Management Communications 101:
Memoranda for Management
In large companies, it's obviously important that memoranda contain
lots of important buzzwords. What the memos actually say isn't
particularly important; if it were really important, someone would
discuss it in person or by email.
In writing these memoranda, please remember the importance
of these buzzwords.
BUZZWORDS FOR MANAGERS
Column 1 | Column 2 | Column 3 |
---|
0. integrated | 0. management | 0. options |
1. heuristic | 1. organizational | 1. flexibility |
2. systematized | 2. monitored | 2. capability |
3. parallel | 3. reciprocal | 3. mobility |
4. functional | 4. digital | 4. programming |
5. responsive | 5. logistical | 5. scenarios |
6. optional | 6. transitional | 6. time-phase |
7. synchronized | 7. incremental | 7. projection |
8. compatible | 8. third-generation | 8. hardware |
9. futuristic | 9. policy | 9. contingency |
The procedure is simple. Think of any three-digit number, and then
select the corresponding buzzword from each column.
For instance, number 257 produces "systematized logistical projection,"
a phrase that can be dropped into virtually any report with a sincere
ring of decisive, knowledgeable authority. No one will have the
remotest idea of what you're talking about, but the important thing is that THEY
ARE NOT ABOUT TO ADMIT IT!
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