16. Chocolate Easter bunnies everywhere, staring at me with those hideous, sugary eyes. The eyes... the eyes... THE EYES!!!

15. OJ steps out of his Brentwood Estate, thus promising us 6 more weeks of trial analysis on "Geraldo Rivera Live."

14. Dennis Rodman's head is resplendent in pastels instead of primary colors.

13. The return of that unmistakable cosmopolitan fragrance, "Eau de Tinkle des Vagrants."

12. When shopping at any department store, the screams of women experiencing "bathing suit shock" can be heard throughout the store.

11. Not too much longer before you can finally file for an extension on your income taxes.

10. The Hassidim switch to cheerful gray gaberdine and perky summer Homburgs.

9. Minutes after the Colorado State Parks Division officially opens Whitewater rafting season, the White House automated computer system submits a memo denying any involvement.

8. Everyone becomes painfully aware of how obnoxious Dick Vitale really is.

7. Richard Simmons throws out his winter short shorts and dons his oh-so-very-short spring shorts!

6. Marge Schott throws out the season's first racial slur.

5. Everybody sets their clocks forward one hour, except for Dan Quayle, who just moves to a different time zone.

4. Michael Jackson goes in for his annual face re-caulking.

3. The increased daylight-to-darkness ratio, coupled with both mammalian and floral pheromone emissions, wakes up the hibernating "horny pants" gene.

2. Another mobile home regatta begins its voyage down the mighty Mississippi River.

and the Number 1 Sign Spring is Here...

1. You can balance Roseanne perfectly on her butt without her falling over.