linuxmafia.com 2013/2013.06.linuxmafia.com/linuxmafia.com/pub/jordan/Humor/war-of-the-fish-haikus.txt

Text File | 2004-07-09 | 11.3 KB | 389 lines

   [Looking back on the whole thing:]



Subject: Re: Ageless Look and the Oath Rod
From: [e-mail] (Julie Kangas)
Date: 1996/08/16
Message-Id: <[e-mail]>
Sender:  [e-mail]
References: <4ut573$[e-mail] <4v09cq$[e-mail]> <4v0pmn$[e-mail]>
Organization: Jet Propulsion Laboratory
Newsgroups:  rec.arts.sf.written.robert-Jordan

In article <4v0pmn$[e-mail]> [e-mail]
  (Erica L. Sadun) writes:
>In article <4v09cq$[e-mail]>,
>Wilson Christopher H C <[e-mail]> wrote:
>:John Novak ([e-mail]) wrote:
>:: In <4ut0jo$[e-mail]> [e-mail] (Wilson Christopher H C) writes: >::
>:: >Wilson Christopher H C ([e-mail]) wrote:
>::
>:: >:    Raise the battle cry
>:: >:    "Ageless look by Oath Rod caused"
>:: >:    Holy war begins
>::
>:: >   Taim is Demandred
>:: >   LTT wants to kill him
>:: >   Lord of Chaos rules
>::
>:: Novak looks in awe
>:: At the monster he has made.
>:: Someone make it stop.
>
>Haikus never stop.
>Not Fish nor Taim nor Oathrod.
>Usenet marches on.

O fond memory.
Poetic fishes battling
Fisheating foe Rick.

-----------------------
Julie, Barracuda Sister        <><    <><           /--------\    /
     <><    <><        <><        <><     <><      /o)))))))))\-/
"I got tired of losing my gun."              <><  >--)))))))))/-\
                                                   \---------/    \








   [What brought that on, you may ask?  Here's Mark Loy saying the
   fateful words that started the Great Haiku War, of fond memory:]

From: [e-mail] (Mark Loy)
Subject: Re: TAN: Our neighbours (was: Re: QUESTIONS TO ASK Re: Robert
Jordan Signing in NC!)
Date: 1995/09/19
Message-ID: <mloy-190995090138@134.68.134.1>#1/1
references: <436lj4$[e-mail]>
<436ttl$[e-mail]>
<[e-mail]>
<[e-mail]>
organization: IUPUI  Physics Dept.
followup-to: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan
newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan


In article <[e-mail]>,
[e-mail] (Julie Kangas) wrote:


> And the discussion of fish never *ever* threatened
> to turn the members of our happy, if slightly crazy
> and disfunctional, family against each other.  Fish
> are calming influences.  Watch fish and your blood
> pressure will go down.  You will admire their beauty
> and harmony.  You will be filled with love for the
> universe.
>
> Give fish a chance.
>

"All we are say-ing...is give fish a chance..."

Everybody!

"ALL WE ARE SAY-ING...IS GIVE FISH A CHANCE..."

Repeat


ML



   [Julie Kangas commented:]


From: [e-mail] (Julie Kangas)
Subject: Re: TAN: Our neighbours (was: Re: QUESTIONS TO ASK Re: Robert
Jordan Signing in NC!)
Date: 1995/09/20
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>#1/1
sender: [e-mail]
references: <[e-mail]>
<[e-mail]>
<mloy-190995090138@134.68.134.1>
organization: Jet Propulsion Laboratory
newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan


In article <mloy-190995090138@134.68.134.1> [e-mail] (Mark
Loy) writes:
>In article <[e-mail]>,
>[e-mail] (Julie Kangas) wrote:
>>
>> Give fish a chance.
>>
>
>"All we are say-ing...is give fish a chance..."
>
>Everybody!
>
>"ALL WE ARE SAY-ING...IS GIVE FISH A CHANCE..."
>
>Repeat

Everyone should try to understand the message of
fish.  It will change your life.  Fish are love.
Fish are kindness.  Fish are peace.

Come with me to the airports on the weekends as
I hand out fish to passing travelers, in hopes
of making their day a little brighter, a little
more joyful, and a little more slimy.

Julie
Barracuda Sister, Most Arrogant Fish on the Net
-------------------------------------------------------------------
DISCLAIMER:  Roly poly fish    <><    <><           /--------\    /
heads told me what to write.      <><     <><      /o)))))))))\-/
       <><            <><     <><     <><    <><  >--)))))))))/-\
            <><     <><      <><   <><             \---------/    \
-------------------------------------------------------------------





   [Rick Moen chimes in, quoting a related thread of Julie's in which
   she'd said:]

       "And the discussion of fish never *ever* threatened
       to turn the members of our happy, if slightly crazy
       and disfunctional, family against each other.  Fish
       are calming influences.  Watch fish and your blood
       pressure will go down.  You will admire their beauty
       and harmony.  You will be filled with love for the
       universe.

       Give fish a chance.



From: [e-mail] (Rick Moen)
Subject: Re: TAN: Our neighbours (was: Re: QUESTIONS TO ASK Re: Robert
Jordan Signing in NC!)
Date: 1995/09/18
Message-ID: <43kirg$[e-mail]>#1/1
references: <436lj4$[e-mail]>
<436ttl$[e-mail]>
<[e-mail]>
<[e-mail]>
organization: Utopia, Ltd.
reply-to: [e-mail] (Rick Moen)
newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan


In <[e-mail]>,
[e-mail] (Julie Kangas) writes:

>What's the friggin matter with fish, huh?
 <...
>Give fish a chance.

Barracuda sis
Urges finny friends on us.
Good with wasabe.

Cheers,                    My pid is Inigo Montoya.  You kill -9 my
Rick Moen                  parent process.  Prepare to vi.
[e-mail]







    [And we were off -- in an escalating war leading all the way
    to this, a month and a half later:]

Subject: Re: TAN: Our neighbours (was: Re: QUESTIONS TO ASK Re: Robert Jordan Signing in NC!)
From: [e-mail] (Rick Moen)
Date: 1995/10/27
Message-Id: <46rhvs$[e-mail]>
References: <[e-mail]> <4669kt$[e-mail]> <[e-mail]>
Organization: Utopia, Ltd.
Reply-To: [e-mail] (Rick Moen)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-Jordan

In <[e-mail]>, [e-mail]
(Julie Kangas) amp-ly provides provender:

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>What's the friggin matter with fish, huh?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Give fish a chance.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Barracuda sis
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Urges finny friends on us.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Good with wasabe.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Rick the fisheater
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Tastes tender finny morsel
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Fugu; fish rejoice!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Toxin-laden chunks
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Enhance spicy, yummy meal.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Rickster dies happy.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Tetrodotoxin.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Puffers bridge science and myth.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>A mindless zombie.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Blow-fish satiates;
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Creates new couch-potato.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Likes Merkin football.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Barbaric feasting,
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Fishy cabal avenges.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Piranha in bath.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Amazon taste-treat:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Bath-water sauce not too bad,
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>But shoyu better.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Diverse teleosts
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>conquer all environments.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Killer walking perch.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Spiny-finned dinner
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Thoughtfully walks shore to Rick.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Nature's take-out meal.
>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Air units attack
>>>>>>>>>>>>>while ground forces Rick distract.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Flying hatchetfish.
>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>Piscatory food
>>>>>>>>>>>>Outdoes Federal Express:
>>>>>>>>>>>>Air delivery.
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>A swimming horror,
>>>>>>>>>>>hagfish crawls up anus.  Feeds
>>>>>>>>>>>from the inside, out.
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>Vexed Rick contemplates
>>>>>>>>>>Disemboweled newbie corpse.
>>>>>>>>>>Marinade's not ready!
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Shooting archerfish
>>>>>>>>>give up old-fashioned droplets.
>>>>>>>>>Now have tiny Glocks.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Sagittaria:
>>>>>>>>Cute on plate with peacemakers.
>>>>>>>>Crunchy condiments.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>A giant grouper
>>>>>>>spies bloated blob of protein.
>>>>>>>Snacker becomes snack.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Epinephelus,
>>>>>>Served Hong Kong style: Braised in sauce,
>>>>>>Spicily fetes clan.
>>>>>
>>>>>Grabs small helpless fish,
>>>>>but hunter becomes hunted.
>>>>>Camo'd anglerfish!
>>>>
>>>>Piscatorius
>>>>Goes nicely with tarragon.
>>>>Bulb is gourmet treat!
>>>
>>>Rick falls overboard,
>>>Eager jaws slice and dice flesh.
>>>Oooh barracuda.
>>
>>Pike-shaped aggressor's
>>Seppuku merits Rick's thanks!
>>Tasty fresh filets.
>
>Rick tries large eel, makes
>a shocking discovery!
>It's named Edison!

Rick's insulated:
"I dine again, Lews Therin!"
Tastes good with currants.

--
Cheers,                    My pid is Inigo Montoya.  You kill -9 my
Rick Moen                  parent process.  Prepare to vi.
[e-mail]






     [Early warning could have been spotted by alert observers,
     at the beginning of that same year:]

Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan
From: [e-mail] (Julie Kangas)
Subject: Re: TAN: peeves -n- puns
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Sender: [e-mail]
Organization: Jet Propulsion Laboratory
References: <3el8r3$[e-mail]>
<3ela0f$[e-mail]>
<[e-mail]>
Date: Mon, 9 Jan 1995 15:10:52 GMT
Lines: 19

In article <[e-mail]>
[e-mail] writes:
>In article <3ela0f$[e-mail]> [e-mail] (Joe
>"Uno" Shaw) writes:
>>[e-mail] (John Novak) wrote:
>>> [e-mail] (Julie Kangas) writes:
>>> >Would you rather I go back to fish puns?
>>> No more fish puns.
>>> Or I will turn them to electrical puns and kill you with them.
>>
>>I'd rather burn in eel than plug in to another pun cascade.
>I think I'll resistor this and tuna in later.

I knew I should have stayed ohm today.  I'm so sad I could fry.

Julie
-------------------------------------------------------------------
DISCLAIMER:  Roly poly fish   |     It's good to be at the top
heads told me what to write.  |         of the food chain.
                      - Don't tread on me -
-------------------------------------------------------------------



From: [e-mail] (Rick Moen)
Sender: [e-mail]
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan
Subject: Re: Tan: peeves -n- puns
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Date: 08 Jan 95  08:34:52 PST
Lines: 18

[e-mail] (Joe "Uno" Shaw) wrote:

> [e-mail] (John Novak) wrote:
>> [e-mail] (Julie Kangas) writes:
>>> Would you rather I go back to fish puns?
>> No more fish puns.
>> Or I will turn them to electrical puns and kill you with them.

> I'd rather burn in eel than plug in to another pun cascade.

Socket to him, Joe.

Cheers,                                  Roly-poly fish puns
Rick Moen                                emboldened me to write.
[e-mail]

 * Origin: You're in a maze of twisty newsgroups, all alike. (8:916/1008)