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-
- S T A R T R E K : T H E C O N T I N U I N G V O Y A G E S
- --------------------------------------------------------------
-
- TODAY'S EPISODE: "Kirk's Women"
-
-
-
- Kirk....: Captain's Log, Stardate 2299.359.10. Today is Christmas Day.
- Everyone's celebrating, even Spock! He says "It is the human thing
- to do". I guess he's becoming more human every day since he had
- "the refusion" with Bones. Well, I don't think anything could
- possibly happen to us today...
-
- Spock...: Er, Captain?
-
- Kirk....: Yes, Spock?
-
- Spock...: The odds of anything happening to us today are 0.34756345 to 1.
-
- Kirk....: Not too good then?
-
- Spock...: No, Captain.
-
- Kirk....: Well, I suppose I should have a peek at the next page of this
- script to see what will happen to us... oh no! There isn't time,
- this is the last sentence...
-
- [ Suddenly there is a bright light and... ]
-
- -----
-
- DA...DA...DA...DA...
-
- DA DAA DAAAAA, DA DA DA DA DAAAAAA, DAAA DAAAAAAAA...
-
-
- SPACE, still the final frontier...
- These are the continuing voyages of the starship...ENTERPRISE...
- Her ongoing mission,
- To explore strange new worlds,
- To seek out new life forms and new civilizations,
- To boldly go where no-one has gone before.
-
- -----
-
- Kirk....: Spock, what happened?
-
- Spock...: Dammit Jim, I'm an actor, not a Science Officer!
-
- Kirk....: Spock!
-
- Spock...: Sorry, Captain - I don't know what came over me.
-
- Kirk....: Well, control that human half of you. You must have inadvertently
- taken some of Bones' personality from "the refusion".
-
- [ The long-range sensors suddenly go bleep. ]
-
- Spock...: Captain, the long-range sensors have suddenly gone bleep... oops, I
- mean we've picked up an object on long-range sensors.
-
- Kirk....: What is it?
-
- Spock...: It appears to be a... flying duck.
-
- Kirk....: No, not again!
-
- Uhura...: Sir, the duck is hailing us.
-
- Kirk....: Oh well, on screen then.
-
- [ Picard's face appears. ]
-
- Picard..: Captain Kirk, we meet again.
-
- Kirk....: Captain Picard, would you and your officers like to beam over to
- our ship this time for dinner?
-
- Scotty..: (whispering) Yer can come on to a real starship for a change.
-
- Picard..: (not hearing Scotty) We would be delighted.
-
- Kirk....: I'll see you at 1700 hours. Kirk out.
-
- Chekov..: Guess who's coming to dinner?
-
- Kirk....: That sounds damn familiar.
-
- [ Later on... ]
-
- Kirk....: Well, how was the meal?
-
- Picard..: Delightful.
-
- Riker...: Er, Captain Kirk, can we ask you something?
-
- Kirk....: By all means.
-
- Riker...: Damn you, sir, how do you do it? How do you always end up with the
- girl? I've studied your thesis and techniques on it at the academy,
- but I know there's something you haven't revealed.
-
- Picard..: Yes, you must tell me. Ever since I failed organic chemistry
- because of "A.F.", girls have avoided me - what am I doing wrong?
-
- Worf....: Even among Klingons, your sexual prowess is highly regarded.
-
- Data....: It is an... intriguing subject.
-
- Kirk....: Well, I shouldn't do, but...
-
- [ The NG crew suddenly seem dejected. ]
-
- Kirk....: Ok, ok, I'll tell you my secret... ready?
-
- Picard..: We're listening.
-
- Kirk....: The fact is... I'm part-Deltan.
-
- Riker...: WHAT!
-
- Kirk....: Well, why do you think I wear a toupee? My great-great-grandfather
- was half-Deltan. Watch this...
-
- [ Kirk sees Troi and Beverly enter the dining room. He smiles. ]
-
- Kirk....: Hello ladies...
-
- Troi....: Bev, it's James...
-
- Beverly.: ... T. Kirk!
-
- Kirk....: Ladies, your place or mine?
-
- Bev&Troi: Ohhhh, Jim...
-
- Kirk....: My quarters at 2000 hours?
-
- Bev&Troi: You bet!
-
- [ Bev & Troi leave smiling. Riker and Picard's heads begin smoking in
- jealousy. ]
-
- Kirk....: See you later, gentlemen. I must prepare myself.
-
- [ Kirk leaves the TNG crew who are shaking their heads in disbelief. Cut to
- Kirk's quarters. There is a ring at the door. ]
-
- Kirk....: Come.
-
- [ The door opens to reveal Bev & Troi. They enter, and, as the door shuts,
- they slip off their dresses to reveal... { HEAVILY CENSORED BIT - YOU'RE
- FAR TOO YOUNG TO KNOW! } Kirk smiles. Much, much later, we see Kirk pulling
- his boots on. ]
-
- Kirk....: Well ladies, I must get going. Spock will have the Enterprise ready
- for our sling-shot back to my time. Goodbye.
-
- Troi....: Oh, Jim, do you have to go?
-
- Bev.....: Please stay.
-
- Kirk....: Well... just for another hour or so...
-
- [ Starts taking off his boots. Bev & Troi smile... The next day, back on
- Enterprise-A... ]
-
- Kirk....: Captain's Log, Stardate 2299.360.9. I have had a very enjoyable
- Christmas day. We have successfully travelled back to our own time,
- and maybe I'll meet Deanna and Bev again someday? Until then, it's
- back to my usual chores of being Captain of the Enterprise and
- inter-galactic play-boy. What could possibly go wrong?
-
- Chekov..: Course heading, Keptin?
-
- Kirk....: 2nd star on the right and straight on 'till morning.....
-
- [ 78 years into the future, 9 months after Kirk's visit, we are in operating
- theatre 5. Suddenly, 2 crying babies can be heard. ]
-
- Doctor1.: Congratulations, Deanna... it's a boy!
-
- Doctor2.: Beverly... it's a girl!
-
- :-)
-
-
- END.
-