Oakland CPM Archive/oakcpm.iso/cpmug/cpmug026.ark/ZOSO26.DOC

Text File | 1984-04-29 | 31.2 KB | 569 lines

            ** DEPARTMENT STORE ISSUE **



ZOSO'S VERY OWN DESK
8080 NAKED CITY AVE.
NEW YORK CITY, 100??


HELLO KIDDIES,

I SEE THAT SOME OF YOU HAVE RUN OUT OF IDEAS, AND MOST SADLY YOU WILL COME TO
REALIZE THAT A COMPUTER IN THE HANDS OF THE 'SLOW' IS NOT MUCH DIFFERENT THAN
A 'LEICA' IN THE CAMERA BAG OF THE UNTALENTED.

            ** RIP-OFF DEPARTMENT **

THIS 'COLUMN' WAS AUTHORED AT A TIME OF GREAT PERSONAL STRESS... USUALLY IF
THE STUFF I RECEIVE FILLS MORE THAN A SINGLE DISK, I WRITE AS MANY REVIEWS AS
NECESSARY... THIS TIME, YOU'VE ALL BEEN HAD! I'M JUST WRITING ONE LONG COLUMN,
AND BARRING THE UNFORSEEN, IT WILL APPEAR, AS IS, IN BOTH VOLUME 26 AND VOLUME
27. NO MATTER WHICH OF THESE TWO VOLUMES YOU ARE RUNNING, YOU WILL NOTICE MORE
COMMENTARIES THAN ACTUAL PROGRAMS. I DON'T WANT TO GIVE AWAY ALL MY SECRETS,
BUT I'LL TRUST YOU WITH THIS ONE... IF YOU ARE READING THIS ON ONE OF THE TWO
VOLUMES (26 OR 27) AND YOU READ A REVIEW OF A PROGRAM, MISSING FROM THE DISK
IN QUESTION, TRY LOOKING FOR IT ON THE OTHER ONE. I HOPE THIS ADDED MORSEL OF
DOCUMENTATION WILL HELP YOU ADJUST TO MY LAZINESS WITH MINIMAL TRAUMA.

            ** CENSORSHIP DEPARTMENT **

THERE ARE A NUMBER OF COUNTRIES (INDIA, UNDER INDIRA GHANDI'S LEADERSHIP WAS
A GOOD EXAMPLE) WHOSE RECENT HISTORY INCLUDES SOMETHING WE DON'T SEE HERE.
I REFER TO DAILY NEWSPAPERS THAT HAVE LOTS OF BLANK SPACE WHERE ENTIRE COLUMNS
HAVE BEEN YANKED RIGHT BEFORE PRESS-TIME BY THE GOVERNMENT CENSORS. COULDN'T
HAPPEN HERE...? DON'T BET ON IT !!! ALTHOUGH THIS SEGMENT OF MY COLUMN APPEARS
NEAR THE BEGINNING, IT IS THE VERY LAST THING I WROTE. ORDERS HAVE REACHED ME
FROM HIGH PLACES TO EITHER DILUTE SOME OF MY PERSONALLY MOTIVATED HARANGUES,
OR TO COMPLETELY ELIMINATE THEM. I HAVE DECIDED ON A COMPROMISE WHICH REPRE-
SENTS THE ONLY HOPE FOR MY CONTINUING AT THIS THANKLESS JOB. SAID COMPROMISE
WILL RESULT IN CERTAIN NAMES AND DESCRIPTIVE TERMINOLOGY BEING REPLACED BY AS-
TERISKS (ASTERISK FILL?). SINCE THIS WAS TRULY AN ELEVENTH HOUR MANDATE FROM
THE HIGHER-UPS, THE ASTERISK STRINGS WILL BE OF THE SAME EXACT LENGTH AS THE
ALPHABETICS WHICH THEY REPLACE. CHRONIC PUZZLE SOLVERS AND INTUITIVE GENIUSES
SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT ANYWAY.

P.S. ****, IF YOU PERFORM FURTHER SURGERY ON THIS COLUMN BEFORE ITS RELEASE,
PLEASE APPEND A FOOTNOTE IN YOUR OWN INOFFENSIVE WORDS, ANNOUNCING MY RESIG-
NATION.

            ** UNDERSTUDY DEPARTMENT **

IT IS WITH THE GREATEST OF PRIDE THAT I INTRODUCE YOU TO 'ZOSETTE'. THIS NEAR
PERFECT CREATURE IS BEING 'GROOMED' (ISN'T THAT A CATCHY EUPHEMISM FOR WHAT
SOME CALL 'STATUTORY MASSAGE') TO TAKE OVER MY DUTIES SHOULD EITHER THE POLICE
OR THE HOSPITAL ATTENDANTS DECODE MY 'RETURN ADDRESS' ABOVE. THIS RAVISHING
LADY IS NEW AT THE GAME, BUT HER HEART BEATS IN THE RIGHT PLACES, SO I BEG YOU
TO OFFER HER A FAIR CHANCE. SHE IMPLORED ME TO WITHOLD WHAT I AM ABOUT TO TELL,
SO SHE COULD BEST GAUGE HER TALENT, BUT I KNOW SHE'S GOT ALL THE TALENT SHE'LL
EVER NEED, AND THEREFORE I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU. AS YOU READ ON, YOU WILL NO
DOUBT NOTICE FOUR 'REVIEWS' (SEVEN PROGRAMS), WRITTEN IN A STYLE WHICH I HAVE
NEVER TRIED. - HINT: THE ONES THAT BEGIN WITH THE 'GONG' SOUND EFFECT WERE
WRITTEN BY ZOSETTE... I DON'T KNOW HOW MY ONCE LOYAL FOLLOWING WILL REACT IF
SHE MUST SUDDENLY TAKE OVER. BUT I GUARANTEE THAT IF YOU [GUYS] ARE EVER FOR-
TUNATE ENOUGH TO MEET HER, YOU WOULDN'T CARE AT ALL.

            ** GOOD & BAD GUY DEPARTMENT **

WINNERS:
=======> TDL (I MEAN XITAN) DISK BASIC VERSIONS 1.06 OR LATER, 'DEBUG' FROM
THE SAME PLACE, 'SMAL-80' (FROM CHROMOD ASSOCIATES) AND ABOVE ALL THE SUPERB
'SUPER-DEC' BOARD FROM INTERTEC. IT WILL BE A WHILE BEFORE THIS LAST ITEM IS
WIDELY AVAILABLE (BUT IF I DIDN'T GET PROTOTYPES, WOULD MY WORD BE 24 CARAT?)
MAKE NO MISTAKE, THIS IS THE BEST $395.00 I HAVE EVER SPENT FOR ANYTHING AT
ALL (WELL LET'S SAY THE $500.00 I SPENT ON ZOSETTE'S FAKE PASSPORT - THE ONE
THAT PROVES THAT SHE'S AT LEAST SIXTEEN - DOESN'T COUNT). THE 'SUPER-DEC' IS
ALL THAT INTERTEC CLAIMS !!! SADLY, THEIR DELIVERY POLICIES S--K, AND ONE
COULD EASILY GO BANKRUPT PHONING THEM TO TRACE A PREPAID ORDER, BUT AS I
SAID... A SUPER PRODUCT !!! VECTOR GRAPHICS (JUST ON GENERAL PRINCIPLE). I'D
LIKE TO ADD ANOTHER PLUG FOR XITAN'S 'DEBUG'. IT IS NOT UNLIKE AN ENLARGEMENT
OF DIGITAL RESEARCH'S 'SID', AND IT HAS THE NEATEST EMBEDDED Z-80 DISASSEMBLER
THAT I'VE SEEN TO DATE.


LOSERS:
======> THE **** FOR THE S-100, XITAN (SSS) FORTRAN, C/BASIC (I EXPLAINED THIS
BEFORE), PROCESSOR TECH, '**** *** ************' (AND THE SELF-CORONATED, ****
********** WHO ****** IT), ANYONE SELLING */***** COMPATIBLE THINGIES (I DON'T
CARE HOW MUCH YOU GUYS SPEND TO POLISH YOUR IMAGE, STUFF THAT RIVALS WHAT YOU
DO HAS BEEN OFFERED AS SOURCE CODE IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN TO THE CP/M USERS'
GROUP FOR $8.00 PER DISK) - AND IN CASE I DIDN'T LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG,
THE ARCHVILLAINS TO WHOM I REFER HAVE AN ******* (CA.) ******* *******. SO
TAKE THAT "ATTRACTIVELY PACKAGED, OFF-THE-SHELF" COLLECTION OF BINARY 'BIT-
STREAMS' YOU SELL, AND HIDE IT ALL WHERE THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE!!! PERSONALLY
I'M GETTING SICK OF 'FLOPPY-ROMS' AND THE 'IAPSIS' NONSENSE TOO. I GUESS THAT
THE TIME IS RIGHT TO LAMENT THE SORRY STATE OF SOME OF THE DOCUMENTATION WHICH
ACCOMPANIES SOME OTHERWISE EXCELLENT SOFTWARE. I HAVE PREPARED A LIST OF THE
EGREGIOUS OFFENDERS WHICH FOLLOWS.

        1) THE CP/M MANUALS (FAR AND AWAY THE WORST) - TO WIT, THE
           'INTERFACE GUIDE' (HOW MANY OF US HAVE PL/M COMPILERS ?),
                   THE 'ED' SECTION WHICH DOES NOT ATTEMPT TO DOCUMENT THE
                   N, P AND Z COMMANDS, AND OF COURSE THAT 'GETSYS' AND
            'PUTSYS' BUSINESS.
        2) THE PART OF THE MICROSOFT FORTRAN WHICH DOESN'T QUITE
                EXPLAIN WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO AT YOUR KEYBOARD.
        3) 'SID' FROM DIGITAL RESEARCH.
        4) XITAN'S 'Z-TEL', 'DEBUG' AND 'LINKER'.
        5) ANYTHING FROM IMSAI OR WHATEVER MITS IS NOW CALLED.

FOOTNOTES: YOU ARE ALL URGED TO PURCHASE THE 'SMAL-80' MANUAL (IT WOULDN'T
HURT TO GET 'SMAL-80' AS WELL). THEN YOU WILL GET A TASTE OF JUST WHAT A
GOOD MANUAL REALLY LOOKS LIKE. THE 'MAC' MANUAL FROM DIGITAL RESEARCH IS
PRETTY GOOD ALSO. THE XITAN (SSS) FORTRAN MADE MY 'EXCRETA LIST' THIS TIME
BECAUSE THEY STILL HAVE NOT ISSUED THE 'INLINE-CODE-GENERATOR' MODULE WITH-
OUT WHICH THIS RUNS 5-10 TIMES SLOWER THAN ITS BETTER KNOWN RIVAL. IF AND
WHEN THEY DO ISSUE THE 'ICG' MODULE, WE'LL HAVE A REAL CHOICE TO MAKE...
TDL (XITAN) HAS ALWAYS ISSUED SUPER!! SOFTWARE, BUT THEY HAVE ALWAYS COME
THROUGH WITH IT AFTER HAVING HAD A YEAR OR SO TO IMPROVE ON WHAT OTHERS HAVE
GIVEN US THAT WHOLE YEAR EARLIER.

            ** BACKLASH DEPARTMENT **

NEW, DE-FACTO RULES ARE EMERGING, AND WE OWE A GREAT MEASURE OF THANKS TO THE
'***-*******' WHOM I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO UNMASK, AND TO THEIR NUMBER ONE
APOLOGIST IN WHOSE HONOR THE 'BLASPHEMY DEPARTMENT' WAS WRITTEN, A VERITABLE
'BAY-AREA MAFIA' IF YOU WILL. ANYWAY, THERE IS ONE ITEM THIS TIME THAT IS FAR
AND AWAY THE BEST PROGRAM OF THIS COLLECTION, AND ALL WE'RE GETTING IS AN
'INT' FILE PLUS THE RUN PACKAGE WITH WHICH IT WORKS. THE GAME IN QUESTION IS
CALLED 'BLUFF' (I WILL REVIEW IT LATER). THE AUTHOR OF THIS DELIGHTFUL DI-
VERSION (WHOM I SHALL REFER TO AS MR. X) HAD DEBATED GIVING US THE SOURCE OF
THIS UNIQUE TREASURE (FLATTERY CAN'T HURT), BUT HE DECIDED TO JOIN THE MOUNT-
ING PROTEST AGAINST OBJECT FILES, BY GIVING US ONE. I HAVE SEEN THE SOURCE OF
'BLUFF' ON PAPER, AND THIS I CAN TELL YOU... MUCHO EFFORT WENT INTO THIS THREE
CARD POKER GAME, THE LOGIC WITH WHICH THE COMPUTER PLAYS IS THE RESULT OF HUN-
DREDS OF REFINEMENTS, THERE ARE ENOUGH WELL CHOSEN REMARKS SO THAT EVEN A CHIM-
PANZEE COULD UNDERSTAND HOW EVERYTHING WAS DONE, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, THIS
PROGRAM DOES NOT CHEAT. WHEN */***** APPLICATIONS *** ******** IN SOURCE FOR-
MAT, AND WHEN THE ****** ** THOSE PONDEROUS ****-COVERED ***** REVERSES ***-
**** ON THE SUBJECT OF ******** **********, A FILE 'BLUFF.BAS' WILL BE FORTH-
COMING (AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT MR. X TOLD ME).

            ** BLASPHEMY DEPARTMENT **

AN **** ****** TO **** *******: ***, I HAVE JUST **** **** CONTRIBUTIONS TO
THE ***. '78 ********* ***, AND IT SEEMS YOU ARE UP TO YOUR OLD TRICKS AGAIN.
YOUR REPLY TO **** ********' ****** INDEED HAS ME WONDERING WHOSE SIDE YOU
ARE REALLY ON. *.*. HAD THE SPINE ** ******* YOUR JUDGMENT (AND TO BE OBJEC-
TIVE, THE ****** ** * *** YOU HAPPEN TO LIKE IS NO EXCUSE), THUSLY, YOU LET
*** (*.*.) ****** ANOTHER CASUALTY OF THAT '**** ****' YOU ALWAYS MANAGE TO
GET IN. IT'S RATHER EASY HAVING THE LAST WORD ** ***** (AND I KNOW THIS AS
WELL AS YOU). THE BEKNIGHTED INDIFFERENCE YOU SHOW ** ***** *** ******* INPUT
TO YOUR PURPORTED ******** ***** HAS BECOME AN INTOLERABLE MATTER. YOU AND I
**** ***** TO GRATIFY OUR EGOS. I'M NOT CONCERNED EXCEPT *** ***** WHO BELIEVE
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS "***** **". IN SHORT, TRY TO BE FLEXIBLE *** ****** ENOUGH
TO ADMIT DOUBT. I REMAIN SKEPTICAL... BARRING A SWIFT AND DRAMATIC COMEUPPANCE,
THINGS WILL REMAIN UNCHANGED, AND THAT MEANS, "IF A CONCRETE PYLON CAN BE BENT,
********* **** ******* CAN ADMIT TO BEING WRONG ON OCCASION.

            ** POTPOURRI DEPARTMENT **

THE AUG-78 INTERFACE AGE HAS A TEMPTING ARTICLE ON SOME SUPER LANGUAGE CALLED
'TEX'... IT IS NOT THE ONE AVAILABLE FROM DIGITAL RESEARCH. THEIR (DR'S) 'TEX'
IS JUST A TEXT PROCESSOR... AS REGARDS THOSE, THERE IS A SPECIAL TREAT IN STORE
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO OWN THE XITAN TEXT-PROCESSOR (TOP.COM)... LET'S PRETEND
WE HAVE A FILE WITH EMBEDDED 'TOP' COMMANDS CALLED, 'GROUPIE.TOP' (THIS IS A
LONG REPORT DETAILING WHY THE PRETTY YOUNG 'COMELIES' DON'T LINE UP FOR TENDER
AND PRIVATE MOMENTS WITH THE MODEST '************' ******), RATHER THAN INVOK-
ING IT AS FOLLOWS: 'TOP GROUPIE <CR>', TRY THIS: 'TOP GROUPIE D <CR>', YOU JUST
WON'T BELIEVE THEY LEFT THIS OUT OF THE MANUAL!!! MANY OF YOU MAY HAVE SEEN
THE REPEAT BROADCAST EARLY IN JULY OF A '60 MINUTES' EPISODE IN WHICH THE CBS
CREW WAS EXPOSING THE SCAM OF SELLING CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING IN 'BUSINESS DIR-
TORIES' WHICH ARE ONLY SOLD TO THOSE FOOLS WHO ADVERTISE IN THEM. ANYWAY THE
MAIL-DROPS FOR THESE BUNKO OPERATIONS (IN THE '60 MINUTES' STORY) WAS LOCATED
AT 1720 PONTIUS AVE. (IN WEST L.A. OR BEVERLY HILLS - SAME PLACE !!). WHAT THEY
SHOWED IN SAID EXPOSE WAS AN ANSWERING SERVICE MANNED BY ELDERLY LADIES WHO DID
NOT SEEM TO KNOW S--- ABOUT S--- ! ONE OF THE NAMES ON THEIR VERY DOOR WAS THAT
OF AN OUTFIT WHICH ADVERTISES HEAVILY IN THE MAJOR MAGAZINES. I DON'T WANT TO
GET TOO SPECIFIC... BUT THE VEILED OBJECTS OF MY SUSPICIONS BROUGHT THE '****'
TO THE S-100 BUS, AND IF YOU TRY TO REACH THEM BY PHONE AT THEIR 'HQ', LOCA-
TED AT 1720 PONTIUS AVE. LOS ANGELES 90025, [213] ***-8080, THERE IS A GOOD
CHANCE THAT YOU WILL ONLY SPEAK TO A LADY WHOSE TENURE AT A SHADY ANSWERING
SERVICE DEPENDS ON HOW WELL SHE CAN SIDETRACK THE CUSTOMERS, THE BILL COLLEC-
TORS AND INVESTIGATORS FROM THE ATTORNEY GENERAL'S OFFICE... <*>

<*> IMPORTANT BULLETIN !!! THE UNNAMED OUTFIT HAS MOVED !!! THEIR NEW NUMBER
IS [213] ***-8085 (THERE'S PROGRESS FOR YOU), AND THE ADDRESS OF THE NEW ANS-
WERING SERVICE IS 6464 SUNSET BLVD. LOS ANGELES 90028. LISTEN, I KNOW THAT
MANY OF YOU LIVE WITHIN STREETWALKING DISTANCE OF THAT PRESTIGIOUS ADDRESS.
GO THERE, ASK TO SEE THE PRODUCTS; PRODUCE CASH IN LARGE QUANTITY, DEMAND TO
BUY SOMETHING FROM STOCK, ASK FOR A CATALOG; DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, 1720 PON-
TIUS AVE. AND 6464 SUNSET BLVD. ARE TWO PLACES WHERE I'D BET YOU WILL NEITHER
FIND AN ELECTRONICS FACTORY NOR THOSE IN CHARGE OF ONE. I CAN FURTHER TELL
YOU THAT THE 'REGIONAL HEADQUARTERS' OF INTERTEC DATA SYSTEMS ARE THE SAME
THING. WHY DO I GET SO PUT OFF BY THIS...? SIMPLE, IT COSTS MONEY TO CALL
LONG-DISTANCE, AND PEOPLE WHO REPEATEDLY CALL THE NUMBER OF ANSWERING SER-
VICES (UNTIL THEY FIGURE OUT JUST HOW SOME GARAGE OPERATION HAS POLISHED
ITS IMAGE) ARE GETTING HOSED.

            ** SPECIALTY DEPARTMENT **

OTHELLO.FOR
OTHELLO.COM
THESE ARE LOVELY REWRITES OF THE OTHELLO GAMES FROM VOLUME 15. THE FORMATTING
IS MUCH IMPROVED, AND SOME KEY ERROR TRAPS HAVE BEEN ADDED. THERE ARE TWO
[ERROR TRAPS] WHICH WERE OVERLOOKED HOWEVER. WHEN YOU ARE ASKED, "DO YOU WANT
TO GIVE ME [COMPUTER] A HANDICAP ?", ANY ANSWER OTHER THAN 'N' OR 'NO' WILL BE
INTERPRETED AS 'YES'; ALSO ANY IMPROPER REPLY TO THE QUESTION, "HOW MANY COR-
NERS (1 TO 4) ?" WILL SEND THE PROGRAM INTO AN EXITLESS LOOP FOR WHICH THE ONLY
REMEDY IS A LEFT-HOOK TO THE RESET BUTTON.

BLUFF.INT
RUN.COM
I EXPLAINED THE RAISON-D'ETRE FOR BLUFF REACHING US THIS WAY. 'RUN.COM' IS THE
CORRECT RUN-PAK FOR THIS PARTICULAR 'INT' PROGRAM. I HAD SWORN NOT TO WRITE
ANY MORE PLAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS, BUT I WILL TRY TO FILL YOU IN ON WHAT WAS
SAID WHEN I TELEPHONED THE AUTHOR (MR. X) IN HOPES OF PERSUADING HIM TO GIVE
US THE 'BAS' FILE. THE DIALOGUE IS VERY LOOSELY PARAPHRASED AS MR. X IS GIVEN
TO BOUTS OF COARSE AND VULGAR LANGUAGE... A SHORT 'PLAYLET' FOLLOWS........

Z: WHY NOT GIVE US THE SOURCE FILE. THE PROGRAM IS EXCELLENT, AND I'M SURE THAT
   EVERYONE WILL WANT TO KNOW HOW IT WAS DONE.
X: SURE, SO SOMEONE CAN CHANGE A FEW LINES AND SELL IT AS THEIR OWN WORK...
Z: SOME PEOPLE WILL WANT TO CHANGE THE OUTPUT FOR 64 X 16 CRTS.
X: THEY CAN GO 'SQUAT' IN THEIR SOMBREROS FOR ALL I CARE.
Z: SOME PEOPLE WITH GOOD CRTS WILL BE IN TROUBLE AS WELL, BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH
   YOU WERE THOUGHTFUL ENOUGH TO INCLUDE A SCREEN-BLANKING INPUT (A NICE TOUCH
   THAT I'D LIKE TO SEE MORE OF), SOME CRTS CAN ONLY BE BLANKED VIA ESCAPE SE-
   QUENCES, AND YOUR PROGRAM MAKES NO PROVISION FOR THIS.
X: LET THE LITTLE (PLURAL NOUN I CAN'T REPEAT) PLAY IT ON A PRINTER !!!
Z: I HAVE SEEN THE SOURCE ON PAPER YOU KNOW, AND I'M PRETTY SURE I COULD RE-
   CONSTRUCT A THOROUGH FLOW CHART FROM MEMORY AND INCLUDE IT IN MY NEXT (THIS)
   COLUMN (I THOUGHT I HAD HIM THERE).
X: DO AND I'LL JAM A BAYONET UP YOUR (ANOTHER BAD WORD) !!!
   "CLICK"... (THE SOUND OF SOMEONE HANGING UP ON ZOSO)
Z: (TO MYSELF) WELL I GUESS HE WON THIS ROUND. - END OF PLAY

            ** NASTY LITTLE PROGRAMS DEPT. **


CHASE.ASC
WE'VE HAD A FEW VERSIONS OF THIS GAME ARRIVE IN THE MAIL BEFORE. THE REASON
WE INCLUDED IT AGAIN IS BECAUSE THIS IS THE WORST WE'VE SEEN. SERIOUSLY, ANY
OF YOU WHO ARE CONSIDERING AN UPGRADE TO A TRS-80 WITH LEVEL-1 BASIC MAY FIND
THAT YOU CAN EASILY TRANSPORT THIS ITEM TO THAT PARTICULAR COMPUTER.

CIVILWAR.ASC
A LOT LIKE THE ONE I WENT OUT OF MY WAY TO INSULT WHEN LAST WE MET. THIS
GRADUATE THESIS IN COMPUTER SCIENCE ENLARGES ON THE LEGACY OF THE PREVIOUS
ONE IN SEVERAL KEY AREAS. THIS TIME THE POOR CONFEDERATE GENERAL (YOU) WILL
NOW SUFFER THE FURTHER MISERIES OF BAD SPELLING, FATAL LOGIC ERRORS AND THE
CRUELEST CUT OF ALL, THE COMPUTER WILL CALL YOU NAMES. IT'S DOLLARS TO
DOUGHNUTS THAT THIS THING WAS NEVER PLAYED FOR AS LONG AS IT MUST HAVE TAKEN
TO WRITE.

WEATHER.ASC
CLOUD-9.ASC
CLIMATE.ASC
!!!!!!!!  G O N G  !!!!!!!!!!!!
CHUCKIE : UNKNOWN COMIC, WHY DID YOU GONG THE 'WEATHER TWINS'? I LIKED THEIR
          ACT, BUT THEN AGAIN I LIKE YEAST INFECTIONS.
UNKNOWN : WHY DID I GONG THE 'WEATHER TWINS' - CHUCKIE BABY, CHUCKIE BABY, I
          DON'T KNOW 'WEATHER' I'VE SEEN ANYTHING THIS WIERD. OH CHUCKIE,
          CHUCKIE I'VE SEEN BETTER 'STUFF' IN FAT FARMS.
CHUCKIE : OH THAT UNKNOWN COMIC IS A MEAN 'RASCULE'. NOW COME ON YOU GUYS, GET
          OFF THE STAGE...

SNOOPY.ASC
YET ANOTHER VISITATION OF OUR CUDDLY LITTLE FRIEND. AT LEAST THIS ONE BEARS
CERTAIN EARMARKS OF AN AUTHENTIC COMPUTER PROGRAM [I.E. SOMETHING BEYOND AN
ENTIRE PAGE OF CONSECUTIVE 'PRINT' STATEMENTS]. THIS 'SNOOPY' IS WEARING HIS
ADORABLE AVIATOR'S HELMET - HOW DARLING... THE MYSTERIOUS OBJECT BENEATH HIM
IS A POISONED STAKE - GUESS WHO PUT IT THERE - HEH, HEH.

CHESS.ASC
LAST TIME AROUND SOME PRANKSTER SUBMITTED A PRELIMINARY VERSION OF THIS
PROGRAM WHICH DID NOT WORK. THANK GOODNESS THIS HAS BEEN RECTIFIED !!!
THIS VERSION DOES PLAY THE USUAL SUBSET OF CHESS CORRECTLY. THE PIECES
ARE CODED NUMERICALLY; ALL MOVES ARE ENTERED IN OCTAL [VOMIT]; AND THERE
IS JUST A FAIR CHANCE THAT GRANDMASTER KARPOV MIGHT BE ABLE TO WIN THE ODD
GAME FROM THIS CHESTIC POWERHOUSE... IF HE REALLY TRIED HARD MIND YOU !!!
IN TERMS OF REAL TIME, THIS DOES RUN SLOWLY; AND TO BEAT THIS RATHER POOR
CHESS PROGRAM JUST ONCE, YOU'D BEST SET ASIDE AN ENTIRE EVENING. MICRO-
CHESS (TM) FOR THE 8080 IS WIDELY AVAILABLE FOR UNDER $20.00, AND COM-
PARED TO THIS, IT IS MAGNITUDES BETTER.

BIOCAL.ASC
A NICE VARIANT ON THE SHOPWORN OLD BIORHYTHM NUMBER... BUT USE THIS ONE IN
THE FULLEST OF HASTE ! IT ONLY WORKS FOR 1978 A.D... A REWRITE IN FORTRAN
WITH PROVISIONS TO DO THE SAME FOR ANY REASONABLE YEAR WOULD BE GLADLY WEL-
COMED BY ALL. IF YOU COMPUTER-CLUBBIES ARE FEELING THE HEAT, AND FEEL LIKE
RIOTING, PERHAPS THIS VERY PROJECT WILL KEEP YOU OUT OF TROUBLE.

SQUARE.LIB
THIS ONE PLAGUED ME WITH UNEXPLAINED SUBSCRIPT ERRORS WHEN I FIRST TRIED
IT. I ADDED THREE CONSECUTIVE LINES OF ERROR TRAPPING (SEE IF YOU CAN FIND
THEM). IT SEEMS TO WORK NOW, BUT I HAVEN'T THE REMOTEST IDEA WHY. IT PLAYS
AN ODD LITTLE GAME QUITE WELL. I MAY RUIN MY REPUTATION OVER THIS PROGRAM;
BUT WHAT THE HELL, I LIKE IT.

NIM.ASC
IQUEEN.ASC
TWO PEAS FROM THE SAME POD... WE'VE ALL SEEN THESE EARLIER IN SOME FORM OR
ANOTHER. 'NIM', AS YOU'LL RECALL IS THAT WIDELY ACCLAIMED SEDATIVE-HYPNOTIC
FROM THE DAYS WHEN TEACHERS TWISTED THE EARS OF MISCREANTS WHO WERE DISRUP-
TIVE IN CLASS, AND BEAT THEIR LITTLE KNUCKLES WITH STEEL-EDGE RULERS. 'IQUEEN'
IS A NOVEL APPROACH TO THE SAME OLD S---. ALAS, IT SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN FOR-
MATTED FOR THE HUGE SCOREBOARD IN THE 'SUPERDOME'. THOSE OF YOU WITH VDM'S WILL
REQUIRE CONSIDERABLE IMAGINATION & RECALL TO PLAY THE LATTER ITEM.

WRD-PUZ.ASC
THIS WAS RELEASED EARLIER AS 'W/SEARCH'. THIS ENHANCED VERSION HAS A FEW
'NEW-ANCES' THAT MAKE IT WELL WORTH A SECOND LOOK.

DOTS.ASC
METHINKS SOMEONE IS ATTEMPTING TO PULL ZOSO'S CHAIN... THE GAME OF 'DOTS' -
DO YOU KNOW HOW TO USE IT ? ADMIT YOUR IGNORANCE - REPLY 'NO' AND YOU'LL
BE TOLD HOW TO PLAY; RATHER YOU WILL BE TOLD HOW TO ENTER YOUR MOVES. THE
RULES AND OBJECT FOR THIS MICRO-MONSTROSITY ARE NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. TO
BE FAIR, IT MAY WELL BE THAT THIS GAME (IF THAT'S WHAT IT REALLY IS) IS
POPULAR IN SOME OTHER REGION OF OUR GREAT LAND. IF INDEED THIS PASTIME
LIGHTS UP THE LIVES OF THE ALBANIAN ENCLAVE IN TOPEKA OR SOME SUCH THING,
PLEASE FORWARD THE RULES (IN ENGLISH), AND MAYBE SOME DAY I'LL READ THEM.

DRAGRACE.ASC
I THOUGHT I KNEW A GOOD BIT ABOUT THE SUBJECT OF THIS OFFERING, BUT I GUESS
THIS PROGRAM PROVES JUST HOW WRONG I WAS... WHEN I HAD ATTENDED THE 'DRAGS'
I RECALLED THE SNARL OF HIGH POWER ENGINES, THE SMELL OF BURNING 'SLICKS',
THE PERMEATING ODORS OF ETHER, NITROMETHANE AND BEER THAT SOME LOUTISH WAHOO
ALWAYS MANAGED TO SPILL ON MY TUXEDO... NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE TO BE FOUND
HERE... YOU ARE INVITED TO 'DESIGN' YOUR DRAGSTER. THIS IS ACCOMPLISHED BY
SPECIFYING: REAR-END RATIO, HOURSEPOWER [SIC], TIRE WIDTH AND TIRE CIRCUM-
FERENCE. THEN THE RACE STARTS, AND ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER YOU WILL HAVE
LOST. I BEG THOSE OF YOU WITHOUT BLINKING FRONT-PANELS TO TRUST ME WHEN I
TELL YOU THAT THIS 'THING' TRULY WORKS (IT REALLY DOESN'T ENTER AN ENDLESS
LOOP - I SWEAR IT !!). I'LL WAGER NOBODY PLAYS THIS ONE TOO OFTEN !!!

GOLF.ASC
FOOTBALL.ASC
BASEBALL.ASC
THE 'GOLF' AND 'FOOTBALL' GAMES IN THIS GROUP ARE MBASIC REWRITES OF TWO
FORGETTABLE BASIC/E-C/BASIC GAMES WE'D RECEIVED EARLIER. ALL OF THESE SPOR-
TING SIMULATIONS REQUIRE YOU TO ENTER NUMERIC CODES WHICH INDICATE YOUR
'STRATEGY'; PUTTER-IRON, PUNT-PASS, SLIDER-KNUCKLEBALL ETC. AFTER YOU HAVE
OBLIGED, A RANDOM NUMBER DECIDES WHICH MEANINGLESS RESULT TO DERIVE FROM
YOUR EQUALLY MEANINGLESS STRATEGIC ENTRY. INTERACTION AT ITS VERY WORST !!!
BY COMPARISON, I'D SUSPECT THAT TENDING A LIGHTHOUSE WHICH HAD NEITHER WOMEN,
BOOKS NOR TELEVISION WOULD OFFER MORE EXCITEMENT. [REAL] ATHLETES, SPORTSMEN
AND THOSE WITH TRIPLE DIGIT I.Q.'S ARE URGED TO STAY WELL CLEAR OF THESE !!!
P.S. I UNDERSTAND THAT ICE HOCKEY, BOXING AND TENNIS HAVE BEEN VILIFIED IN
LIKE MANNER; MY HEARTFELT THANKS GO OUT TO THOSE OF YOU WHO REFRAINED FROM
SENDING THESE TO US.

SYNONYMS.ASC
ANTONYMS.ASC
WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THESE (SAID ZOSO RHETORICALLY) ? THE POINT ESCAPES ME
ENTIRELY. THE NAMES OF THESE FILES ARE SELF-EXPLANATORY. BRIEFLY ONE IS TO
PIT THEIR KNOWLEDGE AGAINST THE RATHER LIMITED VOCABULARY OF THE AUTHOR;
WHAT HAPPENS IS: THE PLAYER (CONTESTANT, PARTICIPANT, ENTRANT, VICTIM) WILL
GET REPEATEDLY CHASTISED (ADMONISHED, BROWBEATEN, SCOLDED, TAUNTED) FOR SUG-
GESTING PERFECTLY CORRECT ANSWERS WHICH NEVER MADE IT INTO THE POORLY CON-
CEIVED DATA BASE UPON WHICH THESE 'GEMS' (PASTEBOARD, GLASS, RHINESTONES)
DEPEND. THERE MAY STILL BE SOME SALVAGE VALUE; MERGE THESE TWO INTO A SIN-
GLE UNIT AND CALL IT 'ERASONYM.ASC'; THEN FREE UP SOME DISK SPACE.

BUDGET.ASC
THIS MAY BE A WINNER, GANG... I DON'T WANT MY COMPUTER TO USURP THE DELIGHT
I DERIVE FROM MERELY APPLYING COMMON SENSE TO MY OWN LIFE. THIS PROGRAM DOES
HOWEVER FILL A SIGNIFICANT VOID FOR THOSE WHO FEEL DIFFERENTLY. I'LL ADMIT
I DIDN'T FOLLOW THIS ONE ALL THE WAY THROUGH, BUT MY FIRST IMPRESSION SUG-
GESTS THAT THIS REALLY MIGHT BE VERY GOOD FOR 'BUDGETING' ONES' EXISTENCE. I
WAS ALL SET TO FAULT IT FOR MAKING NO ALLOWANCES FOR VICE & NARCOTICS (WITHOUT
WHICH TIMES CAN GET BORING). I WAS FOOLED THOUGH, THERE ARE ENTRIES FOR ENTER-
TAINMENT AND PHARMACEUTICALS (THE SAME IN MY BOOK). THIS IS A GOOD ONE !!

BIRTHDAY.ASC
!!!!!!!!  G O N G  !!!!!!!!!!!!
CHUCKIE : 'JUICE', WHY DID YOU GONG 'MR. BIRTHDAY'? I LIKED THAT ACT; BUT
      THEN I LIKE TO WATCH LEPERS SHED. <+>
JAYE P. : I'D BE GLAD TO LET 'MR. BIRTHDAY' SIT ON MY - O O P S !! - BUT
          THEN AGAIN I'D LIKE TO - O O P S !! HIS CARK !!
CHUCKIE : OH THAT EVIL JAYE P. 'MORGONE'... I GUESS SHE JUST WANTS TO
          O O P S !! YOUR CARK !!... GET OFF MY STAGE !!

      <+> - I THINK SHE'S GOT IT !!! Z.

CHAIN.BAS
YOU C/BASIC PEOPLE HAVE NOW INHERITED A CLEVER LITTLE ROUTINE FOR 'CHAINING'
(MERGING) PROGRAMS. I HAVE NEVER LIKED YOUR AWFUL LITTLE 'INT' FILES, BUT YOU
WILL BE ABLE TO CREATE BETTER ONES WITH THIS.

BACCARAT.ASC
BLACKJCK.ASC
CRAZY-8.ASC
THESE THREE SHARE THIS IN COMMON: I LIKED WHAT I SAW EXCEPT FOR THE HIDEOUS
FORMATTING AND THE ERROR TRAPS, WHICH WERE EITHER MISSING OR POORLY WRITTEN.
I UNDERTOOK FIXES ON ALL THREE, AND GIVEN THAT I SPENT ABOUT 10 MINUTES ON
EACH, MAYBE I DID A REASONABLY GOOD JOB. AMONGST THE THINGS I ADDED WAS THE
COMMAND: 'PRINT CHR$(26)'; THIS BLANKS THE SCREEN ON MY ADM-3. THOSE WITH
OTHER CRT'S WILL HAVE TO CHANGE THIS ONE THING. ALSO, THESE GAMES NEED TO
BE 'RANDOMIZED' IN SOME FASHION, BUT THAT'S A PAIN IN THE 'KEYSTER', SO I'LL
LEAVE THAT TO YOU.

ROULETTE.ASC
CRAPS.ASC
!!!!!!!!  G O N G  !!!!!!!!!!!
CHUCKIE : REX REED YOU 'RASCULE', WHY DID YOU GONG THE 'CASINO BROTHERS'?
          I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOOD; BUT THEN AGAIN I'M TURNED ON BY SEEING
      THE FISH FLOAT AFTER A BIG CHEMICAL SPILL.
REX REED: I ONLY BET ON COCKFIGHTS!
CHUCKIE : WELL THAT'S IT. MEAN OLD REX WOULD RATHER BET ON A COCKFIGHT...
          GET OFF THE STAGE !!!

MASTERMD.ASC
THIS IS A NICE COMPACT LITTLE PROGRAM WHICH PLAYS THE GAME OF 'MASTERMIND'.
THE GAME WILL REMIND YOU OF 'BAGELS'. CLEVERLY WRITTEN !!! TO GET TO THE
POINT, I LIKED IT, AND SO WILL YOU !! THERE IS A MINOR 'BUG' WHICH CROPS UP
EVERY NOW AND AGAIN, BUT IT IS OF NO MOMENT.

HANGMN-1.ASC
HANGMN-2.ASC
HANGMN-3.ASC
I REALIZE THAT I AM BREAKING NEW GROUND IN WRITING TWO CONSECUTIVE FLAT-
TERING PARAGRAPHS; BUT TRUTH IS A HARD THING, EVEN FOR ME, SO HERE GOES...
I LIKE ALL THREE OF THESE. I HAD BEEN SICK OF 'HANGMAN' GAMES EVER SINCE
COMPUTERS BECAME THE RAGE, BUT THESE ARE EXCELLENT !!! I HONESTLY ENJOYED
PLAYING THIS GAME AT ALL THREE LEVELS. OF PARTICULAR NOTE IS THE VERY ADROIT
WAY IN WHICH THE DATA TABLES ARE ENCRYPTED IN 'HANGMN-3'. BRAVO !!!

MAZE.ASC
SWARMS.ASC
STARTREK.ASC
I GET THE FEELING OF DEJA-VU ABOUT THESE. THEY MUST BE DIFFERENT FROM THE
ONES WE'VE RELEASED EARLIER. OTHERWISE WHY WOULD SOMEONE HAVE BOTHERED TO
SEND THEM IN. I REFER YOU TO REMARKS OF MINE (PUBLISHED EARLIER) REGARDING
'MAZE' AND 'SWARMS' PROGRAMS. I SAID IT ALL THEN AND EVER SO CLEVERLY. AS
REGARDS THIS 'STARTREK' - YAWN !!!

SHOP.ASC
I GET THIS NAGGING FEELING THAT THIS ONE REACHES US COURTESY OF THOSE ZANY
CUT-UPS FROM THE COMPUTER STORE IN LOS ANGELES. YOU MAY REMEMBER THEM FOR
THEIR MEMORABLE PROGRAM 'TACOS', WHICH RECEIVED A MOST LUKEWARM COMMENTARY
FROM ME LAST TIME. THIS WRETCHED LITTLE THING DOES NOTHING BUT INSULT YOU
AT ITS OWN SLUGGISH PACE. IF THIS DID COME FROM YOU CLOWNS IN L.A., YOU GUYS
OUGHT TO TAKE A VACATION. THE VILE AIR YOU BREATHE IS MAKING YOU MEAN. IF
THIS CAME FROM ANYONE ELSE, MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON US ALL. THINK OF WHAT THE
WORLD MIGHT BE LIKE IF EVERYONE STARTED CREATING DELIBERATELY AWFUL GAMES
TO PLAY ON THE COMPUTER. IN EITHER CASE, I PROMISE YOU THAT THIS THING WAS
CONCEIVED IN THE NAME OF INTENTIONAL CRUELTY. WITHOUT ANY RESERVATION, I'LL
ADMIT MY INABILITY TO THINK OF AN ITEM I'VE LIKED LESS... A TRUE COW-FLOP !!!

GREEKRTS.ASC
!!!!!!!!  G O N G  !!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHUCKIE : JAMIE FARR, LONG OF NOSE AND CUTE OF SKIRT, WHY DID YOU GONG OUR
          PAL 'SODOMOCLES THE GREEK'? I LIKED THAT ACT, BUT THEN AGAIN I LIKE
      TO WATCH BIG SHARKS NAIL THE ODD SWIMMER.
JAMIE F.: HE NEEDED MORE VASELINE.
CHUCKIE : AW, 'SOD THE GREEK', TOO BAD... GET OFF !!!

MEMBRAIN.ASC
SOUNDS LIKE A GAME DOESN'T IT? (...BRAIN)? - DON'T BE MISLED! WHAT WE'RE
DEALING WITH HERE IS JUST ANOTHER SPELLING LAPSE. THE NAME SHOULD PROBABLY
HAVE BEEN 'MEMBRANE'... HERE'S THE SCENARIO: YOU ARE A SEMI-PERMEABLE MEM-
BRANE WHOSE JUDGMENT REGARDING NUTRIENT AND ELECTROLYTE DILUTIONS WILL DE-
TERMINE THE GROWTH RATE OF THE CELLS WITHIN YOUR PHYSICAL DOMAIN. THIS WAS
NO DOUBT A HIGH SCHOOL BROWN-NOSE PROJECT GONE AWRY. YOU SEE, (WHOEVER IN
HELL WROTE THIS), THERE'S A LOT THEY DIDN'T TEACH YOU IN TRADE SCHOOL (OR
WAS IT ONE OF THOSE SEXUALLY STIFLING MILITARY ACADEMIES): IF YOU GET TOO
GOOD AT THIS [GAME?], THE CELLS WILL DIVIDE REALLY WELL... AND YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT MEANS, DON'T YOU? YOU'LL HAVE TO GO INTO THE HOSPITAL FOR SURGERY, IR-
RADIATION OR PERHAPS ENOUGH METHOTREXATE TO MAKE YOUR HAIR FALL OUT WHILE
YOU PUKE FROM THE SOLES OF YOUR FEET UP. NEXT FALL, WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE
SCHOOL INFIRMARY BECAUSE OF THAT SORE YOU'VE HAD EVER SINCE FAT ***** LET YOU
GO ALL THE WAY, JUST ASK 'DOC' (THAT IS HIS NAME, RIGHT?) WHAT YOUR OLD PAL
ZOSO WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU.

DISSAMBR.ASC
WHAT A GREAT FILENAME!!! WHEN I SAW IT MY HEAD DANCED WITH DREAMS OF PLACES
FAR AWAY, EXOTIC WOMEN WEARING PERFUME I HAD NEVER SMELLED AND HIGH ROMANCE
IN THE DARKEST CORNERS OF MOROCCAN CASBAHS... I GUESS I ASSUMED FROM THE NAME
THAT IT MEANT SOMETHING LIKE "DISABUSE YOURSELF OF 'AMBER' (THE SULTRIEST
LADY I'D EVER SEEN - NOBODY EVER KNEW HER REAL NAME, BUT SHE WORE AMBER JEW-
ELRY EVERYWHERE (YES EVEN THERE), AND I GUESS THE NAME JUST STUCK)". IN TRUTH
THIS IS JUST AN 8080 DISASSEMBLER, AND ALTHOUGH I'VE NEVER MET THE AUTHOR,
I'LL BET I CAN SUPPLY A REASONABLY ACCURATE IDEA OF HOW AN 8080 [BASIC] DIS-
ASSEMBLER CAME TO PASS. LET US NOT FORGET THAT 'MBASIC' AS WE CP/M'ERS KNOW
IT, ONLY CAME ABOUT WHEN MITS (THERE WERE NO FLOWERS AT THE WAKE) LOST A BIG
LAWSUIT TO MICROSOFT. BEFORE THAT, 'ALTAIR' [RETCH, GAG & BARF] BASIC WAS THE
ONLY WAY ITS USERS COULD INTERACT WITH THEIR MAGNETIC DISKS. THERE WAS NO OPER-
ATING SYSTEM (AS WE TAKE FOR GRANTED), JUST MITS' [DRY HEAVE] BASIC. SOME POOR
MISBEGOTTEN SOUL WHO'D NEVER HEARD OF CP/M ('DDT' IN PARTICULAR) TRIED TO HELP
MITS SURVIVE THE SOFTWARE VACUUM (WHICH BELATEDLY HELPED THEIR FINAL DEMISE).
I'LL BET YOU (THE AUTHOR) STUCK WITH MITS BECAUSE YOU'D ALREADY INVESTED YOUR
LIFE AS CHIEF HONCHO OF THE 'BOWMAR BRAIN' USER'S GROUP. TOUGH NOOGIES, PAL,
LIVE AND LEARN...

GALAXY.ASC
GALAXY2.ASC
WHAT WE'VE GOT HERE IS AN ORIGINAL AND AN 'ENHANCEMENT'. BOTH REACHED US
COURTESY OF THE PERSON WHO 'UPGRADED' THE ORIGINAL. FIRST THE ORIGINAL: A
NICE COMPACT LITTLE PROGRAM WHICH WITH A FEW ADDED CONTROL CHARACTERS COULD
REALLY BE DYNAMITE ON A COLOR SCREEN. NEXT THE 'UPGRADE': I FEAR THE TRAGIC
CONSEQUENCES OF 'ANGEL-DUST' (PHENCYCLIDINE) POISONING ARE EVIDENT HERE. A
ONCE GOOD MIND CORRODED BY THAT FILTHY DRUG... IF YOU (UPGRADER) CAN REMOVE
YOUR HEAD FROM THAT BAG OF GLUE YOU ARE SNIFFING TO HEAR A LITTLE CONSTRUC-
TIVE CRITICISM, IT WOULD BE THIS, "LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE".

            ** OLD CONTEST DEPARTMENT **

IF YOU RECALL, THE LAST CONTEST OFFERED A MODEST PRIZE TO THE PERSON WHO
COULD SUPPLY THE BEST ALGORITHM FOR 'RANDOMIZING' MICROSOFT DISK BASIC. WELL
WE HAVE A WINNER, BUT I CAN'T TELL YOU MUCH MORE THAN JUST THAT. THE WINNER
(WHOSE PAYCHECKS ARE SIGNED BY MR. XITAN) DOES NOT WANT THE PUBLICITY FOR
OBVIOUS REASONS. THE WINNING SOLUTION WHICH HE PROVIDED IS ALSO UNAVAILABLE
FOR PUBLICATION BECAUSE IT MATCHES BYTE FOR BYTE THE (SHORT!) ROUTINE WHICH
THE LATEST VERSION OF XITAN BASIC USES FOR EXACTLY THE SAME PURPOSE. I KNOW
THE SOUND OF A COP-OUT WHEN I HEAR ONE, SO I'LL GIVE YOU AS MUCH INFORMATION
AS I DARE. THE MYSTERY ROUTINE IS INVOKED VIA THE 'USR' CALL TO THE AREA OF
MEMORY (LESS THAN 0.05 K) WHICH CAN RESIDE JUST ABOVE BASIC OR JUST ABOVE
CP/M. IN FACT, THE WINNING ENTRY IS SO COMPACT, THAT IT CAN FIT IN MEMORY
BELOW 0100H, AND NOT CONFLICT WITH THE REST OF CP/M !!! . NATURALLY, IT ONLY
WORKS WITH THE Z-80. HOPING I DON'T LOSE A VALUABLE ALLY, I'LL TELL YOU THIS
MUCH MORE: THE Z-80 HAS A REFRESH ('R') REGISTER WHICH CAN BE READ, BUT NOT
WRITTEN INTO. EVERY SINGLE TIME SOME CHEAPO DYNAMIC MEMORY REQUIRES A BLAST
OF REFRESHMENT, THE VALUE OF THE 'R' REGISTER IS CHANGING... IMAGINE THE
POSSIBILITIES.

            ** NEW CONTEST DEPARTMENT **

THIS TIME THE ISSUE IS THE 'PRIVACY' COMMAND IN THE NEWEST TDL, OOPS XITAN
DISK BASIC. HERE ARE THE RULES: CAN THIS COMMAND BE BYPASSED (WELL OBVIOUSLY
IT CAN, IF ONLY USED AS XITAN SUGGESTS) OR CAN'T IT (IF ONE CAN ADD SOME FUR-
THER SUBTERFUGE)? TONY AND I HAVE CROSSED SWORDS ON THIS ISSUE, AND I OFFER
SOME TASTY PRIZES TO THE WINNER (NO MATTER WHAT THEY 'PROVE'). HERE ARE THE
PRIZES:

        LOS ANGELES AREA    DENISE, MICHELLE, LAUREN ETC.
        NEW YORK AREA        NICOLE, SUSAN, SUZIE & EVEN MORE
        SAN FRANCISCO AREA    ADRIENNE, LEE, SHEILA & DANIELLE
        GREATER COLORADO    LOUISE, DEBBIE, KARIN, TRICIA
                    LIZ, ELIZABETH... THE LIST COULD
                    GO ON FURTHER, BUT NOBODY OUT THERE
                    NEEDS MY HELP
        MIDWEST            BARBIE, JEANETTE, LORRAINE
        SOUTHEAST        PENNY, SUSAN (ANOTHER) & JILL
        NORTH CENTRAL AREA    PAM, CAROL & JILL (ANOTHER)
        NORTHWEST AREA        CAROLE & JEAN THE INDIAN
        SOUTH CENTRAL AREA    DARLA & PATTI (I USED TO ** *******
                    ** THIS ONE)
        CANADA            TOO NUMEROUS TO LIST
        MEXICO            NEVER MIND
        OVERSEAS        NO PROMISES

EVERY LADY ON THE ABOVE LIST IS REAL, BEAUTIFUL AND FRIENDLY (IF YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN).  HERE'S THE GOOD PART - I HOPE A PRETTY LADY IS THE WINNER, FOR
THEN THE PRIZE WILL BE REALLY SPECIAL (I HOPE I DON'T SOUND IMMODEST). WELL,
THE JOINT IS BURNING SHORT IN MY OVERWORKED FINGERS, MY EYES ARE GETTING RED
AND ZOSETTE IS TRYING TO FIX MY ZIPPER (WHICH WAS NEVER EVEN BROKEN); SO I
GUESS IT'S TIME TO MOVE ALONG... I HOPE YOU ALL HAD A GOOD SUMMER... TO THE
GUYS WHO READ THIS, GET IT WHILE YOU'RE YOUNG - TO THE LADIES, STAY MOIST !!!


                    I LOVE YOU ALL (REALLY I DO)

                    ZOSO
                    ME TOO, ZOSETTE