 say [Bank of despair]
@ 21,40 SAY [???]
WAIT  'pretty impressive huh?'
ENDIF
IF OPTION='3'
CLEA
TYPE DOG.TXT
@ 12,29 SAY 'I AM AN AM/FM RADIO'
@ 13,29 SAY 'WITH A 4K COMPUTER'
@ 14,29 SAY 'INSTALLED BEHIND MY TAIL'
@ 15,29 SAY '6 C BATTERIES NOT INCL.'
@ 21,1 SAY ' '
WAIT '                                       WOOF!'
ENDIF
IF OPTION='4'
CLEA
TYPE GRAVE.TXT
WAIT [And now here's a blast from the past to all our dealers who ì
got burned.         Not to mention our vendors.....]
ENDIF
IF OPTION='5'
CLEA
STORE 1 TO OK
DO WHILE OK<5
TYPE WHBOX.TXT
STORE 1+OK TO OK
ENDDO
ENDIF
IF OPTION='6'
CLEA
TYPE APPLE.TXT
@ 8,27 SAY [ Dear Steve, ]
@ 9,27 SAY [ Wishing you best luck ]
@ 10,27 SAY [ in your new venture. ]
@ 12,27 SAY [ Got any openings? ]
@ 20,1 SAY ' '
WAIT '                                Appledos'
ENDIF
ENDDO
RETURN